Continuation of my break up fix it fic. This time from Tommy's POV
Part 1, 2nd fic
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Admittedly, he had almost forgotten that conversation. Not that he forgot their arrangement. Of course he remembered that. The details as to why they had it were fuzzy. He had thought, or hoped, that by now he knew Evan's tells. Knew when his boyfriend was getting ahead of himself and there was more to his thoughts than what he was capable of saying. Apparently he was wrong, and wasn't that a punch to the gut.
"See you around, Buck." He said quietly. He didn't want to leave, truly he didn't. It was for the best though. He couldn't be the perfect boyfriend that Evan saw him as. So, he began to walk out the door when he heard a heartbreaking sound. One that caused him pause.
"Red." Evan whispered. The word was so quiet that he had almost thought he imagined it.
"What?" He asked, needing to make sure he heard right.
"Red-red-red-red!" Evan said, his voice raised with each repeat. Tommy stepped back into the apartment as the younger man began pulling at his own hair.
"Hey-hey, what's wrong?" Tommy cooed as he got closer to the man, hoping that his tone would soothe him. "You gotta talk to me sweetheart."
"Red means stop. You gotta stop." Evan pleaded, his eyes were shut tightly. "Red means stop."
Tommy nodded and took the other man's hands from his hair. He could see the other's body relax slightly, but it wasn't enough.
"Okay, I'm stopping. I'm not going anywhere." Tommy agreed, squeezing his hand. Evan didn't squeeze it back, and didn't that break him even more? "I promise, I'm right here."
Tommy watched the other's body for any sign of discomfort. Thankfully he didn't find any, though the panic on his face never left. For a moment he wondered why Evan called red. Yes, he knew that meant something was wrong. Check in and discuss. Neither men were particularly kinky in bed, the most Evan had wanted from him was to be choked. They used it more for communication- wait that rung a bell.
"Red daddy." Evan sniffled. Tommy nodded and gently kissed the other's hand. He wasn't sure if he was allowed to do more now. He had broken up with him not even five minutes ago.
"Daddy's sorry, baby." Tommy whispered back. "Do you want to go to the couch? That way we can talk?"
Thankfully, the other agreed. So Tommy was able to move him away from the kitchen. Not for the first time Tommy was glad he had their agreement memorized.
"So you're saying we need a procedure for this too?" Evan asked, looking at the notebook that Tommy had presented him.
"I'm trying to be thorough. If this is going to work we need to do it the same way every time. That way you know what to expect and I know how to help. I don't want there to be a time where we let something fester because something wasn't communicated." Tommy explained. He had tried to make things as clear as possible in the notebook. It wasn't particularly long, just a few steps to clarify.
"I do like a man that's organized." Evan grinned. Tommy rolled his eyes but pecked the other on the lips anyway.
"Come on, let's go through this. If you're good I'll reward you later." Tommy teased. Evan grinned wider and opened the red notebook.
"Step one: relocate." He read aloud.
Once he got Buck on the couch Tommy sat next to him. The other curled in closer, much to his relief. Alright, he wasn't mad at him. That was good. Though Tommy probably would have felt better if he was.
"Are you ready to talk?" He asked gently. Evan looked up at him, his eyes were a little red and looked as though he would start crying any minute. Still, he nodded.
"Okay, you safeworded our. So-was it that your thoughts were going too fast or was I not understanding what you meant?" Tommy watched as Evan worked through the question. This process had gotten easier in the past. They reworked the rules around this a few times. Especially after the first time they needed this. He hadn't seen Evan breakdown this badly since the first time. It was not something Tommy had wanted to happen again.
"Both." He finally whispered. Tommy nodded and pressed another kiss to his hand.
"Okay, thank you for telling me by using your colors." He tried to encourage. It didn't make the other smile like it normally did. How had he messed things up this badly? They were getting good at this. The last time they needed to have one of these conversations was when he went golfing with Gerrard.
"Do you need me to tell you what I thought you meant, sunshine?" He asked. Step two, he thought to himself. Step two was to establish what was miscommunicated. Evan had told him during their talk that he sometimes had a hard time knowing where he stopped explaining his thoughts.
"Yeah- uh yes please." Evan nodded, though he didn't look at him. Tommy wrapped an arm around the other in hopes it brought him some comfort.
"Alright, to me, this sounded like you were trying to overcompensate for something. I'm not sure if it's because of Abby or our date. Though, when you asked me to move in, that felt like a spur of the moment question. Something you haven't thought through." Tommy explained. "On my end, it sounded as though you are going through the high of our relationship and still look at us through rose tinted glasses. Everything is still good and new."
"That's-that's not what I meant." Evan objected. Tommy knew that now, he should have figured then. How did he manage to forget the entirety of this? Their arrangement was there so this didn't happen.
"Can you explain what you meant?" He asked. Evan licked his lips and nodded. Still, Tommy waited for him to word things correctly. Sometimes this took a while but he had nowhere he needed to be. Well, outside of right here that was.
"I was upset about Abby. She was important to me, and hearing that someone I care about could do that to her-it was upsetting." He started. Right, so Tommy wasn't that far off bases then. At least with the first part. "I-I talked to Josh about it. Then he gave me this big speech about Glee and how I can't judge you for your past. Cause you came out in a pre-glee world and you did things you might not be proud of to protect yourself."
Tommy wanted to facepalm at this. He was sure Josh meant well, that didn't mean that Evan took it as he meant it though. "He probably meant well, but the way you spoke made me sound like a gay parergon."
"I wasn't trying to. I wanted to tell you that what you went through was inspiring. Not because you are some gay icon, but because you were able to come out of it the way you are. Honor your scars and whatnot." Tommy groaned at this. When he felt his boyfriend tense he readjusted them so Evan was lying on his chest. Like expected the other moved so his ear was right where Tommy's heart was.
"You don't need to honor my scars. Not those ones." Tommy whispered, rubbing Evan's arm gently. "You are more than allowed to be upset about me hurting someone you loved."
"Josh said that I shouldn't judge because you had your sexual awaking in a time the world was more scary and less accepting. That I had it easier." Evan continued. "Which I know you had it harder. I-I think I was trying to show you I was sorry for having doubts."
Tommy nodded along, still rubbing the man's arm. He knew that Evan couldn't see the movement, but he hoped he knew that Tommy was listening.
"That explains the part about me being brave. Which I'm not, Evan. Not when it comes to that. I hurt so many people, and I shouldn't have your admiration for that." Tommy said quietly. The other man twisted so he was looking at him. For a moment Tommy wondered if he could see the broken pieces in front of him. Another part hoped that Evan couldn't.
"I know that. Do you think I didn't ask Hen and Chimney about you?" He snorted. "They told me that you were a dick until you pulled your head out of your ass. Hell, you even told me about how Gerrard was."
Which was true, though he had told him as a warning. One that Evan did not take at all from what he heard.
"Tommy, they forgave you. That's good enough for me." He whispered. They would have to talk about this again. That much Tommy was sure of. There was still more that needed to be addressed though.
"And us moving in together? I do own my house, Evan." Tommy pointed out, making the other groan.
"I didn't forget that, I didn't want to ask to move in with you though. That-that and I meant it to show I was all in. I am all in, and I'm ready for a forever kind of relationship. I-I love you, Tommy. Good and bad." He sounded so earnest that it almost made Tommy tear up. Oh his beautiful boy. How could he manage to mess this up so badly?
"I love you too." He whispered, bringing a smile to his Evan's face.
"Yeah?" He asked, sounding as though he was in awe of Tommy. Like he had no idea that there was no universe that Evan Buckley didn't own his heart.
"You've had my heart since our coffee date." Tommy admitted.
"Does-does that mean we aren't broken up anymore?" Evan asked, chewing on his bottom lips Tommy gently tapped it, making the boy release his lip from his teeth.
"Sweet boy, I regretted saying we were the moment I opened your door. If you still want me, then I want to keep trying. We still have to talk. There are still things that we need to work on." Tommy would take an oath if he had to. They would make this work.
"Good." He whispered in response. Tommy could tell that his boy was getting tired. His eyes were slowly closing from his spot on Tommy's chest.
"Sleep, baby boy. Daddy isn't going anywhere." Tommy encouraged. It didn't take long before he heard the small snores he has grown to love. They had a lot to work on, but they were getting there. Somehow, Tommy was sure they would work out in the end.
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As promised: @chococara25 here's your awaited part 2. You got lucky I had a lot of free time at work today 😂
