#comedy meme

[necroticmusings]

Sentence starters taken from Shoot From the Hip's HUGE comedy special. Change pronouns, phrasing or punctuation as you see fit, but please do not add to this list !

❝ Look at all these lovely ducks! ❞

❝ CHANGE! ❞

❝ Such surroundings I've never seen before, where the hell are we?! ❞

❝ Tell me where the duck pond is, [ name ]. ❞

❝ I need you to strip completely naked. ❞

❝ Be ready with the word die. ❞

❝ I've never seen books being produced so fast! ❞

❝ Oh god, I have ebola. ❞

❝ That's the sort of shit I want! ❞

❝ The Hungry Hungry Caterpillar is a masterpiece! ❞

❝ So, you've gone outside and talked to caterpillars? ❞

❝ Nothing about this tells me that I'm going back in my therapy. ❞

❝ Last time I saw you, you had two hands total. ❞

❝ It's mime, it's fine. ❞

❝ Listen, what did we say about Cheerios? ❞

❝ What do you mean, we've run out of bees? ❞

❝ Someone's not a fucking beekeeper! ❞

❝ This is a shambles! ❞

❝ I feel like Sisyphus! ❞

❝ Child labour laws won't be invented for another hundred years. ❞

❝ What's wrong with a team of beavers? ❞

❝ I think that's a horrible stereotype of an entire country! ❞

❝ I'll put a spell on you, you cheeky fuck! ❞

❝ Every minute apart from her hurts my soul! ❞

❝ The world's largest stag do, it was gonna be a record! ❞

❝ You know what this means: we're terrible police officers. ❞

❝ There's no reason to be sad on the good ship Titanic. ❞

❝ I don't know what the hell is about to happen. ❞

❝ There's more to life than beetroot. ❞

❝ Who the fuck else is in my room?! ❞

❝ I didn't hear that tragic backstory before! ❞

❝ Hey. Hey. Hey. Your dick is big. ❞

❝ Oh no! My greatest fear: a sick burn! ❞

❝ Oh, I'm back in prison. ❞

❝ Nuns broke into his house, stole his skin, and made a kite! ❞

❝ Let them pronounce words how they want! ❞

❝ He's more mythological than, you know, real. ❞

❝ Guys, I just had a weird experience outside. ❞

❝ Put away your tits! ❞

❝ I saw Cher's titty! ❞

❝ It's a perfectly nice titty, but it was a weird day! ❞

❝ The kale is what? ❞

❝ Shut up, I'm halfway! ❞

❝ This is all I've got, so good luck. ❞

❝ BRIAN FUCKING BLESSED. ❞

[dudja]

Talking to my son be like this lol #comedy #meme #questions #funny #lol

[dankronamemeuniversity]

[whatnotmemes]

-------------------BO BURNHAM’S INSIDE OUTTAKES SENTENCE STARTERS change as needed. language, adult content, mentions of mental illness.

“I’m going a little crazy.” “I don’t have a kid. I crochet instead.” “I’ll bother getting better when I bother getting dressed.” ”I’m living in the future.” “Am I kinda hot?” “I’m just hoping I can write or film something soon that’s usable, or I’m just gonna stop and play PlayStation.” “Is this fucking doing anything?” “Is this looking cool or just fucking stupid?” “I’m a stupid little bitch!” “I just wanna feel good.” “I’m not even close to kidding.” “I wanna know when Dippin’ Dots is going to condemn child sex trafficking.” “Maybe I’ll feel better when I got to bed.” “I wrote a joke. Wanna hear it?” “If your least favorite word is ‘moist’ and you tell people that, I hate you.” “My least favorite word, by the way, is ‘injustice.’” “I wrote a song for you.” “You’re an adult. You can figure it out.” “You think I am the worst.” “Why would you assume that you’re entitled to a dumpling?” “I don’t wanna fight so let’s just drop this- it’s not a big deal.” “You owe me a dumpling or a dumpling equivalent.” “Um no, fuck that.” “Your whole worldview collapses the moment there’s a spider.” “I get it, this is the real you. It’s a pleasure. Nice to meet you.” “Shit like this brings the movement down.” “Everyone’s a feminist until there is a spider around.” “Our culture has been taken over by a radical group of SJW feminist freaks.” “Now we’re fucking talking.” “Offer yourself by being yourself. And if that doesn’t work, be somebody else.” “Who you are on a fundamental, sort of unchangeable level, may just be uninteresting.” “How is the best case scenario Joe Biden?” “Soon after I posted my first couple videos, they went viral.” “There’s a lot of material that I’m just really embarrassed by and makes me cringe for a lot of reasons.” “I often wish that I could just, you know, start over.” “Fuck you, dude. Fuck you, alright?” “I ain’t afraid of no spider.” “It’s very upsetting that the future is in front of now, do you know what I mean? Like that we have to keep living from now onward.” “This isn’t a joke, so don’t joke about it.” “I don’t wanna talk about it.” “I’m doing fine. Twenty-nine, in my prime.” “I am a weird looking dude.” “You’re supposed to see the top of your head when you come out of your mother’s pussy, but you saw my face. I came out face first.” “Other days, like today, I just feel like I’m completely spinning my wheels and wasting my time.” “I’ve been eating these things for basically every meal for the past six months.” “I’m using a paper plate. I know they’re bad for the environment but I’d rather put a gun in my mouth than do another dish.” “We could and would and should have done better.” “Our doing isn’t done and our done-ing isn’t did, okay? So know that.” “We are living in a golden age of content.” “Time is still, you know, passing.” “It’s only a problem when you go outside.” “I’m done being sad.” “Am I going crazy? Maybe, maybe not.” “Pray for us.” “The more I wait for it, the more shitty I feel and look.” “I realized the only way this thing is going to stop is if I stop doing it, so I’m going to stop.” “She likes her life as a mother and wife, but is that all she is?” “Her future is waiting right there for the taking.” “The chicken must first cross the road.” “I’m an adult man in a baseball hat.” “I don’t know what’s happening.” “What the fuck is going on?”

[shamurph]

BLACK FRIDAY MUSICAL RP MEME

taken from the starkid horror comedy musical black friday (2020). change pronouns/wording as necessary. tw for swearing and mentions of violence and cults

‘ you know how i feel about that musical commercial. i don’t like it. ‘

‘ god, what even is a cabbage patch kid? it’s like you’re cutting into a head of lettuce and ‘oh shit, a baby!’ it’s like i wanted a salad, but now i have a child. ‘

‘ i do not get flashbacks. i remember bad things vividly. ‘

‘ he still lights up a room. it's just less frequently that you catch him in bloom. ‘

‘ yeah, well, if i don't support my drinking habit, who will? ‘

‘ oh great, now we gotta talk to the imaginary spider from outer space. ‘

‘ i'd make a great dad, i'm just saying. ‘

‘ i’d say you did your best, but i’m not a liar. ‘

‘ you know full well why you're not allowed inside. because you're not to step within 1,000 feet of a cinnabon, ____. no, i don't believe that you just want to smell them. ‘

‘ that’s called a bribe and it’s illegal! ... or it should be. ‘

‘ and that's why you disgust me. not because you're so naive, because you're so weak. ‘

‘ oh my god, it’s a trainwreck. ‘

‘ i hope you have your finances in order. get ready for audits, audits up your ears audits in your yinyang, audits out your wazoo! ‘

‘ sorry, pal, the price just went up! supply and demand is a wonderful thing! ‘

‘  you never should settle for the lifetime that is handed to you. ‘

‘ stay back, whoever you are, i have pepper spray, and i use it more than you could ever imagine. ‘

‘ i want what everybody wants, to be loved. is that a crime? ‘

‘ we're a fairly small team, just me and a few of my peeps. ‘

‘ there are monsters and there are men. ‘

‘ what the fuck am i watching? ‘

‘  after that, i didn't go to any more parties. ‘

‘ he chased me out of the house and into the woods. he was the one who brought the knife. ‘

‘ so, ___, you've got to forgive yourself. 'cause if you don't, how's anyone ever gonna forgive me? ‘

‘ you and i were meant to be something more than a faded memory. ‘

‘ you don't look the same at all as i remember. ‘

‘ i dislike that word, ____, cult. no, it's a new and exciting religion that i started. ‘

‘ i've met god, he had nothing nice to say about you. ‘

‘ no, no, guys, while i don't want you to think for yourselves, i still want you to know what i mean when i say my evil shit, 'kay? ‘

‘ aw, don't worry, kid, we don't get tricked. we're grownups. ‘

‘ the poorer get poorer, and the rich, well, they just get richer. ‘

‘ no, that's not true, i can't be evil. i'm a status quo democrat! ‘

‘ you're not dead yet. ‘

‘ i've had shitty day, and i'd appreciate it if you got that goddamn gun outta my face. ‘

‘ they're all into fortnite, dude. ‘

‘ i mean, you're, like, 40, you probably think your life is over! ‘

‘ i failed you once, but i won't fail again. ‘ 

‘ you think this is going to protect you, a magic hat? that's ridiculous, only dolls are magic! ‘

‘ look at you, you're paralyzed with fear! ‘

‘ no. i'm just lining up my shot. ‘

‘ you know, i have this kooky, reclusive biology professor. ‘

‘ wear a watch. ‘

‘ i feel like if we can survive today, we can survive anything. ‘

[minniesminervasnoodles]

People:*looking for attention* O M G I'm literally so insecure everything causes this! my depression is off the walls! Help me please!you literally hurt me in such a bad way

Me, already dead inside and pitty level at maximum zero:

[izzylimon]

Jakes Peralta loves a stiff drink.

[jonathanohhey]