#cliff bole

[nerds-yearbook]

Lt Barclay (Dwight Schultz) was introduced in the Star Trek the Next Generation episode "Hollow Persuits" that aired first on April 28, 1990. He would play the character 5 times on Star Trek TNG, 6 times on Star Trek Voyager, and once in the feature film Star Trek First Contact. ("Hollow Persuits" Star Trek the Next Generation, TV Event)

[episodicnostalgia]

Star Trek: The Next Generation, 124 (May 9, 1988) - “Conspiracy”

Teleplay by: Tracy Tormé Story by: Robert Sabaroff Directed by: Cliff Bole

The Breakdown

The Enterprise is en route to Pacifica for… it doesn’t matter, because Picard gets a top secret late-night-call from his old buddy Captain Walker Keel, of the starship Horatio.  Keel implores Picard to cancel his appointment with Pacifica, because he has some piping hot tea (earl grey, presumably) that he can only spill in person, but it’s gotta be now …and also, don’t tell anyone why. Since Picard probably hasn’t had anyone to gossip with since his hairline met his forehead, he orders the Enterprise to “fuck our meeting with Pacifica, and take me to a nearby abandoned mining outpost instead,” much to the crew’s bemusement.

Upon arriving to their new destination, the crew find three other ships have also arrived, with three designated representatives already waiting on the mining-planet’s surface, so Picard beams down before Riker can admonish him about breaching protocol. On the surface Picard is greeted by Keel and the other two ship’s Captains, who are all pointing phasers at his head, and asking him a bunch of MFA questions (which Picard obviously crushes; the dude is nothing if not savvy). Since Picard has proven he’s not an imposter, Keel proceeds to explain that he suspects a vast Conspiracy within Starfleet, that may have permeated even the highest levels of command. Apparently Starfleet has been restructured in vaguely suspicious ways, and also Keel’s first officer and doctor have been acting super-sus. Picard remains unconvinced, but agrees to keep his eyes peeled, and leaves their clandestine rendezvous so he can get back to following orders like an upstanding person.

Of course, wouldn’t you know it, just as we’re getting back on track to the Pacifica story we all came here for, an even more interesting tragedy strikes; The Horatio has been destroyed, claiming the lives of Keel and his entire crew! That alone is enough for Picard to suspect that something is amiss, but when Data pours through all of the Starfleet command files at super-android-speed and finds that things do indeed appear quite suspicious, that clinches it. After bringing his key staff up-to-speed, Picard resolves to bail on Pacifica altogether [sorry Pacifica, sucks to suck. Maybe try being part of the main plot next time], and return to starfleet command to get to the bottom of things once and for all!

Upon arriving to earth, Picard is greeted by three Admirals we’ve never met before, which historically means they can’t be trusted. Fortunately however, Admiral Quinn is amongst them (along with his snivelling-sycophant-commander Remmick, leering in the background) who, you may recall, came to Picard several episodes ago, warning of a conspiracy against Starfleet. Picard explains to the admirals that he has something urgent to tell them, and they seem pretty happy to hear him out.  In fact, they even suggest that Picard and Riker both come down away from prying eyes, for a private little dinner where they can discuss it, and nothing bad will happen. First though, Quinn wants to come up and take a quick look at the Enterprise (because who wouldn’t), and Picard reasons that the Admiral probably wants to warn them about something.

But he would be wrong.

It turns out all three of the Admirals, including Quinn (and also that fucking weasel, Remmick), are possessed by alien-bug-creatures that burrow into the back of your neck at the base of the skull.  Thankfully Picard clues in that something is wrong when Quinn back peddles hard about his previous Conspiracy woes. Since the dinner is obviously a Trap, Picard orders Riker to hang back for a bit and keep an eye on Quinn, while he heads down and hopes for the best.

Up on the Enterprise, Riker starts asking too many questions, until Quinn is forced to admit that he’s here for nefarious possession-related purposes (he brought a possession-bug onto the ship, with Dr. Crusher being the intended target in this case).  But since the jig is up, Bug-Quinn starts beating the shit out of Riker, because being possessed gives the hosts super powerful bodies. 

Geordie and Worf show up to find the Admiral hunched over Riker’s unconscious body, and do their best to help, but they also prove to be no match for Quinn’s super-bug-strength.  Thankfully Dr. Crusher has more common sense than the chief of security and pretty handily knocks Quinn flat on his ass with a phaser (seriously Worf, way to drop the ball). With Quinn secured in sick bay, Crusher is able to determine what the heck is going on, and bring Picard up to speed. Suddenly Riker makes a miraculous recovery, and sneaks up behind Crusher, implying that he got body-snatched after Quinn shit-kicked him.

Meanwhile Picard is down on the planet surface, and the Admirals pretty much confirm that they have indeed been taking over key members of Starfleet, with the intention being to use humans as slave hosts. Right around then Riker shows up claiming to, in fact, be possessed with the bug that was intended for Crusher.  But it all ends up being a ploy (yep, that whole moment in sickbay was all just a classic red-herring), and once everyone’s guard is down he starts blasting the shit out of everyone in the room. The ensuing fire fight ends with Picard and Riker following a bug into a command station where Bug-Remmick is ostensibly plotting something evil. The possessed commander espouses some obligatory villain-monologue nonsense, but Picard figures enough is enough, so he and Riker straight up phaser Remmick’s head until it explodes. But it’s not over yet, because a giant queen-bug-worm-thing emerges from Remmick’s oozing chest cavity, and you can bet this thing isn’t going down easil- oh… never mind. Yeah, so Picard just vaporizes that too.

With the mother-bug reduced to space-ash, all of the possessed peoples are released, and the reset button has formally been activated.  Data does make one salient point, and informs Picard that prior to his death, Remmick had been sending a message into the far reaches of uncharted space.  The contents of the message are unclear, since the bug-dialect is unknown, but Data hazards a guess that the message may have been a homing beacon to earth…

Anyways it’s probably nothing! The end.

The Verdict.

If you had shown me this episode when I was eight years old, I would have probably identified it as a perfect hour of television.  A physically imposing enemy, who can’t be easily detected, and who could be your most trusted friend? Check. Creature FX, hand to hand combat, phaser fights, and corridor chase scenes? Check, check, check, and motherfucking check!  It’s actually kinda fun/interesting to see a number of preliminary concepts being experimented with, that would eventually be reworked and repurposed in other (arguably stronger) stories later down the line [more on that below].

Overall I’d say there’s more good than bad here, even though quite a few moments end up being unintentionally comical by current pop-culture standards, that’s also part of the charm.  An episode like this is a perfect example of classic pulp-camp television that has always been part of Star Trek’s DNA, and you have to go in with that attitude to enjoy it.  The clunky fight scenes barely hide the obvious stunt-doubles, the stop-motion creature effects are obviously inhibited by some clear budgetary & technological restraints, and the resolution is a bit overly convenient for how dire the circumstances were supposedly meant to be. As much as those things could be considered limitations, I almost appreciate the show even more for being so unapologetically sincere, even when it doesn’t perfectly stick the landing.

Overall, I think the creature work is actually quite impressive, and the practical special-effects used for Remmick’s gaping chest cavity/mother-bug are largely effective.  The other limitations might stop me from hailing this episode as a masterpiece, but they all work to the effect of telling an entertaining, if technically-over-ambitious story.  Even where our heroes make questionable choices, I can forgive on the grounds that the villains do the same; at least there’s an internal logic (or hilarious lack thereof) that remains consistent across the board.

Although, as much fun as ‘Conspiracy’ was, it didn’t have a lot to say.  Apparently at one point, there was an earlier draft of the script that was intended as a real-world allegory to the Iran-Contra affair, with the episode centering around an ordinary coup (sans body-snatch gimmicks), but was kiboshed for being too depressing/controversial. I imagine that iteration of the story might have still likely failed to hit the mark on any meaningful commentary, mainly because Star Trek historically has (especially during this still-early stage in the franchise) a very politically-liberal-colonial bias; ie, lots of good intentions, but with clear blind spots when it comes to addressing the root corruption that our core institutions are built upon, amongst other issues.  All the same, I kind of wish that earlier draft had been allowed to pass, even if it was a disaster, if only to see what it was that TPTB found so distasteful (it’s not like the season 1 scripts were batting 1000 anyways).

Overall, a harmlessly fun hour of camp TV, and a welcome change of pace after the last episode.

3 stars (out of 5)

Parting Thoughts

Silly things that I find interesting: I’d honestly never heard of this episode prior to watching it, but I wasn’t as avid a fan of TNG growing up (DS9 & Voyager for me, baby), so I was left to consider the possibility that I’d somehow missed out on even hearing about a major Space-bug-bodysnatchers story arc. Because, I gotta say you guys, that is one pretty ominous cliffhanger. So yeah, I obviously felt compelled to look ahead for answers, like the slutty little gossip that I am. [My “research” primarily entailed reading subreddits and fan sites. Which means, y’know… grain of salt, subject to error, and all that.] Supposedly, the bugs were meant to return as a recurring ‘Big Bad’ for the show, but the creature effects were too costly to produce on a regular basis. Although, it seems that the borg were possibly utilized as a more cost-effective alternative to achieving a similar hive-mind-themed existential threat.  Likewise, I’ve heard it suggested that some parts of the Changeling arc in DS9 may have been inspired by this episode, but who knows. All the same, one wonders how this story might have otherwise played out if given the chance, although it may be just as well that it didn’t; I think I still prefer the borg.

Remmick’s death is pretty violent for syndicated television. I suspect that level of gore probably wouldn’t make it past most network censors today. I realize that streaming has largely circumvented those kinds of restrictions now, but exploding brain matter still isn’t exactly a common occurrence, even on the newer (and notably more graphic) Trek shows.

So, are the events of this episode a matter of public record? Just before the climax, the bug-admirals indicate that they’re not far off from achieving total control of Starfleet, implying there were many other infected officers (which would support Keel’s suspicions). Is the invasion-attempt something that’s common knowledge across Starfleet (not to mention the general public), or was this all kept hidden somehow? A conspiracy this large could reasonably be expected to set off virtually every alarm across the entire Alpha Quadrant, rousing most governing bodies/empires to a vigilant search for a compact enemy that can turn almost any humanoid into an insurgent super-soldier. I dunno man, I don’t think I’d just let this one go, personally.

[spockvarietyhour]

Hey Cliff!

[defconprime]

TREKMATCH! # 686 - DS9's "Equilibrium" vs 1987's The Naked Gun

THE NAKED GUN

Detective Lieutenant Frank Drebin of the Police Squad has to stop a nefarious plot to kill the visiting Queen of England at a Dodgers game. I was kinda surprised by how well this holds up thirty some years later, a rare feat for 80s comedies. Well, I guess it's weird having OJ as a supporting actor but he was acquitted in a court of law I guess? Plus he hadn't even murdered anybody in 1987. It's a teeny tiny little bit disappointing how many gags they reuse from the Police Squad! show, but they're good gags and I guess nobody really watched Police Squad! when in aired which is why it was cancelled after four episodes in the first place!

GRADE: A-

STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE - "Equilibrium"

Jadzia starts being able to play the keyboard and imagine hostile activities so they gotta take a trip to Planet Trill to figure out what's up with her brain or slug. Turns out she had a murderer host once they tried to hide in her memories. Yeah I guess you never consider if you have a dozen past lives maybe one of them wasn't so great! And I never murdered anybody but I have one current life and I already endlessly go over all my mistakes endlessly in my mind - like I can't even imagine multiplying that by ten!

GRADE: C

Victory to Naked Gun, so Trek is up 348-338

[90smovies]

The X-Files

[scullydubois]

thoughts on Bad Blood (5x12)

Written by Vince Gilligan    Directed by Cliff Bole

Gillian’s favorite episode!! I’ve made it!

To say that expectations for this one are high would be an understatement

Also, I just watched CNN’s Apollo 11 documentary and I couldn’t stop thinking about the keychain the whole time and it put me in a good mood...so this better keep that up

Twilight .5

Oh I take that back

No, it is Twilight .5

I take that back again, it’s not and Mulder’s screwed

“Oh sh-“

446 million dollars is a lot

Tell us, Scully!

That really is what he sounds like all the time

Classic vampirism, obviously

Sheriff Hartwell is winning

The little legs reference...shut up

Mulder you are annoying sometimes

Mulder’s losing

“Mulder, what am I even looking for?” “I don’t know.”

It’s fair to say that I haven’t laughed out loud this much at an episode before

Oh my god, it’s this scene!!

“...who’s arguably having a worse time in Texas than I am, though not by much.”

What the fuck is going on with the bed

Lol what the fuck

Aww she did order a pizza...and the guy in there will pay for it...and there’s something creepy about the delivery boy

Literally poor Scully, doing autopsies again

The drug is in the pizza...oof

Lol what the hell

“I did not!”

Tell us Mulder!!

He brought some slides

He’s really trying here

You know who’s really winning in this episode? The audience.

“That’s a whole lot of caskets.”

Literachally

Mulder’s showing off ladies

The shoelaces are untied still...it be like that

“Of course it's winter, and we ain’t got no birds.”

I like the shot of him against the umbrella

The fucking pizza guy

Vampires are OCD, apparently

There’s a situation at the RV Park

A runaway….love that

He would!!

Huh...a mystery

We’re dealing with a lot right now

The bed really makes it

You’re being drugged my man

When he throws the phone,,,

Oh damn

The fucking seeds

“And then he sort of flew at me, like a flying squirrel?”

Literal dagger to the heart

Okay then

Bitch dafuq

“I was drugged!”

No one has suffered more for the cause than Dana Scully, and it’s a cause she doesn’t even believe in...sorry, I got deep for a second there

Mulder said bye

Is the sheriff a vampire

Oh fucking shit Mulder come back

Found Ronny boy

Oh damn

MULDER SAID THAT AT THE SAME TIME I TYPED IT

He really whipped out the garlic bread...that’s hilarious

They don’t know what happened??

Anyone else feeling like there’s some stuff they don’t wanna tell us…

Consensus: This was probably the funniest episode the X-Files will ever have, and I enjoyed it a lot. The high expectations I had were met, though knowing a lot about this episode going in kept it from having enough impact to hit 5 stars.

4.5 out of 5 stars

[defconprime]

TREKMATCH! # 662 - TNG's "Redemption" vs 2020s PG: Psycho Goreman

PG: PSYCHO GOREMAN

A little brother and sister accidentally dig up an intergalactic mass murderer but luckily the sister also digs up a gem that makes the murderer do whatever she wants. In a normal kids movie this would mean like playing with toys but this is one a those post post modern analytical comedy type films so she uses her demon to kill jerks and cops and sorta teaches it about love. It's a hilarious movie with such incredibly fun creature design - like I would buy statues of every demon and alien in this flick right away!

GRADE: B-

STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION - "Redemption"

Worf gets caught up in a lil Klingon civil war and has to resign his commission to stop the Duras sisters from usurping the Klingon throne. It turns out though they're being bankrolled by the Romulans, who are being led by Commander Sela, Tasha Yar's daughter! But wait, how can Tasha Yar's daughter be the same age she woulda been if she hadn't died? Well, that's all thanks to some alternate universe time travel and mild violations of the first law of thermodynamics.

GRADE: B-

Victory to Psycho Goreman, so Trek is up 334-328!

[defconprime]

TREKMATCH! # 661 - Voyager's "Dark Frontier" vs 1974's The Man With The Golden Gun

THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN

James Bond is set upon an infamous assassin who has stolen a device that makes harnessing the power of the sun possible! What, a Casio watch? As a kid this was my favorite Bond because it was one of two we had on tape (with License to Kill) and also I liked the bizarre funhouse sequence, but it's sorta bad. Like, I'm no gun connoisseur but wouldn't a solid gold bullet shatter when the propellant fires off? Also in order to use the sun's energy a giant mirror has to focus the sunlight into a super powerful laser beam. Didn't they have solar panels in 1974???? Also also every Bond movie obviously has a nefarious view of the world, but while in Thailand Bond has to fight... sumo wrestlers. Where they even trying? There's one really good car jump though.

GRADE: C-

STAR TREK: VOYAGER - "Dark Frontier"

Voyager plans a heist to steal some transwarp coils from a Borg Cube to help them get ho,e faster only to have Seven of Nine hypnotized back into the collective by the Borg Queen! Hey wasn't she melted in First Contact? I guess it's a different actress so I suppose it's a different Borg Queen. There's more than one queen bee in the world I suppose. Though why does Alice Krige come back as the Borg Queen for Voyager's finale? Are they just cloning different queens?

GRADE: C

Victory to Trek, so Trek is up 334-327!