ITSAY EP 4/5- PROTECTION, THINGS I’LL NEVER SAY AND EASY PROMOTIONS
Warning another painful post coming. Episode 5 of ITSAY trailer focuses on Oh and his decision to walk away from all things Teh and move on. This hurts so much, and because I have spent almost all of last week seeing things from Teh's point of view, I started to feel angry and disappointed at Oh. I'm not sure if that Bas scene where he's holding hands with him and swearing to be with him forever is a fantasy (I hope it is, I hope we're being misled as the trailers have done that a lot, for example, Tarn's reaction to Teh and Oh and them singing the ost to each other scene). I'm not sure if Teh will be strong enough to pass these exams if he even sees a glimpse of Oh and Bas and I'm worried for both of these twos mindsets during this. So here are things in OH's perspective before tomorrows episode comes out. And to be honest, if I cried for Teh because of his self-sabotage and hindrance, I cry for Oh because of his self-loss, doubt, and destruction. Let's begin:
Oh: Protection, Things I'll never say and Easy promotions.
Thing is from episode 1 (mirroring episode 4 and 5 in which we see the fulfilment of many clues and hints to our characters) we've seen that Oh is like this when he gets hurt: he can be resentful, secretive, and put up a front that he's good. We were introduced to his dynamic when we saw him and Teh fall out at a very young age, we saw his dreams: he didn't have one, he always gave up and didn't care about things too deeply until he started practising acting by Teh's side when they were kids. Sometimes I think he's Cancerian (Like me!), like the crab horoscope he ends up burrowing back into his shell for protection when things don't work out;
Avoiding all things to do with Teh: Refusing to have anything in his mind connected to Teh, i.e. rejecting the application for the university, so he doesn't owe Teh.
Returning to a safety net (something that has been proven to be safe to lean on): Having Bas; who he started of crushing on, feeling good by his side, and someone who he fell for because of his kindness, understanding and actions that show Oh is a priority to him.
Returning to what is easy for him when it comes to feelings, and letting Teh be with Tarn. Giving up on his dreams and relying on his parents to offer him an alternative pathway; Luckily Teh has done something (given him his spot in university), and I think him doing this though will cause a push for him to fight again for him or just go to inquire what’s happening but I think he’ll misunderstand Teh, get hurt again and then move to Bas as we see in the trailer.
For the protection of his mind, and heart, Oh resorts to accepting he gives up on things easily. Its easier to not invest in things when they hurt you, reverting back to the time and person he was when his friendship group was without Teh (in episode 1 which is going to mirror episode 5) and going back to the time when he was starting to heal and be confident after Teh left his side when they were kids.
When hurt, he burrows deeply, hides away from the truth and pretends everything is fine. He warned Teh in episode 1 that he won't let him in so quickly, because he's always held resentment and self-doubt because of what he said when they fought at a young age, he warned him that their friendship wouldn't be able to go back to the way it was. Plus it took almost all of episode 2, to pry out that intimacy back with Teh we had to watch Teh lose his mind because Oh refused to open up easily and we watched Oh be scared of the intimacy and try to play it off as nothing. (I spoke about this in this post here)
Protection of Himself, Teh and Others
So it makes sense that once he realises how much being with Teh isn't good for him (dealing with Teh's up and down feelings, losing his individuality and self-esteem rapidly, and also just breaking down to the point of exhaustion), Oh of course snaps! He regresses back to keeping distance, he'll speak to Teh. Still, they can't be close; he'll be civil. They'll be rivals again during this exam, but they can't help each other out, because helping each other out is a hindrance for both of them with these feelings; mentally, physically, and emotionally.
They can't focus when they're near each other; they can't think straight about themselves when it comes to the other;
Oh can see that Teh is losing his dreams; something he would never do because he let him know how important it was to him with their first fight when young and Oh has been the person who knows how desperate Teh wants to be an actor. The very first person who believed in him and saw him prove he could do it. He's giving all that up for Oh; it's something he can't accept, something that makes him feel so guilty, uncomfortable and feeling problematic. So he has to avoid thinking about it, he has to prevent what it means for him and Teh, he has to avoid thinking Teh didn't make his dreams come true because of him.
On the other hand, Oh is giving up on his confidence, and pride for Teh. He's rolling around crying continuously, losing his focus on his goals, losing his love for himself, and regretting the gender he was born with. It's too much for someone like him; it's belittling, insulting and painful.
THINGS I’LL NEVER SAY: SECRETS AND LOSS OF INDIVIDUALITY
Just Look at the things that revolve around Oh in this episode; the title of this post we have Things I'll never say shirt he wears when he and Teh give into their feelings. It's all to do with secrets and perception of self (loss of esteem, ego and self).
With the things I'll never say, a T-shirt, that's precisely a symbol for who Oh is before Teh shows up. He likes Bas, but he's secretive, he's quiet, hidden, he's scared of being hurt, so he doesn't take that leap, he knows the consequences of it; Oh overthinks about that so instead he retreats, he hides and accepts that it's acceptable this way.
Truth is Teh enters his life and forces him out. Teh teaches him how to trust and communicate/show how he's feeling. But it's like once he and Teh get past that line and he falls for him uncontrollably, he feels like he's back to square one. He tries to convince Teh that it's okay if he's kept a secret, but we know it's not fine, he's regressing again, he's being forced to be hidden like he's some sin, something terrible, something that shouldn't be on the surface because he's a boy. After Teh made him feel confident and able to take steps forward, to start caring about things and being more connected with things, the result of it was just more pain, insult and exhaustion, and the most painful ironic part of it was that also was because of Teh.
For Oh it's like he's proven right with his mindset from episode 1-2; he shouldn't get close, only to people who show repeatedly proof that they're there like Bas. It's only once he has 100% evidence that this is normal, and okay that he falls back to lean on that.
He doesn't like things complicated; we see it when it comes to the exam,. He gets things his way generally because he's good-looking and charismatic (again shown in episode 1). Even for acting/fame in episode 1, he got it easy because of this, when it comes to the actual hard work and the translations he struggles, he's frustrated, and he wants to give up.
The only reason he didn't was because of Teh. Oh knows this by the way, about himself and he worries about it because his father also sees him in episode 1, this way. That's why he's even more frustrated and hurt when Teh calls him out on it; Everything that happens to him is because of his looks, his charisma or his connections, that's why the next title Easy promotions is also connected to him.
EASY PICKINGS/PROMOTIONS; GUILT AND SELF DEPRECIATION
Again Chinese translations in this show are meta and used to back shadow and foreshadow what's going on with characters and the plot. In episode 4, we also see the translation for Easy promotions/pickings when Teh makes the tutorial guide for Oh. That's why he's upset when Teh gives up his space for him again; it's insulting to him because yet again he's gotten an acting spot because of something other than his hard work.
Remember because of Teh he spent eight years working hard trying to get into the university just to prove to himself, family and friends that he also got things because of his own efforts, and his own diligence.
Once he and Teh reverted back to rivals, it felt insulting for him because it felt like Teh was mocking him all over again with checking the test results, with giving him his spot for free or to make Oh feel grateful and go back to being friends with him. Teh was telling him basically with his actions ‘I don't see you being able to pass this exam on your own. ‘That was another belittling thing for his self-esteem. Oh felt depreciated because of how people perceive him, Teh is the person who showed him that.
But can you blame people, though?
Because Oh tries to be protected from disappointments and rejection (because of that burrowing back to his protection), he seems inconsistent, fake and unreliable.
He gives up immediately when the going gets hard; he gives up on the exams after all the hard work he did just because he no longer wanted to keep the dream with Teh, it brings the question does he really care about the acting thing or has he just be doing this all along for Teh?
He gives up on Teh as well, and I get why he does, don't get me wrong, but still, he gives up and runs away when he feels insulted and tired.
And from episode 5 trailer he truly moves on to the next thing and pretends everything is fine. That's not okay for me, but I get why he does it.
It's hard for me, to see how easy he moves on and gives up on things he says are important to him, to trust him when he says that acting is also his dream, but then when I look at the hard work he's put in, and the excitement he had when he told Teh in episode 1, that he wanted to join him to do it too, I still feel for him.
However, I do think it's not the acting that is his dream; it's just the being rivals with Teh and being by his side he aspired to. It's the same reason why he was meant to pass the exams, so he runs by Tehs side to scream at the sunset. Teh was his aspiration.
And Teh revived it even more in episode 1 and 2 by coming with that suitcase of revision books to make Oh keep trying to get into acting. When he pushed for Oh to wake up and work hard and study for the test . But in Episode 4 when Teh was no longer a good source of joy in his life, he gave up and became lost and confused.
That's why he rejected the offer when Teh gave up the acting spot to him if Teh didn't do the application why would he want to do it when the very reason he wanted to was because of Teh in the first place?
The Bra Scene; Easy Promotions vs Vital Rejections
The ironic thing as well about easy promotions are that even if on the surface it seems like life gives Oh everything he wants easily without effort (when perceived by people), in episode 4, he realised that life didn't give him the one thing he wanted; to be promoted/chosen as the right person for Teh.
As he goes through his self hate, doubt and loss, he questions if he should have been born a girl if he was a girl, would everything be better? Why was he born to suffer such pain? Why didn't life make it easy for him?
That's all he thought with the bra scene. He felt humiliated, broken and hateful that he wasn't what Teh wanted, he didn't have the boobs Teh wished to touch each time they became physical, and he didn't have the appearance Teh would have found acceptable. His sense of self warped with what Teh wanted, that's why he posted the picture of him in the bra on Instagram.
He lost his self, mind and ego for a moment, but then it came crashing back to him that he couldn't change who he was, and he broke down because of it. By the end of the episode, he reverts back to defensive mindset because he hated how much he did lose himself because of Teh
Teh and Oh both suffer from Vital rejections, though they’ve been easily promoted with all they wanted: Teh is easily about to get everything he wants; the girlfriend, the university entrance but he rejects it because of Oh and he feels even more rejected by life towards the end for what he really and truly wanted which is Oh by his side and being grateful to him. Instead Oh rejects his sacrifice and hates him further. Oh is easily promoted in life; he gets the waiting list because of Teh, an alternate pathway if he doesn’t go to university because of his parents, love and affection because of Bas but he also gets gets rejected from something important/vital to him Teh’s love, affection and choice because of his gender.
See they both feel rejected when it comes to the things they really needed and the thing that was the most vital to them although they actually are being given all they wanted in the beginning of the show by life.
TEH AND OH; SELF SABOTAGE OR PROTECTION?
Teh and Oh are different when it comes to protection;
Teh gives and tries to appease others to ease his self esteem, and his ego, he sacrifices parts of himself so people are happy and he feels protected when he's seen by what he wants others to think of him (analysis of Teh here).
For Oh, Oh hides himself to save his ego and self esteem, he retreats and doesn't take risks because they hurt and damage everything, he lives very safely and feels protected when everything is on the surface, evident and easy to see. (Bas's feelings, his family resort, and his fame on social media)
That's why when he cries to his parents. he realised they were fine with whatever he did, he found trust and ease following his dads wishes because it seemed more accessible and better for him, he won't be judged, he will be safe from all things Teh, and he won't have to struggle and lose his self for the exam.
That's another reason why he rejected Teh's application. The thing is it makes it even more painful for Oh because Oh also needs Teh as he needs him; as much as on the surface we know how vital Oh is to Teh (like boy can't breathe, think or act without him, the boy needs him 24/7, is encompassed by him and addicted to him), Oh needs Teh to be his true self also. Ironic right?
The Dramatic Irony of Teh and Oh
Teh is the one who is making Oh doubt and lose his self-esteem, but Oh is also not Oh when he retreats. Oh doesn't deal with genuine emotions, true wishes and dreams, true self when he isn't with Teh. Teh forces him to see things and want to take a risk. Teh pushes him either by rivalry, love, hate to do things because of him, Teh makes him question what he truly wants, who he really is, want to work hard to achieve something, want to care for something, and want to be something more than what he's been easily promoted to be.
Teh's taunts haunt him and cause him to want to be better, he spent 8 years on a goal because of Teh, he spent all of the previous episodes choosing to run back and communicate and give Teh another chance because he doesn't want to lose their friendship, Teh helps him commit and Teh helps him stick to things he cares about, but also Teh makes him brave and confident to say how he's feeling.
For Bas, he couldn't, but when it came to Teh, he was open, ready, eager and 100% sure Teh loved him the way he did. It's ironic that the most authentic version of Oh is right next to Teh, but in episode 4 the worst version of Oh (anxious, lost, doubtful and exhausted mentally) was also right next to Teh.
Oh's self-loss is just as painful as it was for Teh. These two both love each other so much, but because they are young, they don't understand how to protect themselves adequately when it comes to the whirlwind that is feelings. Feelings are crazy, they can mess you up, break you down, make you lose everything you know or want for your self, but with the right person, they can push you, make you brave, raise you up to your potential and make you know everything you didn't know about your self. Its dramatic irony the way love and feelings can be, and with this show it even more ironic that both Teh and Oh need to be by each other's side for both of them to indeed be themselves, and be free and be loved.
Writing about Teh before already broke me and I already started to be defensive for him but now I can get kind what Oh is doing and why he’s running away. To be honest he believes that the world isn’t good when he and Teh are together destiny doesn’t want them to be together because they’re bad for each other they’re only leading each other to hurt and more pain. And it’s painful and it’s sucks because it’s not true they’re meant to be together once they mature. So I really hope we do get a good ending for these two because right now the world does seem against them in their head and really all they want to do is run away and choose each other but for the sake of people they can’t. Just like in the song and ost Skyline it does seem like destiny wants them apart so should they give up? Well Oh and Teh both have become defeated and have decided to let destiny win. Oh to protect himself and to protect Teh too, and Teh for other people sake.
Okay now, it's back to waiting anxiously for Episode 5 finale, let's pray these two find a way back to each other, let's pray for growth and maturity and communication before its too late. Let's pray for sunsets and reunions and confessions of true love. Wish us luck.
PREVIOUS ANALYSIS: PROMISES, SUNSETS AND MALE PROTAGONISTS
PREVIOUS ANALYSIS; XIN THE FOCUS OF THE HEART
PREVIOUS ANALYSIS: EP 4 SELF SABOTAGE, HINDRANCES AND REVERSE HELP TEH’S PERCEPTION
