#cowboy lore

[cowboys-cowboy-au]

“The day day Alice’s wife, Chalice, died, Alice didn’t stop crying. She didn’t stop crying for days. Even now years later, I don’t think she’s stopped.”

Rare lore doodle moment

[uwudonoodle]

[deepspacerats]

Critical Analysis on Cowboys

What you guys don’t understand about cowboys is that the lifestyle is a lot harder than you might think. This post is to show you some of the ins and outs of cowboy lore. 

For example:

Cowboys can travel up to 1836 (or 'the Alamo') miles during mating season to mate with females

Not only that, but they can only conceive at high noon 

Lassos are an incredibly important part of the heterosexual cowboy's lifestyle

Some cowboys can mate outside of mating season and without lassos in a process known as ‘pistols at dawn’, but only if they are gay

Cowboys who are not gay must pay dearly for lassos. Up to 40% of cowboy income can go towards this

Cowboys MUST mate in the direction of Texas

If two cowboys mate in Texas, they oscillate at high speeds similar to the way a compass needle spins when a magnet is nearby. Some cowboys can get whiplash from this 

Mechanical bulls were invented to acclimate cowboys who are planning to move to Texas to the sheer force involved in the intercourse there

DON’T yeehaw. If you yeehaw, cowboys nearby will assume you are looking to mate. They may attempt a mating dance (known as ‘moseying on over’). It is not particularly intrusive unless you are heavily affected by cigar smoke 

If you MUST yeehaw, stay far away from the town saloon. That’s where cowboys are made.

Speaking of cigars, they are a symbol of respect among cowboy elders. Be careful smoking one around areas known to be populated with cowboys. 

A cowboy’s life is a lonely one. When a cowboy reaches adulthood, he or she must migrate elsewhere to live a mostly solitary life, as cowboys are highly territorial. A territorial confrontation is known in cowboy rituals as ‘This Town Ain’t Big Enough for the Two of Us’. 

A cowboy riding a horse is NOT better or worse than a cowboy without a horse. I am so sick and tired of people acting like cowboys without horses aren’t valid. 

McCree is NOT a cowboy, he is a vaquero. The difference is minor but significant. Don’t mix them up. 

For more information, or if you want a true ‘cowboy experience’, cowboys are generally peaceful during square dances, hoedowns, or poker games. Careful approaching one on the pasture or in the valley, it might be mating season.

Thank you for reading, and as always, may you saddle up with good fortune, and may no man ever touch your hat. 

[cowboys-cowboy-au]

Doodles I’ve made on magmas over the last while

[itsmightyfunny]

[supposed-to-be-studying]

Dr. Phil being Texan:

"i didn't just fell off the turnip truck"

"this ain't my first rodeo"

"till cows go home"

[lorecraft]

C2$ vibes for the vibe meme 😎💖🌟

Cowboy, I get - I will save a horse and will definitely ride one. Or I can be the cowboy and someone can ride me, I don’t want anyone to lose out.

Cat in frog hat, I totally get because that is me all day.

But I don’t know what that drink is. Is it apple juice? Vinegar? I’ll take the apple juice. If it’s vinegar, Imma go throw up.

[dearyallfrommatt]

“The Last Cowboy Song“ - Ed Bruce

 This is before “Dead Wood,” obviously