I can't tell if my boyfriend is fetishizing me. he's thin but always been supportive and made it clear he prefers bigger people and acknowledges fatphobia and knows enough about it, but I feel like he is overly focused on my fatness when he talks about my appearance, and I'd be ok with it if he ever mentioned any other physical attributes than ones effected by my fatness. His compliments are always related to my size, or something that looks different about me bc I'm fat. he's even suggested that he doesn't notice people's faces, like their eyes, he thinks he might be a little face blind, which could be legit but I still feel unseen and objectified. even when I called him out on only talking about things related to fatness when complimenting me, he just said how he likes my "chipmunk cheeks" bc of the shape of my nose and round cheeks and he denied that this had to do with my fatness. like ???? We're both autistic, I don't notice faces very well either, except for his. i feel like if he actually saw the rest of me and not just the fat it wouldn't be the only thing he talked about. He's insisting that his feelings for me aren't fetishistic but I don't know what to believe. Help? I don't know what to think.
From how you described it, it does sound fetishistic. I would suggest talking to him about this, but it sounds like you already have. If you mentioned it passingly, maybe try sitting him down and telling him how his compliments are making you feel. If he tries to dismiss your concerns, you can remind him that a person’s intentions don’t change the effect of their actions, and his words still hurt you no matter what he intended. You can also try explaining to him that your weight/body type are more sensitive topics for you. Whether or not this is true, it may deter him from giving fat-related compliments in the future. Something else that might help would be to give him some examples of compliments that don’t sound fetishistic. I’m neurodivergent, though I’m not autistic, so I don’t know how applicable this advice is. I hope it works! And if you need more advice, you can always send another ask! cx -Mod Worthy
