#brady........... exploding him with my mind

[officialkendallroy]

brady tkachuck being traded before i get the chance to try to explode him with my mind in december when i see ottawa play against the blackhawks is heartbreaking 💔

[optimisticflicker]

➕ Themes/types of fanwork you wish to see more in the fandom?

🥄 OTP: Who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon? For Buck x Bucky

Hello there Anon!

Oooo I love this ask!! In my mind and personal preference, Buck is the big spoon and Bucky is the little spoon. Of course there are days when they switch it around, when Bucky can tell that Buck just needs to be held and comforted and feel safe. But I have a feeling that Buck loves to be the big spoon is cause he knows how much Bucky gives himself to everybody else, making sure they all feel safe and protected whether on the ground (Air exec) or in the air (pilot), and knows how much he holds in and doesn’t let anyone else see (both Buckies are the same in that way), and he wants to make sure John feels safe and protected, where he doesn’t have to worry and can let go with no fear or judgement. (Bucky still somehow finds a way to make sure Buck feels protected even when he’s the little spoon.)

Also themes and fanworks that I would love to see more in the fandom, hmmm, first of all I love everything that I have seen from this fandom, like y’all are very talented!!! I love feral Gale being protective over Bucky, like that is his man, his baby, his EVERYTHING, how dare you hurt him or even worse, make him cry. Also pining Bucky, like that man is down BAD but knows in his mind (his self-esteem and mind is not so good to him) that he can never be with Gale so is trying to accept that he will just have to sit with these feelings and when he starts to feel like he has control over them, here comes Buck and does something adorable (it was a sneeze) and his heart feels like it’s going to explode, from both the love he feels for this man but also pain with the knowledge that he can never have him. OOOO I would also love to see Bucky and Benny & Buck and Brady friendship please!!!

Thank you for the ask love!! 💕💕

[tyb1]

If It’s The Right Thing To Do (4)

Words:2886

Character: Seth Clearwater

Note: let’s imagine your Sam’s little sister 

Dialogue prompt:“So let me get this straight when I need you you’re nowhere to be found but when I do something dumb you magically appear.”

Series List

tag list:  @alecvolturiswifeforever​ @scoverdale1​ @anndaydreamer​ @fae-lore​ @queen-of-embracing-uncertainty @nickangel13​ @bi-bi-spencer​@a-vild-bluemyrtle​ @little-miss-naill @crystalxavlove @ilovesethclearwater

Seth Clearwater Masterlist

A/N: message me or comment if you’d like to be on the tag list. sorry it took so long I love you guys:)

“I’m sorry Seth but you and I both know that what you’re saying is bullshit.” I snatched my hand away from his chest, the feeling of his racing heart was no longer there. I knew he wasn’t lying about what he said but for his and my sanity, we both needed this to end here. This entire relationship was causing too many problems...well before he decided to join the Cullens. 

“What (Y/N)....what are you talking about?.” He stood there with tears in his eyes, I’m surprised he didn’t let them fall like I was letting mine fall. That was one thing I hated about him. He held in all of his emotions and then when it came to the breaking point he would explode. Trust me when I say it’s not a good sight to see.

I had to put off a bold face for him. I couldn’t let him know that I was actually dying inside. I was letting a few tears slide down my face but that didn’t compare to the aching feeling that I was feeling inside of me. It was the same feeling I felt when he first left me.

“Fine since you want me to say it so badly”- I roughly pointed my finger in his face.- “ Leave me alone. We’re breaking up so don’t call me, or text me until you get your priorities straight. I’ll be home when you get your shit together.” 

Seth couldn’t look me in the eyes, he started to kick the dirt with his feet. The sand below him started to change different colors from the tears that were falling upon it. He started to mumble a few words but the only thing I could hear was. “You don’t have your priorities straight either (Y/N).”

“It’s because I’m dealing with your shit! I’m around here following you like a lost puppy when you only play mind games with me! I’m so done with you and your bipolar ass!” I spat bitterly, I turned my back to him then marched towards Sam. I turned around to look at him once more, I instantly regretted it. He stood there with his hands in pockets with his head still hanging low. His head shot up instantly making eye contact with me, I quickly snatched my gaze away from him. This was going to be a new start for both of us so I didn’t need to be drawn back in with his puppy dog eyes.

Seth POV 2 weeks later

 I was too much of a coward to say goodbye. I was truly heartbroken. I wish I could run to her and tell her that I love her and tell her that I cherish everything about her but I know she wouldn’t believe me. I was all out of options. The only thing that felt right to do was to cry and that’s what I did. I cried so hard that day that Jake had to carry me home on his back. It’s been two weeks since I have last spoken to (Y/N), two of the longest fucking weeks of my life. I thought losing my dad was painful but this...this has won the race. I couldn’t bear the heartbreak so I started to stay out longer. I asked to take over Leah and Jake’s patrol hours. I don’t even remember the last time I ate. I can only remember our last encounter, it’s like a nonstop movie in my head it was causing me to go insane.

I hate it here.

I have been spending most of my days down at the border. I was monitoring the days where Colin and Brady patrolled, they were my best option to trick into letting me cross the border. It was my only way to apologize to (Y/N). So here I was trying to wave down Collin and Brady so I could continue with my ridiculous plan.

“Hey! Colin, Brady pshhh, come here!” I yelled out in the distance to the two wolves. I was standing at the border waiting for them to shift as well. I wasn’t in my wolf form. The last thing I wanted to do was be a threat to them. 

Brady was the first to walk from behind the tree while Colin stood behind the tree too nervous to face me. I could read their body language from a mile away, they were very uncomfortable with being around me. 

Brady snarled at me, I observed as all of the muscles in his body grew tense as he spoke. “I heard you got into it with Paul. He should have ripped your fucking head off.”

“Wow I wasn’t expecting that from you Brady, but thanks I guess.” I wasn’t trying to be an ass but it just rolled off my tongue. Straight away I regretted it, it only pissed him off even more. 

Brady pulled Colin by the collar of his shirt pushing him towards me. The kid could barely keep his posture straight or his eyes focused on me. He had no confidence in his steps and started to trip over the branches on the ground.

Brady pointed between the both of us with his thumb. He had an irritated facial expression plastered on his face. “Tell him what you told me when he left.” he spat bitterly, a small smirk was rising on his face but soon faded as Colin spoke.

“Do I have to?” Colin mumbled, he waved shyly at me. I took this opportunity to wave back to him. I gave him a small smile as well. Colin, Brady, and I were always close but Brady was always the fiery type while Colin was timid.

“Yes, you have to say it!” Brady exclaimed.

Colin rolled his eyes, “Fine, I said that you were an ass for leaving us behind. It wouldn’t be the first time that you left us.” Brady glared at him to continue, “I also said that you have a reputation for turning your back on us.”

I noticed Brady smiling at Colin; he must have felt accomplished. I must admit, I did feel bad, I left them behind but it was some things that they have not come to reality with.  “Listen I need a huge favor. I need you to let me cross the border so I can see (Y/N).”

Brady rolled his eyes, “Wow so you just completely ignored what we have to say? Why would we let you cross the border and jeopardize us? Yeah, that was a stupid request.”

“You’ll do it because I am your superior. In Jakes’s pack I’m the beta...but don’t ask Leah or else she’ll lie. She thinks she’s the beta because she’s older but in reality, Jake named me the beta.” 

Colin had a questionably look on his face, by now he has grown more comfortable with me and now is standing face to face just like Brady. “Why would you want to see someone who doesn’t want to see you?” 

I was taken aback, “Why do you mean? She wants to see me, there is no way that she would not want to see me.”

“Umm I highly doubt it, she’s been living well since the accident. We went skating last week with us and the others. Not once has she mentioned your name.” Brady slapped Colin across the back of his head. I watched as the two bickered back and forth. Brady pushed Colin away from him. He snapped his fingers to gain my attention from my feet. I hadn’t realized that I was getting sidetracked but I was trying to figure out why (Y/N)  wasn’t heartbroken.

“She made it clear that she didn’t want to be around you anymore Seth. Dude if I were you I’d really leave her the fuck alone. She really wants nothing to do with you. If you try to see her she’ll probably freak out on you. You’re pretty much dead to her.” Brady then smirked, “There’s also another guy that has been keeping her busy lately.”

Ouch. Well, that hurt...it actually hurt a lot. I cleared my throat so I could stop the tears from arising. We’re not about to cry in front of them!

Colin now slapped Brady beside the head. “You could have said it nicer, idiot.”

“What! Her words, not mine!” 

“Just forget about it.” I spat bitterly, If you wanted to forget about me and everything we had then so be it. I could forget you just as fast as you did me. I could care less about those stupid ass memories we made together. Just like you said I really didn’t love you it was just the stupid feeling of you being my damn imprint. 

I continued to walk and degrade our relationship. Jake tried to stop and talk to me but I just shoved him out of the way. He started to piss me off as well. He had his nose shoved so far up the Cullens ass he couldn’t tell you what roses smell like. Then here comes my second problem, Leah.  I didn’t dare shove her. I didn’t want to pick a fight with her right now. I could explode on her and say some things I didn’t mean. 

“Where the hell have you been!? Were you down at the border again?”

“Does it really matter?” I rolled my eyes at the screaming woman. If she wanted to be my mom then she should have birthed me out. She tugged me backward pulling her face up to hers. I stared into her lonely eyes as she did the same with me.

“You’re my little brother so you are my business. Stop doing dumb shit, Seth.”

 I ripped my face from her hands. “So let me get this straight when I need you you’re nowhere to be found but when I do something dumb you magically appear.” I already knew where the conversation was heading. I was not in the mood to hear her shit right now because I was a walking bomb ready to explode.

“Did you go see (Y/N)?”

“No! I didn’t see her. Why do you make everything about her? I could care less about her.” I couldn’t control myself. I threw my fist into a nearby tree. It cracked and fell to the ground. I didn’t realize I was crying until I felt the tears roll down my cheeks.  As much as I wanted the tears to stop falling I couldn’t. I have never felt so empty in my entire life. That same feeling of heartbreak resurfaced throughout my body. My chest began to tighten, a sharp pain shot throughout my body as I tried to walk forward.

”Make it stop hurting Leah.” I began to sob uncontrollably. “It hurts so bad, why did she have to go? Why is everyone leaving me? What did I do to deserve this….I just try so hard to make everyone happy but when will it be my turn to be happy?  Mom is fucking dating Charlie now. We barely see her anymore only on fucking holidays!  Why did dad have to fucking go!? And you only check on me when it’s convenient for you Leah! Why is everyone leaving me, Leah!?”

“Seth I-”

I cut her off, “Don’t say it.” I knew I was going to apologize about the accident that happened with dad. I never blamed her for the accident. She didn’t mean any harm by it. I could never bring myself to blame her.

 I started to wipe my tears with the sleeves of my flannel shirt. It brought back the memories of the time that (Y/N) would take my flannel and wear it with her converse and shorts. I started to cry all over again at the thought. I started to choke on my words, everything that was coming out of my mouth was undetectable. “(Y/N) was always there for me and now I chose the bloodsuckers over her. She doesn’t understand that it was the right thing to do. They were going to kill a baby. Leah, I don’t have anyone else. I’m so fucking lonely!” 

“I know how it feels Seth. It hurts like hell but you’ll get over it. I’m sorry that you felt like I wasn’t there for you. I must admit that I was being completely selfish. I love you Seth and don’t you forget that.” I started to relax under her embrace. I haven’t seen this side of her since she and Sam were together. It was good to have her back though. “I love you too.”

I followed her gaze, she was staring up at the stars. “I want you to cry it all out, Seth. All of that heartbreak and sadness you have deep within you I want you to let it the fuck out. If you hold it in it’ll turn into anger then that anger will turn into bitterness. I’ll come back and check on you in the morning.”

I don’t want to be alone…

Leah’s footsteps started to become faint, I was left alone in my thoughts once again. I honestly didn’t want her to go. All I wanted for her to do was to hold me and tell me everything was going to be alright. I was stuck on ground zero like I was when my dad died, no one was there for me except (Y/N). She would probably hold me in her hands while whispering the things I wanted to hear. I wish you were here right now, maybe I wouldn’t be so angry at the world. 

“Fuck it!” I started to yell out in the night air. I threw punches in the nearby tree to try and let my anger out. I hit each syllable of the words in the tree. “Fuck you, Sam! And Fuck you too Paul!! I’m not scared of you!” “I don’t care what anyone does and says to me. I’m going to see her and no one is going to stop me.” I didn’t stop until the tree flew back by the force of my hits.

I shifted into my wolf and ran towards her scent. Brady and Colin were still on patrol however they were both on the other side of the forest. It would take them a while to catch up to me at the speed I was running at. A sinister laugh escaped from my lips. This power or maybe it was the adrenaline….no, this was most definitely power. It made me feel invincible, By no means this was me finally sticking up for myself, or how (Y/N) would say, this was me finally growing some balls.

Her scent was in the direction of the beach, oh how could I miss that scent. I followed the dominating scent but there was something a bit off with her scent. It was a mixture of something foreign. I gazed out to the beach scanning every person that was out there. It seemed like there was a party, there were so many teenagers out around the bonfire. I growled out as I watched you sit on a log with another guy’s hoodie on. His cheap polo cologne filled my nostrils. You were sitting there laughing at something that he said which probably wasn’t that funny. 

“Tch, I want to know what’s so funny.” Anger arose in my body causing my teeth and claws to sharpen. My breathing became irregular and there was a tight feeling in my chest. I tried to ignore it but the harder I breathe the more painful it becomes. I took a step forward and instantly collapsed on the ground. My wolf form quickly disappeared and there I was laying on the ground in the fetal position. I tried to crawl but my body felt numb. The only feeling I had was the tears falling from my eyes down my cheeks and onto the ground. I even tried to scream out your name but nothing came out but a gasping sound.

Was I dying?

I started to cry even harder, the thought of dying always freaked me out but the thought of leaving you with guilt made me feel even worse. The sobs were coming out more frequently than I anticipated. I didn’t have time to catch my breath or even think straight. Everything felt like it was closing on me. The air around me started to thin out making me feel dizzy. The pain in my chest starts to become more unbearable. 

“(Y/N) wait...I..I...can’t breathe!” I choked out the words barely having the strength to do it. My head started to pound from the lack of oxygen I was getting. My hearing was becoming undetectable. I felt my body go stiff and my eyes fluttered shut as well, everything became dark and warm. 

It took every bone and ounce of energy to draw a tiny heart near me. If (Y/N) found me like this then she would see the heart. She’ll know that I died loving her...right? Was I even dying or am I just being dramatic? I don’t know, I just want to embrace the warmness that surrounding me right now. 

[nhlandotherimagines]

Omg I read your girl group and Matty blurb and what if it’s the night of the concert and Matt’s all calm obvi and taryn’s just freaking out or something the whole time and Matt’s like “she’s just a person like us”

(I’m sorry but I just really liked that blurb😭)

Don’t apologize!!!! Oh my goodness, keep the ideas coming!!! I love your brain!!

Here you go a little continuation on this piece! It kind of took a bit of a turn with more emphasis on the relationship between Matt and Taryn than I intended, but I kind of like it. So I hope it’s okay! Enjoy!! 🥰

“No.” The word was out of Matt’s mouth before Taryn had fully entered the room. “Absolutely not. Wear something else.”

Taryn was wearing a pair of cutoff jean shorts, and a shirt Matthew recognized far too well. It was a bright pink tour shirt, your face plastered right in the centre. There was no way he was letting you see her in that. “I’m wearing it Matt, it’s this or nothing.”

“Then nothing.” Matthew grumbles crossing his arms childishly.

“You want your little sister to meet your new girl in the nude?” Brady chirps, slapping his hand way too aggressively against Matt’s shoulder. “Lighten up!”

Matt doesn’t respond. Instead he falls gracelessly onto the couch, responding to the text message you had sent him earlier about where they’d be sitting. He pays no mind to his family, who are frantically pacing around the house in a last stitch effort to look presentable.

———

As they find their seats, Taryn immediately pulls out her phone to update her Instagram and Snapchat stories. Squealing excitedly, as Brady chirps her, but is secretly just as excited.

“Would you two calm down?” Matt groans, slinking further down into his seat. “She’s just like you and me. The two of you should know better than most that being in the spotlight doesn’t just automatically make you some kind of god-like being.”

“Someone’s sour!” Taryn chirps. “I’m just nervous okay, this is a big deal!” Matt opens his mouth to protest. “No! Don’t even bother. It IS a big deal Matthew.” She continues, her Tkachuk attitude taking over. “I’m less than 20 minutes away from watching one of my favourite groups preform live. To anyone, that’s a big deal. But not only that, it’s also a big deal because one of the performers I’m about to see, I get to meet her after this. And not just as a fan. As her boyfriends little sister. So I don’t know how you can just be so calm about this, but let me be excited or else I might completely explode.”

After her spiel, Matthew can’t help the small smile he sends Taryn. “Awe T, are you maybe feeling a little left out?” He teases.

“Oh don’t let it go to your head! It’s just weird seeing you so mature and happy, and I don’t know if I like it or not. You’re growing up.” Although Taryn rolls her eyes, Matt doesn’t miss the hint of emotion that flashes in them as she turns away.

Pulling himself up from his chair, Matthew throws an arm over her shoulder pulling her into his side. “Y’know,” he starts, pressing a gentle kiss to the side of her head. “It should really be me saying you’re the one growing up.”

Taryn rolls her eyes at his teasing yet again, but this time a smile is present as she jabs her elbow into his ribs. A moment of silence falls between the two, as the arena around them continues to fill. Taryn sighs, looking up at Matthew. “You’re happy right? Like really happy?” She asks, searching his face for any signs of hesitation.

“Yeah T. Yeah, I am. Really happy.” He smiles down at her once again, before they settle into their seats waiting for the show to start.

If anyone asked he’d deny it, but Matthew found himself quite emotional as he watched you preform. Sure, it was something he had done many times before, but tonight was different. You playing in his home town, his siblings so excited to finally meet you, it was all a bit much for him. In the best way possible, because Matthew Tkachuk has fallen in love.

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 11 second part

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Absurdity) 

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Message from the Lan Clan

After dinner the Yunmeng bros go to talk to Jiang Fengmian in his study. They're quiet and respectful here, with no shoulder-shoving or arguing. This scene has such Brady Bunch energy, where Dad's Study is the Man Place where boys come to talk about Serious Things.

The boys tell Dad Jiang about the Yin Iron and he says yeah, I know. This is probably why he let them run off on their road trip without punishing them, but he could have, like, shared data with them so they might have actually achieved something related to the Yin Iron, rather than just wandering around the countryside bonding with Lan Wangji and Nie Huaisang.

He shows them a letter from the Lans that basically says the Lan Clan is in the shit, and he tells them they've got to go to the Wen indoctrination because otherwise they will also be in the shit. 

He gives the boys a warning about the Yin Iron, which is that 

1. it can be refined and 

2. if you refine it carefully, it will not control you. 

Awesome tip, will definitely use, thanks pop.

(more behind the cut)

Jiang Cheng wants to argue about going to the Wen party, but Wei Wuxian vocally gets on board, not leaving any opportunity for whining. 

Wei Wuxian is only sucking up a little bit in this scene. He obviously has a lot of affection for Jiang Fengmian, but WWX doesn't play up to his favoritism nearly as much as he could. Compare, for example, how he leans into Yanli's preferential treatment of him.  

Fight Outside the Cold Cave

Over on the Gusu side of the country province township, the disciples have gathered outside the cold cave that previously none of them knew about, and Su She is freaking out. 

Most of the acting in The Untamed is naturalistic, but then there are occasional characters who are portrayed with a much more theatrical, broad style. Su She's villainy is not given a lot of layers; he's playing a type, more than a person.

Many of the villains in The Untamed are played this way, but not all. Wen Zhuliu, for example, is a genuinely horrifying bad guy while also conveying depth and ambivalence--despite having hardly any lines. And JGY is a masterpiece of a performance. For Su She, the directors or the actor have opted for "sniveling backstabber" as a type, which is unfortunate, because it robs his final scenes of emotional impact.

Lan Qiren tells the disciples to get to safety. He rushes forward, gamely getting his ass kicked by human cuisinart Wen Xu.  He's not as effective a warrior as either of his nephews but he's a brave S.O.B.

Hanguang Jun to the Rescue

Before things can go completely pear-shaped, Lan Wangji sails in with his guqin.

The Blue Steel technique of the Lan Clan

Like many gifted learners, Lan Wangji's musical abilities are more advanced than his social skills. Here he musically makes the ground literally explode, almost as if it had been specially rigged with incendiary charges.  

Lan Wangji is very pretty when he's worried, and his affection and concern for his uncle is touching. He's 100% not interested, as we will see, in Lan Qiren's whole "lets all die for the future of the Lan Clan while my nephews hide" agenda. He's on his own agenda of smiting the wicked and protecting the weak.

Notice how Su She is standing right next to Lan Qiren here, even holding his arm? The next thing that Lan Qiren says is to tell all the disciples to keep up as they run into the cave. Somehow Su She totally does not keep up, and he gets caught outside along with a bunch of other disciples.

Giving Up

Wen Xu and his men kill most of the other caught disciples, and then threaten Su She, asking him how to get into the cave. In fear for his life, he tells them. Not cool, Su She, but possibly forgivable. Although when you voluntarily join a, you know, battle cult, physical courage is kind of an important qualifier.

But this shit here...

They didn't fucking ask about the books, douchebag.  

Su She was there in Lan Qiren's house when the two heads of his clan knelt to each other, each claiming the right to be the one to stay behind and die. And he heard Lan Qiren say that the ancient books are the foundation of the clan and that only if LXC and the books survive, will the clan continue. By giving up both men, and pointing out the book situation, Su She has totally earned his expulsion. 

Lan Wangji Takes a Stand

Lan Wangji decides, for the first but not last time, to openly defy his uncle...and it's got nothing to do with Wei Wuxian. Lan Wangji is a hero, who follows the dictates of his conscience. His conscience is extremely filial and extremely orthodox, but he’s got a growing open-minded streak.  This is going to cause a whole lot of conflicts for him over the next few years.

This time, however, he manages to skate out from under the whole disobedient, unfilial thing by citing Lan Yi's directive, which means Lan Qiren has to accept it because she's his predecessor and elder relative (She is probably not a literal ancestor, since she spent her life in a cave putting fucking headbands on fucking rabbits which probably didn’t leave time for having babies).

This is a pretty extraordinary moment for Lan Wangji and for Lan Qiren, because Lan Wangji just asserted his own form of authority to do the exact opposite of what Lan Qiren wanted, and Lan Qiren just sucked it up and let him.

It's also very different from western stories involving a holy McGuffin such as the Yin Iron. Lan Wangji's solution of "fuck it, just let the bad guys have it, it's not worth so many people dying for" is refreshing and surprising to me, a westerner raised on The One Ring, the Grail, the Death Star Plans, etc.

Lan Wangji steps out of the cave and uses a sword blast to save Su She, the ungrateful bastard, from getting stabbed by Wen Xu. Then he surrenders, and they break his leg to slow him down. This does not actually incapacitate him, because he is Lan Fucking Wangji, already a BAMF at like 17 years old. When they whack his leg, his chunk of Yin Iron falls out onto the ground.

That thing was in a magic bag of holding before. So...it just falls out when you whack him? If they whack him again will his guqin fall on the ground? What about candy?

Archery Practice at Lotus Pier

Meanwhile, back at Lotus Pier, the brothers are enjoying some quality time together before they head to the hostage-taking indoctrination.

Wei Wuxian is such a great cultivator that he can hit a distant target even when he jerks his bow upwards as he releases the arrow.

Jiang Cheng seems fairly pleased, and proud of his brother. He's competitive and fundamentally grumpy but not, at least here, a sore loser.

Club Ruohan

We go over to Da Club, where Wen Ruohan is yelling at Wen Qing for letting Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian go. He names them both, so they're becoming more and more known to their enemies. Which is not a good thing.

He menaces her with the zombie mosh crew, having them kill a dude in front of her and then saying her baby brother will be next in the circle of zombies if she tries any more stunts. Neither of them can imagine how much zombie ass her baby brother is going to kick, later in his (un)life.

Side note: What is up with WRH’s hair? Why bother pulling your hair up over your ears if you're going to leave an enormous curtain of it over your face? It's because he knows there's a wind machine next to his throne, isn’t it?

Leaving Lotus Pier

Jiang Cheng: when I ran off earlier in the year on my road trip you didn't pack a goddamn thing.

Wen Indoctrination

Is it even possible to stand next to this much active volcanic shit and not, uh, die? I live in the tornado part of the US so I don't know much about lava (yet. 2020 still has 2 months to go). But it seems like it would be hard to breathe the air. Also they appear to build houses on lava piles, which seems imprudent.  I say that even as someone who plays The Elder Scrolls Online, which is full of lava towns and nonsense like “ash farming.”

Nie Huaisang is adorable at all times, but particularly here, when he's so happy to see his friend who *didn't* fuck his gege and then abandon him without an explanation. 

Nie Huaisang: I'm so glad I can count on Wei-Xiong to be consistent and not vanish for months, or become a traumatized shell of his former self, or, like, horribly die.

Jin Zixuan isn't quite as happy to see Wei Wuxian.

Wen Chao enjoys the sound of his own voice way too much, and is malevolent and boring. On the plus side, he likes to stand with his hand stuck out in the air, which is fun for your resident photoshopper.

Nie Huaisang is so miserable every time he's holding a sword, or blade, or whichever we're supposed to call this. He's got his fan tucked into his belt, which is sweet. He is happy to give up his sword but don't you dare try to take his fan.

Meanwhile Wei Wuxian is worried about Lan Wangji, and Jiang Cheng isn't.

Lan Wangji shows up under guard, and takes his position at the front of the line, but without any extra disciples. The Wens let him change into snowy white robes after breaking his leg which will go well with arterial blood spray. He's focused and is determined not to interact with Wei Wuxian in this public context.

When I was little, I would sit near my best friend at church on Sunday, but not be allowed to talk to her until church was over, and it was exactly like this. She was good at churching and I was hyper and hated church. We are still best friends and these things are still true.

This interaction is like a thumbnail for the whole dynamic of these three boys: Lan Wangji outwardly ignoring Wei Wuxian while having many interior feelings about him; Wei Wuxian demanding attention and creating a bit of a scene, due to his very genuine caring; Jiang Cheng telling him to leave that boy alone for fuck's sake.

Lan Wangji: Stop trying to talk to me Wei Ying, I’m busy composing a song in my head about the two of us and our love for each other. 

[writinginthesecrettrees]

drunk dial

For a long while there’s no speech, only heavy breathing, and Sam almost hangs up because he has better things to do than listen to some perv making crank calls, has a midterm to study for and a paper to outline and his roommate is out for the night so he can actually get some work done. Then, “Sssssssammyyyyyyyy,” slurred out in a voice that makes him ache with the familiarity. “Sammy, Sammy, Sammy-boy.”

“Dean.”

It’s barely a whisper, forced past a sudden lump in his throat, but Dean hears it anyways. Chuckles low and deep and it turns into half a sob.

“Myyyyy Sammy. Are ya still, baby brother? Still my Sammy-boy?”

Sam wants to say yes but he’s not sure if it’s true, lives in a world so much larger than he’d dreamed possible when it was him and Dean (and sometimes Dad) crammed into motels and cars and never quite part of the world they fought to protect. Six months ago, four months ago, even three weeks ago he would have said always, said Dean was his first and only forever. That was before getting dragged to a party, getting tipsy and making out with another guy, waking up in Brady’s room to shy smiles on a face that doesn’t set his heart racing but is open and uncomplicated and makes him feel a little less lonely. And Dean had said no, refused to come with him to California, so even if Sam didn’t feel like it was over they were done. Finished. Broken.

“My sweet Sammy, pretty and perfect and mineallmine, but you’re not anymore.” A pause, and Sam can hear Dean swallowing. Can almost smell the beer over the phone. “Went away an’ left me aaaaaaaall alone, didn’t ya?”

You could have come, but the words stick in his throat and he doesn’t want to have that fight again, not when the sound of his name in Dean’s voice has torn open a barely-scabbed wound in his heart.

“Wanted to go with you. Almost followed you a hundred times. Think your school would’ve let me crash in your room? Think your roommate would’ve let me sleep in your bed?”

And oh, the picture that makes in Sam’s mind. Dean, with his larger-than-life energy filling this space, already cramped with Sam and Oliver. Dean crushed against him in the twin bed that Sam barely fits in alone, arm around Sam’s middle and whispering in his ear to stay quiet, don’t wanna wake your roommate up Sammy, here suck my fingers if you need something to help…

“Think about all the goddamn time, Sammy. How it could be. No one knows us, knows we’re brothers, an’ I could be outside your class waitin’ and grab you as you walk out the door. And I know you’re growing, getting so damn big, but I bet I could still pick you up. Get my hands under your ass, get your legs around me where they belong. Get you up against the wall an’ make you forget all about your fancy friends and professors and classes, ‘cause baby boy you fucking love grinding against me. An’ don’t even try and pretend that’s changed.”

Sam can’t pretend, never could, and he knows that Dean recognizes the whine he can’t hold back as he shoves his hand down his pajamas and grabs his dick.

“Touching yourself for me, baby boy?” Dean’s voice drops to the low register that has always been just between them, and Sam’s heart aches almost as much as it did when he got on the bus, watched Dean getting smaller as it drove away.

“Mhm” is all Sam can say though, soft and quiet and still hoping Dean won’t hear. His eyes won’t stay open, keep drifting shut to picture everything Dean’s saying while his thumb swipes over the head of his cock, gathers the precome and he lifts his hand to his face. Sucks his thumb clean and makes it noisy, gets a drawn out groan from the phone.

“Fuck, Sammy, are you tasting yourself for me? Taste so good, baby boy, god I can’t get enough of that. Wanna find you at that damn school and get on my knees in front of you, pull your pants down and suck you so good. Or maybe you want me to taste something else.”

Dean’s breathing harder now, almost gasping into the phone and Sam doesn’t even try to hide the needy “please” that comes out. Dean’s mouth is in his dreams, on his dick, his balls, his hole and Dean always dives in like Sam’s better than pie to him. 

“Get your hand off your dick Sammy. Wanna hear you finger yourself. Think you can still come like that for me?”

And of fucking course he can, can’t help it, has always come for Dean however Dean wanted it. Just Dean’s voice had him halfway there already, and the slight burn as he contorts himself around to push one spit-slick finger in his hole has him panting, gasping, moaning “so good” under his breath and Dean hears it.

“I know it, baby boy. Always feels so good to get inside you, makes me feel alive. Feels more like home than driving my baby, didja know that Sammy-boy? Fuck, think about me licking you open, getting you all sloppy wet with my tongue like you like. And if you beg me to go faster, I’ll just go slower ‘cause I know how to take care of ya, right Sammy? Better’n anyone?”

“Only you.” Sam’s thrusting his fingers faster, stretched out on three now and desperate to reach deeper, hit that spot that Dean could find blind and he’s almostalmost there.

“You better believe it’s only me,” Dean growls. “Mine. My Sammy. Fuck, baby, wanna get my fingers in there, pull you open so I can lick deep. Get you so open you think you’re gonna break, make you scream for me before I get my cock in you. Make you come for me until you’re so sensitive it hurts when I fuck you, know you like it like that.”

“Dean, please… I need…” Sam whines as he thrusts his fingers in hard, reaching, tries to buck his hips down to get deeper and ignores the neighbors pounding on the wall as his bed creaks against it to his rhythm.

“Need what, baby boy?”

“You, Dean, please god I just need you.”

“Fuck, Sammy.” Dean’s voice is wrecked, and when he says “Come for me, now,” Sam does, cries out his brother’s name as he explodes and vaguely recognizes the sound is Dean doing the same over the phone.

He winces as he pulls his fingers out of his sensitive hole, feels it twitching slightly at the movement and he wants to go to sleep still filled but the angle is awkward. 

“Suck ‘em clean for me, baby,” Dean’s voice gone hoarse and pleading. “My Sammy, my sweet filthy boy, do the dirtiest things for me and you love it don’t ya?”

And Sam’s deepest secret is that he’ll do anything Dean asks, so he does, sticks his fingers in his mouth and slurps loud around them, Dean’s moaning in his ear the only encouragement he needs to make it a show. “Miss you, D’n,” mumbled around a mouthful. 

“God, Sammy… miss you so damn much. Shoulda come with you, but dammit I can’t and—”

The line goes dead and Sam curses, tries to call back and gets dropped into voicemail. Tries again and the same thing happens, and eventually he stops trying, too tired to stay awake and there’s class in the morning that’s gonna come too soon so he sends a text before falling asleep.

-

Dean wakes up when sun lances through a crack in the curtains, stabs his eyes and makes his headache worse. He’s surrounded by beer cans and come is dried itchy on his chest and belly, phone dead in his hand.

“Fuuuuuuuuuuck.”

He plugs the phone in before stumbling to the shower, stands under the pounding spray until he feels halfway alive again. Turns the phone on while toweling his hair dry, and finds twenty-three missed calls from Sam and a text:

Charge your damn phone. Jerk.

His heart aches a little less as he types out a reply.

Bitch.

[goodlucktkachuk]

Frantic -- Matthew Tkachuk (Pt.6)

a/n: hope you guys enjoy. It’s making me sad that this stories coming to an end soon but I’m excited for whats coming. 

Part One   Part Two   Part Three   Part Four   Part Five

“Yes I already called her, she knows you’re with him...He’s gonna be okay I promise...Text me when you guys find out what happened…Yeah I’m gonna talk to him… I don’t know what’s going to happen...Just keep me updated...Love you too, bye.”

You stood in the family and friends area and waited patiently for Matthew to come out and take you back to his place. This wasn’t how tonight wasn’t supposed to go. It was supossed to be filled with butterflies and cute stolen glances across his kitchen. It was supposed to be flirty and romantic, not heartbreaking and filled with tension. You knew you looked like a mess without even seeing yourself, even though you didn’t cry infront of Emily, the second she left you were a wreck. You brought your hand up to your puffy face and tried to wipe the running mascara off of your cheeks, trying to look semi normal as the boys came out.

Before he made his way to Steph, Mitch walked over and pulled you into a tight hug. On any other day you would’ve been standing with her but she knew that today you just needed to be alone with your thoughts for a bit. You relaxed into his chest and let out the choked sob you were holding tight in your throat. He ran his thumb in circles on your back and told you to breathe.

“Hits happen Y/n, he’s gonna be okay.” he cooed slightly as you pulled away and wiped your tears again.

“I know. Just seeing Emily’s face when it happened broke my heart Mitchy.” You voice shook slightly. He nodded and pulled you in for another hug.

“Are you still sure you wanna stay with Tkachuk for the rest of the week. I can book you a flight to Vancouver right now if you want it.”

“No no it’s fine, Chantal would kill me if she showed up and I’m not there. Thank you though.” You gave him a soft smile and a pat on the arm. He pulled you in for one last hug before he departed to his girlfriend.

After a few minutes of players shooting you half waves and sorry glances, Auston was the next to approach you. As he went in to give you a hug you took a swift step back and grabbed his arm, pulling him towards a less crowded part of the arena. 

Matty got back just in time to see you leave with Auston and decided this wasn’t a situation he wanted you in alone so he followed close behind. You were in such a rage you didn’t even notice. Once you were far enough away that you figured no one could hear you and Matthew was safely hidden behind a corner, you started to lay into Aus.

“What the fuck Auston!” Your voice was dripping with anger.

“What?”  His voice was full of confusion.

“Why can’t you ever leave good enough alone? For weeks now all you’ve done is try to stick your nose into something that has nothing to do with you!”

“Is this about Tkachuk?”

“No shit Auston! Ever since you saw us in Toronto you’ve been a pest!”

“Oh I’m the pest?? I’m pretty sure that’s your boyfriend's job.” Anger filled your entire body and you completely exploded. 

“At least he isn’t the reason one of my best friends was carried off the ice tonight!” Even though it was the wrong time, a smile crossed Matthews face when you didn’t deny he was yours.

“Are you blind Y/N? He laid the hit!” he burst out angrily.

“Because you chirped him! He was going after you and you knew that! You could’ve warned Nick but didn’t.You could’ve taken the hit like you fucking deserved. God this whole time you’ve just been trying to act like you know what’s best but you just keep hurting people!”

“So trying to protect you is hurting you?” His voice lowered, sending a chill up your spin. He moved forward causing you to retreat into the wall till you were stuck between it and his body. 

“Protect me from what Auston?” You bite. 

“From Matthew sweetheart. Y/n you don’t know him the way I do. He gives girls the world to just take it away as soon as he finds someone else. I don’t want you to end up like everyone else.” he took a slight pause then continued. “He can’t satisfy you, Y/n. He’s not enough for you. Everyone can see it but you.”

Matthew became filled with rage as he heard Auston drag his name through the mud. About to blow his cover your voice pulled him out of his rage.

“You didn’t think I already knew that. Taryn and I had a list in her diary to keep track of all the girls Matthew brought home during the summer. Brady and I would make bets on how long till Chantal would catch the next one sneaking out of the bunkie. My mother would lecture Mitch for hours on what would happen if he ever treated Steph that way.”

You placed both your hands on his chest and pushed him away to create some distance but he caught your wrists mid way. He went to speak but you cut him off.

“And who are you to tell me that he’s not enough for me! The last time I checked if I wanted to a date a shithead I would’ve said yes the first four times you asked me out.” Hurt covered his face and he agressivly dropped you from his grasp. 

“You’re such a fucking bitch. Don’t come running when he leaves you.” 

“Trust me, it won’t even cross my mind Matthews.”

He shook his head and mumbled something inchorent as he walked away.

Your heart and Matts both clenched at the same time. He had no intention of ever treating you like the others. He was just a kid when he did all of that stuff. He knew he had something amazing in you and he wouldn’t jeopardize that for the world.

 A light sob escaped your lips as it hit you your friendship with Aus was never going to recover from this, even though he was a pain you still loved him like your brother but this had to be done. Even if Matthew wasn’t involved, Auston had gotten too comfortable acting like the two of you were together and it had to come to an end. 

A few minutes later Matthew finally moved from his spot and turned the corner. Trying his best to act like he hadn’t just listen to what had just taken place.

“There you are princess, I’ve been looking for you everywhere.” His voice was soft as he pulled you into a hug. You melted into his touch and for the first time in hours your body relaxed. Even though you were happy to be in his arms and you were mad at Auston, part of you still held anger towards Matthew.

“Can we go home now please?” You muttered quietly.

“Of course, babe.”

He put his hand on the small of your back and you walked out of the arena in silence. He opened your door and helped you into the car before he retreated to the drivers side. Neither of you spoke the whole ride back to his apartment. Mentally you were exhausted and he was exhausted physically so you both were being stretched thin the longer you were awake. As much as he wanted to talk to you he knew that it probably wasn’t the best time and as much as he wanted to crawl into bed and hold you, he knew you wouldn’t sleep.

When you got home he took your bags out of the backseat and you granted him a soft thank you as you both headed inside. When you entered his apartment you were surprised how much it felt like a home. You could tell his mom had helped him decorate but it still had parts of him littered throughout.

Neither of you had spoken yet. You sat on the couch timidly as you watched him slip down the hallway to what you assumed was his bedroom. A few minutes later you watched him return holding one of his sweaters and a pair of his boxers. 

You took them from his hands, offering a nod of appreciation and slipped them on in the guest bathroom. You just stood for a few minutes and drank in your appearance. Black spectled your cheeks, bags hung heavy under your eyes and you looked frail. Pressure was all that filled your body and if you didn’t know better you’d think you’d explode at any minute. You quickly washed your face with some cold water, the cool sensation provided you with a bit of relief.

 When you returned Matthew had changed as well but into an old t-shirt and a pair of gym shorts. Even in his most casual clothes he was still the most handsome man you had ever seen. A soft smile crossed your lips as you drank in the sight of him. His head was in his hands as he sat at the island. His blonde curls ran wild across he’s head, his jaw was clenched and you could see all the viens in his arms. He was a masterpiece. 

This feeling of bliss swiftly faded as you stood across from him and the two of you were slowly drowned by the silence. Matthew was the first to speak but he couldn’t bring himself to look at you.

“I’m sorry Y/N… I didn’t mean to hurt Nick.”

“I know but no matter who it was you still shouldn’t have done it. Not like that.” You sounded distant and stared at your hands.

“Are you being serious right now?” Matthews' voice flared with surprise.

“Yes.” You responded coldly.

“Y/n you know that’s how I play. I’m not gonna sit back and let people walk all over me for the sake of being nice. I’d be letting my team down if I stopped being aggressive!” He was beginning to get heated as he pushed himself up from his stool to look at you.

“There’s a difference between playing aggressively and playing violently Matt! You gotta start realizing your actions have consequences.” His eyes burned into yours as you spoke.

“Rookies need to learn Y/n! Even if the hit wasn’t for him he can learn from it.” He huffed in anger and the anger you felt earlier in the night began to return.

“It doesn’t matter if he needed to learn or not! You could’ve seriously hurt him out there tonight!” The anger in your voice began to bubble.

“He's not your boyfriend Y/n, why do you care so much?” he spat back at you. His voice filled with disgust.

At this point, you couldn’t take anymore and you began to scream at the man in front of you.

“Matthew you didn’t see the look on his face as he was falling! You didn’t have to hold your best friend in your arms as she cried thinking her boyfriend got knocked out in front of her! You weren’t the one who had to call the poor boy's mother and tell her what happened to her son! You didn’t have to cut people out of your life for this shit.”

“Auston didn’t deserve you anyway.”

“Excuse me?” The tone in your voice immedately let Matthew know he fucked up. You mad eyour way around the island and stared up at Matt waiting to see what his next move was.

“Ummm...”

“How did you know I was talking about Auston?”

“Lucky guess?” his voice was dripping with guilt.

“Matthew.” 

“I might have been listening to you guys talking earlier...”

“Are you fucking kidding me?! Not only is Auston watching my every move but you are too. Awesome!” You exclamied, throwing your hands up. You turned on your heels and started for his bedroom. 

“Y/n wait!! Can we please finish talking?” Matthew yells from behind you.

“Nope! Not right now! I'm going to bed. You can sleep on the couch. Goodnight!” You sounded so exhausted that it broke Matts heart.

“You can’t make me sleep on the couch in my own apartment!”

“Watch me Tkachuk!” You said as you slammed the door and locked it behind you.

[since0202]

Chapter 32: Mistake

Jacob was shaking violently before her. Low clouds had rolled in on the horizon and it threatened to rain. The thunder sounded ominously off the shore and Grace was standing, stock still on her front porch staring at the boy she loved as he crumbled. 

“You….you slept with him?” his voice cracked from the weight of the words. She was out of tears, her eyes just burned fiercely and her voice croaked with dehydration. 

“Yes,” it killed her to admit it. Something in her cracked as she tried to move toward him. He shot her a look and exhaled a fierce breath through his nose. 

“No,” he  growled. His eyes leveled her with a silent command that locked her in place. She had to obey. Her eyes went wide and she stopped and clenched her hands around the bottom of her shorts. 

“It just...happened. I didn’t..we knew it was a mistake right away. I’m so sorry, please. I—,” Grace couldn’t move from the spot she was in and she felt like she was choking. The hurt radiated off of Jacob’s body in clear pulses as he shook wildly. She thought he was going to explode, a part of her really wanted him to so that she could feel the pain she knew she deserved at this moment. 

The thunder clapped behind him again, louder this time, the storm coming in too fast. The sound echoed in her head and she felt a rush move through her. Another change—a strangled small sound escaped her lips as she tried to step forward toward him. 

Jake’s face twisted in anger, his teeth clenched, and his fists hung heavy by his sides. His breathing was fast and loud and she braced for impact. Oh how she wished he would. 

A cry like that of a wounded animal escaped his lips and she felt her insides twist wildly in excruciating pain. Was he doing that? Grace’s eyes widened in fear.

But then, the anger was replaced with debilitating sadness and tears sprang to his eyes. He went limp, his eyes casting to the ground and Grace felt the constricting pain loosen.

This was somehow worse. Much worse. After a few terrifying moments of silence he raised his eyes to hers, black with quiet rage, took one ragged breath and said with venom laced in his voice, “I hate you.” 

Grace broke into a thousand pieces, whimpering in the spot she couldn’t seem to leave. Before she could get anything out, he had turned, phased and left through the trees. It felt like someone had cut a taut thread holding her body together. She felt her body let out a scream as he left, still unable to move, so Grace did the only thing she thought she could do. She called out to him in her mind desperately:

JACOB! JAKE. JAKE PLEASE. JACOB, COME BACK! 

But she couldn’t hear him anymore. She collapsed in a heap on the ground. It felt like she was bleeding but she had no physical wounds to speak of. The ache in her belly exploded into a thrashing snake that burned and tore at her. Thunder echoed around as rain came crashing down around her in a torrential downpour. There was no relief.

She felt everything for what felt like forever and then, excruciatingly, she felt nothing at all. For however long Grace had laid there, it rained on her and she welcomed it. She turned onto her back and let her mouth hang open as rain dripped down her throat. Nothing offered any relief. She was empty. 

Grace heard splashing footsteps approach. She was still soaked through and shivering but she pulled herself up and stood, uneven on her two feet. Her vision blurred from the rain and she rubbed her eyes to clear them just in time to see Rachel, stomping toward her. 

In one fell swoop, Rachel raised her arm and slapped Grace as hard as she could across the face. The searing pain whipped through her cheek and into the back of her head, sending white lights popping behind her eyes. She wasn’t sure if she let out any sound other than heaving a breath before she righted herself to see Rachel rigid with anger. 

“How fucking dare you.” her voice was seething and Grace flinched at it’s acid. She opened her mouth as if to reply but Rachel’s eyes warned her not too. “How dare you treat me and my brother like this. I have no idea who you are but if the old Grace is in there, relay this message to her as well.” She paused for a second and leaned in so her face was close to Grace’s. “FUCK. YOU.” Rachel was fire and Grace was dry grass. She was consumed by her rage and turned to ash. Rachel took one last look at her, spitting on the ground next to her and walked away.

Grace staggered on the spot and pulled herself up the steps holding onto her left cheek where Rachel had slapped her. As she pushed through her open doorway, sopping and dripping, she slipped in a puddle of her own making. She landed hard on the wood floor just inside of her front door and stayed there. Her heartbeat slowed and she hoped that sleep would take her at least for a little while. But the pain returned to keep her awake as long as it wanted, raking her over the coals and making her see Jacob’s pained face, hear the echoing words ‘I hate you’ over and over and Rachel’s tearful, enraged face as she screamed at her. 

Grace fell into the unending black. 

July

August

September

The cool, late summer air pushed through the open window. Soft steps down the stairs leading into the kitchen complemented the peaceful silence that hung in the air right before sunrise. The coffee machine sputtered quietly as the soft footsteps made their way to the couch, covering the sleeping boy with a light throw blanket, his broad, russet back exposed. 

Steam wafted from the top of the coffee cup as it was pressed to full lips. The sun slowly rose, breaking over Grace’s face as she stood on the edge of the beach letting the cold turning water lap up and kiss her toes. She stared out over the horizon, letting the day wash over her, trembling from the cold or the anticipation. Shaking the last of the pain prickling in her hands free, she took a deep breath and turned to go back inside. 

A couple hours after day break, Grace walked over to the sleeping form on her couch. 

“Hey, wake up. Breakfast,” she nudged the grumbling boy in the shoulder and waved an oversized stack of pancakes in front of his face. The boy’s eye peeped open and reached for the stack. “At the table.” Grace said, her voice monotone. 

Embry slumped into the chair across from her and dug into a stack of pancakes untouched by Grace. She picked over a bowl of yogurt and watched him chow down. 

“Late night?” she offered. He nodded between bites, his eyes rolling into the back of his head in pure bliss at the food. 

“Yeah, ran damn near to Canada. Thanks for letting me crash,” he said mouth full. Grace nodded. This was a regular thing with most of the pack. Her home was a stop gap between Forks and the rez. Sometimes, if they were too tired, they’d crash at her place, not able to make it all the way home. She left her door unlocked and would often find a snoring member on her couch, in her armchair, or on the spare mattress she set up in her office for just such an occasion. 

At first, she had internally protested their presence. The first week after Jake was gone, Grace didn’t leave the house. Embry and Quil had made quick work of the locked door without damaging it (much to Jared’s dismay) and found her in bed, conscious but not responsive. 

“Should we call someone?” Embry had said worriedly as he sat on the side of her bed after trying to make her look at him. “Ti’Hal maybe?” Quil shifted uneasily from foot to foot and nodded over his shoulder. Jared and Embry followed him out into the hall where he quietly said, 

“Let’s try to find Jake first. And if we can’t, then we’ll bring in Ti’Hal, yeah?” Jared was peering through the door with fear in his eyes. While he’d never seen it himself, he recognized something in Grace that he’d heard only in the legends. He kept his mouth shut though and nodded to the others. 

“Yeah, let’s find Jake.” 

But they were unsuccessful. No matter how far they ran in any direction, they heard nothing. After that first week, Embry, Quil, and Jared would casually start showing up at Grace’s place, prying open the door and sleeping over on the couch or munching on snacks in the kitchen. The noise roused Grace more than once and when she finally found enough energy to creep down the top steps looking haggard she was met with a delighted wave from Quil. She scowled and turned back up to her room locking herself in. 

Seth and Leah quickly followed suit, then Brady and Collin, and even Sam. Sam had taken one look at her after that first week and the next day Emily was there, tidying up the house, cooking meals, and rolling Grace onto her side like an elderly patient to change her sheets. Leah had hauled her from the bed from under the arms and put her in the tub, carefully undressing her and turning on the hot water. Grace had broken down into tears in the bathtub as Leah had washed her hair like she was a little kid. Leah didn’t protest when Grace leaned into her, getting soap all over her shirt and sobbed. 

She’d refused to see Ti’Hal, mostly due to shame. She wasn’t ready to hear the extent to which she had royally fucked up. Not yet. 

Grace crossed her arms, sitting back and staring past Embry toward the door. 

“So...the big day is upon us,” Embry said gently. Grace snapped her eyes back to him looking for clarification. When she dazed off like that everything went out of focus and she lost all connection to solid ground. “Bella and the leech are getting married?” he prompted. 

“Oh, yeah,” Grace said, closing her eyes tight to shake off the blurriness and come back to center. “Yeah, tomorrow. You still coming?” 

Embry shrugged his shoulders not meeting her eyes as he finished off his pancakes. Grace got lost again and only came to when Embry patted her shoulder and said goodbye. 

“Are you gonna be able to walk in those?” Grace said skeptically, sitting on the front deck of the Cullen house and watching as Bella scraped across the wood leaving marks. Even though the weather was still fairly warm for September, Grace was wrapped in a blanket wearing a giant oversized sweater and sweatpants. She was constantly cold these days. 

“Can’t I just go barefoot?” Bella said, unsteady on her feet. Alice looked like someone had punched her in the stomach, not that she would feel it if they had. 

“Absolutely not! This isn’t some backyard hoedown, you will wear the Jimmy Choos and you will appreciate the Jimmy Choos.” Alice chided. She tried to demonstrate again for Bella, gliding gracefully across the deck. 

“To be fair, it is in a backyard,” Bella said. Grace pointed a finger at her and her eyes lit up momentarily before being clouded by dull pain. Bella watched the fleeting moment of joy dissipate on Grace’s face with increased worry. 

It had been three months. Three months since Jake had taken off. No one tried to go after him at first, but it became clear as the hours turned into days and turned into weeks that he wasn’t coming back. Whatever broke in Grace that day had broken in Jacob too. 

After a month, Bella asked Edward to go looking for him, hoping that the luck he had last time in finding Jake would happen again. But nothing came of it. He and Carlisle reached out to their contacts but they were very limited in offering identifying information considering they were trying to keep the pack’s existence a secret. 

He was just gone. And Grace was left behind. The pack was in disarray as Grace lost herself. Sam had banished her from patrols and trainings since she couldn’t stay focused. Her recasting was almost nonexistent—anytime she tried to recast she ended up miles away from where she intended. She was thrown completely out of sync. 

As she sat watching Bella scrape her way across the deck, Grace felt that familiar buoying sensation that made her feel like she was thrashing around in an open ocean, unsteady and untethered. This feeling was constant ever since she felt that thread snap in her when Jake left. She rubbed absently at the dark purple bruises under her eyes from the ongoing lack of sleep. It was if her body was punishing her for what she did during the day and her mind took up the task at night throwing nightmare after nightmare that would leave her screaming herself awake in a cold sweat. 

She tightened the blanket around her to brace herself against the feeling more and gave Bella a weary smile when she looked her way. 

“Bella you have to promise me you’ll practice  this week. There’s only five days left!” Alice squealed. 

“I have been practicing,” Bella said with a terrified look on her face. 

“Just….practice more then!” Alice said cheerfully. 

Bella dropped Grace off at Sam and Emily’s place in the afternoon. Grace plopped into the nearest chair in the kitchen. Emily turned to look over at her as she kneaded some bread dough on the counter. 

“How was it?” she said nonchalantly. Grace made a sound of affirmation, not wanting to elaborate. Sam walked out from the bedroom door, pulling a shirt over his head before kissing Emily on the temple. He looked across the kitchen at Grace and she gave him that desperate faraway stare. 

As far as Spirit Bird’s went, she was probably the worst in her histories. Completely useless to her Alpha and unable to do anything of value at the moment. The girl who had decimated a horde of newborn vampires in a clearing was long gone. She could hardly lift her arms above her head. Sam glanced from Grace to Emily who gave him a worried nod, encouraging him to say what they had discussed earlier. 

“I think it’s time to see Ti’Hal,” he said in a stern voice. Grace took awhile to react, slow and encumbered with fatigue at just existing. She let out a tired breath and tried to protest: 

“Sam,” she croaked weakly, but he just shook her head at her, throwing what little energy she had to fight out the window. “Fine.” she said sullenly. Let Ti’Hal tell her she was broken, that there’d been a mistake, that she wasn’t actually the Spirit Bird but a perfect fake who destroyed lives instead. 

Ti’Hal’s home was small but well maintained thanks to the community. She held most of the tribes histories and so she was treasured amongst nearly every member of the tribe. Sam handed Grace over to Ti’Hal on the doorstep much like a child of divorcees. She felt like that a lot recently: a helpless kid who didn’t know what to do or how to exist in this world. It drove her crazy, but the painful stupor kept her still. 

Ti’Hal gave Sam a small, sad smile and took Grace’s hand leading her into her home to the small comfortable living room. She had a fire going and Grace trembled at it’s warmth, only a faint echo of the warmth she used to feel with Jake. She slumped to the floor and Ti’Hal shuffled away to the kitchen to make some tea as Grace stared into the fire. 

Before long Ti’Hal was next to her, handing her a cup of tea and settling into the armchair next to her. Grace leaned her back against the side of the armchair and let out a whimper. 

“Where have you been, Little Bird?” Ti’Hal said softly, her gentle, raspy voice mixing in with the flames. Grace wasn’t sure how to answer and shook her head. “There is so much pain you have caused each other. Why? Why do you fight so hard against who you are?” 

Grace turned her body to look at Ti’Hal. Anger, the only emotion her body would let her feel completely other than pain, was apparent on her face. Ti’Hal continued. 

“You’re angry about the imprint. What you see as cruel fate interfering with your happiness. But what if you are seeing it through the wrong eyes?” 

Grace’s face contorted to that of confusion. “Who’s eyes am I supposed to look through if the whole problem is I’m fighting against who I’m supposed to be?” 

“Grace, you are exceptionally perceptive at feelings, but you are not listening. What has your heart been telling you this whole time?” 

“That he will leave me for his imprint so I retroactively fucked us up as a form of self-destruction and protection to ensure at least one of us ends up happy.” Grace said aggressively. Ti’Hal shook her head. 

“The imprint...the imprint is more than a means to an end. An imprint happens when the wolf warrior needs it most, when they are exactly who they are supposed to be. It is the purest form of fate, that is dictated by the fated’s actions. You see fate as cruel, something you cannot control, but you are the one dictating it with every move of your muscle. So why do you insist on betraying yourself?” 

“I don’t understand,” Grace said slowly. 

“Stop worrying about fate and become your truest self. Only then will it fall into place. Who you’re meant to be, who he is meant to be. If you don’t, you will continue in this dance around one another and only end up suffering.” 

“That’s it? Just be yourself? That’s your world changing advice?” Grace said, the anger back again. She was on her feet. Ti’Hal nodded, so sure. “Ti’Hal what?! Don’t you see what’s happened? I fucked up! I broke. And I destroyed the only thing that was good...for me.” She choked. 

“Where there is a break, there is healing. You are the Spirit Bird. So heal. The uncertainty will dissolve when you make the decision and become who you are meant to be.” 

“They made a mistake. The ancestors. I’m not...I don’t think I can do this. I’m not strong enough for this,” Grace was shaking, swaying in place. A hard look came across Ti’Hal’s face and her arm shot out with such speed and force that it startled Grace. 

“Fight HARDER for yourself.” Grace felt fire run up her arm, ignite her veins from Ti’Hal’s touch and the dull cloud of pain cleared. Hot flames licked down her body, burning away the cold that had trapped her since Jake was gone. The snapped thread still hung empty in her body, but she felt the solid ground under her feet for the first time in awhile. 

Ti’Hal let go of her and the feeling remained, echoing in ripples up and down her body. “He will return. His soul has heard the call of another’s and he won’t be able to stay away for too long. I suggest you prepare yourself by heeding my advice. Become who you were meant to be, for the good of the tribe, for your pack, for young Jacob Black. For you.” She said firmly, the last words echoing in Grace’s head loudly. She nodded, swallowing hard, to show she understood and crept toward the door. 

When she pushed it open, the cool air washed over her feverish body and she shivered from the sensation. Her senses had been dulled for so long and now she felt everything again, the pain, the rush of the wind, the sound of the ocean crashing nearby, the warm earth under her feet. 

As she took a step out of the door, onto the grass, her body shifted and she recast deep into the forest, coming to a stop next to Sam. He was addressing the pack and turned to look at her. The pack followed his gaze to her and she looked to each of them, resolved to heal, resolved to find her way back to them.