Anybody remember when Velveeta ran all those ads telling people what queso dip was because somehow its existence was unknown to a demographically-significant portion of the populace?
Now we have to "Normalize ranch with chicken and meat?"
"Normalize Ranch?"
Ranch with meat isn't just normal. It's Hypernormal. It's been a standard condiment since the Clinton Administration. It's mayo for people who hate mayo.
RANCH FACTS:
They give you cups of it at wing places, you don't ask for it. You have to tell them to give you something else.
They do the same at pizza places, and also sometimes ranch replaces the red sauce.
Ranch is so American it invades food groups like its looking for oil.
I'm in Oklahoma. We still had dry counties up until the twenty-teens and even we've been dipping our pizza in ranch since videogames came in a plastic cartridge.
It's so basic we've gotten desensitized and we're mainlining Green Goddess and Blue Cheese just feel something.
If you have too much shame to put ranch on something, like meatloaf, that doesn't stop us. We just put the powder directly into the meatloaf.
The average Midwesterner is 17% ranch dressing by volume.
Ranch hasn't become a beverage yet, but it's still trying.
