Chapter 36 (of Onyx Storm) SPOILERS
REBECCA?!?
HOW. DARE. YOU.
EVEN MAKE ME THINK —
FOR EVEN A SECOND —
THAT RIDOC — MY RIDOC — OUR RIDOC —
WAS STABBED?!?
Clearly you have overestimated my emotional capacity!!!

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Chapter 36 (of Onyx Storm) SPOILERS
REBECCA?!?
HOW. DARE. YOU.
EVEN MAKE ME THINK —
FOR EVEN A SECOND —
THAT RIDOC — MY RIDOC — OUR RIDOC —
WAS STABBED?!?
Clearly you have overestimated my emotional capacity!!!
Juno's brain was a riled up mess. Riddled with guilt and blaming himself for Mag's fury, and suffocated by his anger at Notado Detai and her cruelty towards his sibling. None of it made sense. Injuries flashing with burning needles of pain--memories of when Mag and Juno were safe--the Train and Hiraeth and Myst and QD and Rhine and Vera and--and Detai's unclear wants--
anger and fear and pain and sadness and tears and happiness and nostalgia and frustration and confusion and disappointment and pain and the suffocating feeling of oil crawling up his neck and up through his eyes--
i didn’t realize that this would be my last trip to the lab for some time.
so proud of you.
imagine hurting the way i did in a room full of medicine.
fuck.
i can’t be your best friend while my heart is in girlfriend handwriting.
i could have done a better job of advocating for myself. clean breaks. but i chose to power through instead of losing you- us. we didn’t want that.
but somewhere in the longing you changed your mind.
between the goodbye kisses at the door and attempts at making out after soul food, you made a decision without me. again.
you entered that season without me on your mind. since when do you not consider me?
my picture staring down from the altar. waiting. just like me. yearning for a moment where i can melt into your presence.
control yourself. touch is holy!
i wish i had known. i wish you didn’t try to protect me.
fuck i love when you protect me.
burying instincts to keep this steady as you try to find the correct container for us. could you even protect us?
grasping, screaming, feeling everything so deeply.
even you.
our bodies are different now.
maybe they’ll meet again in their god forms.
maybe you’ll beg me to use you as a throne again. welcome me back to my kingdom with guttural moans.
maybe you’ll return from our mutual worship with your gentle whisper “we fit so well together”.
we always did.
Unsure Avout Where To End Next chapter
I’m unsure how to end my upcoming chapter. I was planning on it being longer than it is at the moment. But I think where I am could be a good ending.
@katedrakeohd @kingliam2019 @silver-rings-and-rabbits @tessa-liam @alj4890 @peonierose
Some silver lining…
And that’s it.
Last day of the year.
Really, though, it’s the last day of our Christmas season.
Ohhhh we’re not taking the tree down anytime soon. And we are gonna keep catching up on all the Christmas movies we haven’t seen yet since last Christmas. Seriously, there are too many on our list to see them all in just December.
My point is only that nothing significant is ending. What was in progress yesterday is still in progress today and will be in progress tomorrow. And whatever “end” we perceive, or feel we are experiencing, is simply a mental bookmark. A chapter end.
The turn of a page.
The larger narrative, each individual story that unfolded this year after unfolding the year before that and the year before that... continues unabated.
The story just keeps rollin’. You know?
So today we’re bringing our family’s Christmas chapter to a close and turning the page onto January.
For us, it was a good month. We improvised successfully with the restrictions, managing to maintain most of our traditions, add to our traditions, and temporarily let go of some of our traditions without taking our eyes off the ball of what this season, what this holiday, what Christmas day represents.
We’ll call that a win, by the way.
As for what comes next, what happens in the chapter after this one? Well, we’ll take that one page at a time, one step at a time, one day at a time. We’ll try to develop a wide angle view of our world and its future. And we’ll do it carefully. And we’ll do it thoughtfully.
Because seriously.
What else works?