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An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
It's about power. And optics. And rage and anger. And, so therefore, about feelings.
But feelings tend to be more convoluted than the simplest descriptors utilized in Page Six about a marriage that was a failure not necessarily due to the actions of one single person. Not like Miranda would ever explain herself in as much detail as it would require.
Yet
i've heard them calling my name
Anakin Skywalker faces five people after the second great betrayal of his lifetime.
Inspired in part by @naberiie's "thirteen minutes".
WORD COUNT: 1803
XXX
1
Anakin Skywalker isn’t dead, but he is dying.
It hurts, and he is used to the pain, the ache in his lungs, and the throbbing in what remains of his limbs. He’s used to the grief and the guilt and the sorrow.
What’s new is the light flooding him, overwhelming his mind and senses. What’s new is love, the feeling returned after an eternity of bitterness and hatred. What’s new is his son, so much smaller than Anakin in his mechanical suit, dragging him through the hangar, and the determination and compassion that flow from him; Luke the bright epicenter of his suddenly recentered galaxy.
But dying sounds like a horrible, raspy breath, and the wheeze of a failing ventilator.
And love sounds like: “I won’t leave you here. I’ve got to save you.”
Dying is dimness creeping in at the corners, quickly enough to scare Anakin, to rush his goodbyes.
Love is the blue of his son’s eyes, and the kindness shining in his face that reminds Anakin so much of Padmé.
He thinks of his wife, and of his daughter who he never knew, and of his son, and he mourns them all in a second, because the darkness is closing in, and his consciousness is fleeing him as is air, and again Luke desperately promises not to leave him, and Anakin exhales for the last time and his son’s voice is the last thing he knows.
Euphoria
AO3
Act I
Tony’s four when he first touches a wire. When he first holds a hammer. When he sees the metal shape under his fingers. When he traces the screws he just placed on his creation.
He’s four when he first makes something, when he learns how the blue screen that is a computer works, when he sees his dad smile proudly.
It’s euphoria.
~~~
He has the dream life. His ego is sky-high, he’s a god. He has enough money to gamble without risks, he can get anyone he wants with just one line and after he has sex he escapes into his sanctuary.
He gets to feel the burn of alcohol in his throat and smooth skin beneath his fingers and everything empty in him is filled with designs.
It’s euphoria.
~~~
He was a teen the first time he learned that sometimes his father failed. He’s in boarding school and finds a computer and he finds out that Howard never could make anything that flew. When he asks his dad shouts at him for being ungrateful.
When he hovers half an inch off the ground he falls. It’s all filmed, and god knows that even though JARVIS is an AI, he’s dying to release that footage.
But then he’s flying. The wind isn’t in hair but the adrenaline is in his veins. If he wouldn’t be flying he’d fall, he thinks. He shrieks in joy. Crash, he goes, of course. But-
It’s euphoria.
~~~
The expo burns in the background. He can still smell the smoke. His ears are ringing from the explosions. It’s the moment he realizes that he hadn’t privatized world peace. He feels the metal that he knows will be his doom and savior against his palms.
But he also sees Pepper’s blue-blue-blue eyes. He can smell her perfume. He can hear her breathless panting. It’s the moment he realizes he loves her. He can feel her lips against his.
It’s euphoria.
~~~
He hovers a little above the ground. He’s in a circle with his teammates, who he knows will have his back. He can see the aliens in front of him.
He feels safe and powerful. He feels understood and loved. He feels exactly what Rhodey told him he felt in the army.
It’s euphoria.
~~~
The code flows on the screen. He knows his fingers are the ones responsible. He looks up to the sphere in front of him and thanks it. He looks to Bruce and he’s so grateful for him.
He knows soon the world would be safe. If Ultron would work... he could take Pepper and run away with her forever.
It’s euphoria.
~~~
He knows the kid is new and not technically his. But when he sees him invent something side by side him, or when they are training back to back, it feels like this kid has always been his.
It’s euphoria.
Act II
The bruises on his face and his back and his hands ache. His head thumps painfully and his eyes are so dry they hurt. It feels like his heart is the most wounded, though.
And his dad walks away like it’s he’s nothing.
It’s agony
~~~
He says goodbye to Rhodey. He says goodbye to Pepper. He says goodbye to Happy. He tells them all he loves them. They can’t hear, and they never will.
The water fills his lungs and he can’t breathe. He feels like he’s crying but he can’t tell what is water and what is his tears, even when he’s pulled out of the tub by his hair. He’s never more mortal.
It’s agony.
~~~
He flies straight into a portal filled with black. He let’s go of the rocket. He’s floating.
If he wasn’t filled with terror and panic he would feel depressed and tired. His eyes shut close.
It’s agony.
~~~
Pepper walks away. He can hear her heels clicking on the floor, away-away-away from him. He barely registers the words she had said to him. It’s the moment he realizes he can’t live without her. All he feels is cold.
It’s agony.
~~~
He’s filled with blinding anger. He doesn’t fight with amusement, instead, he barely talks. He’s just calculating his next moves and nothing else. He thinks the frown on his face will be permanent. The cuts and bruises on his body burn as bright as his rage.
But then the shield slices through his arc-reactor heart. And the betrayal stings more than anything else he’s feeling.
It’s agony.
~~~
He looks down at the deep pit he left on the ground. He looks as the cords he rips from the core of the flying city fall down. If he wasn’t on a mission, he would wish he would fall down with them. Have the city crash him to death.
He thinks of the vision of all his teammates dying. It almost happened. Because of him.
It’s agony.
~~~
The kid turns to dust by Tony’s side. He feels more alone than he ever did, even though there is still an alien by his side. It feels like he’s the one who was turned to dust. He looks at his hands hoping he maybe would.
He stays solid.
It’s agony.
Act III
He’s burning to death. His skin is screaming. He can smell it happen. He can feel the poison sipping into his cells. He has the worst headache of his life. He’s painfully aware that he has this power that he hates at the tip of his fingers.
It’s agony.
But he breathes through the pain. When he closes his eyes he can see who he’s doing this for - Morgan. When he opens his eyes, he sees Thanos’ shocked face. It hurts too much to smile, but he feels like he’s smiling. It might be the widest he ever smiled.
He snaps -
It’s euphoria.
Fin~
kinda sketched this random scene from ma head
I had pose sketches for other chracters but they’re soooo outdated, i could so much better now. Also.. WHY THE FUCK DO I ALWAYS FORGET TO POST SHIT
