#bilbo headcanons

[talekinesis]

Modern Bilbo would be the kind of guy to save disposable plastic containers to give his guests instead of his good tupperware

His tupperware is only used for transporting his own lunches out of the house

One time Frodo left one of the containers at Sam's house and Bilbo was a wreck because the tupperware set was incomplete

Frodo lost his tupperware privileges that day

[cosmic-glow]

Notes: What will Bilbo's reaction be when he discovers that someone has bought his house without him knowing?

Warnings: Bilbo x gn!reader; a little scary with a little plot; soft angst; SFW.

Bag End was a peaceful place to live, the hobbits were friendly and rarely started fights, the grass was green, there was a sparkling lake behind the hill, there were no wolves or dragons around... It was all the peace you needed after so many adventures. All the gold you got throughout your life, you spent to buy that house at the top of the hill, it was a difficult bargain, but it was worth it. The house was beautiful and huge, the coziest den you've ever been in, with round windows that allowed you to see the entire length of Bag End.

The house was perfect, the only problem was that strange things happened. First, your paintings kept falling off the walls, then you started losing things that were right under your nose, they suddenly disappeared and appeared in another place you hadn't left them, but the strangest thing was when started knocking on the door in the middle of the night and whenever you went to see there was no one. You tried to ignore it, coming up with an explanation for everything, hobbits love jokes like this, they must have just been trying to scare you into laughing a little. But the problem was when you started hearing footsteps and voices inside the house when you were sure there was no one there but you.

One afternoon, you were in the living room reading a book when you heard a loud bang coming from the kitchen, as if all the pans had been knocked over at the same time, glasses were being knocked down one at a time, the sound of glass breaking gave you goosebumps, but as soon as you arrived in the room, ready to catch the person who was tormenting your days, you were floored by the vision you saw. There was no one in the kitchen and there wasn't a single cutlery on the floor, all the dishes were stored in the cupboards and drawers as you had left them, was it all a figment of your imagination?

- Who is doing this?! Show up! You don't scare me, I'm not leaving! - you said, turning around and looking everywhere.

- This is not your house! - an enraged voice shouted from behind you.

When you turned around in fright, you found a small hobbit, wavy red hair and an angry face staring into the back of your eyes, how did he get in? Where did he hide? Or how did he pass by without you seeing him? And better: who was he?

- Who are you?

- The real owner of this house, Bilbo Baggins, and I should be asking who you are, intruder!

- I bought this house! I'm not an intruder! Get out of here!

- You get out of here! Now!!

Bilbo screamed and the walls and floor shook, you felt much smaller than the enraged hobbit, the residents of Bag End were usually peaceful, but that man seemed different, something told you that you had no idea what he was capable of.

- Look, there must have been a misunderstanding, I spent all my money to buy this house, and it was completely empty when I entered, I don't know if they lied to me, but if that was the case, they deceived us both.

- Sackville-Baggins, they must have been the ones who did this, those damned gold-thirsty... - he looked away from you and cursed under his breath.

- ... Well... And what do we do now? I have nowhere to go... - you started, afraid of irritating him again.

Bilbo was silent for a while, he shook his nose and walked past you to the living room, still silent, you followed him and when you arrived he was already sitting in an armchair with his back to you. A cloud of smoke beginning to form on the ceiling from the pipe he was smoking, the fireplace crackling in the background. He was fast.

- Bilbo...? - you called and he sighed.

- I don't know, it's not fair for me to kick you out when you were as deceived as I was... - he thought a little more and you waited - Stay, the house is big, we can share - he looked at you and smiled, now looking like a hobbit very different from what you had meet.

- Thank you, Bilbo.

[...]

The days passed and, to your surprise, it was very easy to get along with Baggins, after the anger disappeared, he revealed himself to be very friendly and kind, he committed himself to helping with the tasks and was very attentive, you never imagined you could have such deep conversations feelings with someone you had just met, but with Bilbo it was so easy, it was so comfortable to talk to him, you soon developed a deep affection for him.

- I never wanted to share my peace of living in Bag End with anyone, so I find it very interesting how you ended up becoming an extension of that feeling, and not a division, Y/n - he told you one night, a little before of you sleeping, taking you by surprise.

- You also brought me peace, Bilbo... - you smiled at him and, without thinking too much, kissed his cheek - ... Thank you for everything.

- Good night, Y/n - he said with the happiest smile you've ever seen on his face.

The next day you woke up early, Bilbo was already in the kitchen making coffee, you managed to get close enough in silence to scare him with a hug, he smiled when he saw it was you.

- Good morning, sleepyhead, did you have good dreams? - you confirmed without opening your mouth, still sleepy - I know you're sleepy, but can I ask you a little favor?

- Say...

- We ran out of nut cakes and I don't even have flour in the pantry to make another one, could you buy it at the market? People don't like me and the more I avoid them the better I get - you laughed and stretched.

- Okay, I'll go, but don't start eating breakfast before I get there! - you demanded.

- No way! - he joked.

At the market, you stared at the cakes in the window, unsure of which one to get while the bag of flour weighed under your arm. You didn't like nut cakes, but Bilbo did, so here you were.

- Can I help you? Oh! These were baked this morning, would you like to try a piece to choose? - the baker said.

- Oh no, it's not for me, it's for Bilbo, I don't particularly like walnut cake.

- For whom? - the baker asked with his eyebrows now drawn together.

- Bilbo, Bilbo Baggins, he's still living in the house on the hill - you were confused when the baker turned pale.

- I'm sorry but you must have been confused, as Mr Bilbo Baggins died decades ago.

- What? - now it was you who was confused.

- Yes, that's why the house was for sale, I don't know why Sackville-Baggins didn't keep it, as they always wanted it, but Mr. Baggins passed away and his grandson moved out, so the house was empty.

You left the bakery without saying anything else and without buying any cake. It wasn't possible, surely the baker had gotten confused, you had just spoken to Bilbo, touched him, he was making coffee in your kitchen, you were sharing the same house, how could he be dead? You entered the house, opening the door with force, causing it to slam against the wall announcing that you had arrived, the sound echoing throughout the house.

- Bilbo?!! - you called.

The house was silent, nothing, no one responded. You dropped the bag of flour at the entrance and started looking for the hobbit, the house becoming almost a maze for you. It seemed like every time you called his name it was like you were denying the reality that haunted you, it couldn't be true. When you entered his room, the room you left last, without even bothering to knock on the door first, it seemed like the truth was forcing you to accept it. He was gone. No, he had never even been here with you.

When hot tears came to your eyes, looking at the now emptier room, an item caught your attention, it was a red book on his desk. You picked it up and read the title: "There and Back Again". When you opened it, a small piece of paper that was inside fell out and landed on the bedroom floor, near the trunk. You took it and the tears finally fell when you read what was written.

“You were my best adventure, Y/n.

Love, Bilbo."

It was the only proof you had that everything you had experienced was real and not a lucid dream.

Sorry for any typos;

Buy me a coffee?

October Calendar;

Masterlist

[fili-urzudel]

Bilbo Baggins - Starting to Date Headcanons

I live! This is part one of three for some Bilbo HCs, I'll probably post all of them today.

Warnings: Social awkwardness

Word Count: 0.3k

You never really knew that much about Bilbo until after he came back to the Shire after his 13-month adventure. But you were one of very few Hobbits who felt bad for the chap for coming back home only to find all his stuff being unceremoniously sold off!

After badgering a few of your friends into giving up whatever they had unrightfully bought, you brought a cart of furniture of his up to his front door, warm lemon loaf in the front seat. He looked... confused, and rightfully so, you supposed; but the offering of furniture and patisserie had him inviting you in for tea.

You ended up staying hours longer than you thought you would have, and Bilbo realized as the sun was setting that he had let slip way more than he would have preferred about his adventure to someone he didn't know that well. He makes the excuse that he doesn't want to keep you from your family for dinner.

It wasn't tea time. But pushing and pulling that cart was hard work!

You ask if he will have any company for dinner.

He answers truthfully, much to his distaste.

A few more turns of politeness, and you're making dinner in the Baggins' kitchen.

Halfway through dinner, Bilbo starts laughing to himself slightly.

"What is it?"

"Oh, nothing, this is just... very strange, wouldn't you agree?"

You give a polite giggle in return. "Yes, I suppose it is."

There was no going back after that. Not long after, you invited him on a walk, and to his surprise, he accepted. You presented him with a question and, before he could answer, another lemon loaf. "Since the first one worked so well," you winked.

[sehnsuchts-trunken]

Back with another headcanons request! So, we’ve talked about the hobbit before, and I was wondering about some of your Bagginshield (hoping I got that right bc this is gonna be embarrassing otherwise) headcanons?

to be completely honest with you, i haven't really thought much about it. that may be just because my friend and i are shipping them more for fun than anything though (listen, it is hella funny to watch the films with a straight face and whenever we have a thorin/bilbo scene that inherently has homoerotic subtext, which you cannot possibly convince me is an accident, going "gay.") (disclaimer i'm now afraid i must add lol before this gets weird, both of us are queer so that's 100% humour)

but nevertheless i think i might have created some universe in my brain where they're happy and together and no one's dead or scarred for life. so i'll gladly dive into that and share some stuff that happens there :)

- They spend winter and spring at the castle and summer and autumn in the Shire. Fight me on this if you want. Thorin leaves his throne to Fili for six months (what began as “training because once I die you’ll have to do it anyways so better start now” has developed into “oh uncle’s gone? well guess i’m gonna have to rule the kingdom again”) and Bilbo makes sure that Lobelia does not break into his home while he’s gone.

- Adding onto that, Bilbo - of course - shares his chambers with Thorin when they’re in the castle, but hell does that not mean he doesn’t have his own. Because he does. Thing is, they’re not used for sleeping, dressing or whatever you do in your room usually. Nope, Bilbo’s are filled with the plants he loves and tea and all kinds of lovely pastries, there’s a kitchen for him to bake in and a balcony to watch the sunset on. Thorin makes sure that he does not have to do anything else but keep the plants alive and eat everything before it rots.

- They regularly have the others over. Of course they all see each other often enough in the castle, but while Thorin and Bilbo are gone over summer and autumn, well, they don’t, and after all that’s half a year. So they invite their dwarven friends and family and celebrate that day that Dwalin stood in front of a little home far away from where he came from, and that day that a little hobbit opened his freshly painted door to see said dwarf and begin an adventure he neither knew of nor particularly wanted to go on. 

- Thorin absolutely adores the Shire by the way. You should see the way his face lights up as butterflies land on his fingers, as he plucks another set of flowers for Bilbo’s windowsill or as young hobbits climb onto his shoulders and laugh when he shakes them and teaches them all kinds of Dwarven songs. Everyone adores him, almost as much as he adores this place. He can absolutely understand why Bilbo did not want to leave at first, and to be very honest, he always goes away with a heavy heart too, no matter how happy he is to return to the mountain and no matter how often he reminds himself he’ll come back the next year. 

- And oh, don’t even get me started on their wedding. It was perfect. It was the most perfect wedding you’ve ever seen. Bilbo had beads braided into his hair, so many that whichever way he turned he shone, and he looked simply ethereal. Thorin was wearing a flower crown that his nephews had made for him, wonderfully intricate and so skilfully made that seriously, everyone doubted it had been just his nephews that had made it (sure, they may just have forgotten to mention that Tauriel had helped. but they did do a lot of the work!). They had chosen the most lovely spot in autumn; all around them were trees and brown leaves, but the sun was shining and barely a cloud was seen. Picture golden sunlight falling onto black hair, braided beautifully and carefully backwards, a crown of daisies adorning it, as Thorin danced with Bilbo hours later, watching the sunset and the stars come out, and the moon and dawn the next morning. I’m convinced that all of middle earth was present - the dwarves were certainly, Bard and his children, his boyfriend (though much to Thorin’s dismay - at least it would’ve been had he noticed anything but Bilbo that day), Gandalf and Elrond and even some hobbits from the shire that Bilbo himself had invited. God, it was perfect. 

- Their honeymoon to Rivendell must’ve been an adventure in itself lol. Given that Thorin was not too happy about the idea but Bilbo more than just certain that he would not spend it “just in the castle like every other day, oh my”, they had had some arguments about it - in the past, that was, because no matter how often I’m capable of mentioning that Thorin was literally mentally g o n e for anything that wasn’t Bilbo, it won’t be enough to actually get it across and tell you just how little he cared where the fuck he was going with his husband. 

- The day Frodo’s parents drowned was the day Thorin realised that there was no question whether they’d be adopting him, no discussion or argument or even two seconds of shared eye contact to make sure that they’d come to the same conclusion. I don’t even want to say there was any understanding, any communication at all. There was no “what will you do” or “what should we do”. There was simply this little, young, orphaned boy, and there were the two of them, and suddenly they were three and the little, young, orphaned boy was theirs. Of course Thorin had thought about being a father; of course he’d thought about having children. But once Fili had seen the light of the world, the second that Thorin had held this young dwarf in his arms, he had known that he’d found his heir. And despite all the love he later was to hold for Frodo, despite all that, not for one moment would he have given away Fili’s throne. Both Bilbo and - a significantly older - Frodo understood, certainly, and no one had raised the young hobbit as a prince either, and after all suddenly becoming royalty (regardless of whether you get a crown or not) is pretty neat. 

alright that’s it rn, hope you liked some of these in the end!

[messiambrandybuck]

A concept: Bilbo using He/They pronouns

Growing up Bilbo always felt slightly disconnected to being a male hobbit

But not a lady (he was quite alright not being a lady, thank you kindly)

He just- wasn't quite there, it seemed

So he kinda just played it off as some odd Took-ish thing and never spoke about it

That was back when he was 26 or so

For a while he'd forgotten about that thought- going about his life as a hobbit should

But the dwarves put an end to that

Per usual

The dwarrow folk, like elves, have a more complex view of gender than Men and Hobbits

There are lads, and lasses- but there's also those who are both and/or neither

As a society this is a pretty common experience, their AGAB not meaning much except for medical treatments

So you could also say that assuming the identity of another dwarf was very rude

So, as a baseline, one would refer to another as "they" until toldl otherwise

("Their skillset is unmatched!" "Her is just fine, and thank you!")

When the company meets Bilbo, they go by the same principles they've been taught their whole lives

And refer to him as "they"

Now I'm not saying this awoke a long forgotten crisis

But that's exactly what I'm saying

Especially since he enjoyed the newfound pronoun

It took him a while gather up the courage to ask them about Dwarves view on gender (Gandalf briefly mentioned it was much different than how hobbits saw it)

But the company was very patient with him as they explained it all, and he eventually opened up about enjoying being called "they"- but not knowing where to go from there

It wasn't like he disliked being reffered to as "he", not in the slightest!

Despite this new viewpoint, he still identified with it pretty heavily

That's when (oh hoho-) Nori spoke up

Some Dwarrows liked having multiple sets of pronouns. Others, like himself, preferred to just go by their names

Bilbo mulled over this for quite a while- possiblg even a week or two

But eventually he admitted that he/they pronouns were something he enjoyed

And the Dwarves helped him gain confidence in that throughout the journey

heavily inspired by this post and it's minuscule accident

[lockedloki]

Bilbo celebrating your birthday with you would include:

(Happy birthday Megan!💛 May there be many more to come!)

Requested by @reaperswritings

(You two are already married in this au)

You woke up to a delightful breakfast in bed, courtesy of hubby Bilbo

He greeted you with a soft kiss to your forehead as you took in this feast he had prepared for you

Eggs, sausage,bacon, toast, flapjacks, you name it!

To top it all off, he made you tea in your favourite cup (the one with little fishies you two had bought together from a merchant on his way to Erebor after it's reclaiming)

“Happy birthday my sweetest rose,” he says with a little blush and a loving smile.

“Oh, wow, my love? I don't think I'll be able to eat all of this… Join me?”

With little to no hesitation and a chuckle, “Certainly, my dear. We wouldn't want all this amazing food, prepared by yours truly, to go to waste, now would we?”

His ego is certainly still in check…

But his eyes betray his nervousness about you eating his food

He hasn't made flapjacks in so long! What if they're bitter or something?!

Tell him they're yummy, he'll light up like Gandalf's fireworks.

Speaking of the wizard, guess who was (secretly) invited to your birthday party later that day?

Why, none other than the Grey Wizard himself!

And guess who else???

THE ENTIRE COMPANY OF THORIN OAKENSHIELD!

Whilst you are busy catching up with your friends you have come to call family, Mr Burglar sneaks out to make sure all preparations are going exactly to his specifications given three months ago already

(He drives his cousins tasked with overseeing insane with his questions and criticisms. Everything has to be perfect!)

He does however show up back at Bag End covered in flour…

“Oi, mister Boggins, you like like a ghost!”

Very funny, Kíli…

Apparently, his one cousin in charge of the cake had enough of him and doused him in some flour and told him to “get yer ass back home and celebrate her birthday with them  and not pestering me!”

But time flies when you're having fun, and before you knew it, the sun was setting and it was time to go get ready for the party

It was HUGE! Bilbo probably invited half the Shire!

Gifts! Little gifts! Big gifts! Everything you can think of!

There was so much dancing! And the dwarves made sure to teach some of the hobbits the more energetic dwarven reels and jig's

But a little thing you forgot to mention to some of your guests who were eagerly chugging down some fine dwarven ale, courtesy of Dwalin and Balin, was that dwarven ale was in general stronger than others…

Oh well

Free entertainment!

After Bilbo gave his never ending speech, the dancing continued at full swing

After you two had each gotten a little slice, you headed down to the edge of the lake hand-in-hand

As you two sat down underneath your favourite tree, Mister “I am never late”'s fireworks lit up the sky in a kaleidoscope of colours and images of daring knights, brave princesses and fierce dragons

Bilbo had decided to give you a delicately wrought bracelet with both your initials on the inside

It was so be aut i fu l

But

BUT

Hobbit tradition (in other words old ladies gossiping in the market) dictates that you have to give others gifts too, not that Bilbo expected you to

So you had one prepared for him!

He was so surprised, but the happy little blush made it clear that he was very happy

As he unwrapped the box, you nervously watched his face for any reaction to his gift

It's

IT'S

it's a kitten?

meow meow!

A little friend to keep him company when he's busy in the study or outside!

So cute!

“Thank you for a marvellous birthday, my love. I hope to spend the rest of them with you as well,” you said as the light reflected off of the lake on your face.

A soft smile graced his face as he set down the kitten in his lap and took your hands in his.

“Not that I'm unthankful or anything, but the greatest gift I have ever been given was your hand in marriage…”

“Mew!”

The End😊

[fili-urzudel]

Remnants - Bilbo Baggins

Another little drabble for our precious Hobbit! This is a continuation of the "How You Started Dating" headcanon drabble.

Warnings: brief description of a panic attack.

Word Count: 0.3k

There was a moment, about six months after the walk, that Bilbo didn't show up for a little excursion he had invited you on. You were understandably worried; these were his plans, after all. You went up to his little smial on the hill and found the green door unlocked--and found Bilbo Baggins on the floor, back against his bed, as he seemed to suffocate.

He had woken up in a panic.

Sure, he had felt overwhelmed before, but he had never been woken up before dawn feeling like he was actively drowning.

You rushed in, sitting in front of him on your heels and taking his hand. "Bilbo? Bilbo! Are you alright?!"

He couldn't articulate the thoughts flurrying in his brain, much less answer you.

When you finally managed to get his breathing to a normal rate, he broke down in tears. At least that was somewhat easier for you to handle. You let him set his forehead against your shoulder, your unoccupied hand brushing the curls at the back of his head. He choked out that he missed his friends and regretted leaving the Shire and he didn't want to bring you down with all of his problems--

"Hey, what?" you asked a bit abruptly, squeezing his hand that was still in yours. "You're not bringing me down," you argued. "I like you. All of you."

Up until that point, Bilbo was just seeing where this went, trying to embrace that adventurous spirit Gandalf seemed so fond of and trying to grow flowers in a bed of sand. But now, he knew.

Oh, he knew.

It could never be anyone, anything but you.

[lockedloki]

Bilbo Baggins asking you very important questions would include:

Requested by: @reaperswritings (hope you like it!💛)

(Bilbo Baggins is A+ dating material, just saying)

Bilbo's a shy little bugger when it comes to asking you out, (the dwarves teased him mercilessly over the 4 failed attempts he made during the quest)

But when he at last gathered his courage at Beorn's to ask you out, armed with a handpicked bouquet of Baby's Breath from your host's garden, you immediately said yes!

Bilbo doubted that he had ever felt so relieved, so happy, so… in love

(Speaking of happy, Nori in particular was very happy for you two. Why? He was honestly getting sick and tired of the eggshells you two danced on around each other throughout the quest.)

Oohhhooo, this boy is so in love! “Can I get you anything?” “Are you comfortable?” “Are you hurt?!” “Are you sure?”

He is so concerned about your safety and comfort, especially throughout the last stretch of the quest

*clutches chest* my h e a rt

Poor bab's heart nearly stopped when he couldn't find you after the Battle of the Five Armies

Shame on you

With now-King Thorin's blessing (and gifts), you, Bilbo and Gandalf travel back to the Shire. Your home.

But what's this? Bilbo has another ring in his pocket??? sOrCEry?!

Aha, no, Gloín made a bet that Bilbo wouldn't ask for your hand in marriage before you reached the Shire, and what's a wizard with twenty coins on the line to do, hmm???

(You've better had said yes, the poor dear looked as though he might faint when he went down on one knee to ask you)

Elation! Jubilation! Hoorah's! Celebration and Hallelujah!

Being married to Bilbo means that you'll never go hungry, 'cause not only is he rich, the boy can outcook Gordon Ramsay!

This doesn't mean your days together always went smoothly, (I'm looking at you, Sackville-Bagginsses), but you both always tried to face every challenge head-on. Together.

And you lived happily ever after

The End😊