Hiii Obsession rambly thoughts and spoilers Under the Cut!
Trigger warning for abuse and a Bear-centric post (there are tons of posts that already word my feelings about Nikki much better than I could ^^;)
As a trans man and an emotional/sexual abuse survivor I felt really fuckin Awful about both Nikki and Bear. I've been a woman. I've been expected to behave like Wish Nikki, docile and feminine, and I've felt like Real Nikki stuck in roles that don't fit me in a body I'm not allowed to control. I understand within the context of the movie that Nikki is ONE THOUSAND PERCENT the victim, but outside of Bear's obvious mistreatment of her I found myself really empathizing with Bear while Wish Nikki was behaving strangely and violently. I know what it's like to be at the hands of a woman who is unstable and willing to scare and humiliate you to get what she wants.
I'm not trying to be like "oooh women be crazy!!1!1!" it is just my lived experience being close to people with untreated bipolar disorder and/or bpd. The way Wish Nikki behaves reminds me so much of my ex-abuser, and I reacted very similarly to Bear when my abuser would burst into theatrics. There is absolutely something horrific about Bear "losing interest" in Nikki over time in that montage, and something even more horrific about the way he reacts when Wish Nikki hurts herself, but I found it nauseatingly relatable. When you're in a whirlwind romance where someone is tethering their entire existence to you, you Do become exhausted and distant. It's not a sustainable attachment. Being in a relationship so intense will drain you. When you're spending every day with someone who is erratic and threatens to hurt themselves to manipulate you, you eventually become... numb? To it? It becomes frustrating. The look Bear gives Nikki after she stabs herself at the party made me feel viscerally awful, because that is how it feels inside when someone lashes out and hurts themselves over and over again just to get one over you. I remember broiling with resentment like that as my ex held their life above my head repeatedly. For a while, it made me such a cruel person on the inside. I really couldn't sympathize properly after living in that fear and anger for so long.
A lot of people read Bear's cries for Nikki to "just be normal" in the climatic fight as a desire for her to be his object again, the girl he liked and wanted to possess, and this is definitely a valid interpretation. I do think that is the main motivation for him asking that of her. I just remember silently praying for the same thing with my ex, begging to go back to before the facade dropped. Now does that mean I think Bear is a blameless victim? No. Lol. He did this to himself, and diagetically the reason he is upset is because Nikki is acting out and interrupting his wish fulfillment.
It's just that when he is clearly dreading going home, when he's anxiously reciting how to ask her not to cook and eat his dead cat (???), when he flinches at the sound of her voice, when he casually admits to keeping sleeping pills on him... When Nikki pitches her voice up high and babies herself when she's upset, expecting to be coddled and appeased to keep Bear's attention... The way that people are willing to blame Nikki for her violent behavior, but do not offer to help Bear (or Nikki for that matter!! But most see her as the aggressor without the Willow Wish context) escape the relationship... Bear wanting to defend her behavior and "fix" the relationship on his own (even though his idea of Fixing is just keeping her docile and in love with him)... ough. OUGH. It definitely invokes emotional abuse.
I hate empathizing with Bear so much, because he's an entitled asshole and a rapist. I know men just like him, and I've felt their entitlement to my body and my time. Just. The way Nikki treats him is so goddamn familiar. Just about every time Nikki was on screen, I covered my ears and shut my eyes. It's a loud theater, so I still heard most of whatever I couldn't watch, but I was so freaking afraid of that woman. I have watched movies confronting my very worst existential fears and none of them make me feel dread like Wish!Nikki Freeman does. Get that actress her damn Oscar.
