Title:
- Dear, Only -
Chapter Seven:
That Low, Lonely Dove
(Chapter Title is from Sea, Swallow Me by Cocteau Twins and Harold Budd)
This song is my flowering and blooming and completely other thing.
Pairing: ed warren x lorraine warren x fem!oc (clarice chenn)
Warnings: paranormal themes, grief, references to death, unsettling supernatural imagery, discussion of animal death, emotional intensity
A/N: This is one of my favorite chapters I've written.
Clarice leaned against the kitchen counter in the Perron house. In her hands was a cup of hot coffee. She admired the cup as Ed prepared to record his conversation with the Perrons. The translucent white mug was painted with a small scene. The illustration was one of greenery and birds.
“Those bruises,” Ed said from the table, “are they from something that happened here?”
Carolyn responded, pouring Ed some coffee, “Oh, it’s just some iron deficiency thing that I have.”
Ed poked at his recording device, making sure that it was working properly. She took a sip of coffee as Ed asked the couple if they had thought of moving.
“I mean, we have thought about it.” Rodger said, “We really don’t have anywhere we can move with all of our money tied up in this place. And I don’t know anyone who would want to take on a family of seven indefinitely.”
“That is why we called you,” Carolyn said.
“We are glad you found us.”
Ed clicked one last button. “Alright, let’s get started.”
Just as Ed started the recording, Clarice noticed light blond curls peeking through the kitchen door. Little April stood there, her fingers against the door frame. She looked from one end of the kitchen to the other. Once her eyes found Clarice, she quietly tiptoed her way over to her.
Ed continued asking his question to the Perrons as April lifted her hand to Clarice. Clarice set her coffee cup on the counter and then slipped her hand into the little girl’s. The group at the table didn’t seem to notice as April and Clarice slipped away together.
She carefully opened the door, and they moved into the world outside. It was light and overwhelmingly grey. The moon hid, almost translucent-looking, in the clouds and sky above them. April’s hand was still clasped in Clarice’s as the two traversed the wet stretch of grass that sided the house.
Clarice noticed how the breeze pulled at the curls of April’s hair. Looking down at this little girl so openly crossing land that Clarice felt held a malicious intent made her want to scoop her up in her arms.
As they walked along the front lawn, Clarice felt the ever-present heartbeat gradually fade into a dull rhythm. Its absence allowed her a normal breath.
Even so, she still felt an unsettling tie to the moment in her dream where she watched from afar as whatever malevolence inhabited the house latched its jaw onto the family. She squeezed April's hand.
April’s first words that broke the silence were, “Are you alright, Miss Clarice?”
Clarice looked down at April. She found the formality quite adorable. Clarice gave her a small smile, “I’m alright, Miss April.”
April led them to two boards that were placed together to form a cross. Burnt into the wood was the name Sadie, and a dog collar was draped over it.
April sighed as she looked down at the cross. “This is my dog. Something here killed her.”
Clarice squeezed her hand again. “My goodness, darling.”
“I came out to wake her up in the morning because she slept outside. She didn’t want to come inside the house the night before. And when I saw her, she, um… she was dead.”
Clarice looked at the makeshift gravestone. A small, weathered teddy bear sat against the base of it. The bear wore a pale blue ribbon around its neck. Surrounding the bear were dandelions that had been picked and placed on the grave. Pictures that the children had drawn were propped next to the bear.
“I sit out here with her mostly all the time.” April said, “And I put Pip out here to keep her company when I am at school.”
April’s hand slipped out of Clarice’s as she crouched down and picked up the bear. She held it up to show Clarice. Clarice gently took the bear before taking a seat next to April, smoothing her dress before settling Pip in her lap.
“Can I tell you something, Miss April?”
April nodded and began twirling a dandelion between her forefinger and thumb.
“Once, when I was a little girl, I was in my church's garden making daisy chains with my two best friends, Tommy and Beatrice, when all of a sudden we heard this tiny meow coming from underneath a bench.”
April gave a small smile as Clarice had really meowed.
“So we went over to the bench and saw that underneath it was this adorable grey kitten. She had the most beautiful amber colored eyes. Do you know what amber is?”
April shook her head. Clarice reached over and showed April her hand. She pointed to the amber ring on her finger.
“That’s amber. Her eyes looked just like it. And the moment I saw her, I knew she was mine. I couldn’t take her home; my dad just wouldn’t allow it. So I named her Dinah, after the kitten from Alice in Wonderland, and she lived in the garden.”
Clarice tilted her head, looking down at the bear in her lap as she played with the silk of its ribbon.
“I went and saw her every time I visited the garden, and she purred every time she saw me. She followed me every time I had to leave her. I could tell she wanted to come home with me. But um– one day, something cruel passed through the church– something very like what is in your house. When I went to the gardens the next morning, I noticed all of the plants had died. And so had every little living thing on the grounds. I…um, I looked for my kitten but…sweet Dinah was…”
Clarice circled the silk ribbon between her forefinger and thumb.
“You don’t have to tell me what happened,” April said.
Clarice reached forward and held April’s small face in one hand. She brushed her thumb against her cheek, finding the tenderness of this child almost heartbreaking.
“What did you do? When you um…?” April began.
“I cried, darling.” Clarice said, “I just cried.”
April looked to the grave, “Me too.”
The two sat there for a moment. As April knelt on the ground, the dirt seeped into the cotton of her tights. Clarice had extended her knees so they were crossed in front of her, and she cradled Pip in her lap like he was a little baby.
“Miss Clarice? Where are Sadie and Dinah now?”
Clarice paused, her eyes lifting to the transparent moon.
“Oh, somewhere gorgeous, honey.”
“Heaven?” April asked, her head tilted to the side. There was a light inclination to the end of the word.
Clarice hesitated. She looked from April to the drawings at the base of the grave. She picked one up. It was a pretty array of scribble and wax color. A sunset, colored robin egg blue, dandelion, red velvet, and heart.
“You see this?” Clarice pointed to the thick Crayola horizon that bordered the earth and sky. April scooted closer into Clarice’s side and rested her cheek against Clarice’s upper arm. She looked at the drawing and nodded.
“There they are. In the exact moment that heaven’s horizons meet Earth's. They are there waiting for us.”
Clarice looked down at April, whose head still rested on her arm.
“Do you think Sadie and Dinah are waiting for us together?” Clarice asked her.
April nodded as she touched the horizon with her index finger, “They are best friends because we are. I just know it.”
April’s hand drifted from the drawing to Clarice’s arm. She traced the paths of freckles there, connecting them like constellations.
“Did you draw this?” Clarice asked, and when April enthusiastically nodded, she added, “What a great artist you are!”
“Oh my! I get a Miss April original?” Clarice said, excitedly. To this, April nodded again.
Clarice gently placed the drawing and Pip back in their places. She hesitated, then looked to April, who was now sitting up and organizing the dandelions.
“Can I ask you a question?”
April looked up at her, “Sure.”
April paused, her hands still focused on the dandelions.
“I don’t want you to tell your friends.” April said, referring to the Warrens, “If they know, they’ll make him go away. He isn’t bad.”
“I heard you talking to him in the chimney closet. Is he a friend?”
“Uh-huh. He plays with me in there all the time. He likes my toys.”
“He died a long time ago. He told me he was killed.”
Clarice looked at the child, “Killed?”
April did not elaborate, “Yes. But guess what? He told me his toys were made out of wood and metal. He says he likes how different mine are. Most of all, he likes my Fisher-Price toys. You would like him. ”
“I would love to meet him,” Clarice said. “Do you think you could introduce us?”
“I can’t. I need my music box, and that’s in the house,” April explained, “To see him, I have to open it and look into the swirly mirror. Then he appears behind me.”
“Oh, okay,” Clarice nodded. “And um, you wouldn’t feel comfortable if I mentioned him to my friends?”
“I want them to get rid of what killed Sadie. And whoever locked Cindy in the toy box. But not Rory. There are nice ghosts in this house. They aren’t all bad. ”
“Cindy was locked in the toy box?” Clarice asked her, her eyebrows drawn together.
April’s eyes suddenly got wide. “Uh-huh. She said she couldn’t get out. It was really hot in there, and she was screaming and yelling. When Nancy let her out, Cindy thought that it was her.”
“Oh my,” Clarice said, shaking her head.
She watched as April set a flower in Pip’s lap and posed his stuffed arms to hold it. Clarice noticed April’s nose was starting to run from the cold.
“I think, darling, if you told Lorraine about Rory, she’ll understand you. “
April wiped her nose with her sleeve and continued organizing the items on the grave.
“My friends and I are focused on getting rid of the bad ghosts in the house.” Clarice continued, “And from what you have told me, Rory doesn't sound like he wants to hurt you. Lorraine will listen to you if you tell her what you’ve told me.”
“Are you sure?” April asked.
Clarice nodded. “Lorraine is a very understanding woman.”
“Would you like me to take you to her?” Clarice smiled. April smiled back and nodded.
Clarice rose from the ground and brushed the dirt from her clothes before extending a hand to April. April slipped her hand into hers and allowed Clarice to pull her up.
“Let's get you out of this cold, doll,” Clarice said. As they walked back up the grassy path, April leaned her cheek against Clarice’s hand. When they arrived at the back door, they quietly slipped back inside. Because Ed was still interviewing April’s parents, they were extra careful to stay quiet as they left the kitchen.
Once they reached the hall, Clarice leaned down to April, “Go fetch your music box. Then you can introduce Rory to Lorraine.”
April nodded and then bounced upstairs. Clarice waited for her in the hallway.
The strange hush Clarice felt in the cellar lingered in the hallway. The wrong stillness made her breath catch. She hoped April would return soon.
Lorraine quietly appeared beside Clarice after a moment.
“There you are, hon. I’ve been looking for you.”
Clarice turned her head to look at her. Relief softened her features.
“Where have you been?” Lorraine asked, surveying Clarice’s face.
“I’ve been outside with April.”
“April has been speaking to this little boy, Rory.” Clarice began, “She says he shows himself to her through the mirror of her music box. She was scared to tell us about him, but I reassured her that you would hear her out.”
“Where is she?” Lorraine asked and looked around as if April could be hiding behind Clarice’s legs.
Clarice pointed upstairs, “She is getting her music box to show you. She’ll-”
April then appeared behind the railing of the stairway. She slowed slightly as she saw Lorraine. “I’m back, Miss Clarice.”
“Come here, honey,” Clarice said, motioning her down the steps. Clarice met her at the bottom of the stairs and helped her down the last few steps.
April gave a shy wave as she neared Lorraine.
“Hello, April,” Lorraine said, smiling. “Clarice told me about your friend. I’d very much like to meet him, if that’s okay with you.”
April looked up at Lorriane and nodded.
Lorraine extended her hand, and once April took it, she gently led her to one of the quieter rooms.
As Lorraine spoke to April, Clarice found her way to the back of the house. Clarice’s heartbeat immediately began to quicken as soon as she saw the tree from her dream. It stood a few feet in front of her, vivid against the grey of the sky.
She took a deep breath, trying to mirror the control she saw Lorraine exhibit in the cellar. She breathed in the cold air and slowly exhaled until she found some sort of calm. The result was nowhere near the practiced tranquility Lorraine had, but it steadied her enough to truly look at what was before her.
The branches twisted and intertwined, creating an invitation to the pale sky. The water almost looked silver as it rippled in the wind. She watched for several minutes as the water lapped at the old wooden support beams under the dock. A moss-covered boat bobbed in the water next to it.
The slow heartbeat was prominent here. It felt like it emanated from somewhere beneath her. It seemed to travel through the roots of the tree itself. Up through the trunk. Through the branches. Inside the earth and then into the air that surrounds.
She shifted on her heels trying to rid the feeling, but the pulse continued.
There was peace to be found here, to be sure. A beauty. However, her soul screamed that something murderous lingered here.
Beyond the dread, she sensed another feeling. A violent pain. An accepting last breath. The blur and light of death. And then dust. Infinity.
Clarice breathed out. It was an uncomfortable exhale of air.
She remained there, feeling the heartbeat in the soles of her heels. Eventually, she began to count the beats.
She whispered, white pearls of slow and uneven breath releasing into the air, “One. Two. Three. Four.”
Her own heartbeat stuttered, and then began to try to beat in unison.
“Five. Six. Seven. Eight.”
The pulse emanating from the earth was steady. Too easy. Was it inviting her?
She inhaled the cold air.
“Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve.”
A streak of hot panic. Which heartbeat was hers?
Something stirred from behind her.
She felt a touch on her arm and the gentle voice of Lorraine.
Clarice moved her head toward her.
“Can I join you?” Lorraine asked.
Clarice exhaled softly, “Please do.”
The two women stood together at the base of the tree. Lorraine looked in front of her. She felt the cold that arises from a body of water. Her attention then turned to the woman beside her.
As Clarice stared ahead, Lorraine took a moment to study her face.
Clarice stood perfectly still beside her, her eyes looking to something beyond the water. Her eyebrows were laced into a slightly puzzled expression, as though she was trying to define something that was beyond her understanding.
The slightly far-off and worried look gave Lorraine the strangest –and strongest– urge to stand in front of her. To hold her face and close Clarice’s eyes with her thumbs. To then kiss her eyelids. Her cheekbones. The direct point where her jawline meets her ear.
From the moment she knew they would be taking Clarice to their home, she began to feel this warmth. It could be likened to the moment that honey is heated by tea. The moment the crystals melt and turn into something thick and goopy.
Lorraine had an overwhelming urge to gather this slightly younger woman. To scoop her up in her hands like she was Thumbelina. To feed her tiny jewels of honey from the tip of her finger.
At first, she tried to rationalize this feeling as something maternal. Yet, looking at Clarice ignited a feeling entirely different. It was something that flowered, petals blooming into something that was dangerous and completely other.
The natural continuation of her urge would then be to press her lips against Clarice’s.
She wondered what Ed would say if she confided this to him.
“It’s sort of overwhelming.” Clarice then said, quietly breaking the silence.
“Hm?” Lorraine said, her head inclining curiously. She blinked the honey thoughts away.
“Being here, I mean. It’s nothing I can’t handle. I’ve felt worse when my dreams have begun to prophesize, but sometimes being able to feel death… so intimately… It’s like, how am I supposed to hold this?”
“What are you feeling? Tell me.” Lorraine said, her eyes squinted slightly as she focused on Clarice speaking.
“It’s like– The direct moment of life giving away and the peace of death taking your hand. This whole time, I’ve felt evil all around. I came out here expecting to feel the same thing, but Lorraine. I feel them. The lives that fell to the evil. But in a way I never have before.”
Clarice turned her head to look at Lorraine, and her face was sad, so sad. Lorraine simply couldn’t help but lift her hand to Clarice’s face, moving some of her hair behind her ear. Her fingers lingered there, focusing on smoothing a few strands of stray hair back into place. The cross of her rosary glinted in the dull light.
Decidedly, Clarice said, “We have to help them, Lorraine.”
“We will, honey,” Lorraine nodded. “We will.”
“April is so special. Isn’t she? All of these girls are. I grieved a baby that I’ve never known. I don’t think I would survive grieving them… feeling their deaths.”
For a moment, Clarice leaned into the warmth of Lorraine’s palm, the beads of her rosary gently pressing into the skin of her cheek.
Lorraine imagined what the curve beneath Clarice’s Cupid’s bow would feel like beneath her thumb.
Clarice pulled away softly and looked back at the water.
“April promised me a drawing,” Clarice said, a small smile on her face. “How did your conversation go with her? Was she okay?”
Lorraine nodded, “She warmed up to me quickly. Probably because of that glowing review you gave me.”
Clarice gave Lorraine a sideways smile.
“I saw Rory," Lorraine added. “April told me that he is sad because something bad happened to him.”
“She told me Rory was killed.” Clarice said, “Is he– do you think he is safe?”
“I don’t feel any evil from him. I feel an overwhelming sadness when he is near. And there is such a confusion about him.”
“He’s confused as to why whoever hurt him would do such a thing. I sense a feeling of betrayal.”
Clarice then glanced over her shoulder, and Lorraine followed her gaze. Ed was moving across the stretch of grass toward them.
As he approached, Lorraine suddenly went abnormally still. The immediate change in Loraine’s behavior made Clarice move her head to try to meet Lorraine’s eyes.
“Hey…” Ed said carefully, looking from between the two women.
Lorraine hunched her shoulders, flinching against a noise that was unheard by Clarice and Ed. She then, very slowly, lifted her head skyward. Her lovely eyes were absolutely filled with terror as she cringed away from whatever horror she was viewing.
Clarice glanced at Ed, startled, and then looked back at Lorraine. Ed braced his hands to steady her.
“You okay, lovely?” Clarice asked her, her voice a stabilizing coo.
Lorraine still looked above her, her pupils following some moving thing. Her chest rose and fell in an erratic motion as she inhaled sharp and quick intakes of air.
“Sweetheart?” Ed said, his voice gravely concerned. “Clarice. What happened?”
“I don’t know,” was Clarice’s hurried reply. “I… Lorraine?...Doll?”
Clarice reached both of her hands to Lorraine’s cheeks. Under normal circumstances, she would have paused, worried that the touch was too intimate. Here, she didn’t hesitate as she gently guided her face to look back at her. She lightly shushed as Lorraine’s eyes met hers.
Lorraine shuddered. Her eyelids flickered. Clarice steadied Lorraine’s face between her hands.
“Lorraine?” Clarice’s voice was urgent, “Ed, she-”
Lorraine’s shoulders swayed as she staggered. Ed immediately lurched forward to catch her. One hand pulled her in by her upper arm, and the other wrapped around her waist. Lorraine loosely gripped the fabric at the back of Ed’s suit.
Clarice’s hands still gently framed Lorraine’s face.
“Honey?” Ed said, his voice gentle. “Are you okay?”
“I-” Lorraine looked from Ed to Clarice. “Yes, um, I’m alright.”
Lorraine blinked a few times and almost hesitantly glanced up at the tree branch again. Her fingers loosened their grip on Ed’s suit.
“My goodness,” she then breathed an airy laugh and laid her hand against her ruffled collar.
She reached for Clarice first, cupping her cheek in quiet gratitude, before turning to Ed to kiss him on the cheek.
For a brief moment, the three of them remained together in the cold, close enough to feel Lorraine's heartbeat settle to its normal rhythm.
