#bittybutt

[charmedone1]

#BittyButt stole the decorative pillow for the bed and is chilling in her bed while I fold laundry. #SweetGirl #Fenway (at Harley and Auggie's House)

[ilovetextingandscones]

ok so I know we all see how similar jack and sidney crosby are, but let me introduce y’all to the perfect rl hockey playing jack laurent zimmermann

Johnathan Tavares

to begin with, he’s the guy who went first overall at the 2009 draft, the one jack and kent would have entered if they were, well, real people (sssh, the are real in our hearts)

(more evidence under the cut!)

tavares is canadian and he’s the current captain of the new york islanders (also he’s really pretty)

ok, similarities. the height...

we have jack’s height listed as 6′1″. 

can you guess tavares’ height?

exactly 

now compare young jack’s hair:

with young johnny’s hair:

i see no difference whatsoever

besides, a very important part of jack’s character:

nice assets there, john, nice assets

look at all tha focus, look at tha beard

he even has the horrible moustache

(why, man, why)

listen to this beautiful hockey monotone

and he was the cutest and dorkiest as a teenager??? (this video of him with pk subban is my fav)

just as a piece of trivia, his uncle is he all time scoring leader of the national lacrosse league (i know, ugh, lacrosse)

[Edited: Here’s a Connor McDavid quote, 1st overall pick at the 2015 draft, that @confusedpumpkin shared with me and gave me Jack feels:  John Tavares told me not to read about myself. He told me that he found his draft year [2009] a bit difficult [because of] the pressures that came with being an exceptional player … Everyone is excited about you in the beginning but it almost turns into What you can do to keep on impressing people? What can you do to keep up your image? And Mr. Tavares scored 72 goals as a 17-year-old. How do you possibly [top that]?” [X] ]

anyway, this is all from me, please use this man in your fan edits and stuff because i really like his face bai

(all art belongs to ngozi)

[itsybittle]

You have heard of otp and notp now get ready for:

Mehtp!

For when you don’t ship it, but could read a good fic about it, or not, you don’t care.

Mehtp the pairing you feel either way about.

[sadquebecois]

THIS IS SO RUDE OH MY FGUCKING GOD ST EXUPERY REALLY ??? i'm emotionally compromised

if i’m going down, i’m taking as many people down with me as i can, damn it

[itsybittle]

Ok, @bittybutt @pawspaintsnthings and I noticed the G logo in the back of Bitty’s room and after extensive research, we can confirm that the logo belongs to the Georgia Bulldogs football team.

Aanother case closed for the omgcp tumblr detective division.

[lobsterdex]

pool lifeguard au!!

ok so a week or two ago @bittybutt and i were talking about a smh au where they’re all lifeguards except this time at a pool (there’s a beach lifeguard au here if you’re into that but anyways)

they sit in those high chairs with sunglasses on and pull kids out of 5 feet of water and tell them not to run 

also in charge of pool maintenance so they do the things with the pool chemicals (idk how that works but they do so) 

everyone is a lifeguard & lardo is the manager

they run around and do a bunch of weird shit after closing just bc they can 

they have bets on who can save the most people (””””save”””” bc it’s a country club or public pool either way they don’t often have to actually keep someone from drowning, it’s usually getting band aids and pulling little kids out of the deep end)

holster gets stuck in the water slide at some point im 100% it happens he’s just so big and he just wants to have fun but he’s too tol

they all teach swimming lessons 

shitty teaches pool aerobics classes. him & his floral bathing suit (that lardo doesn’t let wear when he’s actually life-guarding) & a bunch of middle aged women 

he gets very into it & all the moms love him

jack teaches lil kids (like the peewee team) and when he first starts working there and actually offers to teach the kiddies everyone is like uh okay sure ??

he is SO GOOD with kids and everyone is surprised but he just is very patient with them 

they all wear those terrible rubber sandals (kind of like these except worse) that lifeguards wear

jack doesn’t wear the sandals. oh no. he wears his bright yellow crocs. 

everyone HATES the crocs, but bitty and ransom especially hate them “they’re an insult to anyone who knows 3 things about fashion and we have to get rid of them”

there are unending elaborate schemes to steal the crocs and burn them (mostly led by bitty & ransom & lardo. but mostly bitty.)

in the break room there’s a big white board on wheels and on one side is the common schedule and to do lists and stuff but if you turn it around it’s Burn the Crocs 2k15

everyone steals them and hides them in weird places around the pool but jack somehow manages to find them EVERY TIME he has croc radar and no one understands it

shitty and holster get him jibbitz (those button things you put in the holes of crocs to decorate them)

this is a summer job for all of them and jack is still a hockey player so he has a winter/hockey croc and a summer/pool croc 

holster hates the crocs bc they’re crocs, but he doesn’t really participate in Burn the Crocs 2k15

shitty likes to very seriously tell jack that they’re the height of fashion & he loves jack’s effortlessly fashionable style 

(jack doesn’t believe him obvi but he also doesn’t care. they’re comfy and they’re waterproof so they’re all he needs)

every single one of them says “WHAT ARE THOOOSE” so many times that it gets old by the end of the day

(you know the “they are my CROCS vine. this vine.)

at first jack doesn’t really get it he’s just like they’re my shoes you’ve seen me wear them every day what is going on but then someone (probs lardo) explains it and shows him the video and the next day when everyone starts doing it again he just sighs and looks whoever it is dead in the eye and says monotone they. are. my. crocs.

it still gets old real quick but they keep it up for like a week until jack stops answering at all he just stares at them and doesn’t say anything at all

then ransom and holster start stealing his crocs to make vines with them bc they def have a really popular vine account so they make A TON of what are those vines

they’re at a pool so they recreate that underwater one

they come up with so many increasingly ridiculous ways to do it 

they probably do one in the water slide 

they probably do like 10 different ones with the water slide actually 

(i’m only just now realizing how much of this au ended up being about the crocs haha whoops)

they’re known at the pool and in town around the pool as The Hot Lifeguards 

everyone wonders why they’re so in shape they are all so damn fit and muscular and no one?? understands??? like. you have to be in shape to be a lifeguard, yeah, but this is 10 feet of water max, it isn’t the ocean. you can see the bottom. there are no currents. you gotta be in shape but not necessarily THAT in shape, damn.

they’re still hockey players, that’s why. they play hockey the rest of the year, this is just their summer job bc swimming helps you stay in shape and they do laps during breaks or during work or after closing and bc it’s fun

they’re all hella tan and they always somehow smell like chlorine no matter what, even though it fades when the summer ends

[itsybittle]

[itsybittle]

It was a book, not a wallet but, *looks into the distance* my hawk eyes didn’t fail me today.