I sank down in my seat and watched the streets of D.C. pass by, rays of sunlight peeking through the cracks between buildings. My head ached from a sleepless night and my eyes were dry and itchy from crying. Alicia had grabbed an ice pack from the freezer before we left and I held it to my forehead as we drove.
“You sure about this?” I nodded and she pressed. “Because we can still-”
“I’m sure. I’m just... he was so upset. I feel terrible.”
“I know babe. I’m sure it wasn’t easy to hear though. And you’d be upset if the roles were reversed, right?”
“He does. You didn’t see him, Alicia. He looked like a puppy who’d just been kicked.” I swallowed hard in an attempt to keep more tears at bay and she reached out and squeezed my knee. “I don’t know how to fix this.”
“Maybe there’s nothing to fix. I’ve seen you with both of them and there’s just... there’s something about you two. The love is there, Char. On both sides.” She pulled to a stop by the curb and put the car in park. “You can tell by the way he looks at you.”
“No buts, babe. You followed your heart and that isn’t always easy, certainly isn’t always clean, but it’s always worth it.” She pulled me into a hug and we sat there as she gave me a moment to calm down. “Do you need help with your bag?”
“Call me tonight, let me know how everything goes?”
I nodded and reached for the door, grabbing my suitcase from the trunk of her car. It was stuffed with necessities, everything I didn’t box up and put on the truck, but nothing in there could calm my nerves. My life felt upside down, like a snow globe that had been shaken and placed back on the shelf, and I felt unsteady on my feet as I started off.
The lobby was relatively empty save for a few errant people and nobody gave me a second glance as I dragged myself to the elevator. I counted the floors as the car was pulled up and I moved on autopilot until I found myself at his front door.
He was disheveled, still in his boxers, hair mussed and eyes heavy with sleep. I pushed past him and dropped my suitcase in the living room, shedding my jacket and shoes before holding my hand out to him.
He stayed put and I watched him for a moment before stepping close, raising up on tip-toes to kiss him. He lifted me up in his arms and fell backwards onto the couch, burying his face in the crook of my neck. His voice was muffled against my skin and he finally looked up to repeat himself.
“I love you too. And I thought a lot about you and what you said last night, I- Tom, I can’t go back to what we had before all of this.” His face fell and I hooked my finger under his chin, lifting until he was looking at me again. “I want you. I want to be with you. No ‘no strings attached’, no midnight phone calls, none of that. I want you.”
He nodded and pulled me close again. I got lost in the contrast of his soft lips and his rough stubble and we parted just enough to catch our breath. He peppered my face with gentle kisses and tangled his fingers in my hair and I felt closer to him than I had ever felt.
“Does this mean you’re staying?” I nodded and he grinned. “For real?”
“If you’ll have me. Alicia said I could crash at her place if this-”
I couldn’t help but laugh at the expression on his face, an odd combination of disbelief and elation. My heart felt full and I nodded towards the hallway.