homestuck by someone who’s only read like the first tiny bit of it
so there’s this kid named john. he has friends. their names are rose and jade. his brother is named dirk. rose is a goth, jade is a weirdo, and dirk thinks he’s way cooler than he actually is. they all get a video game named sburb and it gives them reality warp powers.
john’s dad gets kidnapped, but that doesn’t matter, because rose is playing suburb and can warp reality now! they leave their house and jade and dirk are there too. they eventually find their way to a timeline or whatever called alteria or whatever. it’s full of grey kids with horns who are way too into astrology, they’re called trolls. they hang out for a bit and fight monsters. one is a juggallo. one is named vriska and she may or may not have done nothing wrong.
so doc scratch, who i can only assume is an edm producer, is trying to cause bad. there’s also a lady who is some kind of water nazi. and some green dude named after the fucking english language. apparently he’s a member of the insane clown posse. i don’t know.
there’s a caste system among trolls based on blood color which i can only assume means that they either have incredibly prominent veins (like me, known Pale Bitch) or carry around knives to cut up boys they don’t know in order to tell whether they should be racist to them or not.
there’s another set of kids. they’re called the alpha squad and they are probably better than team egbert in every conceivable way. they exist because of that video game, suburb! actually everything exists because of that video game suburb. reality exists because of that video game suburb.
dirk is sad and covers up his depression with memes.
there’s a very complicated rpg class system revolving around english lit class-level over-analysis of symbolism. there is something called god tier, which my car boys ass can only assume has to do with god trash, but it might just mean being really really good at suburb. i don’t know.
john goes missing one time.
the insane clown posse is a reality-ending cult of darkness.
it takes way, way, WAY too long to end.