Okay, so, just wondering, is the Stargate Fandom still a thing? SG-1 is my favorite show, and I was just wondering if there were still Gaters out there.
All SG teams report! I want to know you're still out there!
warnings: smut, lewd themes, could be set in a non-virus AU but there are mentions of being in Boulder, all characters are 18+, some jealousy and other things mentioned, Harold is a perv so what do you expect???
a/n: tagging my sweet bestie @risretrograde who helps fuel my love for Harold.
A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
The first few times you have sex, you’re going to need to give Harold the aftercare. He’s going to be shaking, out of breath, unsure of himself completely. He just came so fast, and he’s figuring you’re probably going to leave him now. His stomach will twist in shame.
Give him kisses, whisper soft words of encouragement, bring him some water and clean him up with a warm washcloth.
Eventually, the more Harold has sex, the more he’ll become confident. And soon, he will know how to give you the aftercare you need. It’ll probably be an amalgamation of the two of you taking care of one another.
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
Harold doesn’t really like any part of his body, other than his mind. He knows he’s smart, and he knows he’s clever(even when people call him a know-it-all or a smart ass). It’s his brains that charmed you, his words that wooed you. So if he had to pick a body part that he prefers, it’s definitely his brain.
On you? Your tits, your stomach, your legs, your arms, your eyes, your smile…the list goes on. He’s not picky at all. He loves everything about you. Though if he was being honest, yeah maybe it’s your smile. The way he makes his heart do a little flutter in his chest every time, and the way you smile at him like he’s the only person in your life that matters, it makes him so happy.
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
Harold is into cumplay. Especially since he cums quick the first few times, so he’s really into fucking it back into you and smearing it all over your pussy lips with his still-hard cock. He also loves being able to cum all over you, and he’s not picky. He’ll cum on your face after you blow him, he’ll shoot a load all over your tits as well.
He’s also very obsessed with making you cum so much. He wants to make you squirt, and he’ll become obsessed with that too once he figures out how to make your squirt. He’ll drink it up, get it all over his face. He’s a messy boy and he’s happy about it.
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
Harold is the king of dirty secrets. He’s got too many to name, really. He enjoys the life of being a pervert, and he tries his best to keep it as secret as he can. Possibly one of his dirtiest secrets is that he spent some time imagining a threesome between you, him and Fran before he realized that it would most definitely never happen. And what’s worse is that he felt guilty after each time he jerked off to that fantasy, because he didn’t want you to feel like second best.
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
He’s got 0 experience. Nobody before you wanted to hook up with Harold “Whack-off” Lauder. But boy has he watched a lot of porn and read lots of dirty books and magazines. Yes, he’s clumsy as fuck and messy, but he’s eager and he definitely has an idea of what to do. He’s not going to let the fact that he’s never actually had any sex define how he is as a lover. He’ll think back to every video he’s watched(the real amateur ones, not the fake ones…even if he loves those ones too). He’s pretty good at asking you if things feel good, and he’s good with asking for consent and guidance as well!
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
Honestly, Harold wants a position that allows him to see your face and to kiss you. So he’s big on anything that’s missionary, or you on top. The fact that he’s able to kiss you whenever sex gets a bit overwhelming with pleasure. He’s also big into sucking on your nipples, so he enjoys it when you’re on top and leaned over his face like that. It turns him on like nothing else. A few other favorites are prone bone, bulldog and of course, he’s huge on 69.
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
He can be a bit goofy at times, but that’s mostly due to nerves at first. He may say something funny without realizing or make a funny noise. But he likes to be fairly serious whenever he makes love to you or fucks you. Harold may grow to be a bit more funny in the moment whenever he gets more confident in his sex skills. He likes to see you laugh and then change that into a moan halfway through. It’s something he loves to see.
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
He’s not worried about grooming himself, unfortunately. He lets it grow a little wild, to be honest. His body hair is a bit darker than the hair on his head, and there’s a little sprinkling on his chest. He doesn’t have much in the torso area, but he does have a bit of a treasure trail that leads to the wild bush in his pants. If you prefer him to be shaved or trimmed, he will make an effort and do that just for you!
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
Harold is very very very very very very very VERY intimate. He wants it to be just you and him in your little world. He wants to be completely enraptured in the pleasure of being with you, and inside of you, and his lips on yours. He will say sweet words, he’ll even recite poetry he wrote for you at times whenever he’s feeling very sentimental. It’s not his fault he’s a sensitive man, it’s just the way he ended up. Sometimes, he may get a bit more gruff and aggressive whenever someone has pushed his buttons a little too much.
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
He loves to jerk off. He spends a lot of his time jerking off, even if you are sexually active. In fact, Harold adores mutual masturbation or just jerking off in front of you to show off. And if you were to incorporate any kind of toys, he would probably go wild. He loves the simplicity of being able to jerk off and for it to be such a sexy act for the two of you.
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
Harold loves a number of things. He’s easy to please when it comes to kinks too. Dress up in anything sexy(think leather or maid’s outfit) and he’s going to lose his mind.
He’s also very big on tying you up or you tying him up. Try silk scarves with him, he doesn’t want it to hurt too much. The sensation of silk on his body feels really good, and he’d be so into you jerking him off with a pair of silk panties.
He has a bit of a mommy kink too(he loves tits, and he loves them in any size). He wants someone to take care of him and to baby him a little. And if you’re open to it, he likes to be degraded too, but not too much as his ego is already pretty fragile and bruised.
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
Harold’s easy, he likes having sex in the bedroom. But he’s not opposed to some other spots for quickies. Want to fuck somewhere where you might get caught? Harold’s all for it! A bar bathroom? Yes please! Maybe on the couch right before someone comes to visit.
He also enjoys being able to fuck you in nature. Just out in the open, letting yourselves be immersed in the clean mountain air of Boulder. He probably wants to fuck in the ampitheatre, seeing the rest of the town down there and it just makes him feel like a fucking king.
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
What doesn’t turn on Harold? He’s basically walking around with a half-chub constantly. He really can’t help it. Sometimes all it takes is for you to give him a sultry smile. Whisper in his ear(could even be something mundane) and the feeling of your warm breath on his skin makes him go hard. Even when you wear a new pair of boots(especially ones that make your legs look even the slightest bit longer), he’s going to be turned on. It really doesn’t take much to get him going, and sometimes it’s at the worst times and he curses himself for it.
N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
Harold would NEVER want to do anything to really hurt you or degrade you. Water sports, scat or severe bondage or impact play would be off the table. He doesn’t mind spanking you, or pulling your hair, or choking you(all with consent of course), but anything that would truly hurt you, it’s off the table.
As for him, he wouldn’t want you to humiliate him too much. He doesn’t want to always be degraded and shamed for his sexual preferences. And he doesn’t want to be hurt too bad during sex either.
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
Harold Emery Lauder is a munch. He could eat pussy for hours. He will literally beg you to let him lick your pussy through and through. He wants to make you cum over and over so that he can taste your sweet juices. He finds pussy to be one of the most tasty things ever. He loves the taste of you almost anytime. He loves being between your thighs, and could happily spend an afternoon there if you allow him.
If you blow Harold, he will be immediately in love with you. The sight of you on your knees, his cock in your mouth and you’re taking him as deep as you can and you’re swallowing around him and oh fuckkkkk…yeah, let’s just say that Harold is a big fan of blowjobs. He tries not to be too greedy and ask for too many, but if you offer, he will not say no. He’s big on having his taint rubbed, his balls massaged and his cock deepthroated.
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
He tries so hard to be as slow and sensual as he can be, but the first few times, he’s gonna jackhammer into you like a dog in heat and finish within seconds. The more skill he develops, the more he takes it very slow and sensually. Though this is all depending on his mood at the time. If someone pisses him off and you’re there, offering your body as a way to blow off steam, he’s going to pound into you and call you names.
Most times, he enjoys having you on your back, him slowly pushing into you and your legs wrapped around him. He loves those moments because he can kiss you and tell you just how much he loves you and adores your wet pussy.
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
He loves quickies! He is a busy man after all, so he wants to fuck as much as possible. Before he goes to work with the body crew in the morning? Oh fuck, he’s sliding right into you and fucking you until you’re both panting and satisfied. Before a town meeting and you’re both almost a little late to it? Oh fuck yeah, Harold is plowing into you and making you cum so fast. He does prefer being able to take his time with you, and he will want to have sex in bed with you more often than he will want to have quickies. He’s just not someone who hates them at all.
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
He wants to experiment. He likes the idea of pleasuring you somewhere where someone could see or hear you. The way you try to bite your lip to keep quiet is something that is burned into his memory for a very long time. The idea of being able to push you past multiple orgasms is very fun for him too. He wants to experience all kinds of things with you, and he’s not against the riskiness.
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
He has barely any stamina the first few times he fucks, but Harold has very little refractory period. He can go for multiple rounds, and while they are quick at first, the more he fucks, the more he gains that stamina. Pretty soon, he’s going to last for a very long time and he will probably overstimulate you a lot. The lack of refractory period really helps him with that and he gets so proud whenever he thinks about how far he’s come with lasting during sex.
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
Harold would have a few toys. He wants to experiment, see what makes you feel the best. He loves using them on you. He’ll get vibrators, and plugs(if you’re into that kind of thing), and of course anything to bind you to the bed. He also loves being able to use a detachable shower head on your clit(he knows this isn’t a sex toy per se, but it’s a toy for him to use on you). If you bring a toy into the bedroom(a pocket pussy or a fleshlight), he will go fucking crazy. If you were to jerk him off using a sex toy like that, he’d cum so fast and so hard. He loves using toys and he doesn’t feel like they make him any less of a man.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
Once again, this is dependent on his mood. Most of the time, he likes to think he can tease you, but the minute you really start to beg him, he crumbles. Sometimes, if he’s pent up or angry, he’ll edge you until you’re crying and only then will he allow you to cum. Harold likes when you tease him a lot too, and he very much enjoys being edged.
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
He’s so fucking loud, it’s embarrassing to him. He can’t hold it back most times either. So whenever you two are trying to be a bit more risky, he has to shove his face in the crook of your neck or to kiss you to keep himself quiet. He’s a whimperer and a moaner, but he’s been known to grunt and groan too. Harold will even let out some very embarrassing high-pitched noises whenever you edge him or overstimulate him.
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
Before you two became a couple, he actually jerked off in a pair of his own underwear and gave it to you without you knowing. It was in a bag full of books and snacks, and it was shoved way down there. You’ve confronted him about it later on in your relationship, and he grew hard when you said you enjoyed the little surprise. There was something so thrilling about doing that and he would definitely love to recreate a scenario like that with you.
X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
Harold is lanky, and long-limbed. He has some lean muscle definition, but he’s not jacked or anything. His cock is about 6 inches, and while not the longest, it’s got a very good girth to it. The first time you saw it, your eyes widened a bit and he tried to hide himself.
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
The highest. Ever. He’s almost constantly horny and he tries to reel it in, but it’s very hard for him to do so. He thinks about sex a lot. Even in the most romantic moments. He loves your body, and he loves to be able to ravish you as much as possible.
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
Harold has a hard time falling asleep the first few times, especially with his nerves all a little frazzled. But eventually, he grows comfortable. Once you’re both taken care of after sex and you’re cuddling, he nods off within minutes. He likes to be close to you and the scent of you and your softness has him lulled into a sweet slumber.
(not my gif)
dividers by: @/strangergraphics
want me to write an alphabet for another character? inbox is open for requests!
Hypothetical: You’re invited to take a trip through the Stargate, and get to choose one member of SG-1 (past or present, c.2007) as your chaperone.
Who’s your tour guide through one of the many worlds in the Milky Way?
