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SFW Beetlejuice Headcanons because I cannot get to sleep 🪲

(movie verse edition)

1. Betelgeuse’s “house” is an absolute mish-mash of various styles from a multitude of decades, with the very worst of each trend featured in various ways throughout

2. The house is also an absolute state.

3. Despite his house being a pig-stye, Betelgeuse takes enormous pride in appropriately folding his suits when not wearing them. He even regularly steams his wedding tux and touches up the dust incase “another opportunity arises, ya’know what i’m sayin’?”

4. Betelgeuse went straight back to the waiting room after the evenings of BJBJ. Ever the optimist, he proudly declared to the room at large that he died (again) following the blow job of his after life.

That’s one way of putting it.

5. Lydia hoards everything and has a cupboard of shame in which to hide it.

6. Lydia takes her coffee au lait with sugar

7. Lydia unironically loved the dress from her (second) staged wedding and appreciated Betelgeuse’s attempt to put her in something she might like. (Albeit against her will and something she would rather die than admit)

8. Otho refused to attend Charles’ funeral because “they’re depressingly out of fashion and black is no longer slimming.” (rest in peace to the legendary Glenn Shadix ❤️)

9. After the death of Richard, Delia would force Lydia to go shopping with her once a month in New York as a “non-biological bonding ritual.” Lydia, who often had little else to do, secretly loved those outings.

10. Delia loves cats but never adopted due to Charles’ allergies and fierce love of birds.

11. Betelgeuse believes his chances with Lydia will only improve with his next attempt as the “third times the charm” mindset perfectly mirrors his curse.

12. Lydia is no longer scared of Betelgeuse per say, but can’t help but wonder how the hell he would follow up from his last stab at marriage if he ever found a way back out from the waiting room.

13. The inspiration behind the wedding levitation (say that three times) stemmed from Betelgeuse’s knowledge of Lydia’s love for it when the Maitlands indulged her.

14. Betelgeuse also wanted to shit on the Maitland’s weak-ass levitation skills and take it to the next level.

15. Though she tried to follow through with it, Lydia never chopped up (or burnt) the model after the events of BJBJ.

16. Betelgeuse takes his coffee black and cold

17. Lydia smokes but limits herself to one pack a year for use “in emergencies.”

18. Lydia smoked the entire remnants of the pack the week following the events of BJBJ

19. Lydia occasionally smoked when she lived in the house with the Maitlands, hanging out of her bedroom window to do so. That was until Barbara caught her. After that. Barbara made her share. Adam never noticed.

20. Betelgeuse never knowingly finishes a cigarette. He gets too distracted, either extinguishing them or throwing them aside to only light a brand new one seconds later. The cycle continues and has done for millennia.

21. Delia takes her coffee hot with spiced rum.

22. Lydia’s favourite scent is vanilla and sandalwood

23. Betelgeuse’s favourite scent is old leather and earth

24. Delia’s favourite scent is patchouli

25. Betelgeuse’s third favourite scent is exactly what you think it is

26. At one stage during the 70s, Betelgeuse tried to rig his office nickname while working for Juno to be “The B-Meister.” It never caught on and he’s somewhat grateful for that.

27. Lydia tries to be Vegetarian but sucks at it

28. Delia identifies as Vegetarian “on every seventh Tuesday”

29. Lydia keeps a growing collection of dead roses in her living room. She thinks the irony is hilarious

30. Betelgeuse admittedly lost baby Betelgeuse and had no idea where it ended up.

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