Y’all ever read such a good fic with a nice plot just with so many spelling errors?!? Like TF you mean he was “grinong” in her ear or “taiek” her by the waist??
It could be anything,
but very likely you notice it
in the instant when love begins.
Anyway, that's often the case.
Anyway, whatever it is, don't be afraid of its plenty.
Joy is not made to be a crumb.
- Mary Oliver
Beautiful artwork of Cal falling through the universe jumping vortex by @faivsz for my story on Ao3 Echoes Across the Universe
~ Warning: self destructive/risk seeking behaviors as a method of s3lf h@rm
Earning My Wings (18/18) by @warqueenfuriosa
~ Poe teaches reader how to be a pilot after she was rejected from the Resistance and relegated to janitorial duty
Winter Storm Warning (4/4) by @thirsty_for_characters
~ Snowed in, enemies to lovers, contains smut
The Art of Falling (23/23) by @brandyllyn
~ Poe beefs with the new Chief Mechanic. Enemies/annoyances to lovers.
All at Once, This is Enough (18/18) by @dearlazerbunny
~ Nurse!Reader
Courage (12/12) by @OopsFanfiction
~ One of my favorite re-reads. OFC is a Stormtrooper (friend of Finn).
Kylo Ren (Ben Solo)/Rey
oh, heave away, you rolling king (34/34) by @ladyofboneandivory
~ Selkies! Fae shenanigans! Ireland! Smut!
Din Djarin/Reader
Minefields (20/20) by @keala
~ You take care of Mando's injury. Smut included. VERY angsty at certain points, like made me sob.
Solar by @theironrosebond
~ Blind!Reader, you are taken as a 'war prize'
Mine by @fawntaire
~ Din keeps calling you by another woman's name (lovely miscommunication trope, not actually unrequited love)
proposal by @sithsecrets
~ You and Din discuss Mandalorian marriage customs, and visit the Armorer
Significant by @softlybarnes
~ Din has been calling you riduur for months. You finally learn what it means.
It Goes Both Ways by @Soggy_plates
~ You take an injury meant for Din.
Reunited by @aeryntheofficial
~ Din has to leave the Reader unexpectly. 5 years later, they reunite.
Uncalled they come to me, and told, they still won’t leave me ✨by @Riv_ika
~ You pay back a life debt to Din by acting as his live-in mechanic and babysitter. But you're catching feelings...for someone who's probably not even your soulmate.
hound (15/15) by @mandadoration
~ SO ANGSTY, but hurts so good. Reader is a Mandalorian bounty hunter working with Din.
Cassian Andor/Reader
Whatever It Takes (3/3) by @warqueenfuriosa
~ Reader and Cassian have a secret relationship, but Cassian risks it all to get her back after she's been captured by the Empire.
Tell Me Again by @warqueenfuriosa
~ Cassian finds out that you're pregnant while you're both on a mission.
Oh Fuck by @fanfics_await_you
~ You've been give a week to confess your feelings for Cassian.
Pulse by @warqueenfuriosa
~ Modern Spy AU! w/ new spy! Reader and Handler! Cassian
Stardust ✨by @aerynwrites
~ Kind of angsty, Force Ghost! Cassian
Stars by @TheGreatOpossum
~ Warnings: Using sex as a coping mechanism, suicidal ideation, possibly unrequited love
Jango/Boba Fett/Reader
from what we cannot hold (the stars are made) (20/20) by @theboldsnake
~ Jango Fett hires you, a slave on Tatooine, as a babysitter.
Saviours (20/20) by @xsticknoodlesx
~ You find an injured man crawling through the desert, and care for him. Contains smut.
Saved (46/46) by @Much_Ado_Abt_Novels
~ Boba Fett saves a Twi'lek girl from slavery. Contains smut. Boba x OFC
the sacredness of shared meals (8/8) by @cobbvanth
~ You and your droid Patch try to help an injured man you found on the perimeter of your moisture farm. Contains smut.
Mr. and Mrs. Fett (9/9) by @JanghoeFett
~ Marriage of convenience trope. Contains smut.
blow all the ashes down (10/10) by @escapedthesarlacc
~ A Tatooine mechanic meets Boba Fett, and due to unforeseen circumstances, ends up living with him. Contains smut.
Padme/Anakin
There is Someone Left to Save (9/9) by @MissChrisDaae
~ Padme Amidala lives, b!tches!
Anakin Skywalker/Reader
Counseling (24/24) by @ohgodmyeyes
~ You're Anakin's grief counsellor...and his kids' old babysitter AND his almost-affair partner (age gap). Contains smut.
Tough Guy by @ohgodmyeyes
~ Hockey player AU
Eventide (49/49) by @ohgodmyeyes
~ Luke Skywalker drags his dying father from the wreckage of the second Death Star...and deposits him on your doorstep (Healer! Force Sensitive! Reader)
Cal Kestis/Reader
Hold Me Through the Storm by @BatCatMooney63
~ Stuck on the Mantis in an extreme Hoth snow storm, feelings come to light. Contains smut.
Red Tinted Visors and Blue Lightsabers (5/5) by @SlightlyAce
~ Childhood best friends to enemies to lovers, secret identity, Inquisitor!Reader
Strictly Business (10/10) by @word_borne
~ A droid mechanic catches the eye of Inquisitor!Cal
An Unexpected Visit (Cal Kestis x Mechanic!Reader) by @kindasleepywriter
Of bunk beds and confessions by @goosewriting
~ A new crew member on the Mantis makes reader hesistant to confess their feelings to Cal
“You see me…for me” by @geekywritings
~ You are a shy cartographer with the Mantis crew, with a secret love for drawing sketches of Cal.
Heartbeat Like Thunder by @sprout-fics-reblogs
~ Tatooine-born reader experiences her first thunderstorm
Wherever you go, I go (3/3) by @goosewriting
~ Gender neutral reader, reader questions whether they knew Cal at all after being rescued from Bracca
Ezra Bridger/Reader
Green-Eyed Monster by @Mandosaur
~ Reader is reunited with Ezra after 10 years, still tormented by the thought that Sabine would have been a better fit for him.
I had this idea a while ago for a Cal Kestis fic, but it wasn’t until recently I really decided what I wanted to do with it. This is a quick excerpt from the beginning of it just to test the waters. Please let me know what you think! 🤗
Pairing: Cal Kestis x f!reader
Warnings: Destined lovers/Soulmates, heavily inspired by Hadestown/ Orpheus and Eurydice
Summary: Cal Kestis keeps finding psychometry objects that show him moments of you and he can’t help but feel drawn.
Cal Kestis dropped down onto a stool in Pyloon’s Saloon. His body moved slowly, aching from days of work. All the fighting had been taking a toll on him, though he’d never admit it. Greez did his best to encourage Cal to take a long break, but all the Jedi ever allowed himself was a nap and meal before heading off again. The Empire didn’t rest, and neither would Cal, if that’s what it took. Right now, Cal’s plan was to take a respite on Koboh for a few hours before leaving for Segra Milo. Saw Gerrera had requested his time and everyone knows you don’t keep a man with that much influence waiting for too long.
With ease, M-6NK slid a glass in Cal’s direction. A familiar fizzy liquid bubbled inside, threatening to spill over as the cup travelled down the top of the bar. When Cal caught hold of the glass, an echo in the force rippled through him, a flash of white blinding his vision, a jolt running through his spine. Then a vague vision.
“Anybody got a match?” A voice rang out through the echo from behind Cal. It was an unfamiliar sound, one he didn’t recognize. He turned to look at you, though he didn’t know who you were. Not yet.
“I got one.” The Nautolan Cal knew as Caij Vanda responded, gaining your attention and lifting a box of matches, settled between her fingers. Her head was tilted downwards, hat covering her face in that mysterious way Cal often found her.
“Gimme that.” You stood from your seat, walking only a few steps before snatching the box out of Caij’s hand. Cal observed you, squinting slightly as he tried to make you out through the blurred silhouette the force provided him. You returned to your stool beside him before flicking the lid open and removing a match, scratching it on the side of the box and creating a spark at the tip of the short wooden stick. Then cradling the small flame, you used it to light an oil lamp sitting on the counter. “Thanks.” You said shortly, tossing the box back in Caij’s direction. She catched it without a glance and tipped her hat. You stood grabbing your lantern, with the other hand picking up a glass on the counter -the same one Cal found himself holding- before downing the rest of the liquid within it, placing it back on the counter with finality before walking off.
The echo faded, recentering Cal back into reality. He looked down at the stool beside him, the place he’d seen you in, and wondered why he felt drawn to what he had just seen, why he felt drawn to you. He didn’t even know your name.
“Cal,” M-6NK called, sliding in front of the Jedi on the opposite side of the bar. “Your drink is gathering dust. Something on your mind?”
Cal looked up at the droid, considering for a moment to let him in on the echo he’d just witnessed, maybe ask about you, but the question died on his tongue. What would he ask anyways? Who was the girl who drank from this same cup- who knows how long ago, sat in this seat, and where can I find her? Cal figured his chances were better off on his own. He shook his head instead, “No, Monk. Just tired.” Swiftly, he brought the glass to his lips, quickly downing the drink as you had done in the vision, before getting up and excusing himself from the bar. He needed a nap, some time to reset. Cal Kestis would figure you out another time.
Summary: Cal is overwhelmed by all the missions and things he needs to accomplish. He's stressed and doesn't know how to cope...so you help him.
Genre: Fluff and smut
CW: AFAB!Reader, no pronouns used, no use of y/n, pet names used (sweet boy and baby by you), smut, unprotected p in v (I do it for the love of the game. Don't follow this fics example though!!), creamp!e x2, subby Cal, whimpering Cal (men who whimper >>), takes place during the first game, I KNOW one of the lines says 'he's just a kid' but he is eighteen (this may be fiction but I'd prefer it to be legal yk), Whipped!Cal, I think that's it!!
Word Count: 2.1k
A/N: Another fic to add to my Cal collection!! I'm posting multiple at once so, if you're interested in reading more you can go find those!! 💕💖💕💖😋
.𖥔 ݁ ˖✶⋆.˚
You watch him as he paces around the Mantis. Through the kitchen, back around the lounging area, over to the holotable and then repeat. It had gotten so bad that even Cere was starting to get a little annoyed. Greez had been annoyed since the start however. You could practically feel the annoyance slowly turn into anger and bubble up through the air. This is when you finally decided to intervene to save everyone the yelling.
“Cal.” You say gently, placing a hand on his arm to stop his pacing.
“Yeah?”
“Come with me for a second.” You whisper, hand moving down to grab his and lead him to your room. Greez and Cere share relieved sighs and make a mental note to thank you profusely.
The doors shut behind you and Cal looks at you expectantly.
“What’s wrong?” You ask, letting him move to stand a few feet in front of you.
“What do you mean? I’m fine.”
“You’re pacing around the ship and driving Cere and Greez crazy.” You say, arms crossing over your chest.
“Really? Why didn’t they tell me to stop?”
“They were close, I could feel how close they were to yelling at you so I dragged you back here. They don’t want to say anything because they know you’re struggling, and pacing can help you regulate your emotions which they know…but then you just kept going and-“ You stop when you see his frown. “They aren’t upset with you, Cal.” You assure him, taking a tentative step closer.
“Are you upset with me?” He asks quietly, because that’s what he cares about the most. He never wants you to be upset with him, or angry or start to resent him.
“Of course not.” You shake your head with furrowed brows. “Unlike those two, I’d tell you if I was annoyed with you. I don’t lie, and I always tell the truth even if it hurts. You know that.” Cal nods and looks down at his hands.
“Yeah, I know.”
“Is there something specific that’s bothering you or is it just…everything?” You ask, reaching a hand out to grab one of his. You’d noticed him starting to pick at the skin around his nails, you hoped to stop him by holding his hand.
“All of it.” He says weakly. “It’s all just…piling up. I don’t know how much more I can take.” He admits, voice cracking. He always tries to act so strong and unfazed, but he’s still just a kid.
“I know.” You hum, brushing your thumb over his knuckles. “I have an idea, a way to hopefully help you relax.” He looks up at you with hopeful eyes. “It could help you finally fall asleep too.”
“What is it?” He asks, eyes sparkling with curiosity. You hesitate, your hand gripping his just a bit tighter.
“Cal, do you trust me?” You whisper.
“Of course. I trust you more than anyone.” He whispers back as he watches you.
“And you’ll tell me if you’re uncomfortable? If you want to stop, do something else?”
“Yeah, always.” He says with furrowed brows. “You’re starting to freak me out a little bit now.” He laughs nervously.
“Don’t freak out, that’s what we’re trying to avoid.” He nods slowly. “It’s just me.” You whisper, leaning in closer so your faces are inches apart.
“Just you.” He mumbles back as he watches you with hazy eyes. You can see his shoulders untense the slightest bit. You notice his eyes flick down to look at your lips before quickly moving back up.
“I’ve got you, Cal.” You mumble, hands moving to rest on either side of his face. “Always.” You finally lean in and connect your lips. Cal’s lips are soft against your own, just a bit chapped but so warm. You stay there for just a moment before he’s pulling away, already breathless.
“What are you doing?” He asks.
“Am I that bad of a kisser?” You joke, but the question is genuine. “I’m sorry…I thought you felt-“ You pause, starting to pull away. “I’m sorry.” Cal quickly grabs both of your upper arms to pull you back into him. His lips crash into yours with a quiet whimper.
You smile into the kiss, moving your arms to wrap around his neck while his fall down to your waist. He pulls you impossibly closer and you feel him rub up against you. You moan into his mouth, hands digging into his shirt.
“Sorry…I didn’t-“ He pulls away to whisper but you stop him with another kiss.
“Don’t apologize, not for this…ever.” You whisper back, pushing your lips together again. You slowly slip your tongue into his mouth, hearing him whine and greedily swallowing the sound. Cal’s hips move of their own accord, bucking up and seeking any kind of friction.
You slowly start backing him up until his legs hit your bed. He stumbles back onto it and you climb on top of him, settling in his lap. His hands instinctively grab your waist, squeezing the fat in his hands. You press your lips to his in a messy kiss just as you grind your hips down, making him whine and tighten his grip on your flesh.
You keep grinding down against him, creating that much needed friction both of you had been craving. You pull away to catch your breath, looking down at Cal and his flushed cheeks. His lips all puffy and red, slick with both of your spit. His pupils are blown so wide you swear he doesn’t look human anymore.
“Still trust me?” You whisper, kissing his cheek and his jaw.
“Always.” He manages to sigh.
“Promise to tell me if you don’t like something?”
“Promise.” He pants. You slowly reach down as you kiss down his neck, your hand slipping past the waistband of his pants. He gasps and looks down to watch the movement, eyes wide and breath hitching. Your hand wraps around him and any common sense he has disappears entirely. His head tilts back and his mouth falls open with a quiet moan.
You continue trailing kisses down his neck, licking and biting until he’s covered in red and purple marks. You pull away to look down at where you’re stroking him, pulling his pants down just enough for his dick to spring free. Cal’s breath catches as you stroke him, throat bobbing as he desperately tries to hold back the noises he so badly wants to make.
“You can tell me if you want something too.” You whisper sweetly. “In addition to telling me when you don’t like something.” You peck his lips. “Anything you want, it’s yours.” You mutter, glancing back down at your hand.
“I just…” Cal pauses to release a shaky sigh as he chokes back a moan. “I just want you.” He whimpers.
“You have me.” You whisper. “You’ve always had me, since the moment we met.”
“Really?” He asks with a breathy moan, looking back up to meet your eyes.
“Yes.”
“You’ve had me for just as long.” He replies quietly. You can’t hold yourself back as you crash your lips into his once more, conveying everything you can’t say with words. Cal pulls away first, surprisingly enough, panting against your lips. “I want…” He trails off as your grip tightens around him, making him stutter.
“What do you want?” You ask, slowing your movements so he can focus.
“I want…t-to be inside you.” He chokes out, cheeks going red with embarrassment.
“Yeah?” You ask with a smirk, head tilted to the side.
“Please.” He whines so pathetically that you almost go feral. You quickly pull off your shirt and pants, standing up to remove them properly. Cal makes quick work of his own clothes and leans back on the bed when you crawl back on top of him. He stares at you with so much heat in his eyes, but also such softness and tenderness.
“Still want to be inside of me?” You search for reassurance, slowly reaching down to grab a hold of him again.
“Yes.” Cal gasps. “Yes, please…please.” He practically cries and you gently shush him.
“You don’t have to beg, sweet boy.” You whisper against his lips, lining him up with your entrance while he stares into your eyes. He’s caught off guard when your warmth suddenly envelopes the head of his dick. He chokes on a groan as he glances down, watching you slowly lower yourself onto him. He moans and throws his head back on the bed, eyes screwed shut as his hands tightly grip your stomach for support.
“Doing so good.” You whisper gently, feeling him twitch inside of you. “Like when I tell you how good you are?” You ask with a smile, kissing his exposed jaw and throat.
“Yes.” He chokes out, stifling dozens of little whines and whimpers.
“Noted.” You mumble, finally lowering yourself completely, moaning at the full feeling. “Shit, Cal.” You whine and it makes something in his stomach twist, hips bucking up without a second thought. He thrusts impossibly deeper and drags another whine from you, higher and longer. He keeps a tight grip on your hips as he starts to take control, bucking his hips up into you repeatedly.
“Cal.” You cry, stifling your moan by biting his shoulder. He groans at the mix of pain and pleasure, both mixing so deliciously inside him. He can hear the loud slapping sound as your ass hits his thighs each time he thrusts up. Cal stutters as he tries to remember how to form words, desperate to feel closer to you, feel that sweet affection only you can grant him.
“Please.” He whispers, panting against your neck.
“What is it, baby?” You ask, slowly pulling away to look at him, hands resting on either side of his face.
“Kiss.” He breathes. “Please.”
“Always.” You whisper, connecting your lips without a trace of hesitation. Cal licks into your mouth as he quickens his pace, groaning into your mouth and allowing himself to be just a bit louder. You whine and cry into his own mouth, your sounds filling him with pride and an almost unbearable heat in his stomach.
Cal pulls back from your lips just enough to speak, not daring to move any further from you.
“I think I-I’m close.” He stutters out, hips thrusting up with an unrelenting vigor.
“Me too.” You fumble to grab one of his hands, moving it down to your soaked cunt. He lets you guide him, pulling his thumb and resting it over your clit. “Circles.” You pant to him. “Rub in circles.” You practically beg. Cal does exactly as you ask, matching the pace to the timing of his thrusts. You stifle a squeal at the feeling, nodding frantically. “Yes…oh stars, yes.” You groan, leaning back down to kiss him.
Cal finishes first, groaning into your mouth. His sounds start to turn into whimpers as he borders on overstimulation, waiting for you to finish too. He keeps moving his hips despite the exhaustion threatening to drag him away.
“So close, sweet boy.” You sigh. “So good, just a little bit more.” You start to pant out desperate whines as you bury your face in his neck. He twitches inside of you again at your words, loving to be good for you. He listens to your noises and quietly memorizes each one, storing them away in a safe place inside his brain.
Your whines turn into little squeals as you reach the edge. Your cunt squeezes around him and makes his hips buck up harder at the feeling. His breath catches as you start to shake and scream into his neck as you come around him. You’re squeezing him so tightly, and you’re so warm, you just feel so good he can’t help but come inside of you again.
Cal pulls you down, burying himself deep as he paints your walls with his cum. You go mostly limp on top of him, face still buried in his neck as you both try to catch your breath.
“You okay?” You whisper first.
“More than okay.” He whispers back, eyes shut in pure bliss.
“Relaxed?”
“Extremely.” He sighs, arms wrapping around you to hug you tightly. “Thank you.” He pecks your temple and you giggle.
“Anytime.”
“I’m holding you to that.” He says with a smirk, breathing slowing as he starts to fall asleep.
warnings: small spoilers for fallen order, fluff, suggestive comment at the end
masterlist
kashyyyk.
you'd been on this planet before, ages ago to find information about master cordova.
you and cal managed to wipe out an imperial base together during that trip... only for them to come back and relocate.
two different places this time.
you walk beside cal as he talks through the the plan.
“i’ll take the bigger base, y’know, since i’ve got a lightsaber and all.” he teases, despite the protectiveness in the decision.
you stare at the droid on his back, “can i bring bd with me then? please?”
he beeps happily. he always did enjoy going on journeys with you — maybe because you don’t jump around as much as cal…
with a huff, the jedi relinquishes, “okay- but only because i don’t like leaving you on your own.”
you come to a fork in the dirt-ridden path.
he checks bd’s holomap quickly, “you go left, it’s a straight walk that way, few jumps but you got that,” he compliments, smiling at you. “we can just meet back at the mantis — sound good?”
you nod, sticking your arm out for the little droid to run across and sit himself on your shoulder.
cal pulls you into a hug, “come back in one piece, please.” one of his hands rub your back, the other stroking your head.
“i always do, cal.”
with one last squeeze and a kiss on the head, he lets you go, watching as you part ways.
-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈
everything went fine.
you got into the base easy — a small vent that was broken. all you had to do was unscrew one bolt, pull the metal away, and you were in.
getting rid of them was easy too. unlike cal, you always did everything quietly, you didn’t have the hum of a lightsaber to snitch on your location.
it was getting back out where you found trouble.
bd beeped behind you, a curious one.
“there’s a shortcut?” you respond to him, sauntering out the back of the base.
legs latch off your shoulders, dropping and sprinting into a leafy area that borders a very vast drop into an ocean.
“bd!” you scold, running after him.
you look down at the last minute, only to see the floor growing further away and your vision tipping upside down.
there’s a trap on the floor. of course there is.
the droid jumps, all sorts of beeps and apologies spewing from the little noisemaker.
“stay there bud.” you warn, swaying may feet in the air above blue water.
you crane your head up, your foot is tangled in a net or some sort of long rope that had dragged you away from solid floor.
you’re dangling off a tree branch.
your heart is beating out of your chest.
this is scarier than facing darth vader.
maybe an exaggeration…
should you climb up?
no… you’re tired enough, climbing a rooe and then a tree doesn’t sound appealing.
swing yourself back over?
mm-mm. you can’t even fully comprehend where you are looking.
cut the rope?
well, a drop into water isn’t so bad. you’d just have to take a longer trip back home.
“bd,” you call out, your back to him.
he whistles.
“you can get wet, right? like, you won’t electrocute me? or stop working?”
some nervous beeps leave him as he confirms that he can get submerged in water.
“okay… can you come cut this rope, please?”
he waits. mulling things over himself.
then you hear the snap of the rope.
the water shocks you to the core — in a refreshing way somehow — before it grows uncomfortable.
bd comes to the surface, once again finding your shoulder as you swim to the nearest walkable surface.
-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈
you spot the mantis, the warm sun reflecting off it’s metallic paint, blinding you momentarily.
cal sits right at the door, eyes widening when he sees you. he stands, watching as you walk closer.
then he clocks your dripping clothes. hair frizzed as it dries.
“what happened?” his hands hold onto your arms, eyes checking you over.
bd nuzzles into you, muttering quietly. he doesn’t want to be blamed for putting you in danger. poor droid.
no one could get angry at him.
“we went the wrong way and i walked into a trap.”
cal nods, now walking you into the mantis, towards your shared room. “doesn’t explain why you’re soaking.”
“i got suspended over water… bd cut me down.”
he snorts, holding his laugh in. there he was, worried that you’d been ambushed or worse… and you were actually just taking a swim.
you pat his chest, “it’s not funny!” you explain, despite the wide smile on your face.
he shakes his head playfully, “noope. not funny at all.” then he looks to the droid, “buddy, you gotta show me the replay of that later.”
you forgot bd could do that.
“don’t. please.” you beg.
he jumps off your shoulder, head flicking between the two of you.
“do it.” cal urges.
“do not.”
he freezes and lets out a high-pitched whistle before running away.
cal turns to you, hands framing your face. “jokes aside, i’m glad you’re safe.” he presses a soft kiss to the corner of your mouth.
“same here.”
he kisses you again. “should we… uh, go shower?”
“we should.” you emphasise.
he grins before pulling you away and locking the bathroom door.
you spent the rest of the day convincing bd not to show anyone the footage of you dangling from a tree.
it came at the cost of taking him on a long trip where he was allowed to scan anything he wanted to.
Summary: with Cal set on unlocking the secrets of the Vault on Bogano, you do your best to bite back your loneliness and go about your daily routine, but when you get sick, you can't pretend anymore
Word Count: 2.1k
Content/CW -> established relationship, takes place on Bogano (during the 1st game), emotional neglect + loneliness, sickness, fainting, angst -> hurt/comfort
— requested by the lovely @k-tblog <3
froggi yaps -> it's been so long since i wrote abt Cal and it's been a while since i played the games ;-; and lowkey need to finish Jedi: Survivor bcs i got sick abt halfway through and never finished it </3 pls forgive me if this sucks
It’s a warm night on Bogano, the three suns dipping below the horizon and painting the sky in brilliant hues of pink, orange and purple. Grass rustles, bugs chirp, the fire in front of you crackles. It’s a serene night, or it would be if you weren’t entirely alone.
Cal’s absence is a heavy weight on your shoulders, one you’ve bore almost every day since getting to Bogano. He’s gone before the suns rise and doesn’t get back until well into the night, usually waking you up in the process. He usually apologizes sheepishly, nuzzling his face in your neck and telling him about today’s adventure.
You’d be lying if you said the loneliness wasn’t starting to get to you. With Greez and Cere off investigating something else, your days are spent entirely alone. Not even the greenery and blue sky of Bogano is enough to keep the world around you from dulling.
The sky turns dark, stars blooming in the sky and still no sign of the red haired Jedi. Exhaustion, or maybe loneliness, weighs heavily on your shoulders and with no Cal in sight, you find yourself retreating back into the shelter you’ve turned into a home.
Despite the warm night, it’s drafty inside, the cold air making the blankets feel even nicer on your skin. You don’t know how long you toss and turn before an uneasy sleep settles over you.
Cal wakes you up with his return, as usual.
Heavy eyes opening, you squint through the dark to make out his figure. Tall, a head of messy hair hanging low as he tries to sneak in without waking you. His head snaps up when you sit up in bed.
Cal smiles sheepishly, “sorry, did I wake you?”
“You always do.” You rub your eyes, “you’re not exactly quiet.”
Cal settles into bed next to you, pulling the insulated blankets up to his chin. Nearby, BD-1 whirs and clicks as he settles atop a rock next to Cal’s side.
Cal shifts restlessly beneath the sheets, a hand reaching out to grab your waist and pull you closer to him. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles. “You can go back to sleep now.”
You relish in the warmth of his palms, the steady beating of his heart pressed into your back. This is what you’ve yearned for, what you’ve missed all day, and you know that when you close your eyes, it’ll be gone all over again.
“I missed you,” he says quietly, face pressing into your neck. He breathes you in, relaxing into you, “missed this.”
Your heart sinks lower in your chest, the urge to remind him that he misses you by his own doing rising to your throat. You swallow it back, blinking away the tears that are threatening to form.
He presses a kiss to your shoulder. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight,” you echo, hoping he doesn’t hear the tightness in your throat.
You don’t fall asleep, you don’t move, you barely breathe for the few hours until the suns come up. Pinkish light streams through every opening, casting brilliant light across Cal’s face. He’ll be awake soon, running off back into the vault to try and solve a secret forgotten to time.
And you’ll be here, like always.
Selfishly, you drink in the sight of the light on his face, the way it paints the smattering of freckles on his cheeks in warm light. You memorize his features, count his eyelashes, brush the stray red hairs from his face.
There’s a quiet creaking on your other side and suddenly the warm metal of BD-1’s shell is nestling in your free arm. The droid clicks in happiness, cameras whirring as they focus on you.
You flash him a smile, patting the top of his head. “Morning, buddy.”
He tilts his head in response.
“No, I haven’t slept yet.” You drop your voice as quiet as you can, hoping Cal won’t hear, “I missed you guys. A lot.”
He nudges your hand, you rub the top of his shell. You’re so distracted by the droid that you don’t even notice Cal’s eyes have blinked open until he’s sitting up and tugging you into his arms.
“Morning,” he greets you tiredly. “You’re up early.”
You share a long look with BD-1 before finally saying, “yeah, just wanted to see the sunrise.”
Cal kisses you softly, his touch as fleeting as the evening suns. Your stomach twists when he pulls away, when he gets up and starts tugging on his boots and gear. He’s leaving again, he’s going to leave and you’re going to be stuck here without him.
“Cal—”
You stop in your tracks. This isn’t fair. You couldn’t possibly ask him to stay, to abandon his destiny for an extra hour in bed with you.
He tilts his head at you. “Yes?”
“Good luck today.”
Your usual morning routine feels heavier somehow. Not just emotionally, but physically. Like your bones have been filled with rocks, every motion making your muscles ache and heat flare in the back of your neck.
You fill up your canteens with water, air out the shelter, wash yourself and your clothes in one of the lakes. Even the cool water isn’t enough to keep your temperature from spiking.
It hits you when you’re climbing out of the lake, a rag hung over your head to keep the water from dripping on your face. Pain and unbearable heat blurs your vision, has you doubling over into the soft grass. You clutch your stomach, shallow breaths making the pain worse.
Not now, not like this.
Suddenly the ache in your muscles and the fullness in your sinuses make sense. You sit in the grass for a minute until the pain subsides, rising to your feet on shaky legs and dressing yourself in your freshly washed clothes. The walk back to the shelter feels longer than usual.
Your legs scream in protest, every muscle in your body threatening to give out. By some miracle, you make it. You don’t even bother to hang up the extra wet clothes before you collapse into your blankets, letting the sleep that didn’t come fall over you.
You only feel worse the next day, your throat impossibly sore and dry. The heat of the planet only adds to your constant feverish state and your joints nearly creak with every movement.
Still, you force yourself to go about your routine. You get your water, you wash up, you prepare your rations. You explore around the shelter, doing your best to find any evidence that could help Cal. You’re sluggish, though. Slower than usual. Your eyes ache.
Cal doesn’t seem to notice when he comes back. He talks animatedly about what he’s found in the vault, the powers he’s unlocking in himself. You’re happy for him, or you would be if your head stopped spinning.
The next few days are a blur. You don’t get better. Maybe it’s the warm and wet climate, or the fact you’ve run yourself ragged for too long, but something is keeping your immune system from doing its work.
You don’t mention it to Cal. You don’t want to worry him or take him away from his work, and knowing him, he’ll drive himself crazy with worry. You smile a little at the thought.
It’s only when you start to see things, your fever reaching its apex, that you seek him out. It’s a scorching day, the humidity prickling at your skin with every step you take. You’re grateful the Vault sticks out like a sore thumb among the marshy wetlands of Bogano, a steely beacon guiding you towards him.
Every step drives fresh pain through your body, your head hanging low as you use all your strength just to keep yourself up. Halfway there. Your eyelids are heavy, pricked with black spots as you fight your own body to get you where you need to go.
Five more steps and you’ll rest. You’ll take a seat, drink some water and give your body a break. Five more steps. That’s all.
A fresh flush of heat swims through your veins, rushing straight to your head. The world spins, the black spots in your vision expand until you can’t see anymore.
You don’t make it another step.
You wake up to the crackling flames of a fire, orange light burning behind your eyelids. Warmth, different from the all-consuming heat that’s plagued you for days, licks your skin.
You open one eye at a time, letting them adjust. The suns are just starting to set, the sky turning purple and freckled with stars. The heat of the day has faded into a pleasantly cool night.
“You’re awake?”
Cal’s voice makes you flinch, only now realizing he’s sitting on the end of the log opposite to you. His face is pale, mouth twisted in concern.
“I—” Your voice cracks and you only now realize how dry your throat is.
He passes you your canteen, biting back his pressing questions while you down your water. He relishes the noises you make while you drink, saving them in his head as a reminder that you’re okay. You’re here.
“You had me worried sick.” He shakes his head, “when I saw you laying in the grass like that I-I thought that…”
His voice breaks, head tilting back as he tries to keep himself from tearing up again. You frown, watching him with big eyes.
“How are you feeling?”
You rub the back of your neck, feeling the dissipating heat of your skin. “Fine, I—I feel a lot better, actually.”
“We gave you one of BD-1’s stim canisters, it should help a little.”
You nod.
“I—why didn’t you tell me you were feeling sick?” His lips are a tight line, one of his hands tugging on his hair, “I could’ve helped you.”
It’s the way he’s looking at you, the disappointment in his gaze that weighs you down. Here it is, the culmination of weeks of neglect, of exhaustion, of loneliness, wrapped up in a pathetic little package.
“I didn’t want to get in the way.” You risk a look at him, “I don’t want to be a burden.”
He rises to his feet, pacing in circles. He repeats what you just said, shaking his head incredulously. “You? Get in the way?”
“You’ve been working so hard lately I just didn’t—” Hot tears drip down your cheeks, a symbol of your embarrassment. “I don’t want to ruin this for you.”
He’s kneeling in front of you now, taking your cheeks in his hands. He looks at you seriously, green eyes filled with a new kind of intensity.
“How could you ever think that?” Something close to horror dawns on him, “I made you feel this way.”
Your silence speaks volumes.
He swallows hard. “Oh, baby, I-I’m so sorry, I had no idea I just—”
He rests his head below your chin and you can feel the beginnings of tears on your skin. His soft, red hair tickles your jaw. He shakes slightly and instinctively, your arms fall around him.
“I’m sorry,” he cries. “I’m so sorry I made you feel this way.”
“Cal, it’s—”
His head snaps up suddenly, eyes swollen and red and wet. “Don’t say it’s okay, don’t make me feel better about this.”
You trace the length of his jaw, the cut of his cheekbones, the line where his hair meets his head. It’s Cal, your light, your life, your love. Your Cal.
“I love you,” he says. “I love you so much more than you could possibly imagine. More than that Vault, more than this–this quest. I love you.”
“Cal…”
“To the ends of the galaxy and beyond that.”
He cups your face, thumbs rubbing the tears from your cheeks. He kisses them away, lips soft and warm.
“To the ends of the galaxy and beyond that,” you parrot, your voice quiet.
He kisses you now, gentle but intense, fuelled with the passion you’ve been lacking lately, laced with the promise of something new. Something better.
He doesn’t bother to move his lips away from yours when he speaks. “I’ll hang around more,” he swears, bottom lip catching on yours. “Take care of you better.”
There’s a clicking sound and suddenly BD-1 is on his shoulder, bobbing his head like he agrees. You laugh, and to Cal, the sound is enough to part the clouds and bring sunshine again.
“We’ll stick around more,” he says.
And you know that when Cal Kestis makes a promise, he stands by it.
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