#crimeboystwt

[i-was-born-a-mistake]

Wilbur: I have a bad feeling about this... Tommy: What do you mean? Wilbur: Don't you ever get that little voice in your head that tells you if you're going to get into trouble? Tommy: No? Wilbur: That actually explains so much.

[capridosia]

"It's okay mate.."

[i-was-born-a-mistake]

Tommy: I’m 80% regret, 20% water, and 100% swag.

Wilbur: That’s 200%.

Tommy: I’m twice the person you’ll ever be.

Wilbur:

[i-was-born-a-mistake]

Wilbur: *loses Tommy in a crowd* Wilbur: Finally

[i-was-born-a-mistake]

Tommy: Everyone is always like "Tommy don't do this" or "Tommy, don't do that", well you know what, I'm doing it.

*Not even 10 seconds later*

Wilbur, watching Tommy have an allergic reaction to a Reese's Cup: Was it worth it?

[i-was-born-a-mistake]

*Robbing a bank*

Tommy: Do you have the key? Wilbur: No I'm just gonna say “open sesame”... OF COURSE I HAVE THE KEY!

[i-was-born-a-mistake]

Tommy: You've all heard of elf on the shelf, now get ready for- Tommy: *placing a pot on Wilbur's head* A thot in a pot Wilbur: Wilbur: *getting up from his seat* Get ready for a bitch in a ditch because that's where you're gonna find your body, you little fu-

[i-was-born-a-mistake]

Wilbur: *sneezes* Tommy: Wilbur: You’re not even going to say ‘bless you?’ Tommy: I’m sitting here next to you. You’ve clearly already been blessed.