So, I (of course😂) have a LOT of thoughts after finishing The Assassin’s Blade — heading into Heir of Fire, so I still don’t fully know the series… this is current non-spoiler thoughts — but let’s get into it:
First off let’s deal with a big one: Celaena and Arobynn.
…Mostly “big” because their entire relationship is so severely f*ed up it take’s a LOT to understand… However, the biggest thing that keeps sticking out to me is the fact that it does makes sense (I am NOT saying it’s right, or healthy; to be clear it is most definitely NOT) it is a disturbingly realistic portrayal of what THAT kind & level of abuse does to a person.
It is infuriatingly painful to watch; as the reader you can clearly see the issue; you want to scream at Celaena to RUN already, get out, NOW; you feel for Sam’s frustration at times becoming fury & terror at the fact she does not stop him.
Yet, it is not a lack of knowing or agreeing with this that makes Celaena stay; it isn’t even wanting to stay, often she confirms the opposite; it’s the fact that she is utterly terrified. At times Arobynn makes her revert into a terrified state of childlike fawning. All centered around the idea; I can only seem to explain using this quote (because Shakespeare has nothing on Taylor Swift; though the context of this is 100% NON romantic; that question mark on their relationship is utterly skin crawling) “Who’s going to know me?” if not Arobynn who is going to know Aelin Galathynius ever even existed?
… Everything Celaena has become she has been (falsely) taught into believing was “Arobynn given”; even her notoriety as the prized “Adarlan’s Assassin” is not by her mark but by his word. He has ensured at every opportunity that she does not forget it; that she feels small & one breath away from being prey, that she does not feel sure of herself or anything aside from him (and even that is a pendulum) that she is haunted by her past; and never forgets what it is to lose EVERYTHING. She lost everything. In that she had to destroy every piece of the girl she was; the one that had a family she loved; the one that had a home, a country, a purpose; anything she was before the one Arobynn pulled out of the river. And if not him; does anyone even remember? — Does it all cease to be nothing more than forgotten; her grief, her love, Aelin herself; is it any different than if Aelin had drowned in the river?
— This is Celaena’s obsession with being remembered; on the surface it appears shallow, selfish, full of nothing more than pride & arrogance alone; in truth it has more to do with fear (a key point of her character’s driving mindset) & purpose (a key point of humanity/morality).
… How does she make any sense of all she has done & become at Arobynn’s hand; every life she has taken, every terrible thing she has done; if not for him?
And this is why for so long she stays; because she is more afraid of the unknown & so tired of loss; it feels much safer to be known, to know the loss that will come, to hurt with familiar pain, to exist within a tether to his realm; then to feel as if she is risking everything over again.
