So after binging the whole four seasons of Black Sails last month, I’m now on a more leisurely rewatch… or so I thought.
But god everything hits so much worse or better or harder knowing about Flint’s past and motivation now. And then this scene came up, and I’m just… fuuuuuck. Crying, screaming, throwing up. I’m not okay. This is devastating. (Did I mention I cope with art?)
On my first watch, Flint killing Gates truly shocked me. He would really kill his friend just because he wouldn’t go along with his plans? To not have to give up on the Urca? Sure, Gates is going against his command. It’s mutiny, but Gates seems to be trying, and he sounds so bloody reasonable. And more importantly, he’s been a loyal friend up until now. A fatherly friend (I want to throw up). And even now he’s… trying to protect Flint, right? (Fuck. Seriously. Feeling ill.)
But yeah, I was shocked. And as he whispered broken apologies to the friend he just murdered, I wondered… could I forgive him for this?
And now…omg now it’s like watching a completely different train wreck happening, and it all makes perfect, tragic, horrible sense. The way the whole scene mirrors James McGraw’s futile attempt to convince Hennessy of their Hail Mary plan to save Nassau. Every step. The urgency when things have already gone sideways, but James refuses to give up, because it can still work. People just have to listen. Let him explain. Have a little faith. Back then he trusted Hennessy, and now he still trusts Gates. He trusts them to understand, asking them to believe in him. He doesn’t see it coming. (How does he not see it coming this time?)
And then the moment the floor is ripped out from under him. And it’s all there, on Flint’s face, in the moment when Gates says “They know.” It’s not the mutiny. It’s the betrayal. The way Flint’s face falls, and for a moment he looks just like James McGraw in Hennessy’s office. The same devastation and disbelief when he asks “You told them?” And of course for him it is the same betrayal. It is the same fight, to prove Thomas right. To stand against those who took him and everything else away from James.
And Gates, that poor bastard, doesn’t even understand what sin he is committing. He doesn’t even see it as mutiny. He sees it as doing the right thing, containing a madman. (Omggg…) And then there is Flint, reliving the worst moments of his life. And that point it doesn’t feel like it’s about the Urca anymore. It’s an emotional massacre, to which Gates seems completely oblivious. When Flint asks if he will see him get hanged, only to be promised an opportunity to flee for him and ‘Mrs Barlow’, Gates thinks he is doing him a kindness. Like Hennessy probably thought he was doing him a kindness, saving him from the gallows. It’s all right. Flint just has to leave, vanish and never be heard of again. He should be grateful. And the way Flint’s eyes close briefly in disbelief that this is happening. Again. The way he pleads with Gates, just like he pleaded with Hennessy. So unlike Flint. But once more he is told that his actions are unforgivable. Simply too much. He’s not just rejected, but he is abandoned. He is cast out for who he is and his supposed sins. A monster that can’t be allowed to exist amongst the rest of them.
The whole scene is executed so brilliantly, the way he fluctuates between James’ almost innocent appeals to be understood and Flint’s anger at being denied. But he keeps trying until the last moment. And then, when he acts, it’s not a calculated move. It’s pure desperation, the only purpose to do something, to stop what is happening. Because James McGraw didn’t. But where James McGraw hesitated, where he maybe still hoped, still didn’t comprehend, and where he still thought he had something to lose… Flint doesn’t. And yet we can see it break him. We can see how it breaks another part of his soul.
(And of course it will happen again. Screaming. Crying. Throwing up.)
I haven't written poetry in a long time, but I finally started to use my art to cope with disability and chronic pain. This is the first entry in my future poetry book,
a little vent sketch i made to cope with college stress and the impending doom of big life decisions/changes (ignore the fact it’s been days since i drew this)
My ADHD made a friend today and I found out about the autism creature and the ADHD creature so I did some art to help me stop demonizing my new diagnosis.
The following sketches contain massive spoilers on the finale of Good Omens Season 2, if you continue, do so at your own risk.
You idiot, we could've been us.
I needed to cope with a lot of emotions, so I present to you a coping sketch page. I wanna do more of those in the future. If you wanna see them, I'll be happy to post them, whenever I feel comfortable with sharing them.
This one is Good Omens themed and centers around the breakup of Crowley and Aziraphale. I just needed to get them out of the system because my head is full of THEM!
Feel free to use the comment section to talk and heal together❤️
I am quite proud of our host right now. He is terrified of an upcoming medical thing he must do, and it has been knocking him on his ass with anxiety. He said to me tonight while I was comforting him, "I think I really need to do some vent art about it," and did so. He is still somewhat anxious, but he did not lash out, hurt himself, nor run to cancel the appointment. He recognized need to use a healthy coping mechanism and used fear for something productive instead of destructive.
We will, of course, still have to see how he copes tomorrow when it actually happens, but this is huge step for him. He should be proud of himself too.
So I started this art collection over the years. When I feel a very strong emotion I can't handle I would paint it out. A silhouette personalized with a background to show what I feel like but now personified. It's a really great way to show my feelings and cope. I haven't done one of these in a while and didn't think I would but here I am. Working on a new one but it's not a negative emotion. And it doesn't have to be. I don't only need to record the bad times of my life in art form. So I'm expressing myself with happiness and love for once
This is a W.I.P for the collection that I started tonight that inspired me to post about it
