#creativelit

[coloringtheworldwithwords]

I miss the sounds of the highway, the open window, breeze blowing between my fingers. The city lights always promised that I was never alone, but the sea so quickly sleeps when the sun sets, and I’ve always been scared of the dark. You see, I’ve thought a lot about why the ocean has left me empty, why I yearn for the buildings and the street lights, why I miss the dull hum of tires spinning fast on the 4 lane track. Time has taught me that I enjoy solitude amongst a crowd, that the ocean provides no comfort when the light isn’t shining on it, I, can’t see the moon from my window, and I, can’t trust the promise of a new day without a little guidance. So, I’m trying to trust myself, to know that I am made up of more than this moment, that I am not greedy for missing the skylines, that I still can love an ocean sunset, but fear the darkness it brings. And it is so dark where I sit, clouds covering the stars, the moon, hidden somewhere far away from me. I want the whisper of traffic shuffling about, the dim lights in the distance, promising that someone somewhere, is awake and looking for the answers too. I’ve done my time in the darkness, it’s time to be among the places that dream while awake, the places that are too busy to settle for the shadows. I guess I’m not as in love with the ocean as I thought, (coloringtheworldwithwords)

[coloringtheworldwithwords]

I’ve spent most of my life unsettled,

have counted so many days where the love I have was unreciprocated,

but today I lay here, and know, that isn’t my life anymore.

It’s true when they say you can’t make the wrong love right,

and be it all passion and fire and lust,

love can’t be a shapeshifter in the night,

denying you of the smallest comforts and joys.

Love should be as free and consistent as the river,

not so dependent on the gifts I bring or do not bring to the table,

love is about loving with all the love, even through the hard times.

I love myself and so nights are easier awake in my own company,

but there’s solace in the idea that I know my love would wake patiently,

holding me until the demons in the darkness stop screaming,

kissing me softly until all my worries simmer to quiet.

There’s comfort in the fact that this love is different,

this love is patient and kind,

and this love is, trusting and reassuring.

Comparison is the killer of every bit of happiness so this isn’t about which love was better,

but I know in my heart what feels right and what feels good,

and today,

I know I lie beside the most beautiful and patient soul,

someone who only yearns to please me,

someone who always wants to make me laugh.

There’s a destroyer in the type of love with selfish intent,

and for the first time in my life, I’ve found a love with selfless actions and acceptance in everything I am.

I spent all of my life trying to form something that wasn’t love into the shape of the keyhole in my heart;

Time has taught me that the love that belongs to you shouldn’t have to be made into something it’s not,

love taught me how toxic the wrong love can actually be.

I’m so lucky I get to be alive and loved right by you,

I’m so lucky I made it through the darkness to find your warm and tender heart.

- You are the key to my heart, the entity of the happiness we share, (coloringtheworldwithwords)

[coloringtheworldwithwords]

You can’t tame the wild girl, not when her soul is the very fire your veins; why would you want to put out the spark that lit you up to begin with? You can’t tame the wild girl, who’s recklessness lives inside her flesh; you fell in love for everything that she is, so, you can’t tame the wild girl, and you won’t. You see, she will throw daggers of fire into crowds of innocent people, will dance when the music is on low, and God, she will love you fearlessly, and endlessly, if you promise to never let her burn to smoke. She will give you her hands, all blistered and burnt, and will sing you sweet lullabies - will take you back to the time when you were no worries and skinned knees, when the world spoon fed you with broken promises and forevers… She, is the only thing you will know to not be a lie - She, is the wild girl, who will never let you believe in fiction. I know, you were never the type to believe in fairytales, so she will not be the one to write it. Her truth, lies in the fact that she has no secrets, drinks whiskey from the bottle most nights than not, but kisses you, after every shot, so you can taste it. Her passion, will seep from her pores like tomorrow may never come, and you can’t tame the wild girl, not when her scent covers you in purity, like she’s never loved before the day she met you. On some days, you may hate the mess she wakes as, might meet a day where you roll your eyes instead of kiss her, but I promise you, she is the realest thing you’ll have, and the one thing you’ll never get to own - that’s a good thing. Let her roll onto your side of the bed, on the nights you can’t sleep, when she sloppily rests her arm on your stomach, stay. You can’t tame the wild girl, but she will give you poorly constructed pieces that make sense, maybe only to her, but take them, and know it’s enough. Don’t you ever try to change her, Don’t you ever try to tame her. She’ll forever be yours, for as long as you love her, the wild girl.

-Don’t ever take for granted what you’ve got, (coloringtheworldwithwords)

[coloringtheworldwithwords]

I️ have yet to figure out what I️ miss most about mid mornings,

tucked beneath the covers well into the noon-

I️ forget what it is like to wake up to someone with dim lit eyes.

I️ toss and turn at night wondering what keeps me awake,

dreaming away demons that wait for me to sleep,

and sleeping away the nightmares well into the daylight.

I️ know not what haunts me to sleep,

nor the trivial things that haunt me awake,

but all I️ know is this:

I️ can be my own sunshine on a cloudy day,

while also being murky water shunning sunlight.

I️ am both built strong and built squishy,

but know my arms are tight enough to, if nothing else, piece myself together.

I️ know that words are just words, and not promises,

and I️ know actions are more than the way mouths move, but the movement of an entire soul; an entire moment captured graciously.

If I️ had to tell you what I’m certain about,

I’d stay completely silent.

What’s humbling about being human is knowing you’re not alway right,

but accepting the fact that you know you’re onto something.

And I️ know I’m on my way -

to brighter days,

to more upbeat mornings.

I️’m headed somewhere special,

and I️ know I’m going to be there soon.

- I️ vowed to love myself first, before I️ promise to love anyone else again, (coloringtheworldwithwords)

[coloringtheworldwithwords]

Sometimes, if I listen close enough, I can hear your cries in the distance. When I sit, at night, with a glass full of wine and the music low, you’re the second to last thing that crosses my mind before dreaming; take that as you will. I know there have been days you’ve reached for me on the other side of your nightstand, nights, you’ve lied awake wondering if I’m facing the wall or somebody else. I know that there are times that I am, in a sense, the validation you need, but sweetie, we both know you’re holding someone else to your chest, and I am here, breathing nothing but my own supply of air. I’ve seen your face in the moonlight too many times to count, but know now that mirages are the ultimate form of yearning. and you are no longer the one I long for. Tell me, do you love her like I loved you? Because I promise anything short of a yes isn’t enough, any moment of hesitation is the answer you’re scared to admit. I know begging and pleading are not forms of love so I decided long ago to let you be free. If it was me you wanted to spend your life with, you never would have destroyed me, would have kept me safe in the highly secured compartments of you heart, wouldn’t have lashed out at the softest parts that I offer. I no longer have a bone in me that hardens for your loss. When I hear the whispers that say you miss me, I always tell myself the wind is blowing too hard and too cold that night. These ghosts around me don’t belong here anymore; not when you’re the one who put them there to haunt me.

-You’ve been dead to me a long time, now it’s time to put these ghosts  to rest, (coloringtheworldwithwords)

[coloringtheworldwithwords]

It isn’t what I lost, nor found,

but the way you still make me feel,

that sends my bones to be nothing but shipwrecked remains.

I, can not hold up against your waters,

love, you are what takes me out to sea,

but what also keeps me out to drown.

I, was never meant to be a cast away Wilson,

I deserve more than hollowed company and the screams of silence;

your markings on my back left from before the time you decided to never touch me again.

I, cling onto every single piece of evidence you left behind,

to prove that once, I loved you, and I think you loved me too.

I never got to dive deep enough within your depths,

but you’ve told me twice too many times that no one ever took on such feat.

I would have ran out of oxygen to explore every single thing you had to offer,

but I guess you weren’t ready to let someone in:

You could have swam with me, but you chose to leave me to drown, (coloringtheworldwithwords)

[coloringtheworldwithwords]

I'm no fool that's to be pegged for getting lost in the shuffle, aware of my solitude, but I, I am not wrong for being comfortable here. You see, time has a way of leading us down specific paths, for all the right reasons, and I, am not meant to settle into comfort at this moment. I love harder than what's for my own good, and so time has given me what its supposed to, has made it so I have the space to give all this extra to myself. It is not sad or wrong to love yourself, in fact, I feel sorry for those who can not stand on their own without somebody to lean on. You, have two feet for standing and two hands for holding, so please, learn how to hold yourself up in these waters. When the time comes to sink or swim, I'll always know how to keep my head above water, and I won't let you bring me down.

-I'm no longer your lifesaver, (coloringtheworldwithwords)

[coloringtheworldwithwords]

You have me right where you want me....or need me, I guess I haven’t yet distinguished between the two. There are gifts at my doorstep that I don’t know how to accept, and hands that are cold from keeping there distance. I remember a time when you said my hands were always warm, like magic and like star dust, like, one touch could make you explode into the universe. We used to joke that we were nothing but particles in the wind, and I guess, up until now, I’ve never felt more spread out across the globe. There was a time where your arms were the glue that kept all my pieces together, and now all I see are bits of you and bits of me - us, crumbling. I never imagined a world where whirl winds of star dust looked more like a hurricane than a cosmo, but you are exactly the chaos my soul has set free to hold. I don’t care if this is a tropical storm or the god damn milky way galaxy, you are all I need to make sense of this world we live in, to make sense of all this...atmosphere we’ve spread ourselves across. Maybe these gifts I have not yet accepted are ones I can’t accept because they don’t bring me home to you. Maybe I’m not one to be greedy with taking what’s given to me, because I’m greedy with giving my love to you.. and nothing can give me more joy than that.

Caught in this whirl wind in love, (coloringtheworldwithwords)