The service was sad, but lovely. The day has been sad, but lovely, too. I sat in the car behind the hearse, and seeing these flowers all the way to HoE Crematorium was painful. Both my older and younger Brothers eulogized our Dad, and my sister had written a poem for the Speaker to deliver. As had Dad's Mum, and Dad's Sister. My Mum spoke, too. I didn't - I couldn't. I can write my words fairly well, and I can express myself that way, but I can't speak like they did. There were at least one hundred - if not more - people who attended, and it blew us away. Work colleagues, bowls teammates, friends and family.... He was so loved, so respected, and I wish he had known how well thought of he was when he was alive.
Tell people how much you value them - tell them your genuine sorries, your loves, your happinesses. Let them know what they mean to you because showing up when they're gone, it isn't enough. They never know.
I made this tribute post for my dad’s Facebook tonight:
We said goodbye to Norman on Friday.
After a long, hard battle with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer, the never ending string of ups and downs slowly began to slide into more and more bad days. More time in the hospital. He was given a terminal diagnosis in September 2021. They wanted to move him into hospice on the spot. He went home. And his children rallied behind him. And together they gave Norman FIFTEEN MONTHS of life.
Throughout that time he maintained a strong face to everyone who asked. That's just how he was. Always the strong one. Not for the sake of strength alone, but because he wanted to be the provider. The one who cared, FIERCELY, relentlessly, unwaveringly, for everyone who mattered to him, especially those he considered family. Especially his children, whom he loved more than anything in the world. His greatest pride, every day of his life.
There is no need to shatter that image of strength now, because there is nothing to shatter. All of that strength was real. Everyone who had the honor of being close with him knew it.
The words I will always associate with my father are "Pride to Provide". He was proud of his strength because it was the tool he used to care for others. To help them move, or renovate a house, or stand up for them.
There were many times he felt loud and angry. It took far too long to appreciate that he was NEVER angry AT you. He was angry FOR you. Angry on your behalf. If he thought for a second that you were hiding yourself away from the world, or denying yourself something good that he knew you deserved, or too afraid to share your talents with the world, he would always always always be ready to fight. And when he felt like the person most holding you back was yourself, he would still fight. But he would never fight you. He was always ready to fight for you.
He was always in our corner. A man so fiercely devoted to his family and loved ones that he would drop whatever he was doing in a second to help them or do something nice for them, just because he had that strength to share. Always offer to drive us anywhere we needed, simply to do something nice and spend the time with us.
He was a very proud man. So, so proud of being able to do things for the people he loved. Proud that he had the strength to do so.
Towards the end, Norman tried to hide much of his illness. He wanted to keep that strong face. Keep people from seeing his pain. Keep people from mistaking him for weak. He wanted people to remember him as a pillar of strength. Remembered for the strength he had his whole life.
He was our hero. But not our Hercules or Achilles. He was Atlas, carrying our whole world on his back.
Remember this about Norman: he loved HARD, and his strength NEVER wavered. Even in the times he felt weak, all we saw was a man given a terminal diagnosis fifteen months ago who never stopped fighting. Who took on the hardest battle anyone can ever fight, and came so, so, so close to winning it.
We believed he was coming home on Thursday. All the doctors and nurses were trying to make sure we had the resources at home to care for him. He was on the road to recovery once again.
On Wednesday night something in his body crashed. By 4 in the morning on Thursday he went into cardiac arrest and was moved to the ICU. Extremely critical condition. Very, very, very low chance of survival.
His children, who had been with him for every step of the fight, had to make the difficult decision to put him on DNR: Do Not Resuscitate. We did everything we could for him, every day, through this whole battle. And by then the last thing we could do for him was to let him rest. His body had had enough, and just couldn't take any more. To have prolonged his suffering any more would have been hurting him more than helping.
On Friday morning, we got to spend one beautiful hour of lucidity with him in the ICU. Just his children, all to ourselves, while his sedation was lowered enough for him to see us, and hear us, and respond to us. Though he could not speak, we know he heard us, and cried as we told him all the things he deserved to hear so much sooner. How much we saw and appreciated all the fighting he did for us. How much we knew that even though he wasn't always good at saying it, we knew acts of service, that Pride to Provide, were how he showed he cared.
And he cared so fucking hard. Like everything he did in his life, he put his whole heart into it. Put all his strength into it, and gave every ounce of it he had.
The DNR was never needed.
The breathing tube came out at 3:10pm on Friday. A few family members made it in to see him and say their goodbyes. His children were the first to arrive and always planned on being the last to leave. We were determined to live up to our promise, to see this fight through to the end.
Norman didn't want it that way. It became a battle of wills. Our determination to be there til the end, and his refusal to let us watch him die. He didn't want to give us the OPTION of seeing him as weak. He was too strong and too proud, and he wanted to go out on his terms. And he did.
We imagine everything that made him who he was was gone by about 5pm on Friday. We stayed with him and spoke to him and cried with him all night, just trying to savor the last time we would ever spend with our father. But his strength just wouldn't give in. His stamina would never give out.
With absolutely nothing in his body for days on end, and no ventilator after being extremely critical in the ICU, his stamina STILL outlasted ours. In one last battle of wills, Norman wanted to go out on his terms. As a winner.
We never stood a chance. We were forced to return to a too-quiet home after almost 24 hours in the hospital, never leaving his side.
He was still going for 24 more hours. He went 43.5 hours off the ventilator. And went out exactly as he wanted to be remembered, so remember him like that. As a winner.
He just had to win one last fight before he was done. He never had it in him to give up a day in his life. He was an absolute TITAN of strength, in body and will, an unbreakable champion in the face of one of the worst diagnoses a person can get.
It was a long and terrible battle, and we will NEVER forget the strength he showed on the battlefield. We are so, SO proud of him, and we will miss him so much more than we can say.
Fifteen months. And 43.5 hours. Never forget that about him. He was a fighter, he was a winner, and he had a heart that just didn't know how to stop.
Well fought, Champion. May you rest as well as you loved. It was an honor to have had our lives shaped by knowing and loving you.
I think I woke up and felt like causing chaos, because I have another name related theory.
After yesterday’s name related chaos, I did some googling and ended up on Taron’s Wikipedia page. I noticed that his name is listed as Taron Egerton, not Taron David Egerton. Okay and this is me going on a limb here, I think he dropped the David. Why else would it be cut out of his Wikipedia page? Wiki pages always have a person’s full name, so why take it off? Is he suddenly being private about his last name? I kinda doubt it.
I think he dropped it.
Complicated relationship indeed.
God, you really woke up and chose violence, didn't you?
GOOD
DO IT MORE OFTEN
BECAUSE (if this is true—but why wouldn't it be, if there was such a plain change?) THIS IS TEA, MY FRIEND
So we all have predicted this for weeks and weeks...
And this is why I didn’t spend diamonds on special armor for Victus, because I knew they were going to have to fight each other and I didn’t want him to have an advantage over my sexy bodyguard boyfriend (🤷♀️) lol
