The horrific epiphany that moved me to post about the latest mass shooting.
*Deep Sigh* Okay I am going to be straight with you all. I came online and started scrolling through my dashboard. Pretty normal. Then I came across a post about the shooting in Thousand Oaks.
The normal reaction is horror, grief, confusion, and anger. Any or all of these feelings would be appropriate.
My epiphany was I initially felt nothing. After a little more scrolling I realized that my reaction to Thousand Oaks was apathy.
That was when I became horrified and started to feel a deep grief.
It seems I have become a monster. How could I scroll past that and feel nothing?
I began to grieve for the me that used to be. The one who would automatically have been deeply moved by this tragedy.
My lack of feeling is not on the same level of tragedy as the shooting itself. That of course is the greater sin for lack of a better word.
But this apathy is also horrific. It means that a part of me sees this as normal now. I don’t become immediately incensed anymore. I have lost a part of myself.
That was when I began to feel for Thousand Oaks. I am relieved that those feeling arrived even though they were late.
I then wrote my little PSA because I need to keep sending my thoughts and prayers to victims of these attacks. I cannot allow myself to stop caring.
I felt the need to write this just in case anyone else has or is going through similar epiphanies. If so I hope this makes you feel less alone.
I know that my initial response, or rather lack of response, is wrong on so very many levels. I have no excuse for this. I can only say to those affected by these tragedy is this.
I am so very sorry and deeply ashamed by lack of initial response. You and your loved ones deserved better. I will try to be better.
