#calysta thoughts

[calystathebear]

How do you feel about the Entrati family?

Assuming you mean what's left of them on Deimos? My feelings are mixed. I feel for them, I do, however they're very... Orokin, and it shows.

I have a particular fondness for Kaelli, seeing her growing attachment to Kahl and the Garrison tells me she has potential for growth as a person. Though, I have a hard time believing all of her prejudice just evaporated. It's never that clean or simple. I don't dislike Grandmother, or Dagath, either. Her care for her family, the Vent Kids, and disdain for Anyo go a long way. It makes her more distinctly... Human, than Orokin. Her family can stand to learn from her, particularly Gomaitru even if through marriage, who I have nothing but disdain for. Kermerros is dangerous. While his curiosity and care for the wildlife of Deimos is admirable, he is still impulsive. He is the kind of scientist that would open Pandora's Box to see what happens. Vilcor... I feel bad for him, pure and simple. He deserved, and deserves better. I'm happy he at least seems amicable with his children now, but his wife? Gomaitru is everything wrong with the Orokin in one woman. I've spoken enough about Gomaitru. The hag could drop dead for all I care.

And, then we move on to Albrecht. It's hard for me to draw a solid conclusion, as I only know so much about him. There is a very mixed bag from everything I've unearthed so far. Though, he reminds me of Icarus. Just instead of the sun... We have that asshole in the walls.

[calystathebear]

How do you feel regarding Erra?

I pity him. But, I do have hope for him. I don't envy or wish his fate on anyone, and hope that some day he can totally break free and assume control once again. I want him to have a chance to atone for everything he has done, his sacrifice and brief moments of control show there is an earnest desire there. Though, he does carry the baggage of being a sentient warlord with more blood on his hands than perhaps even the Orokin. But, well, I don't think anyone is beyond redemption... Or, maybe reform is a better word? I don't forgive him. He can't wash all of the blood on his hands away, but that doesn't mean he doesn't deserve a chance to begin again. Erra, and Natah, give me hope that the sentients can change course. The Orokin are no longer an empire, and the Tenno are no longer just tools of war. I hope they all come to the realization that they can put down their swords, the Orokin are but dust and echoes. All of us, every last one of us, are victims of the Orokin and their hubris in the end.

We should use that to bring ourselves together.

[calystathebear]

On the topic of Ordis, how did you feel when you learned that before he was a Cephalon, he was The Beast Of Bones?

Alright back after unfucking my dashboard.

Honestly? I felt bad for Ordis, and began to dislike him significantly less. Though, I do wish he hadn't given up himself to protect us. If I had my way, I would restore him myself, he doesn't deserve his fate. The Orokin are monsters, and they deserve the fate they received. While not all of them were so comically evil, I do think it's for the best that they've disappeared from the Milky Way. I can't judge Ordis for being a killer. Honestly, I don't think any Tenno can. While circumstances may be different, we have a proverbial; and possibly literal; ocean of blood at our feet. We're all killers in some regard. Even if it's just to protect ourselves.

[calystathebear]

How did it feel to finally have Ballas dead for good?

Bittersweet. Don't get me wrong, his death brings me no shortage of catharsis. But, all of the damage done. All of the destruction he caused. The Narmer are still present, the scars he left across the Sol System and the people within may never heal. Ballas was a monster, and he deserved his end without question. But, between you and me? I'm not convinced he's gone for good. We've all seen some shit, if there is anything we should learn from all of this business with Ballas; the sentients; and our more recent business with The Man in the Wall? It's that nothing is impossible, and things have a tendency not to be what they seem.

[calystathebear]

If he keeps rapping and tapping, well, eventually we're gonna have to open that door. And, when it's open, I'm gonna knock right back.

[calystathebear]

The Weight We Bear

All of us carry some kind of weight, some more than others. The weight of our choices, the weight of our words, or even weight brought on by other people. There's some who choose to carry weight for others, who want to bear burdens so others don't have to, and some even succeed in that. But, the reality is, most people can't keep that up for long. I don't even think we're built to carry that weight in the first place, I think we're supposed to share it. I think Fortuna has it right, at least somewhat in that regard. Lifting together, the way it should be. But, what happens when we wind up divided? Or, when tragedy or uncertainty strikes and you're left to carry the weight on your own? Reality is, when tragedy or uncertainty strikes, you're gonna carry some weight if you make it through. And, it most likely won't be only your own. You're going to bear the weight of everyone lost, everything lost, the weight of decisions made, the sacrifices you or others had to make to get out alive... To get as many others out alive as you could. Remember Rell? You were always taught that a clear head prevails, or you at least had it pounded in to your skull over and over again. But, the thing they never tell you? Your head won't be clear in the heat of the moment. You can lie, and you can act like it, but come on: we've all been there before. You can focus on a goal, narrow down a path to that goal, and pursue it. But, don't act like your head is really clear. The panic is there, the uncertainty, the little feeling scratching at the back of your head... The feeling of, you might actually not make it this time. You might not be able to save the day. You might fail. The only clarity there will be, is when you understand reality, and when you come to terms with the lack of clarity itself. So tell me, Tenno; Drifters; whoever's listening. What did you do not to fail? What corner did you cut? What did you give up? Who did you give up? Just what did you sacrifice... Whether it be for the sake of yourself, or the others? Or, maybe you were just following orders? What weight do you carry? Do you use it to push yourself forward? Do you use it to hold yourself down? Do you use it to grow stronger? Do you use it to justify your actions? Do you use as an excuse for inaction? Or, do you just... Push it down? Further, and further... Trying to ignore it until the cracks finally start to surface? Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. But, I will tell you the weight that I carry: "It's never quite been the same since I lost you. I try and fill the void by doing what you would've wanted me to do, by being who you said I could be. But, some days... I only see red. And, I'm afraid that some day, that's all I'll ever see again. I hope that doesn't disappoint you."

[calystathebear]

Who are you? Who are you really? Why do I hear whispers in my head when I look at you? WHY ARE YOUR EYES LIKE THAT?

What's the matter, kiddo? You look like you've seen a ghost.

[calystathebear]

Both the unstoppable force and the immovable object, a mother bear will protect her cubs until she draws her last breath. But, what if there never is a last breath? What if, however many times you cast her down, she always returns renewed? After all, you cannot kill the devil...

Now, why does that sound familiar?... Never mind that, Calysta, she fancies herself the mother bear of the Tenno. Trying to fill the shoes of an absentee mother, the best she can, even after that mother has returned. Does she even deserve to be called that anymore? Did she at all?

A mother guides, a mother provides, and most importantly... A mother protects. It never should have been the duty of children to save her, the children never should have felt the cold hand of death... However temporary it was. And, the old man never should have had to perish in front of them. Even before that... Did she really guide? Did she really provide? Or was she using them? Using us. Did she ever really give us the choice? I don't remember getting one... We were good little soldiers from day one, or well, part of me was. Things get complicated when timelines touch. Was she a guiding hand, or was her hand holding a leash? Having to even question that shows how poorly she filled the role. We're all damaged, well we were before she came in to the picture, but she only furthered it. How many secrets untold? How many doors sealed shut from us? Then, the person who was most honest to us? Died. He died, because of her mistake. Ah, I'm rambling... Maybe it comes with speaking about yourself? Or, part of yourself? Again, complicated. Back to our mother bear... She prefers a more personal touch. Less guidance from a safe place, more stepping in with direct intervention. A tangible hand, extended to help the Tenno who need it. A tangible body between them, and those that would cause harm. A mother who protects. Not a mother who needs protection.

Maybe it's a complex, maybe it's how she copes with her own trauma? Maybe it's just out of the kindness of her heart? Who really knows, I can tell you even she doesn't. But, what I do know? She will put her life on the line to protect you. She won't even think about it. She will offer her hand to you if need it. And, she will expect nothing in return. Whether it be the crack of a whip, a hail of bullets, or a bone chilling howl; she will be there for her children. Her brothers and sisters. Her family. There are fewer things more frightening than a mother bear defending her cubs. Now, normally you might say something along the lines of... May the gods have mercy on those who would do them harm. But, no. Those gods better stay out of her way, too.