I would rather we be forgotten together than remembered apart
A Xenoblade Chronicles X story, for @lao-huangs-bitch
I would rather we be forgotten together than remebered apart
Chenshi was on the floor of the living room, playing with her dolls. Charmaine wasn’t home yet, so Lao was making dinner. He’d taken the liberty of making mac and cheese with sausages, since it was her favourite meal.
He felt a little tug at the hem of his shirt. He looked down, to see her looking up at him with her big blue eyes. “Daddy, can I have water?”
“Of course.” he replied with a small smile. “But what else do you say?”
“Please?” She held up her sippy cup, which he took and filled. He handed it back to her and picked her up.
“Thank you daddy.” She gave him a tight hug, as tight a hug as a four year old could manage.
He hugged her back and kissed the top of her head. Four years in, and he still couldn’t quite believe he was lucky enough to have her in his life.
“Daddy do you wanna play with me?”
“Of course, but I need to finish dinner first. We’ll play after.” He put her down.
She gave him a little nod and walked back to the living room, sipping her water.
0o0
Lao had gotten each of his team members a thermos, and they’d gotten him one in return. He’d honestly forgotten about it until Mondo handed it over to him when they’d stopped for lunch. He’d been reaching into his rations, but they’d prepared something for him.
He unscrewed the lid to find mac and cheese with sausages. For half a second, he saw four year old Chenshi, carefully spreading out her sausages so she wouldn’t run out. “You don’t want mac and no sausage, but also don’t want sausage and no mac!”
He also remembered her getting cheese all over her sippy cup, table, or herself.
Mac and cheese was her favourite, and she’d always ask for it when she had a bad day (or in general, if she could’ve had it every day, she would’ve). He couldn’t help but wonder if now, at six years old, it would still be her favourite. Would one of the classics of NLA have become her favourite?
What would it have been like for her to go to school here? Would she even remember Earth when she’d be all grown up? What kind of job would she have taken?
He would never know. She was dead and gone, ashes floating in the space where Earth had once been.
The grip on his thermos tightened.
0o0
Charmaine had a big, black lab named Mandy that was very affectionate and protective of her. She’d been with her for almost ten years, and Mandy was showing no signs of her old age. When she got pregnant, Mandy got even more protective.
When Chenshi was born, Mandy was often seen at the foot of her crib or at the entrance to the nursery. Whenever she cried at night, Mandy was the first one there.
Chenshi and Mandy were really close, and before she could even walk Chenshi came along on the walks. Lao even made a little saddle for Mandy, for Chenshi to ride. Charmaine never let him use it without her supervision, though the saddle had initially been her idea.
It wasn’t rare to see Chenshi curled up in her bed with Mandy at the foot of it. Whenever she was tired, Chenshi could be found gently petting Mandy, who put her head on her lap.
0o0
Lao had noticed the dogs around NLA. There was a black lab in the park today, and he saw Mandy. He saw Chenshi running around the backyard with her, throwing tennis balls and Mandy bringing them back.
He remembered Chenshi tripping over nothing and skinning her knee on the grass. She would start crying and Mandy would be by her side before Lao or Charmaine had gotten up to make sure Chenshi was alright.
Mandy had been protective of Charmaine, but with Chenshi, she was downright motherly, probably because she’d never had puppies of her own.
They would love the park here.
They would love to run around here, taking walks everyday and discovering new things about the city.
Not that they could anymore.
0o0
As a family, they visited Charmaine’s parents every month. They’d manage to keep Chenshi entertained during the two hour ride there, and she always fell asleep on the way back, sometimes before they even got in the car.
It was Lao’s job to secure her in her car seat, which was challenging enough when she was awake, and even harder when she asleep. She’d already changed into her fuzzy pyjamas, and he covered her in a blanket once she was all strapped in. With a little kiss on the forehead, he made his way to the passenger seat.
Charmaine was driving them home, and she’d put on a CD from her childhood, which had proven very effective to put Chenshi to sleep. They hummed along as they made their way home.
Once there, Lao got Chenshi out of her seat and carried her inside. She unconsciously clung to him like a koala, and she was hard to put to bed because of that. Charmaine helped, then planted a kiss on her baby’s forehead. Lao did the same, then they slowly closed the door, the CD from earlier still quietly playing from the little radio at her bedside.
0o0
Lao hadn’t thought the old CD from Charmaine’s childhood made onto the whale, but it did. He was in line to get some coffee when he heard the first few notes of the first song and the lyrics he knew by heart.
He, Charmaine and Chenshi would sing it all the time, even though he had no idea what any of the words meant.
He thought back to all those road trips with Chenshi in the back of the car, demanding for a certain song to be played (her favourite was number 11).
He started humming along, and, before he knew it, muttering along.
Even when he got his coffee, he stayed inside, waiting for the song to finish. The singer held the note for almost fifteen seconds. That had been one of Chenshi’s goals: hold to note for even longer.
As he left, he quickly wiped away a tear. She wouldn’t be able to do that, either.
0o0
It was the first warm day of spring, and Lao had decided today would be the day that he would drive Chenshi and Charmaine out of town to go stargazing. He’d prepared snacks and packed up blankets and a telescope.
Chenshi was confused that her daddy was doing so many things. She was even more confused when they all got in the car at sunset, since they didn’t leave to go see mamie and papy this late.
Lao would never forget the look on Chenshi’s face when she saw the Milky Way for the first time. Her mouth was wide open, her eyes as big as dinner plate and as star-filled as the sky. Her look of wonder, he would never forget. He was glad to later learn that Charmaine had snapped a picture of not only her face, but of his, too.
He sat her down on her lap and pointed out some stars to her, answering as many questions as he could, those he couldn’t, he promised he would answer later. Daddy didn’t know everything, even if it might seem so.
She looked adorable in her little pink coat and blue dress she’d insisted on wearing. They took a family picture, that was later framed and put in the living room, which had a desk dedicated to family pictures.
0o0
Lao often found himself looking up at the stars above NLA. They looked nothing like the ones over old LA, and were actually visible. NLA wasn’t bright enough to blot out their light.
He remembered the look of wonder that had filled Chenshi’s eyes the first time she’d seen the stars. He knew that if she was here, she would sit on the ground at stare up the skies, eyes filled with as many stars as the sky.
At least her ashes could see the stars, since they were among them.
He also wondered how many family pictures had been in the destroyed pieces of the Lifehold. How many people would wake up to find out their treasured memories were gone? That pictures they’d taken to remember their loved ones were gone all because the ship didn’t stay intact during the landing?
He’d only been allowed to store 50 pictures, which wasn’t enough. All he had were a few family pictures, some Christmas pictures, and then other miscellaneous ones. Everything else was in the Lifehold.
How many of his own pictures were gone?
0o0
Chenshi padded over one night, teddy bear in hand and wiping her eyes. She tugged at mommy’s arm, who woke up.
“What’s wrong baby?” she asked as pulled Chenshi into their bed.
“Bad dream.” She sniffled and gave mommy a tight hug.
“We’ll chase them away.” Lao said as he woke up. “All of the bad dreams, mommy and daddy will chase them away.”
“Thank you mommy, thank you daddy.”
They put their baby between them and told her stories and sang until she fell asleep, a soft smile on her face.
They’d wake up the next morning, with Chenshi huddled against them, sometimes even on top of Lao. He’d gotten used to her weight on top of him.
0o0
He woke up panting and in a cold sweat. Chenshi had fallen asleep in their bed, but she wasn’t anywhere. Her weight wasn’t on him, and there was no one at his side where Charmaine should be. He scrambled to open a light.
This was the barracks, not his room with Charmaine. Chenshi wasn’t there.
They were gone, the both of them. His wife and his baby were gone. They were dead and gone.
The place on the bed to his right, where Charmaine would sleep, was cold and empty. This wasn’t even the bed she slept on. She always hated military type beds like these.
It had felt so real. They’d been right there, right next to him, and now he was awake and they weren’t. They could never wake up. Maybe if he went back to sleep, he could see them again.
His wife and his baby were dead, and it was all his fault.
Sleep would only be temporary. The only way he could be with them would be for him to die and join them wherever they were.
He closed his eyes and saw the picture of all three of them, Chenshi in her little purple dress and Charmaine in a blue one, with him wearing a grey shirt and jeans. They were a family, all three of them. He couldn’t stand to be apart from them.
“Soon,” he thought. “Soon I’ll be with you. We’ll be family again.”
0o0
Lao was gone, and the end was coming. The aliens were above the city, and small debris had been falling all morning.
She was in Chenshi’s room with the curtains drawn. Mandy was on the bed with them, which she’d never been allowed to do before. Charmaine had them gathered in her arms.
“Mommy, is everything gonna be ok?”
Chenshi was crying. She didn’t quite understand what was happening, but at the same time, she seemed to know, with her four year old logic, that this was it.
“It’s gonna be ok baby, it’s gonna be ok. Mommy’s with you.”
Chensi’s favourite song from the CD came on, and Chenshi seemed to relax a little bit. Charmaine rubbed her back and sang along, distracting her from the shaking ground below them.
While Chenshi wasn’t looking, Charmaine took a quick look outside and saw something massive above. It was falling. It was headed straight for them.
“Chenshi baby, Mommy loves you.”
“I love you too Mommy.”
She hugged Chenshi as tightly as she could and kissed the top of her head.
She sang along to the final lyrics of the last song on the CD, whose lyrics were uncannily fitting. Sure, the year was wildly off, but she could fix that.
