Sarasawadee’s letter as far as I can make it out- and there is stuff missing. (Thai natives please correct me if I am wrong! I am still learning and had to rely on google translate for some words and parts!)
I will lead like the sunlight that will not be lost.
It will shine in the shadows of both old and new times.
Comforted by the dust of the earth,
until every dark path is gone.
The thing that comforts me is hope on the last day.
No matter how many times I must go,
the stars of the night, near or far,
are the strength that sends my care and love
to the ground that holds my heart the most.
When our eyes met, we knew in our hearts that our love is great.
Different from dreams that end only at the last moment.
But this love will not be erased, will not fade away.
You will be the only memory, engraved in the heart.
No matter how dark the night is… we will see each other.
Sarasawadee
When I slipped into the BL world of Thailand, I honestly thought that Bright Vachirawit Chiva-ree would be my ultimate BL crush. Apart from his visuals, that could easily swoon fangirls all over the world, he also possesses a beautiful voice and talent for playing musical instruments.
He's really a dreamboy. One that you would chase back in highschool or send secret love letters to.
But then I watched Sotus and fell in love with Kongbop's character.
If it wasn't already enough, Singto Prachaya Ruanroj, was a head hazer in their department back in college. When I saw his variety shows and interview, his personality is very close to Kongpob, but with a little bit of clumsiness. Nevertheless, he has a way with words, emits warm aura, and a smart person. Intelligent people, with strong will, leadership and playful personality always makes me fall, and you can find it all in him, my Lion.
And then this freaking Atp.
Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat is the best of both worlds. He can be soft, playful, cute and innocent but feisty, that makes him the perfect bot in any BL series.
But then there's this side to him,
which could melt you with his sexiness and intense gaze.
Almost all who met Gun became drawn to him, he's that easy to be with. He's very outgoing, friendly, and funny without even trying. He's also fashionable, which makes him standout, despite his height.
I am freaking in love with Atp. I could play his series over and over again.
But the weird thing about being a BL fan? Is that if you asked me whether to take them for myself, or them being "real" with their on-screen partners, I'd choose the latter in a heartbeat.
I am kind of wondering how experienced Naran is when it comes to gay sex. He didn't seem to hesitate at all and his exclamation could have been lust or it could have been the realization that Krailert is in the same boat and just wants to do him and not kill him.
Do we know anything about his past or has it been hinted at?
Compared to Trin's gay panic he's totally at ease.
So, we finally get more than a glimpse at the fact that Tanwa isn't as indifferent and untroubled as he wants everyone to believe. The pain in the fight with him and his father was visible, but his dream of his mother confirms that. I wonder what happened to her and what the story is there. He has some major flashbacks to happier times.
Meanwhile, Krailert and Naran are living their full secret dating fantasy along with silly costumes and their own way of flirting through the column. While it looks funny at first, the tragedy is that they really don't have any other choice. There is no way for them to be together officially. Not only because of Krailert's career and his wife, but also simply because of the time they are living in. That people are gushing over their flirting in the newspaper doesn't mean they would support gay love in real life.
They meet, flirt, cuddle and have sex and are kind of bold about it in the newspaper. if times and circumstances were easier they'd simply be a new couple head over heels for one another.
Just they can't be totally open with one another either because of the opposite sides they are standing on.
Naran also takes a picture of Krailert and I fear that together with the column they are writing, it'll be their ruin when they are found out.
Naran is no stranger to pressure either and provokes others at a family dinner with his fiancé Dao. And he loses it at work with his colleagues. And later flirts with Krailert at an official press conference where they later nearly get caught by Naran's colleagues.
When Krailert shows up at Naran's apartment, where he just develops photos of him it's another risk. And while Naran is happy in a way to see him, because Krailert is open in that he just missed him, it's also an abuse of power, because he uses his position and tells Naran he "knows everything about him" which given their positions and roles can also become a warning or a threat quite easily.
While they make out Krailert sees part of Naran's work though and the whole situation seems to dawn on him and he just wants to be held. The tough military man reveals his vulnerable side and Naran seems unsure what to do.
Trin continues to encourage his students and of course Tanwa shows up, totally inappropriately dressed for a student. Not only that but he kisses the prof on the cheek and is promptly caught by Victor.
Victor who then tries to hit on Trin himself, but is interrupted once more by Tanwa. So these two are obvious as well, well Tanwa is while Trin is mostly oblivious or pretends to be at first.
He is out of place at one of Tanwa's strange happenings at the record shop. There he gets asked by his best friend of he's seeing Tanwa ans assured that he would stand by him. Trin is honest and tells him he doesn't know what he's doing. he is also warned by his friend that being with Tanwa won't be easy.
Trin witnesses police harassing his students once more and uses his name to stop it. Which means that he got involved for the first time ever. He also offers to drive them to the village they are protesting about to actually talk to the people there. Of course, Victor agrees... And becomes very obvious when asking the prof to watch the sunrise with him. I truly don't get why Trin goes with him – I mean, he can't be that oblivious, can he? There have to be some lines between students and teachers, and that question crossed it.
And god, Apo is beautiful.
But back to the story. Trin lets Victor cross even more boundaries and lets him call him Phi. So this, Victor hitting on him, is on him at this point because he encourages him by letting him cross boundaries between a student and a teacher that are there for a reason. And it's made clear that hierarchies are even more important in Thai socienty at this point than in Paris. But even in Europe today having a student ask me to watch the sunrise/Sunset with them would be all kinds of inappropriate. You do not say yes to that eve if you don't directly call them out. So even if Trin doesn't know he is leading him on, he lets him cross lines that should not be crossed.
Naran meanwhile has found someone who said he'd publish the book of Victor's father, not knowing that Krailert is behind it.
Trin then asks the board to make the field trip a case study, but is interrupted by Tanwa, who acts like he owns the world. Tanwa should kick his ass for it. Again when he flirts with him in front of Victor later. In a way his entitled upbringing shows there by the way he acts. Trin tells him calmly to never interrupt his work again, but I doubt Tanwa will listen.
Especially because Victor and Tanwa get into a pissing match over Trin a bit later when they are a bout to leave on the field trip. So much for not showing up at Trin's work. That's also when Trin loses it and rightfully so. he asks Tanwa what he wants and what they are. Good friends is not what he wants to hear . So he tells Tanwa not to play with him and that he never commits, never settles, flip-flops. Bulls-eye.
The field trip turns out to be eye-opening for the students as well as Trin when they actually talk to the people they've argued about before.
And when Victor tries to make a move again, Tanwa once more shows up. And Trin gets into the car and I wonder how his students are supposed to go back now. Or are they staying the night?
And we finally learn about Tanwa's mom, that she killed herself while at the beach with her son. And when Tanwa is finally real and vulnerable, it's Trin who kisses him this time.
And it's the kiss I've been kind of waiting for in a show, because it's not this explosion of passion, but tentative as well as loving at the same time.
Tanwa then talks Trin into skinny-dipping and they play in the sea as they make out. It's also serving as a way for Trin into gay intimacy. without going all the way.
A beautiful episode that shows the crossing of boundaries and also hints that the happy moments lead to some pain and that problems are lurking literally everywhere.
And while Trin and Tanwa might stand a chance because of their status and money, it pains me to say that it's looking very bleak for Krailert and Naran.
Unless, all of them start working together, which might be impossible because of the different sides they are all on. And even then, this is the 70s and being gay won't be accepted for a long time. And then there is the AIDS crisis of the 90s lurking....
But let's enjoy this show and hope for some kind of fairytale happy ending.
There is one thing that I see in my inbox but also online and I would like to try and offer a different perspective: I don't think Dhevi is evil.
I know that she ripped that ticket apart etc etc, but in a way she is asking for justice for herself and she also knows how impossible it is what Krailert is planning.
She saw Krailert, fell in love with him and he agreed to marry her. By her disapproval we know that she at some point learned about Win and what her father did to him. Whether that was before the wedding or after, we do not know, but we know that she wasn't behind it. But to marry/ be married to a man who had been in a gay relationship at the time in that society was not an easy thing to forgive for her. Don't look at it with the eyes of society today, but back then 1960. For her it must be a horrible, dirty thing, maybe something like an illness. But she loved Krailert and so she kept his secret.
Divorce, in her socio-graphic was out of the question, she loved her husband and still, while he married her, chose her as she says, he wasn't a good husband. He neglected her, even before Naran came along. He forgot birthdays and anniversaries and his own secretary knew more of the likes and dislikes of his wife of 10 years than he did or cared about.
He wasn't "just" gay, he was openly neglectful, emotionally unavailable. he wasn't even her friend. He was absent. And then he fell in love with Naran and cheated on her. She knew, she even knew it was Naran, another man. And she stayed and played her part.
Krailert wasn't careful when he sneaked around with Naran. He got caught by Pracha, Moira knew, Dhevi picked up on in, most likely who it was at the Miss Universe ball. Like Pracha pointed out, if it got out that Krailert was having a gay affaire, it would not only ruin him. It would ruin Dhevi and her family name - her brother's name- as well.
And we have to keep in mind that Krailert knows that as well. And he doesn't care one bit.
Add the fact that they have been married for so long and they have no children. Back then that was another "failure" of the wife, no matter the reasons. Dhevi would be under pressure basically every day, would have to justify, to lie, to be talked about why she can't give her husband children. Had he cheated with women, people would have even said it's her own fault, because she didn't give him kids.
This is where Dhevi is coming from.
And then Krailert goes and pulls that stunt with the press conference, without talking to her or even mentioning to her what was going on. She is his wife, she asked what was wrong and he lied to her face and hid everything. He walked out in his uniform, knowing he'd be imprisoned and most likely killed and he didn't even say goodbye.
So Dhevi pulls strings and with Moira's help gets her husband out. And while the students and Naran and we might celebrate him as a hero, Dhevi knows her brothers won't. They know about Win and they know about Naran. And they know he bypassed orders and went against his superior and sided with the protesters. She is right to ask him if he's really naive enough to believe that this is over and he can just fly off with his lover. There are people who have a bone to pick with him, who want him gone and punished for what he did to Pracha and the military as a whole. As her husband her brother's have to protect him because he's family. If he walks out, they will get him, punish him and everyone he loves.
Dhevi saying Trin and Naran are in danger is not her threatening him. It's the simple truth.
So what she does is, in my eyes: She confronts him with reality as it is, not as he dreams it to be. She wants to protect Trin, but she can't do that on her own. She even has the class to tell him to get Naran out and keep him safe. It would have been easy for her to have Naran cast aside, killed. She doesn't. She saves her husband's lover.
However, she finally stands up for herself. She basically tells him that they are in this mess together. Simple fact is that she can't walk away any more than he can. If he leaves with Naran he will die, so will Naran and Trin and she will be a ruined woman.
If he stays with her, saves their lives, she makes it clear that she doesn't want to continue as they were. Dhevi knows he doesn't love her. But she doesn't want her wishes and needs cast aside any longer. She wants children, she needs children to survive in this society and Krailert is her husband. So he has to stop living another life that he can't have and make the best of their situation, but in a way where she isn't the one suffering alone.
In a way they are both in this now with open eyes, with less secrets between them and with honesty. She knows he doesn't love her, he knows he also has to play his part as husband in a way that won't hurt her, just as she did and does for him. It's a mutually beneficial arrangement now. She gets her baby, he stays alive and they keep pretending with their eyes open, but less lies between them.
Now we as viewers, of course see the price Krailert pays and we want him with Naran. believe me, I do, too.
But Dhevi is our reality check of that time and the circumstances. As the wife stuck in a loveless marriage with gay man who doesn't even try to make her happy or care about her, she is an incredible class act, and she keeps him and his lover (!) safe, when he decided to live with his head in the clouds and be reckless, no matter the costs for himself and everyone around him.
Would I have liked a happy ending for Krailert and Naran? Yes, so much.
But I don't think it's fair to make Dhevi the evil person, when she literally saved both their lives.
I thought it might be a good idea to go back to the very first scene(s) where the conflict set up and see what all the important players are doing, because they are all there. Spoilers up to ep 4 though!
The first one we see is Veera, who is instructing the military to keep an eye on the situation outside, before he walks in and we are shown the students hiding around the corner... but without Victor, because he is inside doing his job as a waiter.
We have Tanwa playing on the stage, front and center in the limelight having fun.
Then Trin walks in, dressed completely in black, complementing Tanwa's white suite, and wearing a half moon brooch. The crowds part for him until he reaches his best friend Khom.
Next, hotel owner Moira shows up and takes the attention of the crowd and takes a glass of champagne from Victor.
Then Naran shows up, taking pictures of Krailert's boss... while Krailert has turned his back. Even on the next pic , Krailert has just turned around and Naran doesn't see him, but his focus is on Krailert's boss. Then his girlfriend Dao pulls him away, but doesn't really keep his attention.
We have Trin asking if Tanwa is famous next and apparently means for his music. Khom confirms it, but points out that he is more famous for who his father is, Padoem, the one who is going to build the electrical plant. It's also known that father and son "hate each other".
Next is the scene where Trin makes Victor shine his shoes, having him literally kneel before him and go against his convictions that way, especially because he is on his way to his friends outside. Trin also instructs him how he wants him to do it and then pays him well for it but is dismissive.
Trin then takes the job offer in order to "better the country" and Victor joins his friends and is instructed what to do, while he expresses care for his friends' safety.
And it's Veera who stops the soldiers from attacking the students right away.
He then informs Krailert and that's when Naran first catches sight of him: As he instructs Veera what to do and how to get his boss outside safely without the reporters catching wind of it too quickly, But Naran just caught on... His boss hatred of those outside is made clear and Krailert is given instructions on how to act, both with Padoem as well as with the protesters.
And finally uncle and nephew meet and Krailert sends Trin home and tells him to be careful. He also tells him that he should leave the students protests to him.
Veera goes back inside, Trin flashes back to Paris, Tanwa watches it all smoking on a balcony getting high and then gets a glimpse of Trin again as outside the situation escalates as Naran takes pictures of it. Tanwa doesn't have any interest in the students, his eyes are on Trin,
Then Veera reports to Krailert saying only a couple of students holding up some banners, but that reporters have it all on camera. Krailert is not worried, because the moon landing will make the headlines.
And Veera reminds him that it's his wedding anniversary, but Krailert doesn't care at all and stays at the hotel to play the piano instead.
So in a way, we have the main conflicts, but also the lines crossing right there in one scene at the very beginning:
Tanwa, front and center, but as removed as he can be, high, his eyes on the next pleasure, in this case Trin. Following him and pushing into his life in obvious and inappropriate ways, uncaring of what else is going on around him.
Trin, well-meaning but oblivious, doing what he thinks is the right thing, being interested in Tanwa more than the moon landing. Seeing problems but doesn't know what to do and which side to pick. And guided by his uncle, who thinks one thing and does another.
Krailert, rigid in his job, defying the cruelty of the orders he is given if he can ("They are just cattle..." vs. "they are just students holding up some signs"), and trying to hide away from his reality by pretending it doesn't exist. Playing the piano in the dark while his marriage falls apart and the situation outside escalates.
Naran, not interested in his girlfriend, but more so in politics and his job. Missing Krailert at first before seeing him, even though he is right there.
Victor, already giving in to Trin and being lectured by him, while resenting what he stands for. Worried about his friends but trying to do what's right.
Padoem, pretending to hate his son and probably hating what he does, but still watching him until he can't take it anymore. A well known man, a powerful one, but one put in his place by Krailert as he dictates him the conditions of the military, just as his son is not bowing to his power either.
If we now take into consideration that Naran gets into contact with Victor, while also hooking up with Krailert, it is all so intertwined and entangled that it gets hard to untangle it all.
At this point (ep 4), my guesses are:
Tanwa will be forced to get more involved with his father's business dealings. Either because his father gets killed and he has to take over or because he has to do it to help Trin at some point. Or, of we are lucky, his father will love his son more than his business and will ultimately help him in some way and father and son will heal.
Krailert will be the one with the toughest choices. He will probably discover the shady dealings of his superiors and will help Naran in publishing them and then will pay the price.
Veera will turn on Krailert, so he gets his power and also his wife, which is who he cares about the most. But his sweetness will be lost along the way.
Victor is a tricky one. If he weren't his student, I would root for him to be with Trin, because I think they might not be a bad match on an intellectual level. But there is the power imbalance, the age difference, and also Tanwa. So the kid probably doesn't stand a chance, unless we get a time jump a couple of years into the future. Realistically, I think he might be killed or at least tortured at some point and become more radicalized by the trauma.
If I had to bet, my money would be on him and Krailert not to make it out alive of this show.
So for now (ep.4) it looks like this, added only that Victor has a crush on his professor. I hope I didn't forget anything. And aside from Krailert's wife, all of them are in the first scene.
