bathroom floor
angst/fluff
-⋆.𐙚 ̊ sypnosis ; billie found out adora hasn’t been taking her medication.
-⋆.𐙚 ̊ cw ; self-harm(descriptive), mentions of blood, overthinking, mentions of a blade.
-⋆.𐙚 ̊ pairings ; emotional!reader x girlfriend!billie
READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆
“no whatever, you’re the one being fucking annoying!” billie yelled across the kitchen counter.
i stood there. all the rage i had, was quickly replaced by a heavy feeling of sadness.
“annoying?”i asked so quietly i don’t think i could consider it a whisper .
i didn’t even give billie a chance to redeem herself. i went to the guest room of our apartment, shutting the door behind me, switching the light on. leaving me and the hum of the air conditioning alone. i sat on the bed, knees up to my chest, getting lost in my own head.
my biggest fear came true.
and i don’t know what to do.
my heart feels as if it was in pieces, lost, and floating around my body.
i feel heartless. not as in a villain heartless, more like the main purpose of my body that keeps me alive isn’t there anymore.
all over a simple word.
annoying.
i don’t know where billie went or really care, my mind fell into an unknown reality way to long ago.
hours have passed i assume. picking up the phone i never realized was next to me, i checked the time.
9:26pm
the feeling of picking my phone up must’ve caused something, cause a way to familiar feeling started to take over me.
as if my own head was controlling itself, it moved to the direction of the only bathroom in the room.
suddenly my arms feeling as if they didn’t work..or more like they were aching for a certain feeling.
i stood up cautiously, the creek of the bed being heard faintly from the current action.
making my way towards inside the bathroom, turning on the light—looking through a few drawers, finally finding what i needed.
it was small, maybe from a pencil sharpener. but still enough to relieve the ache i had.
as i shut the door, grabbing what i needed. i slid gently against the bathtub —the cold tiles pressing against my thighs.
“are you really gonna do this?”
“oh god all because of a word?”
“dude, you already knew you are. why are you taking it to heart?”
i heard my own voice telling me.
then the replay of my moms voice.
“you’re always in your feels”
“ you just emotional, get over it”
tears were already flowing down after realizing something…
i haven’t allowed myself to cry all this time.
i slowly pulled my sleeves up, analyzing over several old faded scars.
as i raised my hand with the blade in it to the spot i wanted. i went for it.
it didn’t feel cold nor warm —maybe it did but i wasn’t bothered worrying about it.
i let it sink in, until my satisfaction was meet. and even after, i kept going.
one.
two.
three.
four.
both arms.
what? i couldn’t leave myself with an odd number.
as i sit there feeling the blood slowly dripping down my arm. the hum of the fan was left singing to me, and the feeling of my thighs still trying to adjust to the cold floor —were the only details i was able to understand at the moment.
these were my only thoughts, all until i faintly heard the creek of a bedroom door being open.
a voice was heard next.
“adora?”
it was billie.
fuck.
“adora?” billie called out a second time, her tone getting more worried then the last time.
i heard a few more footsteps before the reality set it. as i looked down seeing the puddle of blood starting to form under me, pain started taking over my arms. the regret and shame taking over aswell.
i let out a deep raw, painful sob.
i started shaking uncontrollably, i couldn’t hold it in anymore. i was now afraid and confused.
the last thing i heard was the bathroom door being slammed open.
i look up with the last of my strength, seeing billie standing there, the most hurt look on her face.
i let out more uncontrollable sobs as the pain in my arms worsened —my vision getting completely blurred by tears.
“oh my sweet girl, its okay” she said, her voice cracking a little, quickly kneeling down beside me trying to be as careful as possible.
after a quick moment of analyzing, i heard footsteps running out.
a few moments later i heard them running back and hearing a couple of items dropping against the floor.
i can’t see anything at this point. im shaking uncontrollably, as i hear the only thing i wanted to at the moment.
“hi my baby, could i see what happened?” she asked kneeling down again, in front of me this time. her voice feeling heaven sent.
i give her both arms as best as i can, still shaking.
i feel her soft skin get a gentle grip on one of my arms, careful not to touch the recent scar.
“ alright my sweet girl you’re listening so well” she cooed. “im gonna put a bandaid now to help you stop the bleeding okay?”
“okay” i said shakily, still sobbing but not as bad.
i hiss in pain as i felt a bandage being wrapped around my arm.
after a few more adjustments i felt her pulling down both sleeves.
after some shuffling around, billie sat beside me, pulling me into her lap. not caring about the puddle of blood she was on.
“you were such a good girl, you did so good, im so proud of you.” billie said as she pulled me as close as she could to her, still being cautious of my arms.
“im so sorry billie i-“ i said in between sobs. “ i didn’t- i couldn’t- im sorry” i tried to gather my words.
“oh my sweet babygirl, i never meant to hurt you.” she said, finally breaking.
we both sat there, as we cried together, no words just sobs.
and billie, she never let go, or softened. she held on to me as if she let go i would disappear into thin air. her grip strengthening after every sob
as we both calmed down the hum of the bathroom fan was faintly heard again.
now we sat into a comfortable silence, our bit of heavy breathing being heard.
“i know what i said, and it most definitely didn’t come out the way i meant it to.” she said, breaking the silence first. “i didn’t mean that you were being annoying, the action of you not listening to me was being annoying.” she continued.
“i know that you don’t like taking medication, but you know it’s for you to feel better.” she told me, bringing her finger softly to my chin, making me look at her to look at her.
“ i just don’t want you to end up in the hospital, struggling to breathe over some medicine you were to lazy to take.” she admitted.
“so no, i wasn’t calling you annoying —i was only calling the action of not wanting to take medicine annoying. but clearly i worded it way differently.” she reassured me once more, rubbing small circles on my back.
i layed my head back on her shoulder, a soft silence between us, before i choose to break it.
“im definitely sorry for what i did. it wasn’t meant to hurt you or meant to seek attention for me.” i looked her in the eyes, letting her see the honesty in them. “ i don’t understand what came over me but i didn’t feel right and this seemed like the only option at the moment.” i jerked my head to the side, while bringing my arms slightly up, so she understood what i meant.
she took a deep breath. “ i know baby i know. im just glad you’re okay now.”
“ but i don’t want you doing this ever again, do you understand?” she finally said, looking me in my eyes.
i carefully brought up my arm, lifting up my pinky. “i pinky promise.”
she took my pinky with hers, as she used her free hand to cup my chin.
she leaned in and slowly pecked a soft kiss on my lips.
“should we go to bed now sweetgirl? you can have your plushie minnie.” she teased softly.
a smile quickly grew on my face“yes please.” i nodded, not being able to contain my excitement.”but one more kiss” i told her before leaning in. she chuckled gently before doing the same, giving me a kiss on her soft lips.
she slowly pulls me off her lap, as she stands up.
“arms up” she whispered softly.
i immediately obeyed, lifting both arms up and letting her grab me from under. i wrapped my legs around her, letting my head rest on her shoulder as she walked us to our room.
she gently put me down on the bed, still being cautious, tucking me in with my plushie minnie.
i held her minnie softly as billie knelt in front of me, pushing some hair behind my ear “im gonna be back to clean up really quick, stay put my sweet girl.” she said softly, moving her hand to caress my cheek. she left a few kisses on my forehead before making her way back to clean up.
after a few moments i heard footsteps coming to towards the bed. the bed sinking as billie made herself comfortable in the covers behind me, my back facing her.
i felt a hand wrapping around my waist, pulling me closer to her, billie being the big spoon.
“i love you so much my sweet baby, never forget that.” she whispered softly as she left a gentle kiss on my neck.
i grabbed her hand from my waist holding it tight. “ i love you so much more my angel.” i said back, as we slowly drifted asleep in each other’s embrace.
-⋆.𐙚 ̊ creds ; divider: @muerdida
-⋆.𐙚 ̊ taglist ;@falestales @ovrhaetedd @miloeilish @trningb1ue @ilomilobabyy @rosie-writes-fics @trytalkingtopeople @playfetchbabe @jusdolls @bilsbluehair(if u would like to be added or removed at anytime, please let me know)
