Anyone out there like an Aromatic Asexual but can still fine people of any gender (nonsexualy) pleasing to look and even have a preference?
It been what... 9 years since I figured I was Asexual and I am still not sure I actually do feel Romantic love.
Like I can feel some kind of attraction. There are some people I look at and go... Damn... They look nice. It's never really sexual though, more like looking at a painting you like or a cool car. You appreciate its appearance, you like to look at it and it makes you happy. So I always assumed that's what romantic attraction was but I am now realising that that may not be the case.
Like I have had partners, who I have genuinely loved. However I don't think it was romantic, it was always more the way you love a very close friend. Like I look back and the way I feel towards my old partners is the same level of love I feel to my best friends. I want to hang out with them, laugh with them, help them with their problems.
However, just like when I was dating. All it ever was is a desire to be close to someone in a platonic way. To be by their side. Someone they trust.
I have also noticed all the characters I love the most, when I think of my ideal interactions with them, it's a friend, never as a partner. Not really.
Like the trend that I like character who look like people I love and trust in real life. The people who I already have close platonic bonds with. That can't be an accident.
Same with my jokes about been fucked by X character you see on my twitter. It's just an empty joke that mimics what others tell.
Worst part is I can't tell what is my Autistic inability to understand certain social shit or what is my actually not feeling any sort of romantic attraction. Like I don't want to kiss my partner, I don't dream of a person to do that with. I dream of me and my close friends just hanging out and having fun.
Worst part I can't even find a word for this. Like I feel some kind of attraction, I have a type, I see certain people and like them. I am a self described ass man, I love seeing a nice ass.
However I have never felt sexual attraction or anything sexual. Honestly not even truly felt romantic attraction. So that make me an Aromantic Asexual. But I can find people of both genders pleasing to look at?
Does anyone have a label for this? Like something that make it feel like I'm not just alone on this one.