character(s): Caleb Xia x f!reader (fluff, crack)
u broke ur arm and ur best friend caleb becomes ur personal caretaker
inspired by this request (but we all know im unable to write a fic where they don’t bully each other<333)
soundtrack: She Keeps Me Up - Nickelback
It started with a 'Watch this, loser!'
It followed with Caleb rushing you out of the club straight to the ER.
As you exited the hospital’s lobby, Caleb tapped the cast - it covered your arm from the elbow down with only your manicured fingers poking out. “Was it really worth it?”
You knocked on the cast as if your arm didn't go through hell only moments prior. “It’s me, what do you expect?”
“Exactly!” You grinned at him and started skipping to the car.
Caleb was a hair’s length away from signing you up for adoption. Clubbing with you was always fun. You were a passionate drunk yet not the type that runs away - a dream. You always got pretty clingy so he had no trouble protecting you from grabby hands or sleazy drunk men. You let go, relaxed, and he loved it when your face got all flushed and sweaty from the dancing. But we all had our limits… and yours was marked by the 8th shot of silver tequila.
Anything beyond that always became a stinging experience, especially for Caleb - mainly because you were a firm believer that you were invincible and everything was possible when you were drunk.
Riding a sheep like a horse? You fell. Broke your wrist. Got bitten to top it off. That was well deserved in Caleb’s opinion.
Another time you missed a cigarette by a mile and lit the sleeve of your (a.n. borrowed it from Caleb’s closet) jacket on fire - you tried to ‘shake it out like a man’ and now you had a bracelet of a scar circling your wrist.
His worst nightmare happened when he took you to Paris. You challenged a local to a sword fight with baguettes but turns out the man had a real knife and you throwing up on him saved both yours and Caleb’s ass.
“Promise me one thing, Pips…” he leaned off of you after clicking your seatbelt in place. “You will never challenge a gym girl again… Not unless you start going with me.”
You frowned at him. “Okay but-”
“No. No ‘okay but’,” he covered your mouth with his hand and pointed at your broken one. “That woman looked like she deadlifts men like me as a warm up. You don’t call people like that weak and arm wrestle them.”
“I didn’t call her weak!” You swatted him away. “I asked. ‘Are you too weak to take me on?!”
Caleb slumped against his seat and ran a palm down his face. Neither of you has slept for more than a day and he was really starting to feel it.
“And what do you even know about my gym life,” you scoffed, propping your feet on the dashboard as Caleb pulled out of the parking lot.
He got on the highway and searched up the closest gas station on the way home. “What I know is that you’ve never done gym in your life.”
“Don’t even try, Pip-squeak. You were literally born via C-section.”
You opened your mouth again. Closed it, not having mustered any kind of comeback to the stinging truth. Your eyes flicked to the GPS map and noticed a big yellow ‘M’ next to the gas station mark.
Your head whipped to Caleb, mouth watering at the thought of-
“I’m not taking you to McDonalds,” he deadpanned, not taking his eyes off the road.
You fell into his lap as if he stabbed you.
“Cause last time you dislocated your jaw trying to stuff a BigMac into your mouth…. And that crappy food is unhealthy.” He petted your head despite the treacherous words and kept his other one on the wheel. You kept crying into his thigh and at some point he could swear you even rubbed your runny nose against the fabric.
He sighed as the car stopped by the gas pump. “Pips, get off.”
You groaned into his leg.
“I’ll make you carbonara if you let me go.”
You immediately straightened in your seat. Wiped mascara out of your eyes and fixed your hair before flashing him a magazine-worthy smile.
Caleb just shook his head and rounded the car to your side to insert the pump.
You lowered the window and leaned out to look at him while he worked. “You know-”
He flicked his eyes towards the sky and took a deep breath. 4 seconds inhale. 4 seconds hold. 4 seconds exhale. 4 seconds hold. “Yes, honey?”
Your boobs were basically falling out of the car as you tilted to him even more. “You know, when I was little I wanted to drink gasoline.”
“Sometimes you make me wonder why women live longer than men.”
“And I wanted to take a lighter and,” you flicked an imaginary lighter in your mouth, “see if I could burn from the inside.”
Caleb closed the gas compartment and walked over to you. He propped each of his arms on the corners of the window and leaned down to you. His nose bumped yours. He gave the blush on your cheeks time to appear before he spoke.
“Or…” his lips brushed your ear. “You could just fart and blow up from the inside.”
You were still laughing by the time he came back after paying for the gas. Apart from the receipts, he threw a Mars bar at you. You caught it with your good hand and stared at him while he started up the car.
“This is…healthy in your cookbook?” You inspected the packaging of your favourite snack. Maybe he hid a carrot in there...
“Well…” he started, “Chocolate is from beans that grow on trees and the trees are green sooo…”
Something in his peripheral vision moved and your lips suddenly pressed against his cheek.
He looked back at you but you were already devouring the bar.
“So yeah… you’re basically eating a salad.”
Despite the sun still being up high, you and Caleb stumbled through the apartment’s door. You were already dozing off while he took off your shoes and jacket and had to carry you on his back to the bathroom.
He sat you down on the counter and you groaned when his warm hands were replaced by the icy surface. He leaned to the sink and thoroughly washed his hands, before he began to splash cold water at his face and rub his eyebags.
“No. No. No. No. Noooo~” you reached for his hands and tugged them away from his face. “Let’s just take a nap, Caleb,” you whined. “You don’t have to stay awake. Let’s go lay down, m’kay?”
You jumped down from the sink and wrapped your arms around his waist, leaning on him with almost all your weight. You nuzzled against his sternum but Caleb locked you in his arms, placed the soles of your feet atop his, and penguin-walked with you to the shower corner instead.
He helped you climb out of your hoodie and pants so you didn’t have to strain the broken arm. In between your mini naps he lost his clothes as well and was now standing in front of you butt-ass naked, wrapping your cast in a plastic bag.
You let out a low whistle and rested your eyes on his groin as he tied a scrunchie to secure the bag. “You spicy little chicken nugget~”
Caleb groaned and pivoted you by the shoulders so you were staring at the wall instead. “You’re half-awake. I’m scared you slip and die if I leave you here alone. What can I do…”
You snickered but immediately yelped when a freezing stream of water hit your back. It was Caleb’s turn to laugh while you playfully hit his chest and stomach seeking revenge.
The water heated again and you couldn’t help but relax against your best friend’s torso. Arms wrapped around his waist, you dropped your head back to look up at him.
“Could you wash my hair for me then?”
Without a word Caleb raised the shower head and the warm stream damped your hair. He held a hand above your eyes to protect them when he aimed it closer to your forehead. Your good arm held onto his waist for balance and you let your eyelids fall as he threaded his fingers through the wet strands.
Soft pads traced your eyebrows and you let out a satisfied hum. Caleb’s featherlight touch trailed over the rest of your features - the smudged mascara under your eyes, the smile lines that became more prominent after nights out, the uneven ridges of your skin no longer covered with that stupid concealer…
He washed your face for you and even cleaned the underside of your nails. When he was done, you got wrapped in a fuzzy towel like a burrito and carried out of the shower as if you were a doll he could pamper. And he did. Caleb adored the moments when he could provide acts of service that you wouldn’t let anybody else do: stick pimple patches on your chin and forehead, brush your teeth and pester you whether you floss often enough, blow-dry your hair and put repair oils in it as you sing to him.
And you did your best to repay him, even one-handed. Not that Caleb let you treat him as much - he was YOUR caretaker after all... You just pulled the hood of his bathrobe lower over his eyes so he wouldn't get cold, put vitamin C serum on the little razor burns that littered his freshly shaven jaw, brushed his thick eyebrows into place with a brow spoolie… you tapped a pinkie against his lips to spread Vaseline over them.
When you were all dried up he took your pjs off the radiator and helped you slip into the warm cotton. He placed two pairs of fuzzy socks in their place and let them heat up as he massaged foot cream into your tired soles. When you rested your forehead against his shoulder and your breathing evened out, he slipped the thick socks onto your feet and then carried you to the couch.
You didn’t stay tucked in for long before you left the cushions and were pinching and poking him again. Caleb tried to shoo you away but you insisted on helping despite your current handicap - you mostly just stole pieces of pancetta from his pan and got a few new burns. So, you got a task of cracking the eggs into a bowl for him.
Simple. One hand. One bowl. No flame. Hm. The fourth egg looked at you funny. You looked back at it. Well, why not...
Caleb froze mid-stir. He turned. Slowly. His eye twitched as he processed the gooey mess and egg shells all over the floor and dripping down the cabinets.
You grinned, eyes twinkling at the sight of the egg you just smashed. “Free will is so fucking awesome.”
Your laugh got cut short by gravity sucker-punching you into a chair. It screeched under the sudden weight.
You wriggled. Your arms nor legs moved. Your ass became one with the seat despite shaking with more force.
KKKKCHHHHHKKKTTT (the unmistakable sound of duct tape unrolling)
“Don’t you fucking dare-”
You stood no chance. Your whole torso got mummified in silver tape. Ankles bound to the legs of the chair. Arms trapped against your sides with only the cast poking out.
“This is abuse!” you shrieked.
“From you?” he scoffed and admired his work. “Yeah, I know.”
He taped your forehead to the back of the chair too. Just to be safe.
Caleb never saw you look more horrified.
There it was. A single steaming plate of carbonara. A perfect swirl guided by the gods, black pepper adorning the peak like abstract art. Fragrant and glossy. Golden. You’d literally fuck the plate in front of Caleb if you could.
Caleb picked up the fork and swirled it as if he was seducing Gordon Ramsay. He lifted the perfect bite toward his mouth and chewed like there was no tomorrow.
“What the fuck is wrong with you,” you whispered.
He took another bite and his eyes fluttered like he just ascended.
A tear dropped from the corner of your eye, smacked the edge of the plate and bled into a strand of pasta.
Caleb swirled another bite, this time holding it toward you.
“You wanted carbonara. Now say ahhh.”
“Yeah,” you sniffled. “Not to be violated…”
“It's for your own safety. Open up.” He pressed the bite to your lips.
“We can do this all night,” he added.
“Oh, you’d enjoy that, wouldn’t you?”
The aroma broke your resolve. Accepting the defeat, you opened your mouth. A reluctant little gap.
Victory bloomed across Caleb’s face and he pulled the fork back from you.
“Wha-” You trashed against your chains.
And then… He did it... He made the damn plane noise and maneuvered the fork like an aircraft.
“Brrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmm… Incoming cargo, captain Pip-squak!”
Your jaw dropped in horror.
“Oh my god.” You were frozen in place as the fork swooped left. Then right. Then circled your head.
“Three seconds to mouth dockkkk! Hold steady, soldier.”
You bit the fork so hard your teeth hurt. Carbonara filled your mouth and the sound that left your mouth was so guttural that even Caleb startled for a second. Warm. Creamy. Pure bliss.
Caleb smiled, already prepping the next bite for you.
“I hope you piss into a nest of hornets on our next hike,” you grumbled with full mouth.
The next plane took off. And you? You opened wide as more tears of shame rolled down your cheeks.
this fic is a part of my best friend flatmate caleb series so check out the rest under this tagggg<333 #get in loser we're repressing feelings - ft. bestie caleb yayyyy <333
(if u enjoy the dynamic of these two or if u want more lore on their life away from the pains of the lads universe <333333)
a.n. hi my dearest loves!!! i apologize it took me so long to provide a caleb fic for uuuuu!!! i have a lot of stuff going on topped off with moving out of my current apartment so i was hardly on tumblr…
however, i read every single one of ur messages and comments and it means the ultimate universe to me and every single encouragement is so so SO precious to me<3333 u are all so sweet and i adore writing for u guys and I can’t wait to get more into it over the summer break… *kiss kiss kisssss
i’m a firm believer that actions speak louder than words tho... so i’ll try to be more active!!! thank u so much for hanging out with me on this app and supporting my writing arghhhhhh!!!!!
tag list for my dearest of the dearestttttttt (if u wanna join the club or if i forgot by a chance... pls just drop a comment, a message, anything babes<333): @cordidy, @midiplier, @mariojins, @raendarkfaerie, @shinreiplays, @dummiebunny
