#chamomile t

[the-tea-about-t]

At the beginning of my transition, one of the hardest things was hanging in there because it felt like I was finally Seeing myself and the rest of the world couldn't, or wouldn't. Now, eight months in, I feel so at peace and am looking forward to the new changes that are happening every day. Even though I struggle with mental health, my anxiety about how others perceive me as improved exponentially. I am truly enjoying second puberty. And it doesn't feel like I'm barely hanging on anymore. I just feel like me.

[genderqueerwhohatesithere]

no one talks about how having a gender non-conforming identity is really isolating. you lose a lot of people for being queer in the first place and the queer community debates over your very right to exist in it. this is from a poly, genderqueer, trans masc lesbian. i feel like an outsider in lesbian spaces, i feel like i don’t belong there. people debate whether i’m valid or not. i get blocked by people who say “men dni” despite that fact that i am NOT a man, i am nonbinary, and masculine not a man.

[the-tea-about-t]

Only four months in, but I'm the happiest I've ever been and feel so much more like myself. Same jacket, but with the sleeves ripped off to make a punk as fuck vest.

[the-tea-about-t]

She told me I was taking happiness further than it should go.

She told me that self denial was good for the spirit.

She told me HRT was self harm. With a half smile and a shrug.

And then they told me I would regret it when it did not make me happy.

They were all wrong. HRT has saved me and my fiance's lives. It is not self harm, poison, evil or wrong. It is lifesaving and beautiful.

[the-tea-about-t]

~7 Months on T (30 Weeks) Update

• Facial hair. It's coming in! I have patchy hair on my upper cheeks (mutton chops babey), chin and upper lip. Here's to hoping it keeps building up since it's itchy right now.

• Body hair. It has totally exploded, mostly on my belly. Leg hair is also super thick. It's steadily crawling up my chest and I'm really liking how it looks.

• Voice. I wouldn't say it's super masculine, but it's certainly deeper than it was at the start. Haven't had a proper drop since the first one. Learning to speak from my chest, and get misgendered a lot less with it and my facial hair.

• Face has squared off a little more and my features are more masculine.

• No hair thinning or receding, though I am back to being shaven.

• Fat redistribution is pretty much the same, my weight is hovering at the same ~10 pounds no matter what I do, but fat has definitely left my chest and hips and moved to my belly. I love the look. My skin also feels thicker, rougher and and my fat even feels a bit firmer. My muscles are bigger, especially in my legs.

• Bottom growth has gotten a bit bigger, and there's been more painful pangs as it grows. It's almost about the size of my fingertip to first knuckle when erect. My libido is still very strong, but not as wild and has leveled out to not an ever grinding need. When the need is there, it is very necessary to handle myself though.

• Acne is very active and apparent, even with a multi step and very careful skincare routine. Mostly on cheeks and around mouth.

• No periods, but also uterine atrophy is happening. Pursuing a hysterectomy more fervently because the pain sucks and keeps me up at night sometimes. Binding has also had its pains so I'm not binding anymore. Fat man titties fly free.

• Appetite has flared up so I do feel hungry all the time, lol. But mood is still pretty even, the only rough thing is dysphoria.

Honestly, it's mostly the same stuff has before, just more of it! I am really enjoying my transition and look and feel so great.

[genderqueerwhohatesithere]

i’ve been on testosterone for a little over three months now! the changes i’ve noticed are:

- my shoulders feel different, they’re flatter and broader and shirts fit a little differently. i’ve noticed a difference bc i have a harder time standing up straight, i almost feel heavier and i’m having to learn how to carry myself again

- back acne. i’ve had a little bit more acne on my face too and my face and hair is a lot more oily. it’s a lot more noticeable if i forget to wash my face

- peach fuzz, my face is more fuzzy especially on the sides, my sideburns extend more on my face and some fuzz above my lip. in general just more peach fuzz everywhere.

- i sweat a lot more, especially when i get anxious. i’ve been having some hot flashes at work and i’ll be drenched in sweat. i had to switch to men’s deodorant bc it just works better so it’s been less of a problem now.

- my chest is looking more square? my boobs are more muscly feeling and less squishy, like they feel more like what would be pecs. it feels a little flatter too.

- i’ve been getting stronger and had an easier time lifting things

- my voice is changing! it’s getting more noticeable and more hoarse sounding, my throat has been dry a lot and i’m not sure if that’s related at all? i’ve always been a lot more thirsty and needed to drink water and eat more than i used to. my appetite has gone up a lot.

- the longer i’m on testosterone the more i feel like myself. i’ve been feeling less dysphoric and i think about my chest less, i just feel more like a boy and more like myself. i feel like when i look at myself i look more like what i envision, and i’m slowly starting to look more how i want to.

- i’ve been having to learn how to talk again, it seems like especially when talking with girls or using my customer service voice i tend to mimic them and pitch my voice more up, if that makes any sense. my customer service voice just goes up naturally, i’m so used to doing that that i’m not really sure how to stop.

- i’ve still been having my periods regularly, it’s worth noting though that i’m on low dose testosterone and i use the gel so it takes longer sometimes than with shots or a higher dose.

- my face shape looks less round, it’s subtle but looks more angular.

- boxers have been the most comfy underwear bc of bottom growth, everything else just rubs against me weird.

the main thing that’s been weird for me is that the way i picture myself in my head is not how most people perceive me and i’m not really sure how to get there. i don’t really know how to act like a guy, or just live in a way that ppl see as masculine. i have to think more about how i speak, and the way i present myself, the way i stand, etc and it feels like i don’t know what i’m doing wrong. i’m not sure what it is about me that cis ppl perceive as “girl.” i’m like ?? is it my chest? my voice? i’m not sure.

tldr: i’ve been on low dose t for three months, and i sweat a lot more, have an increased appetite, my body is starting to look more masculine, and my voice is changing.

[genderqueerwhohatesithere]

t changes from being on testosterone for 9 months!

- tummy trail is getting thicker, and i have hair around and in my belly button now.

- bottom growth has started again which is crazy to me and my clit has been getting really hard when aroused which is pretty dope.

- more acne. my face is oily all the time, i have painful acne everywhere. it hurts when it gets rubbed against something.

- my face is starting to look more angular and boyish. comparing it to photos from before starting t, it’s definitely a noticeable change

- body odor has still been pretty bad and i sweat a lot more. been sick lately so that exacerbates it

- muscle growth, im a lot stronger than i used to be

- chest looks more masculine, my boobs have sort flattened and look more like pecs

- more leg hair and thicker

- i have a small mustache now

let me just put it this way, i now definitely look more noticeably “boy” in the way that my daycare kids will ask me if i’m a boy or a girl, and i definitely get more confusion from every day people i encounter. but honestly, i think this summer since i have a fairly small chest and am getting masculine presenting, i could probably get away with not wearing a top at the beach. also, i am not out to my mom but she definitely knows. like, 100% for sure as one of her friends was harassing me about it. so that’s not great, but it does show that’s it’s very obvious i look more masculine

[genderqueerwhohatesithere]

i’ve been on low dose testosterone for a little over a month and the changes i’ve noticed so far are: (skip to the bottom for tldr)

- Skin is a lot more oily and I’ve been getting more acne

- My appetite went up a lot, and I feel way more hungry when I want food, it almost feels like my stomach is collapsing on itself. Slight tw for food talk/weight: I think I might be gaining a little bit of weight? I don’t know for sure because I don’t weigh myself but it’s normal for you to gain or lose weight by starting T or for your figure to change.

- According to my girlfriend, I have more of a “boy smell” now. Not sure exactly what that means but it is supposed to change how your sweat and pee smells and I’ve noticed both of those. Sorry that’s a bit gross, but I want to include all the things that are changing so u can get the full picture.

- Period pains are more intense. All my symptoms are heightened, and I have a lot more cramps and am more dizzy.

- I’m more emotional, more prone to mood swings, and I cry a lot more.

- I’ve gotten a little bit stronger, I can lift my girlfriend a lot more easily, I could barely do it before and she’s a bit taller than me. I can princess carry her too.

- Slight oversharing related to sex drive, so skip this if you don’t want to read about that or below the belt area changes. I’ve gotten a lot hornier, which is normal for going on T. My clit has also nearly doubled in size and it’s a lot more sensitive.

- More dysphoric. I want top surgery really bad and it’s just made me want it more. I’ve also wanted to change my name a lot more. I think overall it just makes me feel more masculine and boyish and it makes me want to fit more into that, or what I feel like fits that more. I do feel more like myself though, which is really nice.

Tldr: On a month of T I’ve gotten hungrier, oiler, stronger, hornier, I smell slightly different, have more intense periods, and more emotional and dysphoric.