Back in 2016, we adopted a system in our house for discussing distressing political news that I highly recommend. We basically use the traffic light consent system to check in with each other’s mental state before we bring up a news topic.
Me: (just saw a news story that I am dying to share) “How’s your traffic light for politics right now?”
Red: Nope, can’t take any political discussion right now, but maybe we can talk about it later. (Red usually also gets you a hug and a kiss and a check-in on your stress levels.)
Yellow: Go ahead if it’s minor political news. Maybe hold back if it’s very distressing or about something hateful. I may want you to shut things down if it’s too depressing or infuriating, but I will communicate if it gets that bad.
Green: *stuffing popcorn in mouth* Sure, hit me, what has that bastard done now?
This system has saved us both much frustration with each other. It makes it easy to gently shut a conversation down without making anyone feel rejected or overwhelmed because you both understood each other’s limits and desires going into the conversation.
You can also adopt it for other topics that cause you anxiety, like family drama. And it’s extremely useful for setting boundaries with neurodivergent loved ones who may not pick up on social cues as easily as others.
I hope it helps someone out there protect their peace!
