The Drop Out Guide To Telling Family And Peers You’re Dropping Out.
Perhaps it was the cost, maybe the unrelenting pressure or you could be similar to myself and despite what peers and family had told you about university and the endless opportunities you just weren't happy with the choices you had made. And I will be the first to tell you that that is absoutely fine, it's one of the hardest decisions to be made and often only you can decide what is right for you. After I admitted to myself that I was not okay and was ready to leave university my next biggest problem was facing other people and explaining myself.
Am I Making The Right Decision?
You need to be sure in your decision, no one can make it for you. The hardest part is admitting to yourself that something needs to change so I found it best to sit down and write down my options and the pros and cons of leaving university. If it is the course that is making you unhappy remember other avenues can be explored and perhaps looking into transferring courses would be better suited to you.
Whilst I didn't realise it at the time there are people you can talk to both at university and away from the setting. I truly felt alone at this point and looking back I wish I had further explored just whom I could talk to at my university and even confided in a close friend. It would be wise to look into what your university has to offer in terms of support, even if you have already made your own mind up it may be a good idea to seek a counsellor or third party to talk your ideas and thoughts out this way you don't keep it pent up.
It is important to remember there are endless opportunities outside of your university walls, as long as you believe in yourself and your own decisions.
When I look back at how I told my parents I was dropping out of University, I admit I could have approached the situation a little more sensitively, however, I had thought my plans out myself and made the decision in my own head so why would I possibly need to talk it through with my parents right? Wrong, so massively wrong, if there's one thing I truly regret it's not approaching the subject prior to making the decision and so when I decided to tell them it went down like a lead balloon. Don't make the same mistake that I did. It's a difficult situation as it is so don't go through it thinking you are alone, seek the support of your parents because whilst they might be disappointed at first they will soon learn to accept your decision.
My mum didn't talk to me for a good few days when I eventually told her I wasn't going back to uni. In my defense I felt like I was shut down if I ever tried to approach the subject just for a little reassurance that everything was going to be ok and some advice. I had a lot more to think about then just leaving University. I had my flat mate in the private rented property, I also had no idea what I was going to do after and I also felt like coming home wasn't an option for me as my room had been given to my sister and how my parents reacted when I mentioned moving back. So I felt fustrated and spitefully told them I was coming home with no regard to how they might have felt. It was a difficult conversation to have with my mother, especially because I didn't really have a plan, this can be avoided if you try and keep your parents in the loop as much as possible.
It is important to remember that not everyone you know needs to be informed that you are dropping out of University. Keeping a small circle informed, such as your immediate family and maybe a favourite cousin allows yourself to adjust without having to justify your every move. Even casually approaching the subject before hand can in useful in informing your parents of your thoughts and gives them time as well as yourself to think things through and try to form a plan.
Understandably your reasons will be personal however you have to remember your parents will most probably grill you on this and it can be a difficult conversation to have especially if you don't have a solid relationship with your parents anyway. If it is a conversation about mental well-being, being prepared will certainly go in your favour for example the lack of student support or poor secondary preparation can very easily lead to a downward spiral of emotions and making sure your parents understand this is crucial for both your benefit and their own. You should not be made to suffer at the hands of University by adhering to every social, mental, financial and academic pressure.
Students drop out of University for many different reasons and each individual and personal reason is as important as the last. Whilst dropping out of University has a lot of negative stigma around it, if you do not wish to share your reasons then remeber that is absoutely fine. You do not have to justify yourself however if you do not wish to approach your parents with your reasons then approaching them with a plan will be the next best thing.
If like myself, you have explained your decision and reasons to your family and it starts World War 3 just remember to stay calm and remain confident in your own choices. You should not be made to feel regretful because your parents have decided they can't accept your decision. This is your life and you should feel excited for future prospects. Remain focused on your goals and do not sway, your parents will have to learn to come to terms with your choices so give them time. If they need reminding of the implications of being forced into a situation that threatens your well-being then it's a conversation that needs to be had. The future is unnerving and overwhelming but it is enough to just be curious about what it holds.
"Everyone has a little bit of 'I want to save the world' in them. It's ok if you only save one person, and it's ok if that person is yourself"
