#xavier crack

[xinghuisknight]

૮ ․ ․ ྀིა｡ 沈星回 : off my table!

synopsis.⠀after a horrid meeting at work, you find xavier asleep at your desk. he's... unusually clingy. tags.⠀sfw, fluff, crack kinda, pre-relationship xavmc, gn!reader, reader's already a little annoyed for comedic effect, idrk i wrote this on a whim :C. short & not proofread!

“That’s correct, miss. This month’s attacks have been greatly reduced thanks to our—”

One more word from this meeting and your head will explode. No, in fact, implode. That would be less of a mess to clean up. It’s a shame you’re all by yourself there. Apparently, they specifically needed you, showing you off as a trophy for all you’ve managed to accomplish recently. There was no way out.

You wanted Tara to be there, at the very least. Nudging your shoulder every now and then, cracking some random joke-remark while the higher ups would be discussing over serious stuff… anything but this. Her presence would help with lighting up the mood instead of having to deal with the fact that two of your supervisors are standing there, admiring you as if you’re a statue made out of authentic gold.

Thankfully for you, it ends quickly, which makes you walk back towards your desk, exiting the meeting room. It feels like your head is made out of nothing but putty, melting down on your body as you sluggishly try to find your way back. Not only this, but paperwork’s happily anticipating you back there. Another headache perfectly awaiting your arrival. Wonderful.

Slowly pulling yourself together, you open the door leading to your office. That’s where you see a white-haired man, in his hunter uniform, in your chair, his head on your desk, in… what?

“Xavier?” Your voice reaches his ears, his fingers coiling ever so slightly around the edges of your desk. His closed eyes twitch a little, before groggily opening themselves up, still squinting, to take a good look at you and at his surroundings. He seemed as if he didn’t understand why he was even there.

“Mmh?” He lets out a soft murmur, slooowly raising his head from the desk. This way, you can get a better look at your work partner and neighbor who just so happened to fall asleep right where you should be sitting at. You perk your eyebrows up in response to his mumbling, asking for answers.

Xavier doesn’t speak, however. That prompts you to break the silence once more.

“Are you… alright? What’re you doing here?”

It’s not long before his eyes fully open to look directly into yours. “Just hanging out.”

Hanging out?! Is he being serious right now…?

“At… at my desk?” Rhetorical tone drips out of your throat.

“Yes.” He answers casually, as if this is a normal, day-to-day occurance. Still a little perplexed by the situation, you approach him and signal towards the stack of papers on your desk. You motion towards them, indirectly letting him know that you still have work to do. And that he’s in the way.

While he does pick up what you’ve been gesturing, Xavier doesn’t exactly let go of interrogating you as if you were the one who he caught red-handed. “Is your meeting over?”

“Uh, yes…” You furrow your eyebrows a little, responding to his question. Obviously it would have ended, you’re standing right in front of him. “Why? Did you want to talk to me about something? Are you alright?”

It’s the second time you’ve asked this. You do know Xavier to be a bit of an oddball, but this seemed a little out of your area of expertise. Luckily for you, he finally stands up—a little silly due to you intrerrupting his very nice nap in your ‘abode’—and eyes you up and down, like a confused puppy. You’re still completely lost.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I was just… waiting for you.”

And the reasoning you did not know of. Still, your brain feels way too heavy to carry on your shoulders to actually try to understand this man. You just got out of an awkward situation, just to enter in yet another one. Sighing, a little heavier than you would have liked, you sat back down on your chair, your hands sluggishly grasping the paperwork to slide it in front of your face.

Xavier is still there.

You wait a little longer, too occupied to mind him, engrossed and utterly engulfed in that ugly stack of sheets, carefully sorting everything and going over the same lines written there—

Xavier is still there.

—to make sure that you’re absolutely doing everything well for the Association. After all, as you’ve noticed today, you were the grand trophy of your workplace, no? You just had to continue to—

Xavier is still there.

…Well.

“Why are you still here.” The way you phrased it didn’t even sound like it’s meant to be a question. You painfully tore your eyes away from that blinding white, meeting his calm blue eyes. As if that didn’t infuriate you further.

“Sorry. Should I go?”

The way he phrased it didn’t sound like a genuine question, either. Just a little more pathetic, so to speak.

“Ah— I mean, uh, I don’t mind.” You reply, almost instantly. The way his eyes were practically begging you to let him hang around you for a while longer made your heart melt. You can’t just whisk him away, especially when he’s been acting so… odd.

Gathering your thoughts together (amongst the stack of paper which has now been reduced in height a little), you gesture towards Xavier that he can come a little closer if he wishes to. Maybe, if he’s a little closer to you, you’d be able to press him further as to why he’s so insistent on staying.

It’s fun, if you’re honest.

Taking this opportunity, you let him lean a little closer. You poke his cheek, grabbing his attention. Pulling the exact move as he usually does: engage, then fall silent before the other. Your question remains unspoken in your eyes, which seem to stare him up as if your gaze could easily pierce right through him. That same odd feeling lingering in the air between you two.

“I’m… I’m sorry.”

There he goes! He’s finally talking to you, as awkward as your situation still might be, he’s at least saying something.

“For what?” You press on, even though you already know what he’s sorry for. You just want to squeeze out answers out of him, that’s all.

“For invading your desk. I only wanted to find you, but then sleep washed over me, and… your desk was the nearest station.”

His knee accidentally touches yours, making you jump a little. It wakes you from whatever daze you were in, letting out an exasperated breath.

“You have such a way with words.”

a/n.⠀haven't posted in like... a month... hdhfdh i'm sorry. this is a little sloppy because i kind of lost interest in lads recently given everything,, </3 instead i've been super into indie visual novels! who cares!!!!!!!! oh oh also, check out xavier's birthday bang where i'll be featured in as well ^^ keep an eye out! until then, i might go on a short hiatus on here ;;

taglist.⠀feel free to ask to be (un)tagged in future works~⠀@hirayalia @naomiarai @thinkingofzayne @lariivcx @wetforsylus @snowypi @gravitationalbluberry @valkyrhii <3

thank you aditi for the idea :')

[aethercoreheart]

mc getting harrassed by a random man on the street and her gearing up to kick his ass when xavier steps in between them and the man taunts him like "oooh tough guy, what are you going to do huh? save the damsel in distress?" and xavier just goes "i'm just here to make sure she doesn't actually kill you because that's going to be a lot of paperwork for me."

[starmocha]

Saw this prompt on twitter, and it's calling to me. AI will never be as funny as I am 😤 Enjoy some of my favorites below <3

but grandma i love him! (and him and him and him and him) Sylus/Reader, Xavier/Reader, Rafayel/Reader, Caleb/Reader, Zayne/Reader

Caller ID Sylus/Reader

Crow in the Bedroom Sylus/Reader

would you still love me if i was a worm? (and other thought-provoking questions) Sylus/Reader

pain is all you'll find Sylus/Reader

The Little Colonel Caleb/MC

LADS men + 100% unserious HCs

Open Secret Zayne/Caleb

[sylusslittlekitten]

LADS THIRST TWEETS - XAVIER EDITION ✨🛸

Hosted by ©Sylusslittlekitten - All rights reserved

Crack Post Masterlist here

Thirst Tweet Masterlist here

Presented by Luke & Kieran

Luke: Welcome back to Thirst Tweets, where logic gets abandoned and dignity takes a vacation.

Kieran: [listing] Transportation: darkest fantasies. Destination: public humiliation. Entertainment: your horny tweets.

Luke: Result? We end up needing another vacation just to recover from reading these. (But seriously, these are made up)

Kieran: [flat] In today’s episode of ‘You People Need Help But Settled for LADS Instead’…

Luke: Our victim runs faster than your emotional damage…

Kieran: A gentle prince. A soft chaos. A culinary menace. But also…

Luke: A possessive alien who’s mad because you folks thirsted after his own alter ego.

Kieran: [using a baguette as a mic] …who definitely doesn’t have beef with a baguette.

Both: Xavier

Xavier: [quietly clutching a croissant] I’m not jealous of Lumière.

Luke: Xav, you are Lumière.

Xavier: [sulks] And they said he was cooler.

💬 Tweet 1

“he calls you “my light” and then fucks like he wants to black out the sky”

Xavier: I… was being romantic.

Luke: You were being catastrophic.

Kieran: Astronomical, galactic dick. An eclipse with aftercare.

💬 Tweet 2

“don’t let the soft voice fool you. that mouth is not innocent. that mouth ruins lives and the ability to walk.”

Xavier: [trying to cover himself] …I kissed them gently. I was trying to make them feel good.

Kieran: They waddled out like Bambi, Xav, LIKE FUCKING BAMBI!

💬 Tweet 3

“you ever think about xavier pulling your hair, whispering ‘I need you so bad it hurts’ as he slides in slow? because I do. hourly.”

Xavier: [visibly flushed] Hourly? *smirks*

Kieran: That’s adorable. The “aww-he’s-so-sweet” turned into “why-are-my-legs-shaking?” tweet.

Luke: You’d whisper it like it’s life support.

Xavier: [deadpan] It is life support.

Both: [whispering] … the fuck kind life support is that?

💬 Tweet 4

“he said ‘no meat, no happiness’, and then spread those legs like a charcuterie board.”

Xavier: That was about hot pot!

Kieran: [shakes head] Nah… that was about…

Xavier: Barbecue!

Luke: Salami to ham or beef sandwich contact.

Kieran: [clapping] A fucking spam purse!

Xavier: *gets up to leave*

💬 Tweet 5

“do you think… his dick glows in the dark? like ambient lighting? or like a lighthouse?”

Xavier: Lumière does not glow. *stammers* I do not … I don’t…

Luke: [brows furrowed] You’re jealous of your own nut aura?

Kieran: [taps Luke] Nah Luke, I bet it’s got its own boot-up sequence. Like a spaceship charging up.

Xavier: …It doesn’t.

Sylus: [leaning against the door frame] If it glows, it had better vibrate too… otherwise… I’m unimpressed.

Xavier: [visibly glitching] …Don’t encourage them.

Luke: [has a EUREKA moment] OMG, you call your dick Lumière? This is fucking gold! *falls off chair wheezing*

💬 Tweet 6

“he pouts when you talk to other guys - but jeremiah watching him fuck you on the florist counter is fine.”

Xavier: [avoids eye contact] Jeremiah wasn’t watching, he was…

Kieran: Re-potting a peace lily while you rearranged someone’s guts.

Luke: The poor guy didn’t clock in for flowerbed fuckery.

💬 Tweet 7

“‘in my dream, you turned into a little bunny…’ sir. that wasn’t a dream. that was a breeding kink with plot.”

Xavier: THAT WAS AN INNOCENT DREAM.

Kieran: No… it fucking wasn’t. *dying with laughter*

Luke: [laughs] Bro… you said “little bunny” while focused on “chasing that tail”.

💬 Tweet 8

“xavier smiles like a soft boy and fucks like you need to brace for impact.”

Xavier: [deadpan] …I do warn people.

Kieran: Saying “are you ready?” while undressing isn’t a warning.

Luke: That’s a countdown to turning them into cosmic dust.

💬 Tweet 9

“he’d finish inside you, call you ‘my star,’ and then curl up in your lap like he didn’t just teleport you through several rounds, and break the bed frame.”

Xavier: [shrugs and smirks] And? …I like cuddles after.

Luke: You cuddled on debris.

Xavier: I helped fix the bed!

Kieran: [pinches nose] Sir, you literally teleported to IKEA and blipped back like post-nut Tinkerbell.

Luke: Left a glow trail on the sheets. NASA’s tracking it.

💬 Tweet 10

“he looks like he finishes and immediately says, ‘are you ok?’ sir. i can’t feel my legs. don’t you dare apologise.”

Xavier: I have to check!

Luke: No one can hear you over the sound of collapsed pelvic floors, Xav.

Kieran: [flatly] Just hand them water and offer them a bath. Be normal.

Luke: That’s a wrap on Xavier’s Thirst Tweets: Bread & Blowjobs Edition

Kieran: Reputation? Unrecoverable.

Luke: Dick? Allegedly glowing.

Xavier: [points at card] I still don’t understand what ‘glow stick’ means in this context.

Luke: [shaking his head] Sweet summer alien. Never change.

Xavier: [quietly staring at the cards] …You’re all very imaginative.

Luke: That’s one word for it. Another is unwell.

Kieran: [deadpan while biting into a croissant] The third is horny.

Luke: Jeremiah’s still scrubbing the counters, by the way.

Xavier: [avoiding eye contact] I just wanted to be sweet…

Kieran: [said with his mouth full] Xav, you are sweet. Like that croissant. *gestures with his own croissant*

Xavier: [silently holding a croissant] I wasn’t mad...

Kieran: You drop-kicked the baker.

Luke: You launched a focaccia into space.

Xavier: [sighs] … I need to return to the ship.

Luke: Hydration pod? Nap? Time to jerk off?

Xavier: [sus eyes] No…

Kieran: Bro, stop being mad at bread.

Rafayel from the other room: [cheerfully] Who wants more croissants?

Xavier: *immediately vanishes*

Luke: AAAANNNNNNDDDD…. he teleported.

Kieran: …No. He just moved that fast.

Luke: Anyway, let’s wrap this up.

Kieran: Send help, folks. Or lube. Or both.

Luke: And for all our sakes, stop thirsting over Lumière. It’s clearly a safety risk.

Kieran: [excitedly] Sooooo… next time…

Voice from another room: Don’t bring me into this.

Kieran: Awwww… come on. Please?

Voice from another room: OK, I won’t argue. But when you can’t look me in the eye after reading them? *pauses* That’s on you.

Kieran: [blinking]… Did he just…

Luke: That was consent and a verbal warning. In one breath.

Kieran: [grinning from ear to ear] Stay thirsty, friends. But not glowing dick thirsty.

Luke: Unless you want to see stars.

Hosted by ©Sylusslittlekitten - All rights reserved

Crack Post Masterlist here

Thirst Tweet Masterlist here

[jennifer-jeong]

Reader plays LDS game and little does she know that the boys can feel her emotions whenever she plays it or whenever she gets the card or memories of her fav boy for example-Zayne and the other two gets jealous idk and how they wish to be real and be with her.......

HELLO I'M SORRY THIS TOOK ME A HOT SECOND I was stressing and thinking about how to approach this but I think I got it now >:) (also school and life is kicking my ass but we don't talk about that)

Fluff | LADS x GN!Reader "Virtual" Boyfriend

Rafayel sneak peak LMAOOO^

CONTENT Fluff, slight angst, gender neutral reader, Rafayel crack, mentions of the boys trauma, CHARACTERS ARE 18+

What I’m thinking is that the boys are conscious within the world of your phone. They can feel you and hear you but they can’t quite see you. You’re almost invisible in a way but they can feel your energy when you’re present. They feel it when you poke them in destiny cafe or touch them in the kindled memories. They hear your voice when you speak in game. They’ve lived the lives outlined for them in their lore and you’re who they’ve been searching for. They’re restricted in what they can say to you when you interact, it's some weird force they don’t understand. They know when you’re online but the same weird force prevents them from finding you, you have to go to them. (Zayne lives both lives of doctor and dawnbreaker, which he is happy about. He would’ve passed away if he had to be the one of two Zaynes to be dawnbreaker)

XAVIER hates that whoever made this world made him suffer for like a century only to have him find you and you aren’t even actually there. But he still loves feeling you there everyday, even if he's not the one that got chosen to sit in destiny cafe. Whenever you listen to his audios or interact with him through cards, destiny cafe, or playtime, his hands are shaky. It’s the only thing that he actually gets to express to you of his own free will. They shake because he’s so nervous but excited to finally be with you. He’s a patient man, he’s willing to wait for you everyday, he just wishes he could be where you actually are ): . He’s a smart man with an excess of free time, he’ll figure out how to get to you, someday.

ZAYNE has spent his whole life in this world in love with you. But now that he’s got you, and he can’t even see you, he’s started to accept that you’re just always going to be out of his reach. He loves when you do visit though, it makes him feel so warm. When you interact with him, he wants so badly to just be able to freely speak to you and tell you how much he loves you. His character is pretty cold because that is his personality, but when he sees you, he desperately wants to stop being distant with you, he wants to tell you all the soft and warm things he has to say. He wants to be where you actually are, he’s sick of basically just being Dawnbreaker Zayne where he just dreams of you and never gets to see you. He’s solved so many mysteries in the medical and wanderer hunting world though, he’s probably genius enough to figure this one out too.

RAFAYEL has been looking for you this whole time and is so frustrated that he found you and can’t even freely speak to you. Rafayel often ends up in glitches in the game because he desperately wants to break out of his confines and just talk to you. Every time you interact, he’s trying to find some way to tell you he loves you and that he’ll always be here no matter what. He gets pretty jealous when he doesn’t get to sit in destiny cafe with you, he doesn’t know who exactly sits in his place but he wants to be the only one you have eyes for, the only one that you touch, even if it’s not quite “touching.” He’s already lost everything he has except for you. He’s willing to do anything to get to you, he just hasn’t figured out how to do it, yet.

Rafayel glitch collection:

+ THIS video LMAOO

Personal follow up hc that they can interact with you when you daydream of them!!! It’s the only way they can reach you and feel you properly. Pretend they eventually figure this out and you live happily ever after !!! (cope)

Photo credits from twitter! https://x.com/nonbiriotome/status/1754530273033683337?s=46&t=Y5PdanktIFDztaAr8_sv4g https://x.com/miyabi_lad/status/1754318127339639244?s=46&t=Y5PdanktIFDztaAr8_sv4g https://x.com/zaynerei/status/1760258500746445149?s=46&t=Y5PdanktIFDztaAr8_sv4g https://x.com/xaviersdaily/status/1759516449758908615?s=46&t=Y5PdanktIFDztaAr8_sv4g https://x.com/yubeljin/status/1752770210124210303?s=46&t=Y5PdanktIFDztaAr8_sv4g https://x.com/nonbiriotome/status/1759228703186227235?s=46&t=Y5PdanktIFDztaAr8_sv4g

|| MASTERLIST <3 || Thank you for the ask and for reading! ||

[aethercoreheart]

you and xavier having a massive argument and it ends up with him storming off and you seething... so in the midst of your annoyance, you purchase a lumiere body pillow online (you want to yell at it and squeeze it instead of taking it out on xavier). you and xavier make up on the same day and you forget about it entirely. it's placed on backorder and the delivery keeps getting delayed, but all the updates for it get sent to your spam inbox, so you never see them.

weeks later, you're cooking for xavier at your place. your doorbell rings, and you hear through the intercom someone yell "delivery!" you ask xavier to answer the door, and he does. he lugs in a sizeable box, just a little bit shorter than him. "what's this?" he asks you. you shrug. "i dont know. why don't you open it?"

he takes a pair of scissors and opens the box. it's something big that has been vacuum sealed. curious, you walk out of the kitchen and into the living room and watch as he tears the wrapping up. the thing starts to inflate itself a little and unfolds - it's the damn life-sized lumiere body pillow. lumiere is pictured on it, in his uniform and mask, lying on a bed, smirking at you. your heart drops. you start to stammer out an excuse.

"xavier, i can explain–"

"you sicko. you pervert."

"xavier, please–"

"a body pillow? seriously?"

he picks up folded piece of cloth that was also in the box. it unfolds – it's an alternative pillowcase, where lumiere is just in his underwear and mask. you gape at it, while xavier shakes his head at you.

"oh you're SICK sick."

[aethercoreheart]

the concept of the lads men hosting a car wash on a sunny day... sylus is shirtless wearing sunglasses, holding up the sign and spinning it around: "CAR WASH $10 ONLY". xavier and caleb are also shirtless, all sudsy and wet, covered in bubbles scrubbing cars down. rafayel in a sleeveless shirt, holding the hose, making sure xavier and caleb stay soaked. zayne taking payments from customers wearing a white shirt... rafayel, being the cheeky bastard that he is, sprays him and so the shirt clings to his body and you can see the outlines of his muscles... customers end up tipping them double when this happens

[aethercoreheart]

(incorrect lads quotes)

zayne: hey, guys, you know what i've never seen?

caleb: sylus's balls.

zayne: ... well, no, actually, last week he asked me to check–

sylus: hey man, what the fuck happened to doctor-patient confidentiality???

zayne: i'm not your doctor. you asked me to check as your friend.

rafayel: so... you've seen sylus's balls... as a friend?

xavier: wow what friendship level do we have to reach to unlock this privilege?

caleb: did you show him yours in return?