Conversations You’d Have While Dating John Bender
Bender: “If I died, how much would you miss me?”
(Y/N): “It’s cute that you think death can get you out of this relationship.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Y/N): “Jesus it’s cold!”
Bender: “Here, take my jacket, I’m not even that cold.”
(Y/N): “Thanks, I’ll give it back tomorrow at school.”
*later, at (Y/N)’s house after everyone has gone home*
(Y/N), aggressively inhaling in Bender’s jacket while curled up with it: “I’m never giving this back.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bender and (Y/N): *staring into each other’s eyes*
(Y/N): “We’re having a moment here.”
Andy: “And I’m having a soda, your point?”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bender: “I have very high standards. I’d never date anyone clumsy-”
(Y/N) walking in, tripping and falling face first on the floor: “Ah shit, oh, hi guys!”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bender: “(Y/N), what the hell are you doing?”
(Y/N), feeling Bender’s hair while mumbling: “What the fuck this is so soft and smooth…?”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bender: “You have a sweet lookin’ ass.”
Bender: “You have very nice eyes.”
(Y/N): “I liked the first one better.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: “Okay, here’s the classwork.”
Bender: “Please help me.”
(Y/N), sighing: “You’re lucky you have me.”
Bender: “I know, right? The only thing I know how to do on this paper is write my name.”
(Y/N): “You just spelled it wrong.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bender: “Hey, (Y/N), can you do the thing?”
(Y/N): “What thing?”
Bender: “The thing that never fails to make me happy.”
(Y/N): “Oh, okay.” *smiles*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bender: *Licks his lips while rolling up his sleeves*
(Y/N): “Jesus take the wheel.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Y/N): “You… you have a face.”
(Y/N): “I mean… a nice face. You have a nice face.”
Bender: “Thanks… I think?”
(Y/N): “Oh my gosh. Please just accept my awkward attempts at flirting. I don’t know what I’m doing.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bender: “Is your name Jingle Bells?”
(Y/N): “ No no no no, please don’t, Bender, have mercy-”
Bender: “Because you look ready to go allll the way.”
(Y/N): “Shut up, Bender, it’s the day after Thanksgiving!”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Y/N): “Do you know what time it is?”
Bender: “Do I look like a weatherman to you?”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brian: “Why do you guys wake up so late? What time do you even go to sleep?”
(Y/N): “I always fall asleep first because Bender always strokes my hair and I snuggle into him until I finally do.”
Bender: “I always disassociate and have an existential crisis, so I never actually know.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Claire: *sees Bender and (Y/N) walk into the room holding hands* “So who finally confessed?”
Bender, with a proud smirk: “It was me. I made sure it was real short and sweet.”
(Y/N): “You yelled ‘Listen here you little shit, I have feelings for you and it’s about time you acknowledge them!’ at me from on top of the school roof.”
Bender: “It worked though.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Y/N): “Are you...blushing?”
(Y/N): “Did I get the ever-stoic, hardcore, total badass Bender to blush?”
Bender: “No..It’s..It’s the cold.”
(Y/N): “Huh. It’s the cold. And not that I told you ‘Your face is freaking cute and I bet the rest of you is too’?”
Bender, blushing harder: *voice cracks* “N-no.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Y/N): *Drops something* “Oh, fuck me.”
(Y/N): “That wasn’t an invitation.”
Bender: *Gets closer to (Y/N)*
(Y/N): “I mean it, Bender.”
Bender: “Gets in (Y/N)‘s face with a low hum and a smirk*
(Y/N): *Blushing furiously*
Bender: *puts his hand under (Y/N)’s chin and leans into their ear* “I think we should have pizza for dinner.”
(Y/N): “Oh, for the love of-” *repeatedly smacks Bender with a pillow*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Y/N): *kisses Bender’s forehead*
Bender, frowning: “You missed.”
(Y/N): “Huh?”
Bender: *Leans forward and kisses (Y/N)’s lips*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bender: “What are you doing?”
(Y/N): *Wiggling into Bender’s arms* “Hiding.”
Bender: “....Don’t you mean hugging?”
(Y/N): *Pauses* “Did I fucking stutter? This is my safe place. Now shut up and put your arms around me.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bender: “I have to get something off my chest.”
(Y/N): “Is it your shirt? I hope it’s your shirt. Please let it be your shirt.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Y/N): “I get this weird feeling in my chest every time I see you.”
Bender: “.....Is is heartburn?”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bender: “You know, I’m jealous of you?”
Bender: “Your partner is way hotter than mine.” *walks away*
(Y/N): “Wait- but you’re my- we’re dating...Come back here you little shit!”
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bender: “Allison i have had it up to here with your bullshit!”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bender: “There it is again.”
(Y/N): “What?”
Bender: “You better not smile for anyone else like that. If you do I might have to kill them.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Y/N): "What's your biggest fear?"
Bender: "I'm scared that one day you'll look in the mirror and see yourself as I see you. That you'll realize just how amazing you are, and that you deserve better than me. I'm terrified that you'll leave."
(Y/N), on the verge of tears: "Oh, god, Bender please don't say that. You are the most amazing person I've ever met, I could never leave you. Ever. God, I love you so much more than it's possible to say, you know that? I hate seeing you feel like you aren't enough because you are, Bender, you always have been. You always will be. I love you."
Bender: "Aw, come on, Baby, please don't cry, I love you too."
——————————————————————————————————
(Y/N): *Complains about Bender*
Bender: "I could be a drug addict. Do you realize how lucky you are?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bender: "Where's your liquor?"
Bender: "Why, does it move around throughout the day?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Andrew: "You deserve an award for putting up with me."
Allison: "You're my award, Andy."
Bender: "You deserve an award for putting up with me, (Y/N)."
(Y/N): "Hell yeah I do. You're a real bitch sometimes."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*On the topic of how to sneak out of detention*
Bender: "I have no plan."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Y/N): "You know what I did yesterday?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Y/N): "Damn. We're out of decaf."
Bender: "Well there's no need to get hysterical."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Y/N): "I already knew you didn't have any moral qualms about breaking and entering."
Bender: "That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Y/N): "Earlier Bender walked into our classroom to see me, saw algebra on the board and yelled 'Oh what the fuck is this, get me an eraser before I pass out!'"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Y/N): "So Bender, what do you want to do tonight?"
(Y/N): "You know you said that out loud, right?"
Bender: "Yup, no regret."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Y/N): "Has anyone seen Bender?"
Claire: "It's 10 A.M., I would be worried if he was here."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bender: "Hi pretty (Y/N). Oh, you're so pretty. But not just your face, your brain. It's like your beautiful brain exploded all over your face."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bender: "I assure you I am the most attractive person in this room."
(Y/N): *Walks into the room*
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Y/N): "Putting a lemon in your water isn't gonna balance out the fact that you chugged seven beers in under thirty minutes last night, Bender."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Y/N): "Bender... why do I love you?"
Bender: "Because you're the only one who can tolerate my bullshit and vice versa."
(Y/N): ".............I was gonna say your eyes, but that works too."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bender: *About (Y/N)* "My partner is like an oven."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Y/N): "Next time I wanna hurt someone, I'm coming straight to you for help."
Bender: "Aw, that's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bender: :I'm just sitting here with my empty pizza box, my Coke, and my Baby. *Leans over and kisses (Y/N)'s cheek* I may be out of pizza, but I'm never out of love for them."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bender, drinking hot Cheeto dust mixed with vodka from a vase: "Bender yes."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Sneaking into the teacher's lounge for snacks*
(Y/N): "But how do we not get caught? There are teachers everywhere!"
Bender: "Easy. Keep a cool head and a sweet smile."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Y/N): "I drink to forget but I always remember."
Bender: "You're drinking soda."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Y/N): "You're a fucking loser."
Bender: "Well you're fucking a loser."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bender: *Takes off his shirt*
(Y/N): "What a time to be alive."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bender: "Hey, I like your pants."
Bender: "But, you know, they'd look better on my bedroom floor."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Y/N): "Yeah keep rolling your eyes, you might find a brain back there."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Claire: "Are you a big spoon or a little spoon?"
(Y/N): "He's a big spoon."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Mr. Vernon left his door open*
Bender: "He left his door open!"
(Y/N), looking at Bender: "Slim Jim raid?"
Bender, nodding: "Slim Jim raid."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Y/N): "You are unbelievable, Bender!" *Starts storming out of the room, stops halfway* "Do not watch my ass as I leave!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Y/N ), answering the phone: "Hello?"
Bender: "Hey, it's Bender."
(Y/N): "What'd he do this time?"
Bender: "No, it's actually me, Bender."
(Y/n): "What did you do this time?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Talking about a teacher*
Andrew: "Yeah she's a bitch."
Bender: "Speaking of bitches..." *looks at (Y/N)*
(Y/N), without looking up from their book: " Choose your next words carefully."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Y/N): "You shouldn't smoke. It isn't good for you."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*When Bender first tells the group about (Y/N) and him dating*
Andrew: "How hot are they?"
Bender: "It doesn't matter what they look like. I mean, they're already the most beautiful person in the world to me."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Allison: "Are they flirting?"
(Y/N): "We are not flirting, we are arguing."
Bender: "We're flirting."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bender: "Have I ever told you you look like a sexy praying mantis?"
(Y/N): "Every time you drink alcohol."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bender: "You know, (Y/N), I've been drinking- I mean thinking-!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Y/N): "It's quiet....too quiet..."
Andrew, bursting into the room: "Bender let a snake loose in the library!"
(Y/N), sighing: "I knew it."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brian, on the phone: "(Y/N), what are you doing?"
Bender, taking the phone from (Y/N): "I'm homework."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Y/N): "You think you're a better kisser than me?"
Bender: *Raises eyebrows*
(Y/N): "You think you're a better cuddler?"
Bender: *Raises eyebrows further*
(Y/N): "Well come over here and prove it, punk."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Y/N): "Claire, tell Bender that he's an idiot but I still love him."
Claire: "Gross, tell him yourself."
(Y/N): "We're in a fight."
Claire: "You're sitting in his lap?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bender: *Lights a match with his teeth*
(Y/N): "You have no idea how hot that is."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Y/N): "You make my heart have premature ventricular contractions."
Brian, from across the room: "They mean you make their heart skip a beat."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Y/N): *Flips Bender off*
Bender, smirking: "Maybe later, Honey." *winks*
Bender: "Hey! Don't roll your eyes when I allude to fucking you!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bender: "What was that for?"
(Y/N): "I've been thinking about what makes me happy. You make me happy."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*After getting caught breaking the rules*
Mr.Vernon: "Did you two really think you were gonna get away with this?"
Bender: "Well, it would be stupid to say yes now."
(Y/N): *Stares blankly at Vernon while nodding in agreement with Bender*
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*(Y/N) is absent from school*
Allison: *About (Y/N)* "Do you miss them?"
Allison: "There are two things in this world you cannot hide. Sneezing and love."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Andrew: "I spy with my little eye something that begins with the letter S."
Claire, looking over at Bender and (Y/N): "Is it sexual tension?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Y/N), to Bender: "Oh, you're touch starved? Wanna hold hands about it?"