Characters:
Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, John Winchester, Benny Lafitte, Azazel (Supernatural), The Old Man (Supernatural: Blood Brothers), Jessica Moore (Supernatural)
Additional Tags:
John Winchester and Sam Winchester Fight, Bad Parent John Winchester, John Winchester emotional incest final boss, Abusive John Winchester, Vampire Dean Winchester, Benny Lafitte Loves Dean Winchester, Canon Divergence, John and Sam go on the road to find dean, John Winchester is a bad liar, No beta, Parentified Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester is Sam Winchester's Parent, Sam Winchester does not get a single moment of peace, Not Canon Compliant, Vampires, Vampirates were such a cool plot the show did NOTHING with so it’s up to ME, Sam Winchester has prophetic dreams, Canon-Typical Violence, Slow Burn, POV Sam Winchester, POV Dean Winchester, hints of transfem dean, Jessica haunts the narrative literally
Sam’s life crashes down as John Winchester drags him from Stanford back into the life of hunting when he learns of Dean’s disappearance. Grappling with unraveling John’s secrets surrounding the disappearance, one question hangs in the air:
How long has Dean actually been missing? Is he even still alive?
Anon because this is a touchy subject but I'm the one who hates Mary. Thanks for fielding my ask with such patience. I'm honestly very hopeful I can come around to liking her more.
I was wondering if you could write more about Lucifer? I really liked the Lucifer-war meta you wrote. He's a pariah in the fandom, but you seem to like him and Nick?
You're welcome, I think.
About Lucifer, uh, well. I'll be honest with you. I'm not super keyed into Lucifer, so I can't promise that I have any thoughts to share? But I'll keep it in mind as I watch through again. Here's what I like about Lucifer and what I'm less interested in. If any of this syncs up with your interests, feel free to stick around!
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First, I meant when I said it's okay not to connect with a character. For example, it's taken me a long time to come around to Charlie Bradbury, and she's a fan favorite! Sometimes, there's no real reason you don't jive with a character. (There's nothing wrong with Charlie. I just happen to find her kind of annoying! And that's okay. That I like Arthur Ketch more than OG Charlie doesn't mean I'm a horrible person, right?)
I find that many of the characters featured in season 8 are kinda boring to me. Many of them I think were meant to be templated and figment-like in terms of their complexity relative to an integrated life. But some of them, like Metatron, I really love! He turns out to be so much more than the "ho-hum wiseman" that he appears to be, and then he basically repeats Cas's mistakes with regard to "punishing" his home and "trying to be God."
Yet, the fandom as a whole absolutely loathes Metatron. But I'm not going to go into their inboxes and harass them to see things my way.
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So, Lucifer...
Many Lucifer fans seem to be fans of the early-seasons Lucifer, but I'll be upfront with you and say I prefer the whiny, petulant guy that was peeled back in later seasons--the one who revealed to Anael that all he really wanted was to fit in. Yeah, he's "less edgy, less cool," but I find him way more interesting!
I think there's an echo of Sam and John here re:fitting in. Because while Sam is "rebellious" towards John, he is, according to Henry Winchester, quite like John in terms of his base personality. After Jess died and Sam focused on revenge, Sam seemed strangely glad to have something in common with John, to understand him.
Lucifer too seemed excited and more sympathetic to his dad after Jack arrived. I way prefer that to the idea of a "villainous" guy in a white suit spitting spooky lines about destiny. That Lucifer...feels like Chuck.
I guess my thesis is that Chuck's portrayal of Lucifer is pretty close to Chuck's true self: a kind of cool-headed, all-knowing sadism. But perhaps the real Lucifer is eaten up by pain and volatile emotion.
"He's stealing my best lines," Lucifer laments when he reads the Bible in season 13. There's probably some truth to that. Perhaps, Chuck takes all his worst parts and stamps them onto Lucifer, and he takes Lucifer's best parts and stamps them onto himself?
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And John...
I'll also be honest and say I find the fandom's tendency to paint Lucifer and John with all the bad in the entire universe to be sort of...frustrating? It verges on cartoonish. Engaging with their complexity automatically gets a fan painted with the dreaded "abuse apologist" label. I feel like disengaging from Lucifer and John almost...pressures you into trying to explain away TFW's own wrongdoing to hastily differentiate them from Lucifer and John.
Furthermore, I feel like John is raked over the coals for his inability to let go of his hatred of Azazel, but the fandom won't even entertain anything less than the abject destruction of John and Lucifer. In a sense, we can lurch into being quite John-coded when it comes to John and Lucifer!
It's almost like it's a badge of honor to blame them for all the evils in the universe, even the evil that Sam and Dean do on their own. Gabriel had a gorgeous speech on this very issue in season 13's Exodus! (Gabriel at once excused Chuck too much and blamed Lucifer too much, but he had a great observation!) At what point do you stop blaming your father and take responsibility for yourself? Where do we draw the line? How do we heal?
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I'm also pretty fascinated by Chuck's tendency to victim-blame Lucifer's descent as "inevitable," while taking no responsibility for his own actions. That Chuck pointed to Lucifer's "jaundiced eye towards humans" as proof of his corruption is...hmm. It's bad.
It's like viewing Demon Dean, MoC Dean, or Amara-thralled Dean as "the real Dean." Just because you have urges or thoughts does not mean that you'd act on them in your right mind! That's the whole point of being an animal with free will!
Chuck's pretty fucked up for that viewpoint. It's his own rationalization for sure.
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The other thing I'm fascinated by is that tantalizing nugget that Amara "trusted Lucifer once." Did Lucifer try to get close to her in order to catch her off-guard? "Dear nephew, my how you've changed." I'll always be rotating that line my head.
And I'll continue to ponder why Amara was so willing to make up with Chuck but was not willing to even try with Lucifer. How sad! You'd think if she felt bound to Dean, she'd also feel closer to Lucifer for being connected to her in a similar way. Maybe? And then there's the pesky fact that Amara becomes Lucifer's torturer and is willing to make up with Chuck but throws Lucifer away like garbage... It's hmmm.
If we assume that the MoC corrupted Lucifer, I say there's a good argument for his disinhibition and actions making him feel like he was beyond the point of no return, and so he continued to descend. There's something here that shackled Lucifer's free will just as it shackled Dean's.
And yet his own family is not even willing to extend the slightest bit of kindness, and that is why Lucifer is like that when we see him in Vince. He spends most of his time pleading to Cas, because that turns out to be his most stable family member. Same with Gabriel. (Though they try to kill each other over and over.)
Honestly, I find it difficult to ignore Amara and AU Michael's torture of Lucifer, and how frightened Lucifer was of AU Michael. It's also hard to look away from just how much "having a mission" fills Lucifer with purpose and surface-level loyalty for those around him.
It's hmmmm. Lucifer is simultaneously the worst version of himself AND he's also scapegoated for things that he didn't do and that aren't his fault.
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And lastly, I'm always going to be interested in Jack. That Lucifer wanted Jack to give his life meaning is not nothing. It speaks of a life that means nothing. Forgiving Chuck and then getting tossed by Chuck, not to mention having gray-rock stability with Cas as his roommate and then getting ripped away from Cas, was honestly...probably the worst thing that ever happened to Lucifer. It's the thing that made him give himself over wholly to nihilism.
After that, Lucifer became single-mindedly focused on having a kid to plug the whole of his existence. He obsessed over Jack to a point that he was rushing to cross worlds to get to him. And yet, that care never really grew into anything truly parental. He was so willing to slit Jack's throat! He was so jealous of Sam being important to Jack that he tried to make Jack kill Sam.
It's hmmmm.
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And Nick.
Nick is a festering sore...and how Lucifer manipulated his personal life in order to Stockholm him was gut-wrenching. Nick lost his entire identity!
I'm sure that "Like" is a strong word, but I think his plight in season 14 is certainly something we're supposed to pay attention to in the context of the Dean-AU Michael possession.
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Things I don't care about?
Well, I'm not so much about Lucifer, Rowena, and Sam directly, because I feel like his interactions with them are cartoonishly straightforward: with them, Lucifer is his worst self. There's not much to add.
Lucifer does show some glimmers of being Gabriel-like with respect to Sam, in that he "respects Sam," engages in "torture of the brothers," and tries to "train him to recognize illusions" and "come to certain conclusions via illusions."
It's also sort of interesting to me when the reflection of Lucifer ricochets onto TFW, reminding them of when they were their shadow selves. (Jimmy Novak possession, cannibalism, killing innocents, sacrifice, lying, etc.)
John pounds on the motel room door, not caring if he wakes anyone up. The curtains to the room are closed, so John can't see into it, but there's a light on - which means Dean’s in there and not asleep. He tries the knob one more time but nothing. He thinks about picking the lock but he knows his son, taught him himself. Dean will have the chain latched and it will just take up more time that John would rather not spend.
If only the clerk hadn't been a complete dick and had just given him the spare key.
Dean could have left the light on, could have spent the night with a woman a few rooms over, but something in John’s gut tells him that's not the case. The way Dean sounded on the voicemail - a voicemail John stupidly hadn't opened until three days later - had been too sad, lonely, and desperate for his liking.
“Hey...Hey, Dad. I, um...I really need someone to t-talk to right now. D-Don’t have anybody else. I know you are going through some stuff because of Sam and all and we haven't seen much of each other for a little while...but I really need you. Uh, I'm not doing so well. I mean, I'm fine. But if you aren't too far a-away and could take some time to meet up with me, it would mean a lot. I'm at 5124 Rider Avenue in Linthicum Heights, Maryland. It’s a Motel 6. Number’s 410-557-9076. Dad, please. I can’t be alo-”
Why I Keep an Open Mind While Writing and Talking about John Winchester
I think John had many flaws. In an ideal world, he would have received assistance and support from loving family members and friends after his wife’s death, because it is a struggle for a single parent to raise two young children, let alone for a single parent who is grieving the tragic loss of their wife to do it. But due to the nature of her death, I could see John potentially being honest with someone he was close to regarding what happened, only to be labeled as traumatized (which he was, but not to the same extent where he would have delusions over what happened) or crazy. That alone would make him close up, become even more bitter, before packing his kids up and getting on the road with them. But by doing that, he didn’t come to terms with Mary’s death. He may have been chasing after the demon, but he was running away from truly living a (somewhat) normal and stable life without her. He probably knew this, knew that if he ever got to kill the demon that once the victory and vindication wore off, he would be left being a father first and foremost, rather than a general against the evil that destroyed his family.
As for being abusive, I do think he had abusive and neglectful moments, but I don’t think he was cruel and wanted to be this way towards his children. Do his alcoholism and actions (or lack there of) as a father get excused because they were PTSD and grief fueled, rather than moments rooted in intentional cruelty? No, they can’t be. But it does make it so he could be potentially redeemable if he worked towards it, openly recognized his wrongs, listened to his sons, and became a better father because of it.
I do think John loved his sons as much as he was capable, but like Dean said, he was a broken empty shell after seeing his wife die. Broken and empty shells who are probably filled with bitterness, doubt, and self-hatred aren’t always capable of displaying and embracing love and affection. But I don’t think that means he was heartless and didn’t allow his sons to be vulnerable ever (although he probably told them to man up more than he should have). For instance - in Home - Dean doesn’t share his anxiety and fear over going back to their childhood home with Sam. Sam is his little brother. Dean helped raise him and he doesn’t believe he should be vulnerable around him if he can help it. But once he turns the corner, he calls his father and cries into his voicemail, like a boy who just wants his dad. So while Dean recognized that his father really lacked in the emotional support part of parenting, this interaction tells me that John did comfort Dean from time to time, at least enough for Dean to feel he could call his father, cry, and leave a voicemail to tell him that he was scared and that he needed him.
While Dean put their father on a pedestal as the only parent, a man who was a soldier and devoted husband, Sam saw him as an obsessed and grieving widower who stole away their childhood. Now, their viewpoints have almost switched. Dean definitely sees his father for what he was, but the way he sees it is filled with bitterness. Because of his upbringing and John’s demands - and possibly Dean’s beliefs regarding what John’s opinions might be, whether those beliefs were accurate or not - Dean feels like he is nothing, like he’s broken and that he missed out on a loving family. With Sam, I think he developed more respect for John. Was he the best father? No, absolutely not. But he raised good soldiers. It’s because of John that his sons are alive. Because if John had just chalked Mary’s death to a trick of the eye and trauma, only to go get help and become the best father he could be? Yes, Dean and Sam could have had wonderful childhoods. Sam would have gotten more involved in extracurriculars, Dean probably would have graduated and might have even gone to college or trade school himself (Dean might have also been more free to explore who he is, both as a person and in regards to his sexual orientation, but that should be saved for another post). However, they would be ignorant to what was out there waiting for them. Sam, with his demon blood, might have gone bad like the other children did who did not have his knowledge. Dean might have ended up being collateral early on. And if they survived that? Would Sam, Dean, or John have the willpower to say no to Lucifer and Michael? I believe it’s their hunting background that made them so resilient to what was completely inevitable and out of their control, even if it left them with shitty childhoods. So, in a way, John did exactly what a parent should do by preparing his sons for the worst and making them capable of standing up for themselves and what’s right. And when it came down to it? He did have the capability to put his sons’ well-being above his desire for justice. He was willing to give up the mission he spent decades on (not to mention his own life) in order to bring Dean back.
I would personally love to have John back. I think his storyline with Mary would be so compelling and I would love to see them face their mistakes. I think both characters are complex and flawed, but completely worthy of full redemption. While John gave Dean a heartfelt apology before he died, I think that if John came back, what he would really need to do is listen to his sons, especially to Dean. I see Sam being more forgiving of John at this point. Sam has grown and matured. He is now able to see why John did the things he did and why he was the way he was. Sam would probably make a real effort in truly connecting with his dad, while Dean would be more distant. John would have to work on getting Dean to open up to him by being non-judgmental, genuinely apologetic, loving, and able to recognize where Dean is coming from. I think what Dean really would need with his Dad at this point would be a listening ear and someone to tell him it’s going to be okay, just like Dean provided for his dad back when he was young. That would start the healing process and they would both become better men because of it.
