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Requests are open!!!! Mel will be responding to the as fast as possible!! Trying to get back into writing for real!! -> Masterlist -> Request guide -> Fastest responses (current fixations)
How I feel being mutuals with some of the big bsd tumblr blogs.
The blossoms seem unusually lovely this year. There were none of the scarlet-and-white-striped curtains that are set up among the blossoming trees so invariably that one has to come to think of them as the attire of cherry blossoms; there were no bustling tea-stalls, no holiday crowds of flower-viewers, no one hawking balloons and toy windmills; instead there were only the cherry trees blossoming undisturbed among the evergreens, making one feel as though he were seeing the naked bodies of the blossoms. Nature's free bounty and useless extravagance had never appeared so fantastically beautiful as it did this spring. I had an uncomfortable suspicion that Nature had come to reconquer the earth for herself.
Yukio Mishima, Confession of a Mask
Hi! Could I ask for Dazai, Ranpo, Kunikida/Atsushi with an s/o who frequently picks their skin/scabs/scalp. My psychologist, mom, and I are pretty confident that I have ASD, and it's a relatively common stim. This can also happen with ADHD, OCD, and anxiety disorders -- I'm not sure if this suggestion is too centered around a reader’s identity! (Also, it's not intentional self-harm; it relieves stress and boredom, but just happens to cause damage :/ If you're uncomfortable, I understand) Thx! <3
dazai, ranpo, and atsushi and a lover who constantly picks skin/scalp/scab.
📜 Books : Dazai | Ranpo | Atsushi
📜 Word count : 2.3k
📜 Shelf : Paperback
📜 Category : Headcanons
📜 Genre : Fluff, with a tiny hint of angst with Dazai and Atsushi
📜 Caution : Vague mentions of disorders and insecurities
📜 Note : Don't worry, @my-introvert-hideout! I'm not uncomfortable nor is this too specific. In fact, I had so much fun writing this! I chose Atsushi (because I kin him I resonate with him better), I hope this does your suggestion justice. I apologize if any of these is inaccurate.
Enjoy your books! 💛
Dazai Osamu
He's an ex Port Mafia executive and currently employed as a detective. Never doubt that he'll catch on your habit the first time you display it around him. But only when things are official between you two will he take an action about it.
With his background and quick wits, Dazai knows a lot about the quirks people can have, where they came from, and why they do it. By judging from your expression and slights of movements, he knows that it's caused by your certain conditions and nothing like deliberately inflicting pain on yourself. After all, he's well accustomed to self harm itself too, and he doesn't see it in you, not that way.
Dazai's understanding on your habit will be more personal rather than analytical--because of his self destructive tendencies. He can relate to you in this aspect, but whether this is a bad or good news is completely up to your personal interpretation.
Only after things become official between you both that he steps his feet into ‘that’ zone, deciding now he has the right to interfere. He's the type of guy that perceives intervening with issues like this requires a special established relation with you beforehand, if not, who is he to say anything?
Dazai doesn't mind that you never took the initiative to tell him first, what matters that is he knows and he has for long. He'll take his chance of intervention when you start picking yourself again, but only when it's just the two of you around. If you're with the other ADA members or within a crowd, he'll just figure out something to distract you and do it subtly.
The private moment will come sooner than you think. With a swift move that escaped your eyes, he has taken your hand hostage. "Nuh-uh," He cooed. "You're prone to injure your pretty skin."
His direct words will push you off guard. You'll notice that he knows about your quirk, maybe get a little shy from not realizing that he knows if you're the shy type of person.
Dazai is a clingy guy and even more so as a boyfriend, your habit will only give him a legitimate reason to hold your hand wherever you two go. Your hands will sweat from constantly holding his. He will definitely use it as an advantage to tease you too.
"I have to go to the bathroom, can I trust your hand or do I have to keep holding it?"
You will literally throw his hand away. "What th—Go by yourself."
Dazai has loads of tricks up his sleeve, and combined with his knowledge, he knows more than one or two or three methods to help you. Whether they are effective or not depends entirely on you and your condition. Sometimes his tricks are so subtle that you didn't even realize until you think back about it.
Assuming you're thinking of seeking help from experts, Dazai will be totally with the idea. "I can feel your earnest effort for this, I'm glad for you."
He'll take you to your appointments and wait for you, and sometimes walk you back home, which is also another trick to ditch work and piss Kunikida off. Two birds with one stone, right? :)
Expect him to shower you with loving words after every session. Maybe it will even make you feel corny. But truth be told, he'll deeply ponder about your condition, you, and himself. He's well aware of his nihilism and ponders whether the words he said are genuine or just part of the new personality he adopted when he left Port Mafia that sometimes run on autopilot.
(aka he suspects he's not being totally earnest with his sweetness)
If it's the latter, the corny lovey dovey words will double as an effort to help you and himself. Don't blame Dazai too much, he has trouble differentiating between what’s good and bad (as what was said by my man Oda), but at least he's trying hard for your sake.
When you show some progress, he will be so expressive in praising you. His self doubt or whatever it is, that can wait. His darling comes first.
Dazai will give a hug or two and other romantic stuffs like that even if you're in public. He's a tease and you know you love it. If you especially get embarrassed about it, he'll try to fluster you even more. Is it to distract you or himself? Nobody knows.
Edogawa Ranpo
This Yokohama's best detective is well versed in a lot of things, psychological conditions included. If you have any condition at all, it doesn't take him long at all to understand it. Nothing escapes his pretty green eyes.
Ranpo's approach will be the opposite of Dazai. His will be more analytical rather than emotional or personal.
In the scenario where you don't feel too confident about your condition, you might be constantly worrying Ranpo will make a blunt comment about it. But trust me, you don't have to worry anything about it with this guy. He’s straightforward, but he’s not rude.
Even if Ranpo hasn't had any personal experiences of feeling/witnessing this sort of thing firsthand, you can count on him to be knowledgeable about it, although his words won't be exactly delicate. He knows that some people have problems if it's addressed boldly and he knows where the line for him lays.
Ranpo is the type of guy to think that if you never told him about it, then that's your decision and it's nothing to make a fuss about/make complaints for, but he's not going to pretend he doesn't notice. He doesn’t hold back his tongue.
He will treat this situation slightly akin to a case for him to solve. Why? Because first of all, he’s your boyfriend. Who else is better fitted to take care of you and analyze the root cause? Second, because of that personal attachment with you, he will feel the obligation to step in.
When nobody is in the agency office since they don't slack off like him, he'll stretch back against his chair, hands behind his back, and call out your name who stayed behind to assist and babysit him.
"Won't you hurt yourself if you keep doing that?" He asks, his sharp eyes closed. Blunt questions are his signature. You will instantly freeze, only realizing that you were going off with your habit.
You won't feel the need to explain it, because you know that he knows, and he knows that you know he knows (do I make sense? this sounds like that one Dazai and Fyodor meme)
"If you want, I know some ways to help and I'm acquainted with some experts." He says easily, stuffing his mouth with chips. After he swallows, only then his green eyes opens. "You're hurting yourself, you know that?"
I'm not going to sugar-coat his personality. If you want heartfelt, supportive, and warm words, talk to Kenji or Yosano because you won't hear it from Ranpo. But the brighter side is that Ranpo is a very good listener and offers practical suggestions that you know are fool-proof. With each word you vent to him, the more methods spring up in his head to help. Lucky of you to have him!
If you agree to seek professional help or his own, he's a different kind of romantic than Dazai who knows how to swoon you off your feet. Ranpo’s praise won’t be like Dazai’s (since receiving conventional praises is his thing), but he'll say something rather indirect like "Good for you. Nobody knows what's best for you other than yourself, not even me."
After your sessions are over for the day, Ranpo will gift you his favourite snacks. Chips, cookies, ice creams, jellies, sodas. Do you know how lucky you are if Ranpo gives you his favourite snacks? Mostly it's because he's not confident in sweet talks so he's hoping that you'll get the gist of what he's trying to do.
Heck, he'll even wait for you (partially because he doesn't know how to go home by himself, but that's not the point) quietly without whining that it's taking too long. To occupy himself, sometimes he'll bring some papers of the cases Fukuzawa gave him and solve interesting cases. But when you emerge from the door, everything is forgotten and his attention is fully back to you.
"Oh, you're finally finished!" He springs back up to his feet, arms expanded.
I encourage you to tell him about your sessions. He'll compliment you in his own ways believe me.
"My super deduction concludes that you did well." He says as you pop out the popsicle he gave, a cheeky grin on his face. Oh, you one lucky fella.
On the way back to the agency, presumably on a train, if you're getting better, Ranpo will definitely smile cheekily to himself, prideful of you and him.
"I'm always right, after all." He says. "What do you think, aren't I such a great boyfriend and detective? You're lucky to have this combination all for yourself!"
Damn right you are.
Nakajima Atsushi
This will be slightly lengthy.
In terms of discovering this quirk of yours, Atsushi's approach will be different than Dazai and Ranpo's. If anyone is insecure about this one aspect in your relationship, it will be Atsushi.
Let's be frank, Atsushi's abused background didn't let him know much about the world, disorders/special needs included. We're talking about the boy whose first idea of survival was to jump on strangers. He was thrown into the real world without any experience and minimum social skills, it's almost impossible he immediately clicks on the reason behind your habit.
Despite so, Atsushi will notice it, weretiger senses used or not. Growing up abused, he was forced to notice the microexpression changes on people’s face and their quirks/habits as a defense mechanism in case he earns someone's ire (remember about the infiltration mission with Akutagawa on Rats of the House of the Dead when he said he can hear when someone’s mind snaps). Even though he believes you will never pose a harm to him ever, he couldn't help but to overthink every single little thing you do. He just can’t help it.
Constantly picking your scalp/scab/skin makes him free fall to the assumption that you're anxious around him since he knows that people sometimes fidget when they feel unsafe. At first, he thought that you're nervous around him. Is it because he's a weretiger? Because you don't trust him? Because you think of him as a hindrance?
This sweet boy thinks a lot about you. You basically live in his head rent free, and ever since he noticed your habit, you will quickly climb up the ranks of things-Atsushi-overthinks.
He will address you about his insecure thoughts after they're brewed aka rotted his brain long enough
When you're picking your skin, Atsushi will call your name softly as he fidgets. "Are you, maybe, uncomfortable around me?"
The confusion you will feel. "What?"
The conversation will spin around how and why that thought even popped out, and because of mutual confusion, it will take a while until you're like "OH. That's why."
You will have to explain it but he's not that dense as to he'll keep asking "Huh?" As I mentioned, anxiety is his old friend. He understands very well the constant need of having to pick to ground yourself and alleviate the intruding thoughts.
He will apologise for assuming things himself, maybe overreact a little, blaming himself for thinking things are about him when it’s actually about you, and he will be very tender about it. After all that, he will do everything in his power to help with your condition.
Atsushi will keep your hands busy by holding it before you start picking yourself, gently, but firmly. He will use his heightened senses to pick on the signs before you pick your skin/scalp/scab and try to distract you by doing anything.
Remember that one scene of his entrance test where he panics, not knowing what to say to Tanizaki? yeah he will be like that.
"AAH! Look! A cat!"
Then Atsushi will get more creative. He will not hesitate to spend the money from his cute wallet to buy lotion/moisturiser for your skin that smells so good (thank you for your help to guide him pick it, Kyouka), hoping it will help you. Maybe he'll get you gloves to match his own (matching couple things are never outdated). You won't pick on your fingers that way.
If you ever want to talk about your condition, please, share it with him. I insist. He insists. It's a win-win solution for both of you. His faith that you truly treasure and believe in him will harden (helps with his self esteem), and you get to throw off the load burdening you down.
He also feels it's his responsibility, part of that is because of his Headmaster's words, but mostly because he treasures you that much. If he caught you picking again, he'll become super worried and so guilt ridden.
If you decide to seek professional help, he will be 100% supportive. I won't sugar-coat again—Atsushi will detect his disappointment at himself for not being enough to help you on his own, but at the same time he's also realistic. He knows that he doesn't have what it takes by himself.
His Headmaster's words will echo again, again, and again. "You failed to help your own lover? Have this orphanage taught you nothing—have I not taught you anything? Will you ever amount to any good?"
He will fight it back harder than usual because now, it's about you. He can't afford to fail you, especially you. If you do talk about your condition to him, it will calm him down by a lot.
In short, your condition impacts Atsushi more that you ever thought. Please support each other.
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A Colder Kind of Love
a/n; aaa Higuchi doesn't exist in this, uhh she vanished bc i couldn't fit her into this short in a meaningful way lolol. anyway first aku fic someone arrest me this is terrible.
Warnings | a lil ooc Akutagawa, Fem reader? Gender is only really mentioned once I believe but it's not major to the story :)
Akutagawa was no easy man to work with, let alone love. That is why you chose to keep your love for him a secret. It was a well known and accepted fact that Akutagawa had no interest in romance, he was a busy man, and seemingly emotionless too.
Or that's what he wanted everyone to think. The truth is, he did feel things, so deeply in fact that it just couldn't show through to the surface. There were short moments, mere glimpses into the emotions he tried so desperately to shut away. You were always there to see them.
Akutagawa had been your mentor for as long as you've been in the Port Mafia. He hated the idea of having a student, he didn't feel as though he was qualified seeing that he didn't even get approval from his teacher way back then. However, an order is an order and he stood by that.
You had no idea what Mori's intentions were setting you with Akutagawa instead of Chuuya or The Black Lizards. Why of all people him? He only ever made you feel like a burden anyway.
Although he looked at you like you were nothing more than a problem without a solution, you did hold your own on missions. He appreciated that, he didn't want to "carry dead weight". As he often liked to say.
Even though he said all that, every night you would go home and curl up into your bed, hoping that he could one day look at you as something more than a burden.
Much to your surprise as the months rolled by, he did become different around you. It was only when the two of you were alone, he wasn't exactly vulnerable but he didn't put up such a defensive act either. Occasionally you would actually see him be stressed or sad, or moody and annoyed.
It was a whole new side to Akutagawa that he didn't even realize he was revealing at the time. He may be oblivious but he caught on to the small shocked faces you made that you tried to hide when he showed these small emotions, and he always wondered why you did that.
Or why you jumped when he said your name, asked you questions, shoved or grabbed your hand. It got to the point that he couldn't stand it anymore and stormed into his home greeting Gin on the way in and had to ask.
"Why does she act like that around me? What did I do to her?" Gin giggled at the question, since when did her brother care why you did something. But she was slightly wiser on the topic than her naïve brother.
She could tell right away what these reactions he was describing meant, and especially when you got flustered around him. Gin didn't know if she should break the news to her brother or not, but she thought it best to tell him to be gentle around you, and maybe just to ask you instead of her.
He groaned and moved to go to sleep, dealing with emotions was exhausting him, it was no wonder he didn't do it often.
When he stood in front of you in the office the next morning, hands shoved in pockets, looking you straight in the eyes and asking; "Y/N do you have some sort of romantic feelings for me?" With a straight face, you were stunned.
At a loss for words and a stuttering mess you replied with an unsure sounding yes. What in the world is he saying? You knew he was always straightforward and to the point but THIS gave it whole new meaning.
He nodded before turning around and mumbling something about meeting him at the fountain in town at sunset. You were blushing as he walked out of the room and you were left standing just as you were before.
Not sure if he was going to let you down or kill you, or what his motives were but you knew whatever it was you were ready. After months of tossing and turning in your sleep over this man, you wanted to know what he had to say about you finally.
Right after work you rushed out of the office, and went straight to the fountain. It wasn't hard to find, a pretty notable landmark new the PM buildings, but what was even more noticeable than the fountain was a specific black coat.
You slowed for a moment checking your phone for the time, knowing that Akutagawa hated when people were late. Oddly enough you were right on time, meaning that Akutagawa took care to get here earlier.
He turned his head and noticed you staring at him so he waved his hand for you to come closer. As you did you swear you could see a smile cross his face for just a second.
"Y/N, I'm not good with words, so-" He leaned down and pecked you on the lips it was so unexpectedly soft and gentle. As he quickly pulled away you were red and trying to hide your face, but something came over you that you just couldn't control.
You pulled him back down and forced him into a more passionate kiss, you could feel him melt into it, who knew Akutagawa was a good kisser? What a lucky lady for you to have been the one to find out.
I have a 'he wouldn't fucking do that' problem in a fic I'm writing.
This fic has a scene between Mori and Dazai more or less directly after Oda's death
Would Mori hug Dazai, if Dazai was upset enough to allow it?
Yes
No
I'm going to explain in the comments/tags
Like not a fully genuine hug, but a hug nonetheless.
Wip Wednesday Swapped Skk Au
The four of them spend the rest of the night at the Agency, Atsushi falls asleep on one of the ‘lobby’ couches, but the rest of them stay awake trying to pinpoint a search radius for their tiger hunt. Chuuya's downing energy drinks fast enough to send a thirteen-year-old into cardiac arrest (attempting and failing to think of anything but his new discovery), Yosano’s noticed his consumption rate and she has been giving him looks. Kunikida keeps nodding off, but they leave him alone. He isn't guzzling coffee and energy drinks like the two of them, caffeine only ever makes his anxious compulsions worse. Chuuya really thinks the poor man would benefit from a pot brownie or two. When the blonde eventually falls asleep they leave him be, he jerks awake a restless hour later. The slow work night continues. Chuuya lifts his anti-blue light reading glasses and drags a hand down his face, the leather of his glove pulling on his skin in a near soothing way. God, this has been a long ass work 'day'. He goes back to his computer. Once more going through the traffic camera feeds in the area the tiger was last spotted. Clicking through the different videos he gets an idea, his earlier possible realization unable to slip from his mind. He looks up at Yosano. She's distracted, tapping away at her laptop keys. He shoots a glance at Kunikida, still barely awake. Chuuya chews at the corner of his mouth in thought, fingers drumming rhythmically against the top of his desk. Ugh. Fuck it. He pulls his overly secure burner phone from a hidden pocket in his vest, powering it on and putting in the seventeen digit pass code. The little machine starts vibrating in his hand, notifications coming in so quickly that the phone buzzes without stopping for a good thirty seconds. Shit. Dreading the shit show he's about to find in his inbox, he clicks into his messages. Every informant with this number has spammed him with images. Goddamnit. He's pretty much already guessed what he's gonna see when he clicks on the first contact. A snapshot of familiar brown hair and single visible glittering maroon eye pulls something in his chest. He's back. His outward appearance remains calm, but internally he's punching walls. He's alive. He starts flipping through all the slightly blurry pictures of a figure dressed in black. Just to make sure. There's no clear photos, all obviously taken from security cameras and the like, but it is him. Every picture is time stamped within the same two hour period, and that fact alone lets Chuuya know that the subject purposefully is letting the photos be taken (or else there wouldn't be any). That and the way the bastard poses in every single one. Chuuya snorts, lip curling up on one side. God he's so fucking dumb. "What's so funny?" The detective looks up at Yosano calmly, nothing but simple curiosity on his face. "Ah nothing, just remembered something stupid Kunikida did last week after our bar crawl." Yosano looks mildly unconvinced, but Chuuya isn't worried. His burner is hidden behind the laptop and desk, and he can tell that the woman is already losing interest. The doctor squints, then shrugs, getting up to tiredly shamble her way to the coffee pot. Chuuya shakes his head with a chuckle, saving a few of the photos to a secure file and deleting the rest. He powers off the cell, and slips it back in his vest. He groans as he leans over the back of his chair and stretches till he hears a crack. He lets his neck hang behind him, staring out the window upside down.