#universitydropout

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Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely

Auguste Rodin

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It's amazing how a little tomorrow can make up for a whole lot of yesterday

John Guare

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The Drop Out Guide To Telling Family And Peers You’re Dropping Out.

Perhaps it was the cost, maybe the unrelenting pressure or you could be similar to myself and despite what peers and family had told you about university and the endless opportunities you just weren't happy with the choices you had made. And I will be the first to tell you that that is absoutely fine, it's one of the hardest decisions to be made and often only you can decide what is right for you. After I admitted to myself that I was not okay and was ready to leave university my next biggest problem was facing other people and explaining myself.

Am I Making The Right Decision?

You need to be sure in your decision, no one can make it for you. The hardest part is admitting to yourself that something needs to change so I found it best to sit down and write down my options and the pros and cons of leaving university. If it is the course that is making you unhappy remember other avenues can be explored and perhaps looking into transferring courses would be better suited to you.

Whilst I didn't realise it at the time there are people you can talk to both at university and away from the setting. I truly felt alone at this point and looking back I wish I had further explored just whom I could talk to at my university and even confided in a close friend. It would be wise to look into what your university has to offer in terms of support, even if you have already made your own mind up it may be a good idea to seek a counsellor or third party to talk your ideas and thoughts out this way you don't keep it pent up.

It is important to remember there are endless opportunities outside of your university walls, as long as you believe in yourself and your own decisions.

How Do I Tell My Family?

When I look back at how I told my parents I was dropping out of University, I admit I could have approached the situation a little more sensitively, however, I had thought my plans out myself and made the decision in my own head so why would I possibly need to talk it through with my parents right? Wrong, so massively wrong, if there's one thing I truly regret it's not approaching the subject prior to making the decision and so when I decided to tell them it went down like a lead balloon. Don't make the same mistake that I did. It's a difficult situation as it is so don't go through it thinking you are alone, seek the support of your parents because whilst they might be disappointed at first they will soon learn to accept your decision.

My mum didn't talk to me for a good few days when I eventually told her I wasn't going back to uni. In my defense I felt like I was shut down if I ever tried to approach the subject just for a little reassurance that everything was going to be ok and some advice. I had a lot more to think about then just leaving University. I had my flat mate in the private rented property, I also had no idea what I was going to do after and I also felt like coming home wasn't an option for me as my room had been given to my sister and how my parents reacted when I mentioned moving back. So I felt fustrated and spitefully told them I was coming home with no regard to how they might have felt. It was a difficult conversation to have with my mother, especially because I didn't really have a plan, this can be avoided if you try and keep your parents in the loop as much as possible.

It is important to remember that not everyone you know needs to be informed that you are dropping out of University. Keeping a small circle informed, such as your immediate family and maybe a favourite cousin allows yourself to adjust without having to justify your every move. Even casually approaching the subject before hand can in useful in informing your parents of your thoughts and gives them time as well as yourself to think things through and try to form a plan.

What Are My Reasons?

Understandably your reasons will be personal however you have to remember your parents will most probably grill you on this and it can be a difficult conversation to have especially if you don't have a solid relationship with your parents anyway. If it is a conversation about mental well-being, being prepared will certainly go in your favour for example the lack of student support or poor secondary preparation can very easily lead to a downward spiral of emotions and making sure your parents understand this is crucial for both your benefit and their own. You should not be made to suffer at the hands of University by adhering to every social, mental, financial and academic pressure.

Students drop out of University for many different reasons and each individual and personal reason is as important as the last. Whilst dropping out of University has a lot of negative stigma around it, if you do not wish to share your reasons then remeber that is absoutely fine. You do not have to justify yourself however if you do not wish to approach your parents with your reasons then approaching them with a plan will be the next best thing.

How Do I Stay Calm?

If like myself, you have explained your decision and reasons to your family and it starts World War 3 just remember to stay calm and remain confident in your own choices. You should not be made to feel regretful because your parents have decided they can't accept your decision. This is your life and you should feel excited for future prospects. Remain focused on your goals and do not sway, your parents will have to learn to come to terms with your choices so give them time. If they need reminding of the implications of being forced into a situation that threatens your well-being then it's a conversation that needs to be had. The future is unnerving and overwhelming but it is enough to just be curious about what it holds.

"Everyone has a little bit of 'I want to save the world' in them. It's ok if you only save one person, and it's ok if that person is yourself"

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My new life

I had literally just applied for four pretty average jobs when I got a call from a top online retailer to tell me that I was being offered the position of Menswear Buyer's Assistant as part of their apprenticeship scheme!

I am so happy as this is exactly what I wanted and I worked so hard to get it - going through 3 interview stages and having to prepare 3 moodboards and handouts for a 10 minute presentation on women's/menswear trends for S/S 14 (that took me four days to perfect)!

This is such an amazing opportunity I have been given and I hope that this will prove to me that dropping out of university was the best thing I could have ever done. Whats more, this apprenticeship lasts for 18 months which means that I no longer have to stress about finding a university course last minute for September 2014.

I know that this will open doors for me! I am going to be gaining first hand experience at the job I want to do whilst I could have been studying for a degree that made me utterly depressed.

It just goes to show that sometimes in life you have to follow your instincts and do what is right for you at that particular moment. No one else will ever truly know how you feel so you have to live the life that you want. I cannot wait to get started and begin my new life as a working girl in London. 

Happy 2014.

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Changes

There are people in this world who grab every opportunity and seek out new ones and who are not afraid.

Then there are people who feel as though the world is closed to them.

I am the latter. In 2014 I want to become the first.

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Leaving University is Hard

Please do not think that just because I have left university that I have actually left university.

THEY WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE.

It's constant. Accommodation fees to sort out. Student Finance England. Do I want to go back next year? No... then where else? 

I need time to stand still so that I can actually process what I want. Yes, it's been almost 2 months but first I had to deal with the emotional trauma of leaving and the overpowering feeling of failure. Now I feel as though I might be able to start looking at other university courses but its coming to the deadline for UCAS applications so I feel as though I'm being rushed and this will lead to another bad choice. Besides, I don't even really want to go back to university at all. I love education but I want to learn and earn. Not learn and be £40,000 in debt. I'm already around £3,000 in debt and I didn't learn anything!

To make it worse, it is so frustrating communicating through the university portal to the accommodation office regarding final payments. Everyone says something different or doesn't answer my questions fully. It was hard enough trying to get things moving whilst I was there! On top of that, every time I log into the portal I see notifications for the work that I would be doing had I still been there. It. Freaks. Me. Out and makes me so nervous.

It. Never. Ends.

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The Job Centre

I have had two experiences with The Job Centre. Both have been horrific.

The first time was in the summer when I had just finished my A LEVELS. I wanted to get a summer job before university and thought that JSA (Job Seekers Allowance) would be a good way of gaining some money whist I looked for work. I signed on and went to two meetings. I thought everything was fine until they rang me whilst I was visiting my (at the time) very sick Grandpa in hospital to tell me that I couldn't claim because my mum was still receiving child benefits for me which she definitely was not. 

The second time was more recent; just after I came back from university. I signed on and went to one session for which I had to sit around and wait an hour for! Shortly after they sent me a letter saying that because I have "only taken a years leave from university and have not left completely they are still classing me as a student and students can not claim". If I can not receive student discount in shops and have to pay for prescriptions then clearly the world does not regard me as a student. 

Attending the job centre somehow makes you feel dirty. Every time I have been there, there has always been an overweight couple fighting, or a scrawny boy with a tattooed neck filling out a sign up sheet. It makes you feel worthless and the people that work there are just as bad. All with grumpy faces and a judgmental tone in their voice. On my most recent visit, the man who was supposed to be sorting out my claim laughed at my situation saying "you didn't give university a go really, did you?". How fucking dare he.

So all this leaves me without money even though I am honestly looking for work, whilst others who are undeserving and on benefits sit on their arses all day and spend their £54 a week or whatever in the pub. 

Thank you very much world.

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Panic

I've just realized I have no life. Obviously I've known this for some time however it has only just HIT ME LIKE A TRUCK. 

It's probably because I stopped going to counselling 2 weeks ago after having my 5 sessions. At least whilst I was in that process I had an excuse to put off looking for another university course or work. Someone who at least tried to understand. Now I've stopped going I am slowly starting to creep back into my old thought processes of "at 19 I am too late to do anything in life" and "I will never be able to do anything I want to do ever". 

It is hard because I WANT DESPERATELY TO DO SOMETHING IN LIFE I LOVE AND BE GOOD AT IT but I just physically can not do the things required of me to achieve this goal. Such as LOOK ON THE INTERNET AT INFORMATION instead of scrolling through all the crap on twitter.

I know that Facebook is an edited and exaggerated version of people's lives however I look at all the people I went to school with who are now travelling and being independent and think maybe I could do that however realize that I would probably crumble under that kind of responsibility and maturity.

The truth is I know nothing about the adult world and I don't do myself any favors by ignoring it as much as humanly possible.