I thought I would share this with the world because I'm very proud of myself. My freshman year of high school I started to date someone that was in the same drumline as me. It started out really fun, but then things started to go wrong very quickly. It started out with little things. He would make me feel bad for loving to cosplay. He would say things like,"You aren't a feminist, trust me. Feminists are bad people." Anytime I would try to share an opinion that was different than his, I would be wrong. I couldn't be right and he would get mad until I agreed with him. So eventually I started just to agree, and I started to change myself for him. I stopped sharing my opinions in fear that he would get mad. I stopped doing a lot of things I loved because of him. It wasn't just this though, he would also say hurtful things to me. He would say things like, " when will you learn to drive, gas costs so much these days." He knew not being able to drive wasn't my choice. He also knew that it hurt when he would say things like that. He would also flirt with almost every girl he met and say things to me like, "I can flirt with girls so you can flirt with girls, that's equality." He would get angry with me whenever boys would flirt with me, or even just smile at me. I could tell, because he would get extremely silent whenever it happened. I mean, he never actually took me anywhere but his house, so it only ever happened on trips we both went on with our drumline, but it wasn't fun anymore. While he was doing all of this, he would also pressure me into sexual things that I didn't want to do. I'm not the type of person who rushed into sexual things, but he seemed to want to rush into things. When we were kissing, I would move his hands away from certain areas that I didn't want him to touch constantly. If I moved his hand away, he would move it back instantly until I gave up and let him put it there. He would try to put his hand up my shorts on trips, when we were in a car with other people, and I would continuously force his hand away. Sometimes I would move cars or move seats, but most of the time I would give up. That wasn't that he did. One day we were at his house and we were all alone. He asked me, "Do you ever think about having sex with me?" And I answered honestly, which was a no. I'm a demisexual, so being sexually attracted to someone takes time and I didn't want to have sex with him after only knowing him for a few months. After this, he didn't talk to me. His friends came over that night and as I was waiting for my mother to come and pick me up, he left me to sit in the corner and not talk to anyone. Luckily we shared one of the same friends, because otherwise it would have been a long long 30 minutes. It was hell on earth for a long time. I felt worthless and I felt like I didn't matter. I was extremely depressed and suicidal. Eventually he broke it off, which was something I firmly believe saved my life. I believed the abuse would stop there, but it didn't. As we were in the same drumline, we had to see each other in the off season when everyone else wanted to hang out. I saw him a few times, as was nice to him. The only reason I did this was because I didn't want to start drama in a line that hadn't even been chosen yet. When audition day came for the drumline I warned them about him being a terrible leader. I also warned them that he always said he would quit if he didn't get section leader. We had low numbers, so they needed him. This means he became my section leader and had power over me all over again. It started out fine. I would take him and a few others to practice every week. Eventually he went back to his old habits though. He would pick on me. He would make fun of my beliefs. He would even try to make me feel bad about my looks. This time I fought back, which made everything worse. The final straw was when he made a joke about a friend that had passed away a few months before. My friend passed away in a car accident (she was run over) and he said, "well, my car would have dragged her." I wasn't going to be nice anymore. The next day I called the section leader of the entire drumline and told him I wanted an apology from the boy or I would take him to standards (the group that runs the drumline). This event happened in February and it was July before I got an apology. I would threaten every week, but finally I broke and said I had to speak to Standards. That's when he apologized. All while this was going on, he was being a terrible section leader. The boy was lazy. He was the most distracted at practice. He was cruel. He would try and force me into doing push ups for disagreeing with things he said. He would constantly harass me and it was worse than when we dated. The only reason I stayed on the line was because I wasn't going to let him ruin the one thing that made me happy. This drumline gave me a second family. The other people on the drumline and I will be friends for life. I wasn't going to let him take that away from me. When the season finally ended I celebrated never having to see him again. It wasn't until months later I realized what had been happening in my life. I was abused. It took me months to admit that I was in an abusive relationship. The reason I'm proud of myself today is because I'm healing. It's taken me months to convince myself that I can unfollow and block this boy on all social media. It's taken me months to convince myself that even me, strong independent me, can be abused by some boy I thought loved me. I'm posting this because right now I'm a survivor of abuse and I feel like if I don't share my story, others will get hurt. I want all the girls, boys, men and women around the world to know that you are worth it. When you push their hand away and they put it back, walk away from them. If you feel like your opinions don't matter, walk away from them. If you feel worse about yourself after taking to them, walk away. Please. Don't end up with unnecessary battle scars. Listen to my story and love yourself. I promise you are smart, beautiful, and appreciated. If you're like me, and think that this can't possibly happen to you, you're wrong. Abuse can happen to anyone and it can turn the kindest of people into the meanest of people. Abuse can turn the most self confident people into the least self confident people. The moral of my story is that abuse can happen to anyone at anytime and that you should walk away as soon as it's even hinted at. My dad always told me, "if a boy hits you, you break it off right away because he will hit you again if he knows he can get away with it." He never mentioned verbal abuse. So my advice is, "if someone hurts you emotionally, sexually, or physically, run away as fast as you can. You deserve better."
