Cryptic Mystic: What is Love?!
Love. We hear this word often. But what does it mean? The word “love” is over-used in society to the point where many feel no significance towards the word. The phrase “I love you” is simply a phrase. The meaning behind the words and the actions that precede or follow the words are what actually give the words meaning. Of course, this differs depending on who you’re talking to. Love is subjective. It is also important to note that there are different kinds of love, just like there are different types of relationships. For example - you likely don’t have the same type of relationship with your mother as you do with your lover, and the type of love you experience and express is likely also very different as well. Love is not an all-encompassing word.
Words are power, which is why we call the formation of letters into words “spelling.” Words are a form of spellwork. You hold so much power every time you speak, or every time you write/type. Words have the ability to draw so much emotion; cutting like a knife to the heart or overflowing our hypothetical cup with bliss. This becomes very important to remember when working within your craft. Words, emotions, it all ties together to create an intention. But how can we harness or control this power? How can we utilize it properly? There is no one set-in-stone way, as are with most things, but I can share with you some ideas and thoughts that will at least get your brain turning.
So… the big question… What is love? I’ll start by explaining the different types of love. Now, I will remind you that this is in no way a complete list of possibilities, for most things can be added to, taken away from, etc. These types of love are not exclusive, rather are most common and most relatable to the general population. Along with the different types of love, there are also parts of the body that coincide with each that serve as a vessel of sorts in relation to the type of love experienced.
The first type of love is Philia (fill-ee-uh), otherwise known as “affectionate love.” This is the type of love that you often see in strong friendships. Philia is present within strong platonic bonds between individuals who are not in a romantic/intimate type of relationship. The human mind is the vessel in which Philia is associated with because these strong bonds do require a certain amount of trust, familiarity, and similarity between individuals or “being on the same wavelength.” Some ways in which people express this type of love include having deep conversations, expressing openness and trust, engaging in bonding activities, offering consistent support, and just being there for one another in general. If you have a best friend, this is that type of love.
The second type of love is Pragma (prag-muh), also known as “enduring love.” This type of love can be seen in life-long bonds between partners and is more mature in nature. The key point here is that it develops over a period of time and isn’t something short-term or spontaneous. It may have started as such, but has evolved and matured over several years. The vessel in which Pragma lies is within the subconscious. This is a type of love that isn’t felt emotionally with intent or conscious effort - it just becomes what it is. This love is always an equal 50/50 split where one person does not give more or less than the other. There is a sense of strong purpose that comes with this type of love. Ways in which this type of love is expressed is through a continuous strengthening and stability of the relationship over a long-term time frame, exhibiting equal effort within the relationship, and making the decision to be with this person forever as one. If you are in a romantic/intimate type of relationship that is long-term where both parties put forth equal effort and feels “natural” then you are experiencing Pragma.
The third type of love is Storge (storj), otherwise known as “familiar love.” We touched on this one a little bit in Philia, but it is indeed its own separate entity because this love cannot only be found in close friendships, but also between parents/caregivers and children. Specifically, the vessel in which Storge lies is within memories, because this love is familiar. Oftentimes people say Storge “feels comforting, like home.” Storge is organic, never forced, and involves a deep emotional connection between parties. The memories with these individuals stand out and are deep-rooted in nature. The more memories shared with the person, the higher the value is placed on the relationship. Ways in which people express Storge include self-sacrifice (time, enjoyable activities, ect.), being able to forgive one another quickly when mistakes are made, and sharing many fond memories (which are continuing to be made). If you share a healthy and close (familiar) relationship with a parent/caregiver, you have experienced Storge.
The fourth type of love is Eros (air-ohs), also known as “romantic love.” This type of love is all-consuming and often involves a physical component. When experiencing Eros, there is a strong infatuation with the person and pleasure-seeking behaviors are exhibited. The vessel in which Eros is found is within the body as a whole. Some may say they feel “butterflies” in their stomach, lightness in the chest, tingling in the genitals, and a plethora of other somatic symptoms when experiencing Eros. The key point of eros is to engage in pleasure-seeking activities with the person you are infatuated with. Eros can be expressed through touching, caressing, kissing, or engaging in sexual acts. If it isn’t already obvious, hormones play a huge role within Eros. If you have kissed someone sensually or had sex with someone and felt similar feelings to those described above, you have experienced Eros. Keep in mind, this looks different for everyone. Different strokes for different folks.
The fifth type of love is Ludus (loo-doos), or “playful love.” The vessel in which Ludus lies is within emotions. Ludus is all about expressing emotions through flirtatious endeavors. This does not include any of the physical components - see Eros above. This type of love is a gateway for an intimate relationship. You may have heard this type of love described as the “honeymoon phase.” There may be a sense of excitement and overall jovial attitude whenever someone is around the person they are experiencing Ludus towards. Ways in which Ludus is expressed include engaging in playful banter, flirting, laughing, joking, and having fun in a child-like manner. If you have ever flirted with a potential partner (or even a current new partner), you have experienced Ludus.
The sixth type of love is Mania (may-nee-uh). It is exactly what it sounds like. This type of love is obsessive in nature, where a person goes absolutely head-over-heels batshit crazy over their romantic/intimate partner. The vessel in which this type of love lies is within a person’s natural survival instincts. This type of love should be avoided due to the potential harmful mental health risks that will likely ensue. People who experience Mania often focus entirely on the other person and fixate on their every move. Focusing on the self is completely out the window - which is NOT good at all. This type of love often leads to jealousy, envy, and controlling possessive behaviors. In more extreme cases, this is the type of love that people literally kill over. The main cause of Mania is said to be an imbalance between Ludus and Eros. Keeping a healthy and stable level of playfulness and romance within the relationship may help in avoiding this type of love. The survival instinct that kicks in with Mania is because the person desperately feels that they need the other person to give themselves any sense of meaning or purpose. Individuals who experience Mania are often afraid of abandonment and will do anything to keep their partner to themselves. This may stem from childhood abandonment issues, but there are a plethora of other factors to be considered, of course. If you begin to feel this way towards a person, try focusing on yourself more rather than putting all of your focus on the other person. You may also stop and think about the way you are feeling and question why you feel the way you do - dig deep. This ultimately avoids an unhealthy relationship, codependency issues, or any of the significantly worse things that may come along with experiencing Mania. Trust is key here. Being able to trust the other person and for them to trust you equally is a huge protective factor.
The seventh type of love is Philautia (fill-out-ia). This type of love is all about the self. Self-love is required before one can truly love someone else in a healthy way. Some may argue with me on this, but I have never seen a healthy relationship where both people didn’t seem confident in loving themselves as well. On the other side of the coin, every relationship I’ve seen that was unstable always involved at least one or both parties having low self-confidence, self-esteem, and an overall diminished sense of self-love. The vessel in which Philautia lies is deep within the person, some might call this a “soul,” but you call it whatever you like. Philautia involves recognizing your self-worth and not allowing anyone to take it away. This type of love involves strength and truth. A person who experiences Philautia realizes that it is their sole responsibility to do what is necessary to take care of themselves and engage in regular self-care for a rounded sense of wellbeing. Ways in which this can be accomplished include surrounding yourself with people who are supportive and uplifting, creating an environment that makes you feel good, taking care of yourself, and engaging in regular self-care (taking time for yourself regularly). If you engage in an activity that makes you feel good on a regular basis that improves your overall quality of life (e.g., yoga, meditation, a hot bath, etc.) you have experienced Philautia. Again, this looks different for everyone - there is no set way to experience this.
The eighth and last type of love I will talk about is Agape (uh-gahp-ay), or “selfless love.” This type of love can be shown towards anyone and involves empathy, support, and unconditional love. The vessel in which this love lies is within the self, or what some might call “spirit.” This type of love is of the most high because there are no underlying intentions, no gains to be had, and it just comes naturally to anyone and everyone around a person. There is a purpose here that is bigger than oneself. Agape includes the ability to express love and kindness in any given situation, no matter how bad the circumstances may be - being selfless. Ways in which people might express Agape include volunteering to improve the lives of others, staying conscious and grounded in your decision-making from day to day, and offering your time to someone who really needs it. If you practice any of the mentioned items above or something similar, you have experienced Agape.
What is the ideal combination of these 8 types of love? With so much information and so many types of love, it is challenging to decipher which type of love may be right for you in your relationships with others. I will offer you three combination suggestions: one for friendships, one for family, and one for intimate/romantic partners. You may take my suggestions or leave them, or maybe you want to create your own combination. As I always say, you choose what you believe - and thus you choose what is right for YOU.
Friendship: Philia, Storge, Philautia
Romantic/Intimate Partner: Pragma, Eros, Ludus
Family: Storge, Agape, Philia
Again, feel free to mix and match. There is no right or wrong answer here. The only type of love you will want to avoid at all costs is Mania, which I feel needs no further explanation.
So how does this tie into your craft? Think about the different types of love and if any of these resonate with you within your occult practices. I know our population here is very diverse, so this will likely look different for all of you, as do most things. I will give you an example as it applies to witchcraft, specifically. If witchcraft isn’t your thing and you’re into something else, that's cool - you may still be able to take something away from this. Or you may just enjoy the read. Either way, I’m glad you’re here.
Love spells have been popularized and romanticized throughout history. Whether someone seeks to strengthen a relationship they already have with someone, or they want to make someone fall in love with them - many seek to find some form of love in one way or another. Many types of items can be utilized in love spells including foods, candles, herbs, trinkets, household items, oils, plants, items from the earth, items from the human body or other living beings, and so much more. Many forms of magick can be intertwined within this practice as well from many types of witches including (but not limited to) Secular, Black, Sea, Tech, Green, Dianic, Solitary, Voodoo, Hedge, Shadow, Divination, Fae, Draconic, Eclectic, Necromantic, Shaman, etc.
Today I will share three spells with you that I hand-selected from a vintage spellbook that was passed on to me through several generations.
The first spell is one of self-love, which is highly recommended that you complete before all others. You may choose to do this spell on its own, but it is best to perform this spell ritualistically alongside (before) all other types of spells in the future, regardless of type/intention. The point here is to strengthen yourself before you move forward with your main spell-work for the evening. You must complete this spell on the night of a full moon. The items you will need include the following:
1. Create an altar (if you do not have one already) filled with items that exhibit what love means to you. Make sure to choose items (flowers, colors, trinkets, etc.) that are appealing to you and mean something to you.
2. Trim your photo into a heart shape
3. Adorn your photo with the ribbons around the edges in whatever way you choose
4. Chant as you work - you may choose to hum or sing a song that you enjoy that is about love, or you may choose to make one up as you go (trusting your instincts to guide your words)
5. When you are done decorating the edges of your photo with ribbon, place the photo within the silver photo frame and then set it on your altar
6. Light (at minimum) one white candle every night next to your photo until the following full moon. If you miss a night, you will need to begin the process over. Disclaimer: don’t ever leave your candle(s) burning if you leave your home or if you go to sleep. Be sure you are awake and monitoring any type of open flame.
Once a full moon cycle has passed you may choose to continue this practice as a ritual. If you would like to change the picture, simply repeat the process over again on the night of a full moon.
This spell is for those who may have a new romantic interest and is designed to evoke your new lover to reveal their true selves. Heed warning, this spell will only work if there is a sense of destiny within the relationship. So, you essentially kill two birds with one stone here - you find out who your new lover truly is and also if there is a future with the person. You can complete this spell during any moon phase. The key to the natural environment in which you cast this spell is that it must be during a thunderstorm - the more intense the better. You will utilize the energy from the storm to communicate this silent message to your love. The items you will need include the following:
A photo of your new lover
A mirror (can be mounted on a wall)
6 small candles from the rainbow spectrum (each differing in color)
A thunderstorm from mother nature
1. Place the photo of your lover where their reflection will be caught in the mirror
2. Place the candles where their reflection will also be caught in the mirror as well (you want the candles to illuminate your lover's face - it will look eerie!)
3. Using the force of the storm, focus on your lover’s image and will your lover to shed any doubt or fear of judgment within the relationship and to commit to the relationship more through showing their “true self.”
4. Ensure that the candles are continuing to burn as you proceed to address your lover (if the candles blow out, this may be an indication that the relationship will also fizzle out - this isn’t definite, but I have seen my fair share of people who have experienced this).
5. If there is any passion in the relationship and there is a future to be had, your lover will soon show more of themselves.
The last spell is one for those who have a partner who maybe had a childhood that was not so great, and thus has trust issues or issues with making complete attachments. There may be lingering insecurities present, or some other issues within your current relationship due to this. This spell can be cast during any moon phase. The items you will need include the following:
A lock of your lover’s hair
A tiny freezer-proof container
An early snowdrop or bluebell
1. Weave the locks of hair together
2. Place the intertwined hair within the padlock
3. Place the padlock with the hair intertwined within it into the freezer-proof container
4. Pour honey over the top while asking that it sweetens all memories of past sadness
5. Place the flower head into the honey
6. Secure the container, put it into the freezer, and blow it a kiss as you close the door
7. At regular intervals, blow the charm a kiss
This spell can produce great results if done with sincerity and strength.
I hope that you have enjoyed this lengthy yet informative February blog. There is so much in store for 2022 on the blog and I am glad that you have chosen to be here reading my words. Always remember, you choose what you believe. Regardless of what you believe in, I respect you and I honor your presence. May the remainder of February bring you nothing but great things. We’re only getting started with our year. Let’s make the best of it.
Cryptic Mystic Blog by PsychVVitch @psychvvitch
