From the same studio which is bringing you the flash game “Go to Bed, Birbwin!” in 2018, comes a documentary so heart-wrenching that we bought stock in facial tissues to make our money back on this movie. Introducing:
@birbwin : Grieving the Damned
After months of negotiations and non-disclosure agreements, Birbwin agreed to let our cameras and producers visit their natural habitat. There have been many rumors about Birbwin’s identity. Some believe that Birbwin is a genetically modified birb, which was released from captivity by a very emotional and impulsive scientist. Even more of Birbwin’s followers believe that Birbwin is actually an old, bald man named Larry who owns a horse farm. A few questionable individuals believe that Birbwin is a sentient American Girl doll. Now, we know the truth.
And we can’t tell you any of it because of those non-disclosure agreements.
Birbwin’s lawyers are truly terrifying.
But Birbwin allowed us to interview them. So we’ve collected all of the distorted audio of that one conversation and layered it in slow motion over one hour of clips of 13th Commander of the Survey Corps Erwin Smith and Captain Levi Ackerman.
This interview included dialogue such as:
Interviewer: “So how did you get started? Writing Eruri?”
Birbwin: “Well, I made my blog for the SNK fandom when I realized that a lot of people were demonizing Erwin. I wanted to defend him because he’s not a bad man-”
Interviewer: “Of course, he isn’t.”
Birbwin: “I know! This is war!”
Interviewer: “I know, right?!”
Birbwin: “And then I noticed that Erwin and Levi had a special relationship-”
Interviewer: “Trample me.”
Birbwin: “So I guess you could say that I came here for war, to defend Erwin, but I found love instead... I found Eruri.”
Interviewer: *inconsolable sobbing*
This devastating documentary describes Birbwin’s daily routine of mourning, which is visually represented by thirty minutes of animations from various artists and depressing gifs. Followed by more footage of Erwin Smith and Levi Ackerman standing near each other and being 1.7x stronger than usual.
Reviews have already poured in from early screenings:
Founder of the @erurinati: “Riveting. Heart-wrenching. True sasageyo. If we used Marleyan style brainwashing techniques, this would be required viewing.... What? ... No, we don’t use brainwashing techniques. Who the fu- *sounds of the camera crew running*”
A Guy Who Was Eating Chicken Nuggets in His Car in the McDonald’s Parking Lot: “How long is this thing? I’m on my lunch break.”
@lostcauses-noregrets : “Where the fuck is Levi?”
@flecksofpoppy: “*SCREM*”
Look for the direct-to-video release in 2024, with the special unseen footage of meta writers, fan-theorists, and mathematicians scientifically proving the validity of The Boyfriend Jacket. TM
@birbwin : Grieving the Damned
