#crackscript

[mamamangaka]

Dabi at home from Tartarus on house arrest pt 2:

Shouto: Niichan it’s my turn to watch you today

Dabi: *growls like a rabid dog*

Shouto: do you wanna play a board game?

Dabi: what

Shouto: uh.. a board game?

Dabi: *snorts* they call it “bored” for a reason

Shouto: … do .. you know how to play board games?

Dabi:

Shoto:

Dabi:

Shouto:

Dabi: do YOU?

Shouto: *sweats profusely*

2 HRS LATER —

Natsuo: *At work, gets a call from shouto* everything ok?

Shouto: we don’t know how to play the board game

Natsuo: … you read the instructions

Shouto: yeah we tried that but I think niichan and I are equally uneducated in the social normality of these so while I was trying to read the booklet he ate about five of the pieces in protest. when I noticed, I tried to take the box away so he ate the instructions too as a final act of defiance. Now I don’t even know how to put the board back correctly.

Natsuo:

Shouto:

Natsuo:

Shouto:

Natsuo: what the fuck is wrong with you two

[copwef]

I doubt anyone will, but if you wanna use this just message me and credit me!

[mamamangaka]

Dabi, home from Tartarus on house arrest:

Enji: son, I’m so happy you’re home

Dabi: fuck off you unfriendly giant

Enji: 💔

Rei: I made you dinner

Dabi: I hate fish

Rei: 💔

Natsuo: we missed you

Dabi: you had a memorial alter to talk to, leave me alone

Natsuo: 💔

Fuyumi: Touya-nii, our family is finally together again!

Dabi: *honey badger sounds*

Fuyumi: 💔

Shouto: Touya-nii, I made soba

Dabi: get fucked you pro zero, you’re adopted

Shouto: *genuinely confused, studying his whole family* ..I ..clearly am not

[mamamangaka]

Dabi at home from Tartarus part 5:

Shouto: niichan, why is your room in shambles

Dabi: I got bored

Shouto: … so.. you got bored.. and destroyed your bedroom?

Dabi: yes

Shouto: that.. no, we have to find you something else to entertain yourself with

Dabi: I agree

NEXT DAY, Dabi, Enji and Rei at the dinner table:

Shouto, comes home from patrol, goes to his room:

Shouto, comes out of his room: niichan why is my room destroyed

Dabi: I got bored

Shouto: …

Shouto: we’ve really got to find something more productive to distract you with

Dabi: I agree but don’t worry, I already have a plan. tomorrow is dads room.

Enji: wait what

[mamamangaka]

Dabi on house arrest from Tartarus pt. 4 :

Shouto: niichan, i made us soba tonight

Dabi: *feral snarling*

Shouto: yes, the noodles are cold but the broth is hot. I know you like it the same way I do

Dabi: *threatening hiss*

Shouto: no, there’s no fish in it. I put chicken in yours. I know you hate fish.

Dabi: *angry growling*

Shouto: of course there are veggies in it, you have to eat veggies

Dabi: *aggressive chomping*

Shouto: no, we can’t have ice cream until after dinner

Midoriya, looking at Dabi fearfully: how.. can you understand what he wants?

Shouto: I’ve basically adapted his noises and demeanor into a language so I can communicate with him without him actually communicating verbally

Dabi: *rageful slurping of noodles while glaring at Midoriya*

Shouto: he wants you to pass the salt

Midoriya: *sweats profusely*

[mamamangaka]

Dabi at home on house arrest part 3:

Enji: son I’m so happy we finally get a day together, just you and I

Dabi: *gripping a fork with pure unbridled rage*

Enji: I still have all your old toys, I couldn’t bear to throw them out

Dabi: clearly, because you’re still here

Enji: what

Dabi: you’re old and need to be thrown out

Enji: 💔