I first watched KKM back when I was a kid and wasn’t really into fandom culture so imagine my reaction getting back into the anime in the big 2025 and coming onto tumblr hoping to enjoy some conyuu content just to discover only the remnants of a past age and the devastating aftermath of years-long shipping wars where yuuram shippers currently reign supreme here in the west but still suffering from the ptsd of formerly being the minority ship during one of the harshest periods of bl/yaoi.
Here I stand, an oblivious conyuu shipper, and a foreigner on these lands, among the debris, trying to decipher these events while those around me can never forget what they bared witness to during those trying times while mourning the fallen; reckoning that alas, it seems the territory I have chosen to settle in has very little fertile land indeed.
Summary: Yuuri thought he was lucky to find a husband as kind and protective as Conrad. As time went on, though, Yuuri realized more lay beneath his soft exterior.
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Yuuri never considered himself to have good luck. The day he was flushed down the toilet into Shinma was traumatic in many ways. It took him a long time to adjust to the new world and position he found himself in, but over time he began wondering if that disturbing day had really been his greatest blessing in disguise. He had gained a lot from his forced relocation, the greatest of which was a new perspective.
While he had never considered his luck good, he had thought he had decent judgment. Sure, everyone had told him constantly that he needed to just give up on his ideals for peaceful resolutions and give in to the advances of the fiery bishounen after his hand. Still, Yuuri never let himself be swayed. Too much was on the line for that. He was sure that he loved Wolfram, but that it was merely platonic. It was an odd platonic since he was still captured by his beauty at every turn, but that was not the point. Thinking someone was beautiful and admirable and your best friend did not mean that you wanted to marry them!
It took Yuuri a lot of soul searching and excuses until he realized who it was he really did want to marry. His chosen partner wasn’t a fair lady as he had always envisioned, but it wasn’t his accidental fiance or even the enigmatic king of Shimaron. Who Yuuri finally realized he wanted to spend the rest of his days with was someone who he knew he could trust without a single doubt and who he felt impossibly comfortable with. That person was Conrad.
Yuuri had found it awkward having to admit that the person he wanted to marry was not only his godfather but his fiance’s own brother. That person had also seen him as a tiny baby, which was information Yuuri tried to forget on a daily basis. Putting those thoughts aside, he was amazed at how happy and fortunate he was to learn that his feelings were returned.
Conrad and he were married and after a bit of “time to recover” Wolfram became agreeable again. Yuuri thought he was the happiest and most fortunate person alive.
But as time progressed Yuuri began to notice things. Slips in what he began to see as Conrad’s facade.
The reason Yuuri fell in love with Conrad was because he was the most caring, dependable, and trustworthy person he knew. His gentle smile always put him at ease. Unlike the fiery blonde who had been so pushy when Yuuri first arrived in Shinma, Conrad had been nothing but helpful and supportive. Even after the two of them finally became a couple, he had been much more understanding of Yuuri’s adjustment to liking another guy than Wolfram had been. Now that they had been married for several years, however, Yuuri was beginning to see cracks in Conrad’s facade.
That gentle smile of his was specifically for Yuuri’s eyes. When his husband wasn’t aware that he was watching, Yuuri could spot moments when the smile fell, replaced with what people back on Earth referred to as a “resting bitch face.” At times, though, isn’t of just looking disinterested, he looked downright scary. It shouldn’t have surprised Yuuri. He knew that he had once been known as the Lion of Luttenberg. He had even seen him in the heat of battle. But seeing him making a serious expression during a time of emotional turmoil and him making it while at ease at home was another matter. It made Yuuri wonder if his husband was actually as happy as he let on.
Yuuri continued watching his husband closely. Every time he caught sight of a flat, sullen, or even angry expression, Yuuri couldn’t shake off the unease he felt. The face Conrad knowingly showed Yuuri was predictable. He certainly didn’t smile every moment of every day, but that kind smile was the default. Seeing glimpses of what must be Conrad's true emotions made him question how much he really knew about his husband.
Yuuri tried to push aside his concerns, convincing himself that he was overthinking. After all, since marrying, their relationship had seemed perfect. They supported each other, laughed daily, and shared in their dreams for the future of the kingdom.
Focusing on the positivity of their relationship, Yuuri had nearly moved past his concerns when they were brought back in full force when Yozak surprised the soldier with an old wooden chest.
“Captain, King Yuuri,” the spy greeted as he shoulders his way into their quarters.
Yozak set the box down on a free space on the coffee table and Conrad’s eyes widened as recognition hit him.
“That was my father’s,” he gasped.
Yuuri got up from his desk, giving them his full attention.
Yozak grinned, definitely proud of himself. “Found it buried beneath a million things in the storage room. “I reckon Her Ex-Majesty was keeping it safe for him but then during her grief forgot she had the thing. Figured you should have it.”
Conrad fingered over the surface of the wood with a slightly shaky hand. “I never thought I’d see this again,” he whispered, voice full of emotions.
Yozak nodded, his usually carefree demeanor softening into concern for his friend. “It’s important to hold onto the memories of those we’ve lost. Sometimes, keeping mementos can help us gain closure.”
Silence enveloped the room as Conrad carefully lifted the lid of the box. Yuuri gazed over his shoulder to see the revealed collection of letters.
“He wrote these…” Conrad whispered.
Josak clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Take your time reading them. Remember, we’re all here for you, especially this one.” He gestured toward Yuuri with his head.
“Thank you, Yosak. You’ve given me something I never thought I’d receive.”
Josak grinned. “You can thank me properly later.”
Conrad nodded, gratitude and sadness in his eyes. As Yozak left the room, he settled into a chair with the box resting gently in his lap.
Yuuri watched him read in silence. With each letter he read silently to himself, the deeper the sorrow in his eyes. Unable to bear it any longer, Yuuri mustered the courage to confront Conrad about his feelings.
“Are you okay?”
“Huh?” Conrad looked up from a letter and blinked. “Oh, yes, Yuuri, of course. I’m just a bit nostalgic.”
Yuuri frowned. “It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to feel things.”
Conrad’s forehead tightened in concern. “What do you mean?”
Yuuri took a deep breath. "I've noticed that sometimes, when you think I can’t see, your smile fades. It's like there's something troubling you that you don't want to burden me with. I want to understand. I want to be there for you."
Conrad's gaze softened, and he reached out to cup Yuuri's cheek tenderly. "Yuuri, I never meant to worry you. It's true that there are times when the weight of my past burdens me. I've done things that I'm not proud of, and those memories can haunt me at times."
Yuuri's heart ached at the vulnerability in Conrad's voice. He leaned into the touch. "You don't have to carry that burden alone, Conrad. We're partners. I want you to talk to me so that I can be there for you."
Conrad gave a bittersweet smile. "You are right. I suppose I have grown too accustomed to protecting you that I forgot that this is a partnership. We are supposed to both support each other."
Yuuri held Conrad’s hand tighter against his cheek. “Don’t hold back me. I want to know everything you’re going through.”
Conrad nodded. “I promise I will try to be better.”
Moving forward, their marriage felt stronger. Conrad let Yuuri know when he was feeling sorrow or regret, and Yuuri comforted him through it. Conrad seemed more relaxed around him, and Yuuri felt more confident in his role as husband. Things seemed to be going perfectly between them, but happiness and sorrow are not all that lies within a person.
Months later, Yuuri was reminded of this fact when the two of them were awoken by a loud crash. Shards of glass flew throughout the room as someone jumped straight through the window and into the room.
Conrad was the first out of bed, instinctively moving toward his sword which was always kept beside the bed in case of just such occurrences. As Conrad lunged forward at the darkness to hold back their attacker, Yuuri lit the bedside oil lamp.
In the center of the room stood a tall, cloaked intruder. What was visible on his face was contorted with hatred. Deadly serious, Conrad struck with his sword, hitting the intruder’s with a clashing sound. The intruder parried, attempting to skirt around his range to close in on Yuuri, but Conrad was practiced in bodyguarding and allowed zero room for maneuvering between the bed and wall.
Realizing that he could not pass by without defeating an opponent that clearly outmatched him, the intruder attempted to flee back out the window. Before he could, however, Conrad lunged forward, catching the intruder off-guard. Using the hilt of his sword, Conrad struck at the man’s fist which released its grip on the man’s own sword.
Defenseless, the intruder held his hands up.
Stern-faced, Conrad backed the intruder up against the wall beside the window. “Who sent you?” he demanded in a voice as hard as iron.
“N-no one,” the man stammered. “I just thought I could get some money if I held the Maoh for ransom.”
Conrad didn’t back down. “I don’t believe you. Talk. Now.” He held the edge of his sword dangerously close to the man’s neck.
Frantic, Yuuri rushed to Conrad’s back and tried pulling his arm away from the man. “Conrad! Stop!”
Conrad’s grip wavered at the command.
The castle guards rushed into the room. “Your Majesty!” The leader panted. “We heard the commotion. Are you unharmed?”
“Yes,” Yuuri replied over his shoulder.
“One day sympathy will be your downfall,” Conrad said.
Yuuri shook his head. “I don’t care. I’m safe now.” Finally turning toward the guards, he said, “Take him to the dungeons for the night. After a day, release him.”
“Are you sure that is wise, Your Majesty?”
“His attempt at kidnapping was weak. I don’t think he will pose much of a threat even if he did return.”
Conrad sighed but let the guards take the man away. When they were alone again, he turned toward Yuuri, expression full of longing. “I couldn’t bear it if anything were to happen to you.”
Yuuri was too short to bump their foreheads together, so he pressed his forehead to his husband’s chest instead. “I know. But we can’t lose sight of ourselves because of fear.”
They settled back in for the night, and Yuuri found sleep easily within Conrad’s protective arms. Sometime later, however, he woke up to find that the bed was empty. It was still mostly dark outside, so he guessed it was very early in the morning.
“Conrad?” he called. When no answer came, he decided to go looking for his missing husband.
He was nowhere to be found within their quarters, so Yuuri entered the hallway and asked the guards posted at the end of the walkway if they had seen him leave.
“Yes, Your Majesty. He slipped out less than an hour ago.”
“Did you see where he went?”
“That way.” The guard pointed to the left wing.
Yuuri inclined his head in thanks before heading off in that direction. The castle was dark and eerily quiet so early in the morning. The only other people he saw were the guards dispersed in various locations around the castle. Eventually, through the shadows, Yuuri spotted a light. Following it, he found himself at the stairwell leading into the dungeon. As he approached the top of the stairs, he could hear Conrad’s voice travel upward to reach his ears.
“Tell me everything you know. I won’t ask again.” He sounded like a completely different person.
Yuuri walked down the stairs as silently as possible and stopped a step early so that he could hide behind the edge of the stair wall.
What he saw made his heart skip a beat and breath catch in his throat. The intruder from before was bare-chested and strung up with chains. Marks littered his exposed chest, as if he had been cut or whipped. Luckily, the marks didn’t look deep, but it was still horrifying. In front of the man, stood Conrad, featured hardened without a hint of empathy.
The intruder whimpered. “I already told you, I don’t know anything! I just wanted some money. Please, spare me!”
"You will tell me the truth," Conrad stated, his voice laced with a dangerous undertone. "If not, you will regret holding your tongue."
Yuuri's mind was in turmoil. He had always known Conrad was capable of violence, but this was different from what he had witnessed during battles. This was a deliberate act to inflict pain on someone defenseless.
Fear mingled with confusion within Yuuri's heart. This was not the kind and gentle Conrad he knew and loved. The man before him exuded a darkness that threatened to overshadow Yuuri’s love for him.
“Conrad, please stop!” he called out, rushing out from his hiding spot.
Conrad turned his gaze toward Yuuri, his expression a mix of surprise and determination. "Yuuri, this man may be part of a larger scheme. He must be interrogated."
Yuuri took a step closer, his eyes locking with Conrad's. "I get it, but not like this. We can’t create a world full of peace and happiness through anger and violence."
A flicker of conflict danced in Conrad's eyes. He glanced down at the captive, who trembled under the weight of Conrad's gaze.
"You're right, Yuuri," Conrad finally conceded, his voice tinged with a mixture of frustration and weariness. "I... I almost lost sight of who I am."
Yuuri reached out, placing a hand gently on Conrad's arm. “Let me remind you, then. You are kind and protective and a wonderful husband, brother, and son.”
Conrad's tense shoulders relaxed, the hardened lines of his face softening.
"Thank you, Yuuri. I won't let my emotions cloud my judgment."
Yuuri smiled, relief washing over him. "It’s okay. Everyone can give in to darkness sometimes. What matters is that we find our way back to the light."
Together, Conrad and Yuuri unchained the prisoner and moved him back into his cell.
Side by side, Yuuri and Conrad left the dungeon and began a new day.
As the days went by, Yuuri couldn’t stop thinking about Conrad’s response to that intruder. The man had been released without any ulterior motive besides the ransom discovered. It baffled Yuuri as to why Conrad reacted as strongly as he did. It had been a dangerous situation, but nothing dangerous actually happened and as soon as the man was disarmed he seemed more like a poor man than a dangerous man.
First the hidden sadness and now this scary side. Yuuri realized that his perception of Conrad had been incomplete. A part of him was terrified of what the man concealed beneath Conrad’s kind facade was capable of.
Seeking answers and guidance, he decided to ask Gwendal’s opinion since he had known Conrad for far longer than him. He considered asking Wolfram, since Yuuri doubted he would wince his opinion in any way, but despite their renewed friendship, Yuuri was hesitant to address anything romance related with his ex-fiance.
Taking a deep breath, Yuuri entered Gwendal’s office, finding the man engrossed in a pile of paperwork. He cleared his throat to gain Gwendal's attention.
"Gwendal, can I talk to you?" Yuuri asked nervously.
Gwendal met his eyes. Concern flickered in his gaze as he noticed Yuuri’s demeanor. "Of course, Yuuri. What is it?"
Yuuri hesitated for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. Finally, he spoke, his voice trembling slightly. "Lately, I've noticed that there is a lot more to Conrad than what he shows me. The other day, I realized something about Conrad that troubles me. I've seen a darker side to him, one that’s angry and murderous. It scares me, Gwendal."
Gwendal's usual stern expression softened. "I understand your concern, Yuuri. Conrad has not always been as you know him now. He has his demons, just like the rest of us. He has done many things in the past that he regrets. Those events have left their mark on him, and it is a burden he carries every day. I fear he treads a thin line between trying to rectify his past actions and accidentally repeating them."
Yuuri listened intently, his heart heavy with a mix of relief and apprehension. He was relieved to know that Gwendal also believed that Conrad had nothing but positive intentions, but he was apprehensive about what those intentions might lead to. "How can I trust him completely, knowing that he has such darkness lurking inside him? What if he ends up lashing out at me one day?"
"Trust is never without risks,” Gwnedal said wisely. “It is an act of faith, a choice to believe in someone despite their flaws. Conrad's anger is a part of him, but it doesn't define him entirely. As you know first-hand, he's also a man of deep love and loyalty. His first intention will always be for your happiness and protection."
Yuuri nodded slowly, absorbing Gwendal's words. With gratitude in his eyes, Yuuri thanked Gwendal and left the office.
Yuuri knew that what Gwendal said was true, yet fear still lingered within him. It had not been that long ago really that Conrad had betrayed him under Shinou’s orders. Yuuri wanted to trust Conrad. He wanted to believe that his husband wanted peace and justice as much as he did, but he couldn’t help doubting that Conrad’s ideals would prevent him from following an order if it came from Yuuri himself. While Yuuri had no intentions of making Conrad do anything awful, it was possible that someone could manipulate Yuuri or even fake his appearance.
Yuuri needed a less biased opinion than his husband’s brother, he decided. He went to Gunter this time, summarizing to his trusted advisor the scene he had witnessed in the dungeon.
Gunter listened patiently, his expression a mix of concern and contemplation. "Your Majesty, it is understandable that you would have reservations after witnessing such a side of Conrart. However, it is crucial to remember that every person has parts of themselves that they wish to keep secret. Conrart may possess a frightening side, but you must remember that you also have the power to influence and shape him. Your love has the ability to bring out the best in him."
“But, Gunter, what if instead of bringing out his best, I bring out the worst?”
Gunter started to cry. “Why would you think such a thing, Your Majesty? You are a light upon all of us!”
Yuuri patted his advisor on the shoulder. “Yes, yes, I know, Gunter. But what if Conrad follows my will so blindly that he doesn’t stop to think about the ethics of it? What if he lets me do something i really shouldn’t or does something awful because he thinks I wanted it?”
Gunter sobered up, expression serious. “You mean, if someone were to impersonate you?”
Yuuri scratched his head. “Yeah, or something…”
“I understand your fears, Your Majesty, but that seems far-fetched. If you worry about that, then you should be worried about each and every one of us.”
Yuuri understood his point, but he liked to think that their consciences would still step in if need be.
But maybe Yuuri really was just overreacting. There was no point worrying about something that was likely to never happen.
Determined to confront his fears head-on, Yuuri resolved to have an open and honest conversation with Conrad.
He found him out in the gardens after lunch. It was a perfect day, with the sun shining beams of light across Celi’s numerous beds of flowers. Standing there gazing out at the flowers, Conrad looked like he belonged in a painting. Love swirled in Yuuri’s chest.
Gulping, Yuuri called out as he approached him, "Conrad, there's something I need to talk to you about."
Conrad turned to face him, concern etched on his features. "Is something wrong?"
Yuuri looked into Conrad's eyes, reminding himself of the deep love within his gaze. "I... I've realized that there is a side of you that scares me."
Conrad's frowned sadly. He reached out, gently taking Yuuri's hand in his own. "Yuuri, I'm sorry if I scared you the other day. I never wanted you to see me that way.”
Yuuri shook his head. “That’s part of the problem. It isn’t right to hide sides of yourself from me like that. I should be allowed to feel this fear.”
“Yuuri…” Conrad sighed softly. “My anger is something I've struggled with for a long time. I never wanted to burden you with it."
Yuuri’s grip tightened on Conrad's hand. "Seeing you like that makes me question how much I actually know you."
"I’m sorry for making you feel that way. I want you to know that my love for you is unwavering. I would never allow that anger to harm you. You mean everything to me."
Yuuri’s voice trembled. "I believe you, Conrad. I do. But part of me is still scared. Scared that it might lead to you doing something awful in the future."
Conrad pulled Yuuri into a tender embrace, holding him tightly as if trying to convey his unwavering devotion through the strength of his arms. "I understand your fears, Yuuri, and I promise you that I'm working on it. You’re my guiding light through the darkness. I am committed to growing past it for your sake."
“I believe in you. But I still can’t help fearing that your unwavering devotion to me, your willingness to protect me at any cost, might lead you to do something... terrible."
Conrad's brows furrowed. "Yuuri, what do you mean? I would never do anything to harm you or anyone else."
Yuuri had seen the evidence to disprove that when he saw him in the dungeon, though. “But what if I asked something unthinkable? What if I asked you to do something that went against what we both believe in? Would you do it without a thought, just because I asked you to?”
Conrad's eyes widened. He gently cupped Yuuri's cheek. "Yuuri, I understand your fears, but I want you to trust me. If you were to ask something out of character, I would challenge you, question your intentions, and remind you of who you are the way that you did for me back in the dungeon. My love for you is not blind obedience, but a commitment to guide and protect you, even from yourself if necessary."
Yuuri felt a wave of relief wash over him. He buried his face in Conrad's chest, holding him tightly. "Conrad, I'm sorry for doubting you.”
Conrad's voice was reassuring. "It’s okay, Yuuri. Let’s both promise to work harder at our communication. That way we can both see each other as clearly as possible.”
Yuuri clung to Conrad, finding solace in his warmth and reassurance. Maybe Yuuri’s luck was just average. He had gained so much since coming to Shinma, but he had been dealt just as many troubles and knew that many still lay ahead down the road. Yet, Conrad's love and sincerity gave him hope that they could navigate all challenges lying ahead without having to lose sight of who they were.
do you think con/yuus popularity is bc of the mangaka?? since the novel which im assuming is the source material is clearly yuuram and game i cant help but feel bitter
Hi anon!
No, I think the popularity of the conyuu ship is due to the staple yaoi trope of the 90s and early 2000s in Japan of having a “big guy/little guy" relationship. BL fangirls in Japan identify with ‘the little guy’ in that relationship.
If you know a little bit about BL/yaoi in the 90s, you know that the relationships between the big guy and little guy were usually abusive and rape-themed. “ I love you” followed by rape, which made the ‘little guy’ realized that “Oh my! I’m in love with him, too.”This is sadly a mirror of how abused Japanese women were/are.
Women in Japan have, in general, at some point in their lives (especially when younger), been pressured/forced into sex by men. The rationalization of being raped is of course: “ I’m in love with him”. And BL (yaoi) mangas were a mirror of this for many women, who saw in this rationalization of “rape into love” a defense mechanism for what had happened to them.
Foreign fangirls’ simply copied Japanese fangirls’ tropes (probably not knowing about the rampant rape culture that originated it; and simply trying to stay true to ‘the original fans’).
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Historical background: Additionally, historically and culturally speaking, Japan had a system of relationships between older men and younger men (wakashu), who had relationships ‘Greek style’ and once they were both adults, they had to end the relationship and marry women. This is where the Big guy/Little guy originated before it being adopted by Japanese women in the modern era.
The young one was always abused by the older one, much like women were and are in many of their romantic relationships.
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Now as for maruma: Conyuu is pretty much the staple big guy/ little guy. BL fans are used to the format, and this is why it’s so appealing them. Also, the fangirls wanna be ‘the little guy’ for Conrad because he’s such a stereotypical character of everything Japanese women want (1. Tall 2. Broken/needs fixing, but nice. 3. Prince, but humble about it, 4.Protector swordsman that will die for you ). Of course they like conyuu. Now in comes Takabayashi-sensei (who wanted to create a trauma for Yuuri using Conrad’s death, that’s why she originally made them so close. Conrad was written to die in novel 5), and ships Yuuri and Wolfram.
She makes sure that they’re both childish. That they’re both the same height. That neither is quite smarter or more mature than the other. They’re “equal", in every way. Their relationship develops slowly. First they become friends, then they fall for each other (happens for Wolf a bit faster than for Yuuri).She famously puts in one of the drama cds that ”the order of the names in the ship doesn’t matter” in a dialogue between Gunter and his editor (parallel of Takabayashi-sensei and GEG) in ”His Excellency and the MA Love Journal!?” Drama cd 24, track 6 . (- for those who don’t know the order of the name in a ship in BL informs who is ‘topping’ in the relationship- ).
Sensei makes this couple with two characters who are equal in the year 2000, and it took almost two decades for Japanese women to get in with the times (Takabayashi-sensei is rumored to have lived in America, probably why her thinking was so forward in comparison with Japanese women).
So, no, I don’t think Temari-sensei is to blame for conyuu, but she happily catered to it and overdid the Conrad/Yuuri scenes . (I remember a particular drawing where Conrad and Yuuri looked like they were about to kiss and the story that she drew that for had nothing to do with it XD- (It’s the Hajimari no Tabi ending one XDD . I laughed so hard when I finally read the story that was so completely unrelated to the drawing).
Ok, fine. Maybe like a 2% of the blame we can assign to Temari-sensei, but the rest was cultural. :D
