[More post Venom 3 Carnage found family au]
[*Eddie wakes up, tied up next to Cletus in a dark warehouse somewhere, trying to mentally retrace how they got here.
That's right, they were ambushed on the way back from the store.
Aw shit, the groceries....
They were rotting in the street somewhere if they weren't just incinerated by flamethrower. (Goddammit that was so expensive.)
There was no way he would have survived that without Venom.
Oh, of course--with Flash. He had work today.
They were supposed to meet them for the trade off at six tonight. (What time was it now?)
One moment they were just walking down the street, enjoying a nice sunny day.
The next the blast of searing heat, burning--
Venom wasn't here, how had he survived...?
That's right. Cletus--Cletus pushed him out of the way, He and Carnage took the brunt of it.
Looking over, they still looked to be in a bad way. Were they healing slower than usual?
Eddie's racing thoughts were interrupted when his eyes focused upon the gloating face of someone he was never expecting to see again...*]
Eddie: Oh come on! You are dead. Dead. Go fuck off and stay dead.
Drake: I'm hurt. Truly. Big journal entry about that tonight.
Cletus: Hey Eddie, who the hell is this dipshit?
Eddie: [*Sees it clearly irked Drake to not be recognized*] Oh just some asshole who screwed up my life. Don't worry about it.
Cletus: Oh, I see. Well fuck him then.
Drake: Really, Eddie, I should thank you. Once I got my symbiote under control with the suppressor collar... having the world think I'd burned up in the rocket was a convenient way to fake my death and launder my money so I pay even less in taxes. So, thank you for that.
Eddie: ...No problem. Uh... That means you're going to let us go, right?
Drake: Hmm, no... You may have noticed that you're symbiotes can't come out to play right now. State of the art symbiote suppressor collars. My own design and I spared no expense. Wasn't that nice of me? Say thank you.
Eddie [*Can't let him know he was currently Venom-less because he'd probably just kill him.*] Go to Hell.
Drake: Rude and ungrateful as ever. Long journal entry about it tonight.
Cletus: Gotta say, it's not really to my taste.
Eddie: I think you look good in it. The collar. If not for the whole suppressor thing. But then you can make anything look good. You can make those eyesore Aloha shirts look good.
Cletus: What's wrong with my shirts?
Eddie: Nothing. I just said you look good.
Cletus: What I'm getting from this is you want to see me in a collar. Shall we ask our wife on our next trip to Hot Topic?
Drake: You use humor as a coping mechanism to avoid feeling anything. But don't worry you will feel it by the time we're done with you.
Cletus: Ah, as they say on them internets, 'cool beans.'
Eddie: You know you could have just tried Tinder...
Drake: Brock, I did not seek out your company by choice I assure you. I need you.
Drake [sighing]: I have a bit of a problem. Whenever I let Riot out he takes a bit more from me.
Eddie: Well, that sounds like a you problem.
Cletus: Yeah, that's got nothing to do with us.
Drake: Au contraire, but it does. What is it about you? Or evidently your heyseed friend here that allows for a successful symbiosis? I simply must find out. Time is of the essence. What is it about you...? You don't even understand, do you? The gift you've been given.. What an amazing creature you are.
Drake: [*invading Eddie's personal space*]
Cletus: Hey... you only need one of us right? So let him go.
Eddie [*concerned by Cletus's yet labored breathing and slow rate of recovery*]: No, Cletus we are not doing this. [*to Drake*] I'm the one you want. Let him go.
Cletus: Eddie, you really don't wanna see what I'm about to do to this bastard.
[*Eddie realizing that since Carnage is in his blood he could just bite his lip or something and probably get around the suppressor collar thing but no need to let Drake know that.*]
Eddie [*shooting him a knowing look*] What are you gonna do, Cletus? Say mean things to him? Breathe on him hard? You're in no shape for this.
Cletus [*sharing said look*]: Yeah, well neither are you. Stop being so damn noble and get the hell out of here!
Drake [*Looking over both of them*]: ...That's it, isn't it?
Cletus: Don't you dare touch him, you creep!
Drake: [*caressing Eddie's cheek*]
Cletus [snarling]: ...I am going to make you eat your own hands.
Drake: I'm afraid you're a bit too late for that. Drake [*peeling back "skin" to show he has robot hands*]: Riot left to his own devices would have had all of me by now. Time is of the essence while there's still anything left of me.
Cletus: No Eddie, don't you dare feel sorry for this asshole.
Eddie: Who says I do? Really, just let me get the world's smallest violin.
Cletus: ...Touch him again and I'll still make you eat those hands. You'll get your daily supply of iron.
Drake [*grinning*]: Hmmm... it seems Brock you have a type. You have no shortage of violent, protective men and entities clamoring to be your boyfriends, do you?
Drake: Thats the answer, isn't it? Extreme empathy. That's what makes a successful host. A shame. That's not really a quality one can afford to cultivate in the business world.
Eddie: ...That's why you brought the symbiotes to Earth isn't it? Humans disappoint you. You think you're above them... You're lonely.
Cletus: ...But all you found was more disappointment, didn't you? The same patterns repeat. Because you never did the work. Never reflected why you do what you do or how you got here. Never tried to change or grow as a person. Because of course you're already perfect... why would you need to evolve? But now your 'perfect creature' has rejected you as insignificant and is eating you alive... Well, that's gotta sting.
Eddie: You thought your symbiote would have no choice but to love you, didn't you?
Cletus [*grinning*]: No one will ever love you.
Drake [*has clearly struck a nerve*]: ...you are right. I only need one of you. And I have no use for your boyfriend when I have my Patient Zero.
[*Shoots Cletus, the bullet impacts his chest and tips his chair over*]
Drake [*looking Eddie over, frowning*]: Where is he?
[*Eddie starts laughing.*]
Drake [*realizing*]: Where's Venom?!
[*Eddie needs to keep Drake focused on him, keep him distracted... Give Cletus and Carnage the chance to recover...*]
Eddie [*thinking*]: (C'mon buddy, you regrew your whole fucking head. Don't let a little gunshot bring you down...)
Eddie: You seriously didn't check first? Some scientist you are! One isn't a sample size! [*No, no, no don't look at Cletus, gotta keep his attention on me.*] Even I know that and I'm a journalism major. I learned that in high school science class!
[*Good, Eddie could see Carnage seeping out of the wound but clearly needed to dismantle the nullification collar in order to start healing him. That was gonna get noisy, he had to figure out something to keep Drake distracted.
Drake [*spitting mad*]: Of course I checked! Your blood is full of symbiote matter!
[*Venom must have left something behind when he went off to work this morning. Just like when they left something behind when they spawned Carnage...*]
Eddie: Oh shit, we're pregnant again aren't we?
[*Shit shouldn't have said that around the wannabe mad scientist.*]
[*Did he just break him?*]
Drake: He abandoned you while you were pregnant?!
Eddie: He didn't abandon me. He... [*he's working, but that's classified and even that sentence would be a bit too revealing*] He just has shit to do.
Drake: Oh sure... I'm sure he's gone to get a pack of cigarettes, he'll be back in ten minutes.
[*Eddie knew Flash and Venom were currently helping some Skrull refugees move into their new home in Queens but that was classified and Drake didn't need to know that*]
Eddie: That sounds like that might be more of your issue, dude. I trust Venom. And he trusts me. I know he'll come home to me.
Drake: ...How touching. A pity you won't be alive for him to come home to.
Eddie: Really, I thought you needed me?
Drake [clearly at the end of his patience]: Not much longer, I assure you.
Eddie: Well in either case, when he returns, finds out what you did... and he will, he's gonna find you and he's gonna eat you.
[*If Carnage doesn't do it first which seemed increasingly unlikely. C'mon you bloody ooze, you can do it...*]
Drake [*sighs*]: ...You understand given my circumstances that's not exactly a threat to me. If anything that would be a mercy.... but... What did you mean again? This has happened before?! You've been pregnant before?!
Eddie: I don't really see how that's your goddamn business.
[*On the other hand that was the perfect distraction they needed.]
Drake: You survived, uneaten, not only as a host but incubating it's offspring, multiple times? Of course it's my goddamn business! How?
Eddie: ...Are you asking me how to have sex or...? Well, you see when a symbiote and their host love each other very much...
[*Drake slaps him, Eddie laughs again too amused to even mind and too relieved seeing more of Carnage break free and that Cletus was still breathing.*]
Eddie: ...Well I imagine the normal way one gets pregnant with an alien... You ever see Alien? You should really talk to Riot about it honestly because really that's between you and him...
Drake [tersly]: We don't talk anymore.
Eddie: Well then... who says you're not already a mom too? I'm sure you've been with him long enough to be popping them out. Maybe he was laying eggs in you while you were sleeping--
[*They were interrupted by the metallic screech of Carnage's nullification collar being ripped to shreds*]
Drake: [*making a face journey as he realizes that 1. They tricked him 2. A symbiote had worked out how to get around his nullifier within minutes and 3. Riot was fully capable of learning from that.*]
Carnage: [*Fully restored, letting out a furious roar. Eddie wondered if they'd absorbed a bit of Shriek's powers when they bonded because the roar shook the warehouse to its foundations*]
Eddie: You may wanna be running, it seems my eldest daughter isn't too happy with you right now.
[*Drake is slammed from behind by a mass of red tentacles*]
Eddie: Oops, too late. [*To Cletus and Carnage*] Thanks.
Cletus: Never better. Let us get you out of that thing.
Eddie [teasing]: You don't think I look good in a collar?
Cletus: Oh you look very fetching but I'm sure your husband would get jealous and I'm not in the mood to get my head bitten off again.
Eddie [*regarding Drake, knocked unconscious on the ground*]: Do you think maybe Teddy or Sadie could--
Cletus: What did I say about feeling sorry for this asshole?
Eddie: I know... I know. It's just... wouldn't it be better to know where he is rather than wait for them to regenerate and try this shit again? And even if Riot ate Drake--Riot on his own could be a problem. We should call this in.
Cletus: We need to call Venom and Flash anyway to let them know why we're running late before they tear New York apart looking for you.
Cletus: Eddie... They would. It's what we would do if the circumstances were reversed, is it not?
Eddie: Shit. Where's my phone? And we still need to get groceries, what all did we need again?
Cletus: The usual for us--chocolate, milk, eggs... also more soy and coconut milk for Frances. She wants to make cookies.
Carnage: So, father... what are you going to name my siblings?
Carnage: You're carrying twins.
Eddie: Oh right... that happened. I think... I think I need to sit down here for a minute.
Carnage: How about Slayer?
Cletus: [*to Carnage*] You already named your cat Slayer. [*To Eddie*] I'll call Flash.
Eddie: Thanks. I appreciate it. I really do.
