#control drinking

[curiousview-blog]

Convalescence

Part 8 of ‘How to stop drinking: A guide for normal people’. A series in which I am sharing my reflections on living, and staying sober, in a fun, honest, down-to-earth way to show that an alcohol-free life is possible. Previous chapters can be found below on www.samwarren.net

It probably goes without saying that to stop feeding your body a powerful toxin on a regular basis is a very positive thing to do. Most people know that alcohol damages the liver because it has to work extra hard to break down the poison so the body can excrete it. But alcohol also inhibits absorption of vital vitamins and minerals in the stomach, stops white blood cells from fighting infection, weakening the immune system, and on its way out the door, our beloved poison inflames the bladder walls eventually leading to disintegration. Nice. Your body takes time to heal from this onslaught but when you quit drinking, this is likely to be the last thing on your mind as you battle with the psychological highs and lows and cope with the social weirdness. 

There’s a song by OceanLab that perfectly encapsulates the starburst of excitement I felt when I was coming up to a year without alcohol. The feelings I had were nothing short of a revelation. It’s a bit of a big cheesy trance tune to be honest, called On a Good Day. I remember sitting in my car waiting for it to finish playing, before I went to my office. I felt so supremely happy and excited about my future. I was truly free. I was well. I was happy, finally. I was 41 years old and my life was just beginning!  But it took a while to get to there.

Cover for the OceanLab album which features ‘On a Good Day’

To tell you the truth, it came as a disappointment that I didn't feel bursting with health and vitality the minute I was sober. No drink = no hangovers, and your body is now a temple, so it should feel as cool and clean as one, right? Well I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news if you’ve not worked this one out for yourself yet, but it’s quite disheartening when you realise you still feel pretty crappy several weeks or even months after you stop being drunk. Of course, the shape you’re in mentally has a lot to do with this as it’s a crazy myth that our mind and body are separate somehow, but the fact remains that your body might need some help to get well again after years of daily poisoning, with all the violent migraines, anxiety and self-induced vomiting, that entails (if your experiences are anything like mine).

In the first few months, my response to being sober was overwhelming exhaustion. I’d wake up in the morning still feeling mildly hungover and ‘fuggy’ and by early afternoon I’d fall asleep at my desk, like someone had pulled the plug on me. On the advice of a friend, I went to see a homeopath and herbalist who told me that the liver takes two years to completely regenerate after being battered by booze, and that’s not taking into account its normal everyday payload of toxins from food, environment, stress chemicals and, in my case, the eight tons of sugar that had taken the place of alcohol in order to deal with the “I deserve it” treat function that drink had for me.

During our conversation I realised I'd been so caught up with being a non-drinker that I didn't have time for the gym, going for walks or much exercise at all. Only an ex-drinker will understand how much time ‘not drinking’ takes up in the early weeks, plus I was sober, I could drive everywhere, any time of day, so why would I want to walk?! So as well as little brown bottles of witch doctor potions, the herbalist prescribed me some convalescence too. I was to drop sugar and avoid wheat in my diet for one month, starting with a 9-day “liver detox” all accompanied by gentle aerobic exercise every day. The randomness of a nine day anything rather appealed to me.

After six months of not drinking, I was desperate to feel amazing… and a month without bread and sugar would be a walk in the park compared to kicking alcohol out of my life. And it was! Within two weeks of being sugar and wheat free I cannot tell you how much difference it made. I no longer slumped in the afternoons, I woke feeling refreshed – even cheerful – and by the end of the month I’d lost 8lbs and felt like a new woman. I felt strong enough to finally end the stuttering marriage I’d been desperately trying to re-kindle for months, and I had new, enjoyable eating habits, some of which have even stayed with me over the years. 

Of course I didn't stay sugar free or even wheat free, but I’d learned an important lesson – that the commonplace, over-refined foods we eat every day can be pretty poisonous too, so we need to eat them knowingly. I’ve learned that I can get mild ‘hangovers’ from any over indulgence, and that never goes away. Even now, ten years later, I still know about it the next day if I’ve binged on chocolate, or rounds of toast. But, sadly, just like when I was drinker, feeling crappy afterwards doesn’t seem to stop me doing it. Perhaps it’s true, some things really do never change!

[curiousview-blog]

The weird old world of ‘soft drinks’

This is Part 19 of ‘How to stop drinking: A guide for normal people’. It’s a series in which I am sharing my reflections and tips on living, and staying sober, in a fun, honest, down-to-earth way to show that an alcohol-free life is possible. Previous chapters can be found below on www.samwarren.net

When I stopped drinking, I never really thought about what I would drink instead. But nothing could have prepared me for the utter drought of nice, non-alcoholic drinks that I would encounter in pubs, restaurants and clubs. This was in 2011, and although things have definitely improved since then (I’m writing this ten years later in 2021) it’s frankly still a bit shit in most of the places you’ll go on a night out with friends. Especially nightclubs.

One of the reasons I didn't feel instantly well after quitting alcohol was because my sugar intake went through the roof. Pretty much the only alternative to an alcoholic drink in a pub or club is sugar laden fizzy pop or calorific fruit juice (which is a goddamn meal FFS!) unless you can bear to drink diet coke, or are happy to just drink water. And of course you’re not happy to just drink water… YOU WANT A FUCKING GIN AND TONIC. This makes the lack of appealing alternatives even more crushing to the newly sober human. As if this weren’t enough, there's the expense of the horrible things. Dear sweet Lord paying through the nose for a drink you don't want or need that won't even get you pissed!? Talk about rubbing salt in your still smarting sober scars.

One of the more obvious realisations I came to - quite quickly - was that I only wanted a soft drink when I was thirsty. Who knew, huh?! Sure, having something to hold at a party/ In a club/ at dinner is really really important, but as for actually drinking it because you want to? Well, you'll have had your fill after one or two, but your well meaning friends will continue to cajole you into 'having another'. When I was quite newly sober, I went to stay with heavy drinking friends who'd kindly bought in THREE bottles of non-alcoholic red wine, just for me. Which tasted disgusting. I barely managed to make it through three glasses… but even if it had been nice, I had no desire to drink 2.25 litres (half a builder's bucket) of slightly slimy, watered down grape juice, bless them. I’d have probably done the same in their shoes to be fair. I’m pleased to say that there are now some excellent no-alcohol, or de-alcoholised wines available in supermarkets, but sadly, almost no pubs or restaurants have them on the menu, which is pretty much exactly when you want them most. Even if they did, the fact remains that you don’t really want more than a couple of glasses of them, because there’s no alcohol in them whispering you into having another, and then another.

The McGuigan Zero range (available in Tesco) is one I have especially been enjoying lately. 

The only effect of having drink after drink when you are sober is to fill your bladder, make you fat/ rot your teeth/ give you Type 2 diabetes. Sugary drinks are kids drinks. Alcoholics have battered adult palates - bitter ales, dry whites, robust reds, the acidic tang of gin, the throaty burn of vodka… And that, my friend, is when Lime and Soda Is your absolute saviour. I actually think Lime & Soda is the sober person’s superhero. Like the chickpea is to vegans… In some pubs it’s as cheap as 50p a pint, In others you'll be fleeced for as much as £2.50… But it's not too sweet, sparkles like fizz (buttery effervescence on the tongue, you know) and if you have it in a tall glass with ice and a slice, no-one will ever know it's not a G&T. Another good one is ginger beer - it has the kick of alcohol and leaves you feeling warm in your mouth. Take care though as it's often high in sugar, although that can be great for a buzz from time to time too.

But as I said at the start, things are getting better for non-drinkers. The world (well, the UK) seems to be slowly waking up to the fact that non-alcoholics still want the 'fun and treat' of something nice AND FUCKING GROWN UP to drink when we go out (nightclubs are a pathetically sad exception to this). There are now no-alcohol cocktails on lots of restaurant and bar menus - we'll leave aside the disparaging and ‘goody-two-shoes’ labels of 'mocktails' and 'virgins' to one side for now and just say thanks. I've also found bar-tenders are happy to whip you up a fruity creation off-piste if you ask. And there are coffee syrups If you're not feeling the fruit. The Dead Canary in Cardiff made me the most amazing concoction once - like a Brandy Alexander, creamy, chocolatey coffee with a dash of chilli for a kick. 

Me at The Dead Canary in Cardiff, December 2016

Another kind barmaid in Piccadilly fashioned me a long delicious thing to die for that tasted of cherry bakewell and looked as beautiful as could be. My visit to a skyscraper restaurant Manhatta in New York was topped off with a lovely alcohol-free martini, and pretty much every pub now stocks at least one brand of no-alcohol lager - which is frankly so awesome that I have devoted a forthcoming chapter to the stuff, and other ways to ‘be in disguise’.

My birthday ‘Martini’ at Manhatta in New York, March 2019

[curiousview-blog]

Don’t lose the fun of the habit

We’re up to Chapter 13 of ‘How to stop drinking: A guide for normal people’. A series in which I am sharing my reflections on living, and staying sober, in a fun, honest, down-to-earth way to show that an alcohol-free life is possible. Previous chapters can be found below on www.samwarren.net

When I first contemplated living without alcohol I was convinced I wouldn’t be able to do anything from my old boozy life ever again. This fear was enough to make sure I kept on drinking for years past the point I knew I needed to quit, because alcohol was woven into the very fabric of my life and without it, everything would just unravel. But after the first few wobbly, fragile months were passed, I started doing all the things I used to do – just without the drink. Things start to feel slightly less awful, less weird, and more normal – well, they felt OK at least.

All the glitz and magic of Christmas with none of the alcohol

You’ll know when you’ve got to this point. It’s when you no longer have an urge to hide from the world with your embarrassing secret, or gush your sobriety over everyone you meet when you do venture out. When I felt strong enough, I started going to the pub again, having fruit cordial in a big beautiful wine glass after work, and ordering virgin mojitos on fancy nights out with the girls (just ignore the prices!) It felt safe to celebrating nice happenings with a bottle of sparkling grape juice, and more recently no-alcohol Prosecco has gaily bubbled onto the scene. And far from making me wistful for the buzz, or mourn for alcohol, I felt wonderful… I felt normal. I blended in, I still had life’s lovely drinky rituals, and very quickly I worked out which of these activities were still fun sober, and which ones weren’t.

Mocktails with dinner and a friend? Definitely fun...

Where I come from, drinking is not just about the drink, or even getting drunk. It’s also about the social rituals that fizz around the act of planning, buying, consuming, and recovering from alcohol too. Deciding how many bottles is enough to get in for a party, perusing the hundreds and hundreds of near-identical brands of gin in the supermarket, selecting just the right glass, swizzle stick and fruit garnish for cocktails, and then posting slightly proud comments on social media the next day: ‘Ugh. Hanging, but worth it: great night out!’ And then there’s the endless talking about alcohol – ‘expert’ sommelier tastings that make up a whole industry from tiny little sips, chunky courses on craft brewing, TED talks on viticulture and of course the tall stories between friends after a boozy escapade that are retold as high as skyscrapers for years after. Yes, alcohol is probably more a social substance than a chemical one, so when you quit you need to make sure you don’t overlook this important side to things. It’s only the addictive poison you want to be rid of (well, and the chaos and hideous hangovers, but they’re two sides of the same coin for us drunks). So make a clear distinction in your mind. 

It's the stuff in the glass that’s dangerous, not the glass!

Many drinking support groups caution against keeping up the same rituals after you’ve quit drinking – you know, don’t put elderflower fizz in a champagne glass, don’t drink no-alcohol beer, don’t go to pubs, don’t go on bar crawls… which is shorthand for basically amputate parts of your social self and never leave the house. Wear dark colours and flog yourself too while you’re at it. What a sacrifice! You’re already getting divorced from your toxic lover, do you have to lose contact with all their nice friends too? Really? And of course, once something feels like a sacrifice and not an escape, you will feel deprived, hard done by and like you’re missing out – and we all know what happens then. 

I prefer to reframe it completely the other way. With the beer goggles gone, you can see what you truly enjoy doing, and what you only enjoyed because it was an opportunity to get drunk. Having two bottles of Becks Blue in a pint glass after a summer country walk is sheer bliss. Sitting in a pub garden, quaffing like everyone else is a priceless feeling. Which is just as well seeing as that can set you back at least £7 at the time I’m writing this!

Spot the Difference?

However (for me), sitting in a Wetherspoons on a Saturday afternoon watching football is not. Neither is trawling around ten fancy bars in one evening spending money on expensive sugary potions. But having long liquid lunches of lime and soda with friends is just as brilliant as ever.

These are just my preferences of course and they’ve changed quite a bit during my sober journey. It will be different for you, and will change for all of us depending on who we are with, and at different times of our lives. But the process of distilling the ritual from the alcohol is the same, and it's a really nice process of discovering what you really like to do, and with whom. 

[curiousview-blog]

Couldn’t you have just one glass? Stupid questions (2)

Part 10 of ‘How to stop drinking: A guide for normal people’. A series in which I am sharing my reflections on living, and staying sober, in a fun, honest, down-to-earth way to show that an alcohol-free life is possible. Previous chapters can be found below on www.samwarren.net

A few weeks back, I started explaining how well-meaning folk still can ask an ex-drinker the daftest of questions. Back then it was, ‘Do you miss it?’ and here, I’ll introduce you to its slightly more inquisitive cousin: ‘What, couldn’t you have just one glass?’

Photo credit: ‘Cinen Miniatures’ Etsy shop

The ‘one or two glass’ indicator is an unwritten test for alcoholism set by that best of experts, Joe and Joanne Public. Other items on the test include: not drinking hard liquor, not drinking during the week, not drinking before lunchtime. These are stakes in the flimsy barricade that heavy drinkers erect to distance their habits from those of ‘real’ alcoholics. If you can drink one pint, one glass of wine, one G&T, and stop of your own volition, then you’re A-OK. You’re in control. You’re the boss of booze. Nothing to see here, move along! 

And yes, I could just have one (ok, maybe two). And yes I did sometimes only have one or two. Such behaviour was robustly planned. I would buy miniature bottles of wine in the supermarket specifically so I could only have ‘just one’. I poured them into a small wine glass so it felt like I was having two. Ha! Such trickery! My brain didn’t stand a chance! And all the while I was having these two small glasses of wine, I would feel smug and in total control. Totally in control because while ‘enjoying just one’, there was no room for any other thoughts apart from alcohol and how GROWN UP I was being:

Look! Look at me! The moderate drinker! Look how modern and respectful of her health she is! See her restraint SHINE! 

I even downloaded a drinks tracker app on my phone so I could revel in my moderation. I decided I would measure and record my ability to ‘enjoy responsibly’, so HA! What do you think about that? Fuck you alcohol!

So yes. Yes I could have just one or two. But I didn’t want just one or two – and therein lies the crucial point. Why the hell would I want just one glass? This is only a question someone without drink problems could ever ask. And that’s my answer to this kindly but stupid question – why would I only want one glass? The people I know who voluntarily have only one or two drinks (e.g., they’re not driving, they don’t have to get up for work in the morning, yet they still abstain), those people don’t really like alcohol if they’re honest. They’re drinking to fit in. Drinking because it’s what you do, and not liking alcohol is a bit weird. I genuinely don’t believe that people who like alcohol ever enjoy ‘just one glass’.  They may be able to stop after one glass, but that’s because they have reasons that are stronger than the desire to drink. So restraining yourself to ‘just one or two’ means parties, events, meals out, basically all of social life, and perhaps even in private too, is tainted by some degree of deprivation. And deprivation is a dangerous feeling, because if at some point, your reasons not to drink become less important than your desire to have that third drink, then drinking more is inevitable. Because, as I repeatedly say on these pages, alcohol is a highly addictive substance you build tolerance to.  

But there is another problem I discovered with the ‘just one glass’ strategy too. Did you know two x 125ml glasses of 12.5% red wine registers a massive red DANGER blob on the shitty drinks tracker app? 250ml of strong wine is well over current ‘safe’ daily drinking limits for an adult woman. In 2010 that was one measly supermarket mini bottle, and within, ooh, I don’t know, 0.5126 seconds of seeing that red alert flash up, my pride, good mood, resolve and fragile sense of responsibility dissolved, because even my best wasn’t good enough so why the hell bother?

Let me be very clear here - I am not suggesting that these apps are not useful. In fact, one of my friends has recently stopped drinking as a result of using one of them. But my reaction was to go straight back to the kitchen and quaff the other three mini bottles in the cupboard. Of course I’d bought four mini bottles of wine when I went shopping because they were a multi-buy deal for a fiver. So now I’m a litre in, and full of self-loathing at my failed restraint. The really big FUCK IT is about to be unleashed. I get in the car, drive to Tesco because it’s more anonymous than the off licence, and buy a proper sensible sized bottle of red. I drink that as well. Normal service resumed. Relying on your willpower to have ‘just one’ is a dangerous game that over time you lose the rules for.

The amusing end to this story happened in the murk of paranoia I swam through the next morning when I realised that the Drinks Tracker App knew I was over the limit. It knew my name and where I lived, because the sanctimonious ‘enjoy responsibly’ me of yesterday told it. My phone had GPS. I’d taken my phone to Tesco’s with me in the car. Anyone following my GPS signal would know I was travelling too fast to be on foot. I’ve seen Spooks, I know these things! FUCK. Any minute now the police were going to rock up and nick me for drink driving. Oh GOD! App deleted.

[moder8now]

How to Get Motivated to Control Your Bad Habits – When you don’t know where to start…

How to Get Motivated to Control Your Bad Habits – When you don’t know where to start…

So it’s the middle of January and I’m wondering just how strong your commitment is now toward accomplishing your New Year goals. Do you find yourself just sort of treading water and not really knowing which way to swim in order to get where you want to go?

What IS your goal or desire anyway? Did you intend to lose weight or cut back on drinking, or spending, or any of a multitude of bad habits –…

View On WordPress

[moder8now]

Refocus the Anxious Energy - Get off the Hamster Wheel & Be Productive

Refocus the Anxious Energy – Get off the Hamster Wheel & Be Productive

If you are keeping a journal or paying attention to your drinking habits, you probably have noticed how often you drink because something is bothering you and you can’t get it off your mind. You keep worrying about one thing or another – and in order to get relief you turn to a bottle of wine or bag of cookies.

But instead of trying to drown that anxious nervous energy, use that energy to get…

View On WordPress

[moder8now]

The Two Most Important Skills in Moderate Drinking – Here’s How to Master Them

The Two Most Important Skills in Moderate Drinking – Here’s How to Master Them

If you really think about it, the two most important skills in moderate drinking are:

Being able to stay Alcohol-Free (AF) on planned AF days.

Being able to STOP at the amount you plan to stop at when you do drink – derailing the binge.

If you’re new to moderate drinking, you may be saying “no kidding! If I could do that I wouldn’t have a problem!” But the truth is just like anything that seems…

View On WordPress

[moder8now]

Are You Including Rewards in Daily Action Plans? So maybe you’re good at setting goals and creating action plans to accomplish those goals, but how good are you at including healthy, positive rewards for finishing the tasks that lead to accomplishing your goals?