With the Area 51 thing I imagine Bill Lee with a young Airman explaining to Carter and the rest of Homeworld command what the Naruto Run is and what are the Kyle memes
“Is this real?” Daniel says and frowns.
Sam sits down in her chair with a sigh. “Yeah, I know.”
Not everyone shares the sentiment apparently. Mitchell grins. “Lighten up, Jackson. It’s gonna be fun.”
“Fun, Colonel?” Jack says, clearly trying to sound stern, but Sam knows he finds the whole idea hilarious too. He couldn’t stop talking about it and theorizing yesterday. She had to distract him.
Mitchell schools his expression. “Uh.”
“It’s fun because we can play a prank on them,” Vala says grinning. “They want aliens, we can give them aliens. I’ll do all the talking if you want.”
Daniel sighs, loudly and pointedly. “You are not going to talk to anyone about aliens.”
Vala doesn’t miss a beat. “I’ll have you know I’m something of an expert on aliens.”
“Yes,” Jack says, “because you are an alien.”
Sam rests her chin on her hand and wishes Teal'c were here. He, too, would find this ‘situation’ amusing. Probably say that he fully understands why it took the Tau'ri only 8 years to defeat the Goa'uld. Yeah, because they’re all a little bit insane.
“That is a matter of perspective,” Vala says, unfazed.
“Well, from where I stand, you are an alien.”
“That’s not the point, Jack, don’t you think?”
“What is the point then, Daniel?”
Daniel sighs again. “The point is she looks like us. She’s not the kind of alien they want.”
Vala purses her lips. “That’s their loss.”
“Can we get to the actual point here please?” Sam raises her voice. This bickering is nice and all, but she’s the one who has to deal with it. Like being in charge of the SGC makes her the best person to tackle this. Like she doesn’t have enough work to do here as it is.
“Yes, what is this Naruto run thing? I’m afraid I’m too old to understand the reference,” Jack says and winks at her.
Sam resists the urge to throw her pen at him.
“No offence, sir, but you don’t have to be here at all,” Mitchell says and everyone turns to look at him. He’s usually highly respectful when he talks to Jack. Sometimes it’s hard to not tease him about it.
Jack tilts his head. “You’re right, Mitchell, I don’t have to be here. But I want to be here. And questions?”
Cam looks sheepishly at Sam. “What is the Naruto run thing?”
Everyone turns to look at her. Some things don’t change, she supposes, and being a genius has a price. Except she really doesn’t have an answer for them. “Uh, running very fast?”
“No no no,” Bill Lee says, appearing in the doorway, breathless. “It’s running like this”- he puts his arms behind him and jogs to the other end of the table-“but you’re right, fast.”
Vala lets out a snort. “It’s not a very good way to run.”
“No,” Bill agrees, “but there are supposed to be a lot of them. So the effect can be quite impressive.”
“Yes, but it’s a desert,” Jack says, exasperated. “It’s hot there, and there are fences and armed guards everywhere. Not to mention absolutely no aliens.”
“Yes, why haven’t we told them that?”
“Oh sure, Daniel, to everyone storming Area 51, please don’t, there are absolutely no aliens inside, don’t waste your time, yes, that’ll work.”
Daniel rolls his eyes and Sam resists the urge to do the same.
“We did tell them that. As you can imagine it doesn’t sound very convincing coming from us,” she says.
“We would say there were no alien life forms at Area 51 even if there were,” Bill says.
“Exactly.” Mitchell snaps his fingers. “Hey everyone, we don’t have aliens-”
“Says someone who has aliens,” Vala finishes for him.
“But we really don’t have any aliens there. Right, Carter? They’re all here. And, you know,”- Jack makes a gesture with his hand-“out there.”
“I don’t think they’re actually going to try anything,” Sam says slowly.
“Of course not. Yet we’re still having this meeting.” Cam looks pointedly at Doctor Lee. “Learning their strategy.”
Vala nods. “We have to know everything about the enemy if we want to defeat them.”
“They’re not the enemy, Vala.” Daniel voice rises higher with every word, a sure sign that he’s about to lose it.
“So why can’t we just tell them the truth then?”
“Because it’s not up to us. And if you have a problem with that, I can set up a meeting with Hayes.” Jack pauses, considering it. “Actually, no, I won’t do that.”
“Fine, but we can tell some of them, can’t we? If they make it all the way through-”
“Vala! There are armed guards, no one is going to make it through.”
“-They can be rewarded for their bravery and persistence,” Vala says ignoring Daniel.
Mitchell chuckes. “And if we broadcast it live, it’ll make for a nice reality show.”
Sam looks him in the eye. “Why are you here?”
“Great question,” he says, bracing his hands on the table and pushing his chair away. “Let me how it turns out.” With that, he’s gone.
“Traitor.” Sam hears Daniel mutter under his breath.
“What?” Jack says, suspicion in his voice.
Sam bites her lip. “Nothing. Well, we really could tell them the truth. Tell them about the Stargate. Except-”
“Except they wouldn’t believe us,” Daniel finishes for her and chuckes. “And then we could land a glider on the lawn of the While House and play dumb. What do you mean? We’ve told you!”
Sam snorts at this picture, but bites it back when she meets Jack’s gaze.
“The IOA would eat me up alive if we did that.”
“Oh, but the IOA would be there too. And then you would get in the glider and throw your resignation at them. A truly beautiful exit,” Sam says, trying not to laugh.
Jack’s lips twitch, clearly he’s not disliking the idea. He has no love for the IOA after all.
“So, I’ll be the one to tell them then?” Vala says, eager as always.
But as fun as thinking about this can be, especially when it involves space ships and movie esque gestures, they still have a job to do.
“No,” Sam says. “I’ll talk with General Mason. No one unauthorized is getting anywhere near Area 51 anyway. Besides, I bet everyone’s going to forget about it in two months.”
She raises her eyebrows as Vala and Bill sigh with what looks like disappointment, but neither of them says anything.
Daniel stands up. “Well, this has been very informative. We should do this again sometime.”
In less than a minute, she and Jack are left alone in the briefing room. Jack’s foot nudges hers under the table, bringing her attention to him. “But if they do it, can I borrow an F-302?”
Sam gives him a pleasant smile. “No.”