#colonel sarge

[numartian]

been faffing about slowly designing facecanons for the rvb cast but i'm def the most pleased with my red team efforts. i posted sarge way earlier on my personal here

i wanted to evoke pulp scifi illustrations with lopez for funsies

[janknabobfdi-xxxnitrodarkxxx]

we need to talk about how sarge's xbox username is "GrifKilla51"

[wisteria-knight]

How They Hug (RvB - Sim Troopers)

Part 2 (RvB - Freelancers, Mercs)

(No armor)

Church is not an affectionate man, but he loves the attention and adoration. He never initiates a hug though, never. When you hug him he'll do the "ugh, what is this??" thing and pretend to try to push you off. He gives up pretty easily though and on occasion does give an awkward pat on the back. If its any of the guys, he'll push them off after two seconds but if its someone hes kind of into, he'll let them finish the hug, all the while saying flatly, "Yup. Okay. Yeah, thats good. That's-- thats enough. Alright. We done here?" He misses the warmth when you pull away. Baby is touch starved.

If you hug Caboose, say goodbye to your ribs. And your spine. And the ground. He's lifting you into a bear hug and never letting go. He's perfectly content to hold you all day everyday if you let him so someone has to tell him to let you down. Better hope you have air in your lungs if no one is around to rescue you. Caboose will initiate 99% of the hugs once he gets the green light for physical affection. You might even wake up with him wrapped around you and he runs HOT, so youll wake up sweaty as all hell. Sometimes he will just lay down on you with all his weight, and he has a lot of it. Also, he will yell in your ear out of joy. When he's not squeezing the life out of you, hes pretty good to give hugs to. He's tall and pretty muscular. Pecs out to here, perfect for resting your head on if you've had a long day and if you want him to crush your head in the crook of his arm, he can do that too.

Tucker isn't that affectionate, unless he thinks it's going somewhere. He'll let you hug him for a little bit but he gets tired of it quickly and isnt shy to tell you when its enough. He's a great hugger when he wants to be (comes with the schmoozing territory), knows how to hold you, knows where to put his hands, both appropriately and inappropriately. He's more likely to give you a crappy half hearted side hug though. If he's genuinely into the hug, hes got one hand around your shoulders and one around your waist. If hes taller then you, he rests his face against the side of your head. If hes shorter, he rests his head in the crook of your neck and you can feel his soft breath against your skin. I also imagine that he kind of smells good too. Not in an overwhelming cologne-y way, more of that subtle, three hours into a chill day with deodorant on way.

Sister HATES to be touched. Unless.... 👀. You will not be able to get a regular hug out of this woman without her trying to seduce you. In which that case, fantastic hugs. She knows how to hold you, knows how to work your body in a way where she doesnt even need to do anything remotely inappropriate. Tucker wishes he could have this super power. Expect to end up in her cot shortly after. If she can't seduce you, well why the fuck are you even in her personal space anyway. Get outta here weirdo and don't come back.

Doc is part of the permanent great huggers team, couldn't give a bad hug if he tried. Hes soft in all the right places and runs the absolute perfect temperature with soft, warm hands. He likes to say it comes with being a Medical Super Private First Class. You can ask him for a hug any time and he'll happily oblige. Hugs are the best medicine after all, right after laughter. He's honestly so sweet about it too and even gives you little peck on the forehead if you're in need of any extra TLC. Please always ask this man for a hug, he loves to give them.

Sarge is stiff stiff stiff. The man does not do physical affection. Hes the absolute opposite of Caboose i think. He pushes you off immediately and berates you for participating in behavior not suited for a soldier of war and then avoids you for a while because he doesnt want to admit he liked being held. In fact, because of that, hes extra gruff to you for a little bit too until you force him to tell you what's up. Anyway, dont expect to get in another hug because his guard is up now (please hug him, he needs it).

Simmons acts like hes never been touched in his life as soon as you get him wrapped up in your arms. The man freezes in his tracks, drops whatever hes holding and has no idea what to do next or how to get out of this. Neither you or he can tell if he actually wants this or not, and hes not exactly very comfortable to hug either, sorry Simmons stans. If you keep holding on to him, he might actually faint, or starve to death, whatever comes first. Best to give him a verbal warning that a hug is coming his way and see how reciprocal he is to that while you stand there with your arms open. If he laughs nervously and makes snarky remarks about how nobody wants to hug him ever, congrats you've been chosen. Go give that big nerd a one second hug (thats all he can handle at one time).

Grif is an unbothered king. Hes not exactly affectionate but also probably wouldn't push you away. Just dont interrupt his meal times. So yeah you can ask Grif for a hug, but he'll just sling his arms around you without any meaning to it. Or you could give him a hug, but he probably won't hug you back. Do whatever so long as you aren't in his way. I think hes got great potential for giving really good hugs. He just doesnt really care to. You might have to teach him how to give a proper hug since his home life wasnt very affectionate and his most recent years havent been a great nurturing environment.

Have no fear, the Pamper King is here. Donut's hugs might give Doc's a run for their money. The dude has made hugging into an art. He could take one look at you and just know exactly what kind of hug you need. And you never have to worry about getting a half hearted hug from Donut, he puts his whole heart into every single one he gives out. Plus he smells good on purpose. Almost like baby powder or sandlewood, something that helps put you at ease while youre in his arms. Did I mention hes got big arms? Comes from his years on the farm and they're perfect for scooping you up into a big, gentle cuddle. No one on Red Team appreciates his craft so hes always happy when you (or Caboose) come to him for some sweet, sweet Donut affection.

Lopez is a robot. Hes got all the hard corners and pointy ends. Hes the third stiffest hug youll get. He also cant really close his arms around you due to the armor preventing his servos from reaching that angle. Also his servos could never reach that angle anyway. He does appreciate the curated attention though. But only from you.

Maybe part 2 later with the Freelancers and Mercs?

[yandereunsolved]

you know i gotta ask

how would yandere rvb set up a date night for their special little someone?

You didn't specify which characters or during which main storyline, so I'll just ramble about a few that first popped up in my head with this scenario. I did not expect this to turn into something so long.

• Blood Gulch Chronicles: Caboose, Chex (Church and Tex), and Sarge

Yandere Michael J. Caboose

"Oh my god. I'm in lesbians with someone."

"I think you mean love, Caboose."

"No, it's clearly lesbians, Tucker! I can't believe I have to explain this. Lesbians is when two people love each other very much and are like the colors in a beautiful sunset."

He's not very good at keeping the date night a secret from his darling because he's so excited. He'll try to be subtle about it (and fail).

"Will you be available a few days after tomorrow? I need to know because I'm planning something super secret for you that you can't know about."

He's whispering conspiratorially and doss his happy claps, then pulls you into a hug when you accept.

He does his best with what is avaliable to him.

He manages to get Donut to steal stuff from Grif's secret stash of food in exchange for one Caboose favor.

He makes sandwiches, has snack cakes, chips, soda, and a few other things he forgot the names of. He stalked you to learn your preferences. If there's anything left after you eat, he finishes it off because he wants to eat like you do and really understand you.

He managed to find an old DVD player and some obscure movie titles in Tucker's room. Caboose is sure he won't mind if he temporarily borrows them.

Alien Cock vs Predator Pussy

11 Virgins in 1 Day

R is for Raunchy

Pixxxels

I put the L in Lesbian

He has never heard of these, but he's sure you'll enjoy them with him.

He makes sure his bed has a bunch of comfy blankets and also plans for you to join him during his dancing time. After watching movies and eating, it will be snuggle time, leading into bedtime.

He keeps getting the date of your meeting mixed up, so expect him to just pull you into his quarters one night (even if you are sleeping).

"Wake up, silly head. Did you forget tonight was our super-secret romantic hangout? That's okay. Sometimes I forget things too."

He is a little sad if you forgot, but if you assure him that you remembered and were just tired, then he'll be happy.

If any other teammate comes in and tries to interrupt, he'll get extremely irritated.

"Not right now! This is special time for darling and me. That comes after work time which was over 45 minutes ago!!!"

He doesn't care if the Reds are attacking or if something else happened! He will wrap his arms around you and whine, begging you to stay with him.

"Noooooooo. That isn't fair. This isn't on schedule."

He may even have a strongly worded talk with whoever messed up his time with you. He'll even do it if Church was the one to interrupt.

Yandere Chex

It's a miracle either of them was able to set this up in the first place. They're constantly love-hating each other. The bickering only becomes worse when you're in their purview. It's like you're staring at an old couple that got divorced but then remarried for tax reasons.

Tex still doesn't want to admit she's fond of you, but perhaps a date will clear things up. She'd rather have only you on the date because Church doesn't know how to share, but she guesses that she can stand him for one night. She'd prefer something more private, away from everyone else. She wouldn't mind stargazing in some secluded part of the gulch. That sounds quite nice. She's sure she can find some halfway decent food as well.

Church doesn't hate the idea, but he feels obligated to call it stupid.

"So they're gonna want to sit in the dark for four hours and watch you brood while staring at blinking lights? No thanks, Tex. That's the shittiest idea you've had since we got together."

"Shut the hell up, Church. You were the one vying for me like a dog that wants a bone. I doubt you have any better ideas."

They eventually agree to sneak out when the others are asleep. They'll wake you up and demand that you come with them. Only after what felt like hours—more like thirty minutes—of walking did the three of you arrive at a nice picnic under the gaze of the galaxy.

Tex is shooting Church a "don't you dare fuck this up for us" look.

Church just scoffs and rolls his eyes.

Tex will be sitting on the edge of the blanket most of the night. She tries to be pleasant with Church, but it just comes off as awkward. She threatened the Reds to stfu and stay away from this part of the gulch tonight, or she'd gut them. That seemed to work pretty well.

Church is overthinking. He doesn't know how to properly explain it, so he just says it's a cozy reconnaissance mission for a job well done.

Only when you fall asleep will they both drape themselves over you, dreaming of better times their minds have either lost or hidden from them.

Yandere Colonel Sarge

He can barely plan it without his idiots getting in the way. He has to tell everyone to "stay the hell away from them [you]" when he thinks you're out of earshot.

Grif's reaction is, "Great. Now Sarge has another thing he's gonna yell at me about."

Simmons's reaction is, "Sir? Are you sure? Them?" (He's so jealous. Having Sarge as a yandere nearly guarantees you either have Simmons as a co-yandere, wingman, or competitor. It's usually all three.)

Donut is like, "Oh no, what's wrong with the rookie? Are they secretly part of The Blues? Or are they an alien sent here to kill us in our sleep?"

"All interesting words, except yours, Grif. And yes, I will be shooting at you more frequently, just as frequently as you interact with them—maybe more if I just feel like it, which I will."

He has the best date night planned. There will be food, shooting at Grif, driving around in the Warthog, and making out sloppily behind big rocks in the canyon like horny teenagers. That's his favorite part. He loves having his hands on his darling. He has to look professional in front of his soldiers, but when no one is looking, you're tucked into him.

The only thing is there's a large chance you both were followed, and they're bad at keeping quiet.

Sarge will hogtie the whole lot and chloroform them just to have some private time with you.

Sarge demands his snuggle time, dammit!

[hungry-skeleton]

I can't get over how they just fucking appear

[fireball-dragon]

[simpin-for-simmons]

These are the same character

[astraladversity]

redraw of this meme with sarge n donut