Sjm: Hey look there’s a hot teen assassin and look! Sexy dark-haired prince? Isn’t he hot?
Me: *falls for the captain of the guard*
Sjm: wait what? lemme fix that. *writes crown of midnight*
Me: Nope, still love Chaol and WHAT?!!! YOU RUINED MY SHIP????!
Sjm: Not to worry! Big fat hot Fae males will make you forget all about Chaol!
Me: Ew who is this stupid Rowan. Bring back Chaol.
Sjm: … *writes Queen of Shadows* Come on you HAVE to hate Chaol now, choose a big Fae male! Rowan, Fenrys, or Aedion. Not Lorcan though, he’s a big ass amirite?
Me: NO! CHAOL WAS COMPLETELY VALID.
Sjm: *takes Chaol’s mobility*
Me: NOOOOOOO *cries*
Sjm: Ha, he won’t even be in the next book. So you HAVE to choose somebody else to like. So who will it be? Rowan, Fenrys, or Aedion?
Me: Fine, I’ll pick someone else *chooses Lorcan*
Sjm: NO. YOU WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT. *writes ending of EOS*
Me: NOOOOOOO ELIDE HE DID IT FOR YOU *sobs*
Sjm: Aelin is in a coffin and you’re worried about Lorcan? Anyway here’s a Chaol book for you.
Me: YESSSS CHAOL IS FINALLY HAPPY
Sjm: Nice nice ok. Now here’s some pain.
Me: FLY FARASHA FLY FLY FLY *sobs*
Sjm: FINE! I’ll convince you next time!
ACOTAR:
Sjm: Look hot Katniss wannabe! Hey look, hot male High Lord! He’s sooo hot amirite?
Me: *falls for courtier and emissary*
Sjm: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU. YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO FALL FOR THE PRINCE NOT THE LOYAL FRIEND.
Me: What can i say, I have a type. I’ll still ship Feylin tho, it’s pretty good.
Sjm: Oh you’re gonna forget all about Tamlin and Lucien. Look! Hot bat boys!
Me: BITCH! YOU RUINED MY SHIP AGAIN?!!! AND WHERE IS LUCIEN?!!!
Sjm: *retcons Tamlin* you must hate him now?!
Me: DUDE EVEN WITH RETCONS HE CAN’T BE WORSE THAN THESE SLEAZEBALLS. WHERE IS LUCIEN???!!!
Sjm: You’re gonna hate him now! *writes Lucien scene at night court in ACOMAF*
Me: YES. SAVE HER LUCIEN. YOU GO HONEY!!
Sjm: ???? *writes end of ACOMAF*
Me: YES POSSESSIVE FERAL LUCIEN STEP ON ME.
Sjm: …FINE. if you can’t beat em, join em. *writes ACOWAR*
Me: *sighs* Feyre and Lucien would’ve been so good together.
Sjm: yeah but rhysand is better amirite
Me: NOOOO IANTHE YOU BITCH
Sjm: *writes Ianthe’s arm breaking scene*
Me: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Sjm: so you like Feyre again right?
Me: What? No! Lucien was the better friend!
Sjm: … *brings Lucien to night court*
Me: NOOOOOO LULU IS DEVASTATED HIS MATE IS HOLLOW
Sjm: But look, elriel! Three brothers three sisters amirite?
Me: FLOWERS NEED SUNSHINE. ELUCIEN FOREVER.
Sjm: Yes yes i was just joking. Anyway, sending off Lucien to find Vassa.
Me: We’ll get his POV tho right?
Sjm: …
Me: right?????
Sjm: *writes ACOSF* THERE. He’s barely in this book. So you HAVE to pick somebody else to love. So, Cassian is hot too if you don’t like Rhysand.
Me: FINE. I’ll CHOOSE SOMEONE ELSE. *picks Eris*
Sjm: …I have learned my lesson.
CC:
Sjm: Look! Hot sorority girl who’s also an illegitimate princess! And her loyal knight! Hunt is sooooo hot amirite?
Me: I’m too smart for you. He’s the first love interest so he’s NOT endgame. Don’t get attached.
Sjm: wait he’s endgame this time I swear!
Me: NOPEEEE NOT BUYING IT.
Sjm: I’m fr this time. Isn’t he so hot?
Me: *falls for the tattooed warrior prince*
Sjm: …
Sjm: I give up
For the "what would you change about SJM's writing," post you made:
I wouldn't say that I'm anti SJM, but I think that Chaol and Aelin should have stayed together. I feel like Chaol's character was assassinated for the purpose of making Rowaelin happen. Not that I hate Rowaelin, but I think it was forced and came out of nowhere.
And you’d be right, he was Tamlin before Tamlin was a thought in her head filled with bad storylines and forced relationships.
While I may be an avid fan of Chaorian and Nehlaena/Nehaelin, I do think either Chaolena should have stayed together or had an amicable breakup rather than the bs we got in canon.
Also we could have gotten Nesrene instead of Westtowers in TOD.
It’s very telling that besides not being able to write a believable romance, friendship, political systems, hell even characters (it’s why mates is a prevalent thing in her books) she can’t let them have amicable breakups either or idk just be single for a while and possibly the rest of the series.
But I’m not gonna rant on SJM’s bad writing and shitty everything.
Can’t wait for you to gives us the tog smutty smut we deserve 😮💨
~~~
Pairings: Chaol Westfall x f!reader
Warnings: 18+, smut, oral (f and m receiving), 69ing, face sitting, pet names (sweetheart, pretty girl, honey), slight overstim, chaol’s a needy boy
Summary: pwp, chaol’s desperate for you
Word count: around 1.2k
a/n: like this…? ;)
~~~
Large hands are on your waist the moment you step through the door to your bedroom. A startled gasp slips past your lips and your world spins until your back is pressing against the wall. Familiar bronze eyes stare down at you and a sigh of relief washes over you. "Chaol! What are you doing here?" You shove your palm against his hard chest, cursing him for scaring you
It wasn't unusual for the Captain to sneak into your rooms, seeking you out. However, you had expected him to be in a meeting for a few more hours. Chaol simply smirks, leaning down to nose along your jaw. He squeezes your waist, stepping impossibly closer as his hand lifts to stroke the side of your neck. Your eyes flutter close, relishing in Chaol's touches. "I missed you, sweetheart," His breath tingles your skin.
You rest your head back against the wall, releasing a sigh, "You saw me this morning." Sliding your hands up his back, Chaol huffs a noise against your cheek, grumbling quietly. You laugh and loop your arms around Chaol's neck, "Don't you have meetings to attend, Captain?" You turn your head to lay your forehead against his.
Chaol's answering stare sends heat pooling in the pit of your stomach. You have to bite back a whimper threatening to escape. Chaol looks as if he's going to devour you. "I'm free for the rest of the day," He explains, hand sliding into your hair, he cups the back of your neck to tilt your head until your lips graze his. "And I plan to spend every second wrapped up with you, sweetheart."
You waste no time in pulling him closer, capturing his mouth with yours. Chaol moans, tongue darting out to explore your mouth. He paws you, knowing your body like the back of his hand, able to turn you into a mess so easily. You and Chaol ache for each other, hungry and frantic as you both rid one another of the clothing separating you from him.
Chaol barely has his pants past his knees before he pulls you towards the bed. He doesn’t care. Chaol needs you. Now.
You’re giggling as you tug him down with you, wrapping your legs around his waist. Chaol litters kisses along your neck, sucking on the sweet spot bellow your ear that has you groaning his name, wetness flooding between your legs. “I know, honey, I know,” He pants, breath fanning across your skin, sending a shiver down your spine. Your hands roam his back, feeling the hard muscles moving beneath your palms.
“Chaol, please!” You arch up to him, Chaol’s hands squeezing your breasts, running calloused thumbs over your nipples. Dipping his head, Chaol takes a peaked bud in his mouth. He suckles, dragging a soft whine out of you. Your hips grind up, brushing your slick cunt against his cock. Chaol groans, his tongue circles your nipple before he swallows thickly, “Gotta taste you, sweetheart. Let me taste you.”
He rolls you both over. Chaol on his back under you. Biting your lip, you smile down at him, at his face, flushed by lust for you. “Get up here, pretty girl,” He sighs, growing impatient as your fingers trace his chest. You throw him a smirk, “Yes, Captain.”
You crawl up his body, Chaol’s eyes slowly raking down from your eyes to your sex. “You’re beautiful.” You flush, heating under his gaze. With your knees on either side of his head, he barely gets the chance to lift his head, licking a strip along your cunt before you’re drawing back with a sharp gasp. Chaol let’s out a noise of protect, “Sweetheart-”
“Shh, just trust me,” You silence him, turning around to face his legs, his cock standing proudly and heavily between them. Leaning down, your tongue drags a wet line down his stomach. Until your nose grazes the dark swirls of hair adorning the base of his length. Chaol curses and you he’s throwing his head back against the pillows.
Chaol’s large hands find your backside, his eagerness for a taste of your sweet cunt taking over him again as he spreads you apart for him. Your tongue meets his cock just as his finds your clit, the two of you moaning simultaneously. You push back to him, which he gladly accepts with a soft growl, beginning his feast. His tongue and lips work wonders to your cunt, you choke, taking a moment to bask in the feeling.
You let spit fall from your lips onto his cock, you wrap your hand around his length, smearing your saliva around as you stroke him. He bucks slightly when your lips encase his tip and you moan in response, sending vibrations along his cock. Chaol only buries his face further into your heat, tongue breaching your clenching hole.
He fills your mouth, taking his cock deeper with each bob of your head. You lap at the prominent vein along his cock, knowing how sensitive it feels. Your hand moves to gently fondle his balls, causing Chaol to groan loudly, “Fuck, sweetheart,” He mumbles into soaking heat, the sensations making you whine around him.
Chaol sucks your throbbing bundle of nerves, his tongue working in unison, flicking over your clit. His nose presses against your cunt and he inhales your scent deeply, groaning. You bob your head faster, hollowing your cheeks as you suck him. You love the stretch of your lips around his cock, more than happy to have him sheathed in your mouth, your throat, pleasuring him like only you can.
He’s hitting the back of your throat, making you gag lightly around him. Yet the sound of you sloppily working his cock is music to Chaol’s ears. It urges him to double, triple his efforts. He licks and sucks at your most sensitive places in the effective attempts to bring you as much pleasure as possible. You’re marking each other up with drool, messily drawing you both closer to impending climaxes.
You reach for each other, fingers intwining and squeezing as the telltale signs of you both being close to the edge become evident. The gently quivering of your thighs and the harsh twitching of Chaol’s cock against your tongue. You whines blend together, muffled by the heavy weight of his length in your mouth.
You and Chaol tumble over the edge together. Releasing hard into each other’s mouths. You swallow Chaol’s warm, thick seed with a happy hum, continuing to bob your head as he rides out his high. Chaol moans uncontrollably into your cunt, shoving you into overstimulation as he greedily laps up your release.
You have to pull away from one another as it all becomes too much. You’re both panting heavily, lazy grins spreading on your faces as you turn back to him on shaky legs. Chaol’s face in drenched in your slick and you can’t help but moan at the glistening sight.
You’re pulled into Chaol’s embrace, his hand cupping your face, thumb running over your wet lips. Chaol tugs your face close to his, sighing deeply, “There’s no way I’m letting you out of this bed, pretty girl.”
She sat up with a jolt, the world bright and foggy. Several lesser nobles in her pew laughed silently. She gave Chaol an apologetic look and turned her gaze to the altar. The High Priestess had finished her sermon, and the songs of Yulemas were over. She only had to sit through the procession of the gods, and then she would be free.
"How long was I asleep?" she whispered. He didn't respond. "How long was I asleep?" she asked again, and noticed a hint of red in his cheeks. "You were asleep, too?"
"Until you began drooling on my shoulder."
"Such a self-righteous young man," she cooed, and he poked her leg.
"Pay attention."
That sums up quite well my reaction to that bit. I just can't stop laughing at Chaol falling asleep, too.
Ah yes yes! I never get to talk about them! As much as I love Rowaelin I will always have a soft spot for these two.
who reaches out to new neighbors: Oh Celaena. 100% she takes Chaol by the hand and drags him with her. He's silent most of the time offering a few tight smiles and nods. "Sorry he's just a man of few words."
who remembers to buy healthy food: Chaol
who remembers to buy junk food: Celaena
who fixes the oven when it breaks: lmaooo Chaol. He looks over the stove and the oven reading the instruction booklet, watching video tutorials on YouTube to figure it out. Celaena suggests a repairman and he says no he's fine he's got this. Another hour passes. Celaena calls someone who shows up asking what the issue is and Chaol shoots an annoyed but grateful glance her way before explaining. When he stands by her he goes, "I almost had it." She pats his shoulder, "Sure you did."
who waters the plants/feeds their pet(s): omg lol they have zero plants. They tried and the plants always died. But Fleetfoot is fed by Celaena. Chaol has a soft spot for the pup and sneaks treats to which Celaena scolds Chaol because it's not fair he fuses over her obnoxious sweet tooth and yet caters to Fleetfoots food begging eyes.
who wakes up earlier: Chaol who rouses Celaena awake and they go for a morning run. If they don't run together their day feels off.
who makes the bed: Chaol
who makes the coffee: Celaena when she doesn't take long showers in the morning otherwise Chaol.
who burns breakfast: Celaena
how do they let each other know they’re leaving the house: for the most part Celaena is still eating so he kisses her cheeks, says he loves her. She says it back in the middle of eating. Then shouts, "Tell Dorian hey and see if he's coming to over later."
how do they greet each other when one of them gets home: Celaena greets him with a smile, wraps her arms around him. He hold her close until she wrinkles her nose. "What?" "You smell like sweat." He rolls his eyes. "People sweat when they're at the gym".
who brings home little gifts like flowers/chocolates more often: Chaol. He goes to bookstores on his break and sometimes specialty candy stores (even though he frowns at the junk food from grocery stores. ) bakeries are for when he fucks up bad.
who picks the movie for movie night: Celaena prepicks the movie. Chaol's usually okay with it. When it's something he really doesn't want they go running. First one to make it down the block and back wins. Chaol's never lost.
their favorite kind of movie to watch: Chaol: epic fantasies like lotr. Omg he's a huge lotr fan. War/military films. Films set in a medieval era. A Marvel guy. Celaena: equally enjoys the epic fantasies, loves comedy movies (Chaol laughs at them), blockbusters and spy films. A marvel gal. She enjoys jurassic park and 100% has an inflatable trex costume.
who first suggests a pillow fort: Celaena
who builds the pillow fort: Celaena who makes Chaol help, "If you love me you'll help." She pouts and he shakes his head and stands.
who tries to distract the other during the movie: Celaena
who falls asleep first: Celaena and Chaol smirks to himself knowing the sugar crash, he fully warned her about, knocked her out.
who is big spoon/little spoon: Chaol thinks he's the big spoon..he is infact not.
