I'd like to tell a little story
That's been told time and time again
I've had many lovers all of which have seen a different phase in my life.
First there was Tyler. We had puppy love. He was my first everything, crush, kiss, first time, and first love. But like most puppy love we didn't last. I like to think what we could have been had he not been so concerned about what his parents thought, but it doesn't matter because we were never meant to last. We were just meant to be with each other for the time we were and I have no regrets. Not every person you date or fuck is supposed to be your everything, they were just meant to be my something.
Then there was Vicki. Even I wasn't immune hurricane Vicki, but I was probably the least bitter about. I suppose that's what happens when you have no illusions of what you are to a person. For Vicki, I knew I was just right now. Something for her to do to further the rumors about her. For me she was a revelation, one I wouldn't understand until later on.
Kissing Vicki felt exactly the same as kissing Tyler. Sure, there we physical differences between the two, but that inside feeling was exactly the same. That feeling of wanting more, for it never to end until we were both raw and satisfied. I wouldn't realize until later in a conversation with Caroline that that's not how it is for everyone. That there was a difference between curiosity and what I was, gay.
Then there was Damon. With him I learned what it truly meant to hate fuck someone. To have such overwhelming feelings of hate that it comes out in weird ways, in my case, fucking Damon Salvatore. That ended quickly much to no one's surprise. Thing about hate is it dissolves into indifference pretty quickly and all that was left was contempt. Although one satisfying thing came from that, being able to reject Damon Salvatore and it actually hurt him. It seems my opinion only mattered when I was fucking him.
Then Jeremy, my best friend's little brother. I took a chance with him, a leap of faith. In a world suddenly filled with monsters he was all that made sense. I think I understood Vicki the most then because when everything feels like it's crashing down Jeremy will always be there to help you pick up the pieces. That is, until Anna.
The most confusing time in my life was when Jeremy cheated on me. It was the icing on the fucking cake after everything with Esther and my mother. I suppose that's how I ended up with Klaus, and later Professor Shane. They were older, more experienced and everything Jeremy wasn't. But again, those don't last. Nothing ever lasts out of spite. That's what I learned from Rebekah.
To be fair, she did like me, just not more than Stefan, and especially not more than her brother. I'm always getting blind sided when it comes to love. I'm there as a filler and never the main course, but with her it hurt the most. She was my first girlfriend and I guess I had some false notion that it would be better than having a boyfriend, that she couldn't hurt me the way Jeremy had, but of course she did, her loyalties never lied with me. However, again, I don't regret her. Our time together was noteworthy and showed me once again that there was no difference for me.
After that I didn't date, I fucked. I fucked Stefan, I fucked Matt, I fucked Jeremy again, I fucked Nora. You can't be betrayed if there's no commitment, but I guess that's why he surprised me the most.
I fucked Kai and I thought I would leave it at that but nothing ever goes to plan with him. I thought I'd feel contempt like with Damon, but it never came. I thought he'd find someone he'd want more like the others, but that never came either. The level of devotion he had toward me was unlike anything I ever experienced, so when he left me in that prison world I was surprised at how betrayed I felt. Of course, I evened the playing field after, but I'll never forget realizing when everything changed.
He was no one. He was a child murderer. I should have felt nothing but anger, but I found myself disappointed. The thing I had been avoiding since Rebekah Mikaelson broke my heart. But he was different in every way which is how we got here today.